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Earlier this week I posted Things NOT to say to the mom of an LGBT child

Some readers said that post left them wondering what they should say.

So, here are responses from some of the moms who are members of my private Facebook group for moms of LGBT kids responding to the prompt “What WOULD moms of LGBT kids like to hear?”

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You know that our house will always be a safe place for all of you.

I hope she gets nothing but positive responses and loving support!

Tell me more – I’d love to hear the whole story!

That’s wonderful. Is there anyone special in his life?

I’m sorry I hurt you and your son.

You just have to let them be who they are.

He is still the same person!

What a blessing!

That’s great – I’ve always thought he would be such a great husband and dad and I still believe that!

I am so sorry the Church has gotten this wrong. We love, accept and affirm your child exactly as he/she is. We will stand beside you all the way.

God has blessed you richly!

Makes no difference to me…I’m in his corner.

How great that she knew she could tell you. I wish all parents were so loving.

I stand with you and your family, now and always.

Can you tell me a little about how and when you found out? How is he? How are you? How are others responding? I love you both.

What can I do to let him know he is loved and accepted?

I love him no matter what.

How nice. What’s for dinner?

I love your daughter. Forever!

Instead of questioning your decisions when it comes to parenting the child that God chose you to have, I’m going to love you and your child and support you as I know you would support me.

You tell him I love him unconditionally.

His happiness is what matters to me.

We love her.

God created him just the way he is.

We love her and we love you!

Ok! What else is new?

I love and support you and your child no matter what.

That’s good to hear, but it doesn’t change a thing; he is still an amazing man.

Don’t even worry about it!

I am so sorry for how I and other people in my faith have treated you. How can I personally start to fix this?

I saw your daughter is engaged! Congratulations, she looks like a lovely girl. Have they set a date?

Love matters; and it doesn’t matter whom you fall in love with as long as they treat you right. I will love him/her as God loves me.

Do let her know I think she’s great, always have. I hope she meets someone wonderful one day!

He’s still the same person he was before I knew and I still love him unconditionally.

It’s ok!

That doesn’t change my love.

We all have the fingerprint of God.

I love you and have your back.

Love that girl.

Those things don’t matter to me!

People are who they are!

“Is he happy?” And I answered “yes, for the first time in years”. She replied “that is all that matters!”

I’m here for you.

I love you and your child no matter what.

Well, that’s awesome!

He’s always been an awesome kid!

Love is Love…

Even though we presently believe that same sex relationships are wrong we would love to hear why you believe differently because we remain open to the possibility that we are wrong.

Nothing has changed, she is still exactly who she has always been and she’s still my pride and joy.

I hope that someday all people will love and accept your son as I do. I think he is a wonderful young man and you have raised him well. There is too much hate in the world and we need to stop hating and judging and love everyone equally.

I’m not sure I understand what it means to be bisexual – would you have some time to explain it to me?

Thanks for letting me know.   It was really great when he sang in the youth choir and we’d love for him to be a part of the choir again this year.

That is all well and good, but can he juggle?

I’ve known your daughter since before she was born and I love her just the same… maybe more.

When is the next Gay pride parade so I can stand with you?

Help me understand how to walk this journey with you.

Does she have a girlfriend? She seems happier than ever before.

Tell me more…I want to know how to support you and your family.

I’m so sorry for saying your sons were an abomination. I was wrong and now I can see that. Please forgive me

He is so handsome….. some lucky guy will get to see that face every morning.

You’ve raised an awesome kid!

He came out? That’s fabulous!

You have 3 LGBT kids? Wow, that is amazing! How lucky you are!

This changes nothing. Your child is still the same lovable person they were yesterday!

What’s the big deal?

Love is all that matters.

Oh, I think it’s wonderful that he is “out”-  now he can get on with living an authentic life!

I love how supportive and awesome your family is. Thank you for giving other parents the courage to love their child unconditionally.

I have always known he was special. I don’t have skin in the game but I want to be your ally!

I may not understand, but I know God is bigger than anything. My love bar has just been set up higher.

Well good for him for knowing who he is. Now he’ll even be able to get married. What a blessing!

I know without a doubt homosexuality is NOT a choice and I know without a doubt this is how beautifully and wonderfully God has made your son.

Your child was made in the image of our Creator and he is fine just the way he is!

When we were first struggling with the idea that our child might be transgender I would discuss it with my BFF and she said to me once, “Will it make any difference in how you love your child?” And I answered no. That moment gave me such peace for the first time in a long time of fretting over the future and the what ifs for my kiddo. Then she said it wouldn’t make a difference to her and her love for my child either, that she would always love her no matter what. I didn’t feel alone anymore after that.

I got the call from our neighbor – our sons have been close friends since they were 7. “He came out to Sean this afternoon. Please tell him how much we love him and that we are so proud of him for being honest about who he is at 16.” Both of us are crying on the phone at this point. I told her – please tell him yourself next time he walks in your door. He needs to hear that far more than I do. And she did.

A male extended family member said to me the night before my son’s wedding: “You two have raised two amazing sons and now you’ll have an equally amazing son-in-law. Good job, Mom! Hold your head high and be proud of yourself, your family, and how you’ve handled all the negativity with dignity and grace. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!”

My mom, who was 86 at the time when I told her that my 17 year old was transgender, said, “Oh, you got your daughter!” (We all thought I had two boys) I don’t know if love gets any more amazing than that.

When I told my boss the reason an ex coworker (who I was very close with) was no longer my friend due to the fact that my son was gay. He didn’t bat an eye and said, “She has lost someone very special and you should be very proud, you have an awesome son and you are a great mom for supporting him. He is who he is and that is Okay.” I could have cried, it was so freeing.

When I was a kid, my dad would tell me “if it makes you happy, it tickles me to death”. Hearing someone say those simple words to me about my daughter, or hearing someone say it to my daughter would mean so much. My dad has been gone for 35 years.

When I ask you about all of your grown kids…how they’re doing, their jobs, their spouses or kids…you could be polite and ask the very same courteous things about my gay son…instead of ignoring that he exists.

I wish our family and friends could have reached out to our son and reassured him of their love.


 

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group that was created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBT kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBT kids. In addition to providing a confidential space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a few days. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBT people, bloggers and public speakers.  If you are the mom of an LGBT kid and are interested in becoming a part of the community please email lizdyer55@gmail.com and use “Mom’s Facebook Group” for the subject.

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