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Serendipitydodah

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Tag Archives: church

Mama Bear Story Project #38 – Jennifer Stringfellow

06 Thursday Dec 2018

Posted by Liz in Children, Christian, Church, faith, Family, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Parent, Parenting, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

bible, Christian, church, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

Jennifer

 
We’re Angry
 
 
Do you know what just occurred to me?💡
The reason I and many other moms of LGBTQ kids come across as angry?
Its because we are.

We’re angry!

 
We did everything right according to bringing a child up in a Christian home. We did all the things. We brought our kids to church, we taught our kids from the Bible, we taught them to pray and prayed with them, we taught them right from wrong, we sang the songs ‘Jesus loves me this I know’ being the A#1 song, we made sure every summer they were in VBS, we went to all the extracurricular functions, we taught abstinence until marriage, we did everything we could do to make sure our children were saved and would enter the kingdom of heaven.
 
And what did The Church do to our kids when they came out and told the truth about who they are? The Church told them they are broken. That the way they were born to be is a sin. An abomination. That the only way to be acceptable is to marry someone they have no attraction to or to force them into celibacy.
 
And do you know what a lot of our LGBTQ kids have done about The Churches treatment of them??? They’ve given the middle finger to Christianity. They can’t live… literally cannot stay alive and surround themselves with The Churches options for them for the way they were born to be. And this is why our kids separate themselves from The Church… so they can literally keep breathing.
 
So yeah, I’m angry. I’m really angry. That all the years and all the work I put in to making sure my children love Jesus has been snuffed out in one fell stroke by The Church. Neither of my kids claim Christianity as their faith.
 
Thanks Church.
 
Jesus would have none of this😞
 
And that’s an explanation on why we come across as angry.
 
It’s because we ARE!


Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,800 members. For more info about the private Facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

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The Fruit Doesn’t Lie

01 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by Liz in Affirming, Bible, Christian, Church, faith, GLBT, Health, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bears, Marriage, Same Sex Marriage, Scripture, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Support, Transgender, Truth

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

affirming, bible, Christian, church, Fruit, Jesus, LGBT, LGBTQ, Same Sex Marriage, scripture, Support, theology, transgender

FRUIT DOESN'T LIE

Some Christians worry that affirming and supporting LGBTQ people might end up being the wrong thing to do. They wonder how they can be certain they are embracing the good and right position.

As someone who was not always affirming or supportive I can understand their doubts but I no longer have those doubts. I feel confident that affirming and supporting LGBTQ people, their relationships and their identities is the good and right position to hold.

My confidence and assurance is because I keep coming back to this …

The fruit doesn’t lie.

Good theology should produce good fruit and non-affirming/anti-gay/anti trans theology doesn’t pass that test.

Most of the time non-affirming/anti-gay/anti trans theology produces bad fruit in the lives of lgbtq people who try to embrace it wholeheartedly. Fruit such as depression, despair and self loathing are very common results.

We can almost always find a verse or teacher or book to match our beliefs, but … the fruit doesn’t lie.

If a theology is mostly producing bad fruit you know it isn’t the truth and should be abandoned, because … the fruit doesn’t lie.

every tree

 

In Matthew 7 Jesus said if you aren’t sure about something check out the fruit it is producing, because “every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit”

People were asking Jesus a lot of questions.

They wanted to know what they should believe – who they should follow – who they should emulate and support.

They wanted to know who was right – who knew the true way – what prophets should they trust – what rabbi should they follow?

Instead of answering with a list of shoulds and shouldn’ts, or naming names, Jesus offered a formula that would be useful to truth seekers throughout all of time.

Jesus advised those who were listening …

When you are not sure about a specific doctrine, or a certain theological point, or some Christian message you can simply check out the fruit that it is producing.

If it is producing good fruit then it is of God and true. Embrace and follow the teaching.

If it is producing bad fruit then it is not of God and not true. Abandon the teaching.

Scripture does not address most things specifically. Instead it gives us some guiding principles to live by. Then people come along and try to figure out how to apply those guiding principles to real life. When we get it right it mostly leads to whole, healthy, vibrant lives. When we get it wrong it mostly leads to broken, unhealthy, hopeless lives.

If a specific doctrine is mostly producing self loathing, despair, hopelessness, depression, isolation, shame, self harm and other such bad fruit then it’s a no brainer … it’s not good doctrine and we should abandon it.

We can twist scripture to fit with our own perspective.

We can cherry pick and only choose those scriptures that support our view.

We can ignore original language and historical context so that scripture seems to support our argument.

We can almost always find a verse to more or less say what we want it to say.

We can almost always find a Christian leader to teach what we believe.

We can almost always find a book that supports our point of view.

We can almost always find a church that represents our belief.

BUT … the fruit doesn’t lie.

I’m confident that anti-gay/non-affirming/anti-trans theology is wrong because it consistently produces bad fruit and I’m confident that affirming and supporting LGBTQ people, their relationships and identities is good and right because …

When you listen to and get to know LGBTQ Christians who are connecting with faith communities and theology that affirms their relationships and identities you will find they are experiencing a lot of good fruit in their lives. They are typically healthier in every way – relationally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

The fruit doesn’t lie!


***If you would like to delve deeper into what scripture says and doesn’t say about same sex relationships check out this post which addresses the verses most often used to condemn same sex relationships.

***Read the story of how my faith led me to become affirming of same sex relationships:
I became affirming because of my faith, not in spite of it!


***If you are the mom of an LGBTQ kid there is a great online community you might want to join. Go here to find out more about Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. 

Stories That Change The World #38 – THIS IS MY BODY by Caitlin J. Stout

07 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by Liz in Affirming, Bible, Christian, Church, GLBT, justice, LGBT, LGBTQ, Scripture, Sexuality, Story

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Body of Christ, Child of God, Christian, church, communion, eucharist, LGBT, LGBTQ, stories, Stories That Change The World, Story

Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the thirty-eighth installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.

communion

Caitlin J. Stout is an out and proud gay Christian, doing her best to navigate faith and friendship while attending a non-affirming evangelical university.  She has her own blog where she writes about the joy, pain, anger, and beauty of being #FaithfullyLGBT. Caitlin originally posted this piece on her own blog. I am sharing it here with her permission. I love the way she lays her heart open and shares so transparently. She doesn’t have all the answers but she gives us a lot to think about and reflect on. Her stories are powerful because they are real and true. Her stories are changing hearts and minds. Her stories are changing the world.

THIS IS MY BODY by Caitlin J. Stout

Imagine for a moment that you strike up a conversation with a young woman sitting next to you on a long flight. You exchange pleasantries, talk about work, family life, etc. She starts to tell you about her boyfriend. She tells you that the two of them have been together for years and that she has no intention of ever leaving his side. She talks about the joy that he brings her. She says that she cares about him, and that she wants the best for him. The longer you listen, the clearer it is that this woman has fallen head-over-heels in love.

The conversation starts to take a turn when she admits that her boyfriend is far from perfect. Sometimes she thinks that she puts more work into the relationship than he does. Actually, if she’s being perfectly honest, he can be pretty hurtful. He scares her sometimes. He threatens her. He makes her feel undesirable, and he doesn’t even try to understand her feelings. He has a tendency to treat her as a lesser human, and she spends a lot of time crying about things he has said when he thought she couldn’t hear. She calls him out when he does this kind of stuff, but he always finds a way to turn it around and insist that he’s just acting out of love. She wants to believe that he’s telling the truth, but sometimes she just can’t. She stays anyway.

After all, he’s not always like that. On good days, she feels like she and her boyfriend could change the world together. Those are the days when she feels known and wanted and understood. On good days, she knows that she belongs with him and she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks of her. Yes, she’ll admit, it seems like those days are becoming fewer and farther between… Like she said, he’s not perfect. But she’s pretty sure that if she sticks around, she might be able to fix him. Besides, she needs him.

What would you say to her?

Would you tell her that she’s in an unhealthy relationship?

Would you say that she’s being abused?

Would you tell her to move out and end it?

Have you ever heard an LGBTQ Christian talk about the Church?

This weekend, as a part of the Reformation Project Conference in Chicago, I attended a seminar on spiritual abuse and trauma, led by Teresa Pasquale Mateus, the author of “Sacred Wounds.” She started the workshop by asking the room full of Queer Christians, “What words or phrases do you associate with spiritual abuse?” The answers came rolling in with a disturbing level of ease, requiring no deliberation or second thoughts.

Fear. Control. Threats. Dehumanization. Gaslighting. Blame. Shame. Homophobia. Scapegoating. Isolation. Rejection. Forced compartmentalization. Second class. Silencing. False security. Abandonment. Feelings of inadequacy. Manipulation. Conversion therapy. Anxiety. Dependency. Conditional love. Damnation.

As these words were spoken, faster than Teresa could write them down, I looked around the room and saw weary heads nodding in understanding and legs bouncing nervously. I heard deep and troubled sighs, occasionally accompanied by exasperated laughter. The kind of laughter that says, “This isn’t funny at all, it’s just so incredibly fucking true.” It was devastatingly obvious that no further explanations were needed.

The parallels between the non-affirming church and an abusive partner are startling. And I don’t always know how to deal with that. I don’t always know how to reconcile my genuine love for the Body of Christ with the ways it continues to do harm. I don’t always feel like the relationship is justifiable, and I don’t know if I can tell LGBTQ Christians to keep pouring their energy and affection into an organization that barely tolerates them. I don’t know how to not be angry with the fact that some churchgoers would ignore the hypothetical abusive boyfriend, but lose their minds if the imaginary woman on the plane were dating a female metaphor instead.

I carried this abusive partner analogy in my mind for the rest of the day after that workshop, hoping desperately that it was insufficient and praying for the metaphor to break down.

That night, we took communion.


During the summer, I would sometimes creep into church halfway through the Sunday services. I’d time it so that I got there right after the sermon and the passing of the peace, that way I could walk in, take communion, and then leave before anyone spoke to me.

After coming out, the Eucharist is what kept me coming back to places of worship. I can say with confidence that it is the only reason I still go to church at all. I think for a while I saw taking communion as an act of resistance, and I still acknowledge that there is something powerful about participating in a sacrament that certain people would rather deny me. I felt a need to claim my seat at Christ’s table, even if I wasn’t yet ready for the post-service coffee and fellowship hour.

My understanding of the Eucharist has evolved since then, though I still don’t have the theological language to fully express its beauty or its meaning or its centrality to my faith. I can’t explain the mystery of it, or how the enormity of concepts such as “unity, inclusion, remembrance, and love” seem to somehow be contained in a wafer and a sip of wine. But I can tell you that as I partook in the Lord’s supper on Saturday night with several hundred of my LGBTQ siblings– these refugees and exiles whom I call my friends– the abusive partner metaphor began to weaken.

The thing is, Queer folks are not dating the Church, we are the Church. And I’m beginning to realize that as soon as I start talking about the Body of Christ as an entity separate from myself, I am doing what non-affirming Christians have been trying to do to me for years. Spiritual abuse makes you see yourself as an issue up for debate. It distorts the beauty of the sacraments and turns them into these badges of belonging that you have to fight and work and bleed for. But the reality is that God has already given you a seat at the table. Jesus has already invited you to take and eat. The Body of Christ is already Queer.

This is not to minimize the very real abuse that does happens within the Body. This is not to say that anyone needs to stay in a congregation where they are not celebrated as equals. This is a reminder that “Child of God” is a title that cannot be revoked, and when we internalize that title, we are liberated. We can no longer settle for being tolerated, nor can we ignore the ways in which we have been hurtful to others. After all, the Body of Christ is also Black. The Body of Christ uses a wheelchair. The Body of Christ is undocumented. The Body of Christ is hungry and homeless.

Yeah, sometimes I still worry that I’m acting like the woman on the plane. I still don’t know what kind of advice to give to my fellow gay people who so desperately want to follow Jesus and remain in fellowship with the Church. But I know that when the love of my fellow Christians is insufficient, Christ’s is enough. Christ’s perfect love casts out fear, along with shame, homophobia, manipulation, abandonment, isolation, damnation, and all those other words that we shouted out during Teresa’s workshop.

Christ’s love does not ask me to fight for a place at the table.

Christ’s love says, “This is my body, given for you.”

********************************

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is set up so that only members can see who is in the group and what is posted there. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,300 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #24 – Jackie McQueen

01 Wednesday Nov 2017

Posted by Liz in Affirming, Children, Christian, Church, Coming Out, faith, Family, GLBT, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Parent, Parenting, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, Christian, church, faith, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

Jackie2

 

On April 8, 2014 my life was changed forever. That day marked the beginning of a painful journey my family would be forced to travel. It is only now that I can honestly say it was a journey worth taking, and it took a long time to come to this realization.

My husband was approaching his 10th anniversary of ministry in our current church, as a Southern Baptist Pastor. We were in the middle of revival services and he called me at work to ask me out for lunch. I always love a lunch date with my husband, but when he asked during such a busy week, I knew something was up. When I pressed him, he told me that our youngest son, Addison, had told some kids in the youth group that he is gay. When I heard those words, my heart sank. I felt true panic. I couldn’t breathe. I was terrified.

Although it was a shock, I must admit it really came as no surprise. We had suspected this for most of Addison’s life, yet we dared not speak of it. But now it was real. The one thing I had dreaded and feared most for my son. He had spoken the words we would have never ever said ourselves. He said, “I’m gay.” The news had already spread to other parents and church staff, leaving us no option to handle this privately as a family. We were forced to deal with it immediately, and there was much more to consider than just our son, even though he was, by far, most important. We were a Southern Baptist minister’s family and I knew what that meant for us. Fear overtook me as I imagined what lay ahead for my family.

I used what little time I had that afternoon to research, “How to talk to your kid about being gay.” I didn’t find much, but I did come across these statistics. 40% of homeless youth are LGBT. 30% of gay youth attempt suicide near the age of 15. Almost half of gay and lesbian teens have attempted suicide more than once. Upon learning this, my mind raced back to when Addison was 14 years old. He went through the normal awkward teenager stage just as his brothers did before him, but it was more than just that. He was angry, and he seemed to hate everything about his life. One night, I caught him on his way upstairs to his bedroom, carrying a ziplock bag of pills. It was a mixture of Advil and Tylenol. His excuse was that he wanted to keep medicine upstairs for convenience whenever he had a headache. The youth minister revealed to us shortly after, that in a youth group meeting, Addison shared having suicidal thoughts. Around that same time, he came to us wanting to be re- baptized. He said he just didn’t feel like he had been saved before. We were very puzzled by this, but Scott counseled him and he prayed to receive Christ, followed by baptism in our church. We watched him very closely during that time, and things eventually got better. But looking back, I realized what my precious son must have been going through years earlier and it scared me to death!

That night, after an emotional wait, we finally had the opportunity to talk with Addison. We approached the conversation with an undeniable love for our son on one hand, and our deeply imbedded conservative theology on the other. When we confronted him, he admitted to telling his friends. He had participated in an “honest hour” online where people can ask questions and you must answer honestly. Someone asked if he was gay and he simply said, “Yes”. He did not intend to come out that way, it just happened. I never will forget hearing Scott tell him how disappointed we were that he had made this choice, and then seeing the look on my son’s face when he said, “Dad, this is not my choice! Why would anyone choose this? If I could choose anything, I would choose not to be this way!” He said he had prayed every night for years for God to change him, only to wake up the next morning, still the same. He had always heard from us that being gay is a sin. He heard his dad preach it from the pulpit, and he heard me say it at home. We had unknowingly created in him such a fear of rejection that he was too afraid to talk to us about it. He said he believed what the Bible said, but he couldn’t understand why God would say it’s wrong and still create him like that. It was at that moment I began to wonder the same thing, as I sat there with my heart breaking for him. Scott ended the conversation that night by making a deal with Addison. They both agreed to make it a matter of serious prayer and seek God’s direction concerning this. Scott told him if they both did that, he was convinced God would change one of them. I began praying too. I desperately wanted to pray for my son not to be gay, but instead I just prayed for answers. I had so many questions! Could it be that my son really was born gay? If so, why would God’s word clearly condemn homosexuality when it’s not a choice? Why would God give us a gay son, knowing it meant the “death penalty” for a Southern Baptist minister? We couldn’t reject our son, but were we wrong to accept him? How could anything good come from this? It felt like a curse!

For the next several days, well…actually weeks, I grieved. It took a conscious effort to even breathe as I merely went through the motions of my daily routine. I finally came to terms with the fact that this was real. It was not going away. I grieved the loss of my hopes and dreams I had for my son. The dream that one day he would marry one of those pretty girls he hung out with. The hope of him giving me grandchildren. I looked back at my son’s life and wondered where I went wrong. What could I have done differently? Did I mother him too closely? I guess I had a full blown pity party. Then one day I realized that this wasn’t really about me. It wasn’t about me at all. My son was gay. What did this mean for him? It meant that he would have to face prejudice throughout his entire life. Prejudice from people just like me who saw this as a sinful choice. A prejudice that could cost him family, friendships, employment, safety and basic civil rights. A prejudice that could leave him exiled from the church, and even worse, could cause him to leave his faith behind. This was my son. My son. MY SON! And then suddenly, I felt myself go quickly from “poor pitiful me” to “protective Mama Bear!” I went from, “Oh my God my son is gay!” to, “Yeah, my son is gay, what have you got to say about that?!” That’s when I realized God was changing me.

Meanwhile, my husband was devoting every spare minute he had to research, desperately searching for answers to reconcile our faith with our reality. He plowed through the Hebrew and Greek, researched Biblical culture, and read every book he could find on the subject. The more he read, the more he began to understand the scripture like he never had before. God was changing him too. I remembered the deal that Scott made with Addison that night in our bedroom, and I realized it wasn’t our son that God wanted to change. It was us.

I wish I could say that everything was easy from that point on, but actually, that’s when things began to get worse. Not only Scott’s job, but his career was hanging by a thread. We knew that if he left the church because of this, no other Southern Baptist Church would want him. What would happen to our family? Would we have to sell our house? How would we pay the bills? Were we facing bankruptcy? We hoped and prayed for the best, but tried to prepare ourselves for the worst, while keeping these worries from our son as best we could. Scott began looking for other job opportunities, but with no success. Ministry was the only thing Scott knew and he had poured his heart into nothing else for over 30 years. We feared for our family’s future, but we wanted to honor God with our actions. I knew it would be difficult to hold back words as our family went under attack, but Scott and I made a conscious decision to treat the church with the
same grace we desired for our family. We were convinced that God would protect us somehow if we trusted Him through this.

People were beginning to gossip in the church. Imagine that! Scott tackled it head on, meeting with the deacons to address all their concerns. He shared deeply from his heart. He told them he was studying to find answers and he didn’t know how it would affect his theology. He assured them that if and when he found himself in conflict with SBC doctrine, he would resign. The deacons said they were in 100% support of Scott, but they had some conditions. They wanted him to take three weeks off “to deal with our family crisis.” (Our family was just fine; the only crisis was with them.) They also wanted assurance that Addison wouldn’t try to “sway” any of the other young people to become gay (yes, really!) and prohibited him from talking about himself or doing anything “gay” on church property. And they wanted Scott to address the church when he returned, announcing to everyone that our son is gay, but that he did not support him and still firmly held to his beliefs according to Southern Baptist doctrine.

Scott did take a couple of weeks off. He honestly needed the break from the deacons! He used that time to research everything he could get his hands on, and we prayed for guidance on how to handle conflict with the church. Our son was our main priority, but we loved our church and we desperately wanted to protect it too. Scott decided against making a church-wide announcement. He met with the deacons when he returned and explained that for him to make a public announcement about our family’s personal affairs would be no different from them announcing all their family secrets. Were they willing to line up behind him to make their announcements as well? Nothing more was said concerning an announcement, but it made me wonder why all the attention was on our son, when all he did was go to school and come straight home to a few chores and homework every day. He had no social life. He wasn’t “doing” anything.

As time went on, the tension only grew as rumors were spread, private meetings were held, Scott’s sermons were picked apart, our parenting was criticized, and our family was put under the microscope like never before. Adults were even stalking Addison on social media, forcing him to close his Facebook account. We pulled him out of the youth group his senior year to protect him from the adult youth leaders, whom we no longer trusted. I was the Women’s Ministry Leader and very involved with the ladies of the church. Those that knew of our situation began avoiding me like a plague. I lost a best friend in the church who just couldn’t support me through this. Another close friend asked me, “Does Addison think he can still be a Christian now that he’s decided to be gay?” One of the ladies suggested my son had a disease and she was sorry we didn’t know about it soon enough to get him help. Another said, “I just want you to know I love your boys, AND Addison.”

Those words hurt me deeply, but what hurt most was the silence from the staff and leadership of the church, who knew our family was hurting. They did nothing to support us or minister to us. Maybe they just didn’t know how. I realized the vast majority of members were not even aware of the issue, and we tried very hard to keep it that way. But I felt so completely alone and isolated. It was a struggle to continue, putting on my smile week after week, as if nothing was wrong. As much as we tried to protect him, Addison became aware that some of the adults didn’t want him to be there. I’ll never forget him saying to me, “Mom, if they don’t want me at church, I can just stay home and Dad can have church without me there.” I told my son, “The day you stay home, I’ll be staying home with you!” My heart ached for him, and there was absolutely no one that could understand.

Friendships were lost, but God was so gracious. I prayed for people I could talk to, people who had been where we were. I was randomly searching the internet one day and landed on The Gay Christian Network (GCN). There, I found a wonderful support group of Christian people, but not like the Christians I was surrounded by at church. These people knew what it was like to be judged by other Christians and exiled from their churches. These people were gay Christians, and they became my new best friends. They were patient and understanding, even though they knew I saw them as sinners. They traveled my journey with me, treating me with unconditional love and compassion as they watched God change me right before their eyes.

Another life saver for me was a private Facebook group of moms that I found. You name it; these moms have been through it, from being outcast from their churches, losing their jobs, having their spouse leave, being disowned by family, and some even losing their gay child to suicide. I’ve cried with these women and they have cried with me. Although I may never meet most of them in person, they are my true friends.

Out of all our church members, God blessed us with two great couples that stood by us and loved our family through the fire. I realize the courage it took to support us, and the cost to them was great. Scott and I desperately needed them when others betrayed us, and I’m so thankful for their friendship.

With Addison’s permission, we told our family about his news early on. His brothers said they had known all along, and they both agreed that he is their brother and they will love him no matter what. Aaron, his oldest brother, said, “If anyone gives Addison a hard time about it they’ll only do it once!” It made me happy to know his brothers had his back. My sister offered her shoulder for me to cry on, and I used it often. That’s what sisters are for, and I’m thankful she was willing to listen. Scott agonized over telling his mom, but when he finally did, she said, “Well I could’ve told you that young man was gay years ago but it wasn’t for me to say!” My mother was supportive as well, although neither mom really understands what it means to be gay. They both think Addison could change his mind someday and they’re holding onto the hope that a pretty girl might turn his head.

As time went on, God continued to reconstruct our faith. One day Scott said to me, “I’ve changed and I don’t think the church can handle me anymore.” He had come to the place where he could no longer continue to pastor the church with integrity. It wasn’t even about our son anymore. My husband was not the same person he had been a year earlier, and there was no going back. He’s always been one to follow God’s call even when it doesn’t make sense, and even when there is no safety net. In May of 2015 he met with our personnel team leader to share his plans to resign, without another job waiting. Our prayer for the past year had been for God to show us if and when to close that door. Now we had to pray for Him to open a new one, quickly! God answered that prayer when a Chaplain from Hospice of West Alabama contacted Scott, asking him to submit a resume. God rewarded my husband’s faith by providing a fulfilling job where he could minister to families and make a real difference. Although this position created a substantial pay cut, we knew it was God’s answer to our specific prayer for provision. He announced his resignation to the church, and was able to leave under the best of circumstances; yet, it was by far the hardest thing we’ve ever done in ministry. We’ve left churches before, but this move was different from all the others. Not only were we leaving an 11-year pastorate, we were leaving our denomination behind. Thirty-two years of ministry as we had known it was now over.

We’ve considered visiting to find a new church home, but for me personally, the risk is just too great. I will never subject my family, particularly my gay son, to abuse by another church, ever. After the church family we loved and gave so much of ourselves to for eleven years chose not to support us, I can’t imagine how a new church, with no connection to us would fully accept our family. We no longer consider ourselves Southern Baptists. We’re just Jesus followers. And I must say, it feels good!

We’ve been accused of compromising our beliefs to accommodate our son, but nothing could be further from the truth. I believe God gifted us with a gay son and used him to bring about much needed change. Sometimes it takes something huge to get us to reconsider our lifelong interpretation of God’s Word. Our son’s life was important enough to search for the truth. And it was in our search that we discovered having a gay son was not the problem, but rather the means to finding the solution!

Our journey has been difficult to say the least. But God showed His grace to our family by offering protection, provision, and now healing.

What once seemed like a curse has turned into the biggest blessing of my life! I have changed and I would never want to go back to the way I was before. I am learning more and more every day what it means to REALLY love people like Jesus. To lay judgement aside, to show grace and understanding, and to walk a few steps in another’s shoes.

I’ve taught Addison all his life to love everyone, and to never put himself above another person. But in the last year, I’ve learned that more from him than I could have ever taught. I’m so proud of him. My son is brave, loving, smart, funny, creative, sensitive, caring, sooo handsome, …and oh yeah, he’s GAY! His two brothers are pretty amazing too!

One of my friends from GCN sent me these words that I have hung onto. “There is a difference between acting like a Christian and acting like Jesus. When you act like a Christian everyone at church will praise you and reward you. But Heaven help the Christian who starts acting like Jesus. When believers act like Jesus there is a price to pay. You won’t be understood and the church won’t be very happy. But the end result is a relationship with the living God that is real, and honest and loving. It is full of grace.”

These days my focus is pretty simple. I just want to act like Jesus.

Jackie1

________________________________________________

Jackie’s husband, Scott McQueen, a former Southern Baptist pastor of 31 years, has written Reasonable Doubt: A Case for LGBTQ Inclusion in the Institutions of Marriage and Church. The book is being published by CanyonWalker Press and will be available through Amazon and other outlets in paperback and e-book in January, 2018.

________________________________________________
Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is set up so that only members can see who is in the group and what is posted there. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,000 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Stories That Change The World #35 – Dear Pastor – a letter written by Christian parents who have a son who is gay

03 Thursday Aug 2017

Posted by Liz in Christian, Family, GLBT, Inclusion, LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQ. letter, Love, Mama Bears, Parent, Parenting, Serendipitydodah for Moms

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Christian, church, letter, LGBT, LGBTQ, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, parents, Pastor, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Stories That Change The World

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is set up so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted there. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,000 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

dearpastor

Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the thirty-fifth installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.

The following letter was written by Christian parents who have a son who is gay. It was first shared with permission here on the Serendipitydodah blog in November 2013. It is my pleasure to add this letter to the “Stories That Change The World” series.



Dear Pastor,

Last time we talked with you, we said we needed to take a break from attending church over the summer. We want to fill you in on where our journey is taking us. We felt like we could articulate it better in a letter than in a conversation, but we don’t mean to be impersonal. We’re happy to talk with you more in person if you want to.

Here’s the biggest thing in our journey. We know the people at our church are loving folks. We see it in so many ways, and you know exactly what we’re talking about: people taking friends to chemo treatments, or helping clean up fallen trees after a storm or baking gluten-free goodies for our special-diet folks. There are just way too many examples that come to mind. When people put themselves in another person’s place and walk alongside them, it looks like Jesus.

But when it comes to gay people, what we hear at our church and from the broader evangelical culture is downright dehumanizing. You might be tempted to dismiss this and assume we’re overly sensitive and that the folks at our church are not saying anything unloving to gay people. Please don’t dismiss what we’re about to say. (Yes, we’re listening differently because our son is gay. But if that disqualifies us from being heard, it’s a far bigger problem than the current conversation.)

We aren’t going to list specific examples of statements that sound unloving, because we don’t “collect ammunition” to use against our friends. And because it’s really the evangelical rhetoric we take issue with—the way evangelicals frame their response to homosexuality, and the choice of our church’s leadership to go along with the rhetoric.

What we hear from the pulpit and from conservative Christians about homosexuality is there are only two things we need to know: 1) homosexuality is a sin, and 2) same-sex marriage is wrong. That’s it. Never do we hear gay people mentioned in the context of mercy, grace, or even as regular people. It’s ALWAYS in the context of sin. We hear it from the pulpit, and when homosexuality comes up in a conversation, that’s what churchgoers parrot. That’s all we need to know. End of discussion.

It’s hard to put ourselves in the place of a teenager who grows up believing what he’s heard and then begins to realize he is one of “those” people who are inherently sinful in some monstrous way. It’s hard to put ourselves in his place because: 1) we think immediately about gay sex and get grossed out; 2) we’re afraid if we really get to know a gay person, we might start compromising on the Bible verses that seem quite clear, and who wants to go there?; 3) we are afraid we’ll “endorse his sin” if we treat him like we do other friends; and 4) we’ve been conditioned to think about LGBT people in terms of “us” and “them.”

So we have a huge empathy gap. We have no idea how our words sound to a gay person, or to the brother, sister, mom, or dad of a gay child. We have never even wondered. It’s just not on our radar. The same kind of empathy gap has been a symptom of horrific human rights abuses throughout history. For Christians, the “us” / “them” mentality should be a big fat red flag, not a rallying cry.

Since we know it’s hard to put yourself in a gay teenager’s place, maybe this will help. We’ve been listening to the stories of LGBT kids and adults who have grown up in conservative churches. We hear the same experiences come up again and again, even among those who still attend church and have chosen celibacy:

·         They couldn’t tell their parents or anyone at church for years because they were afraid they’d be rejected.

·         They would give anything to be “normal.”

·         They cried out to God for years to make them straight; for whatever reason, He didn’t.

·         They think God doesn’t love them like He loves other people.

·         Their church led them to believe God doesn’t want anything to do with gay people.

·         They feel like they are a mistake. Christians are not supposed to be gay.

·         They only way God will accept them is if they steel themselves and pretend they aren’t interested in loving someone or being loved in a relationship like their parents’.

·         They pretend they don’t “need” anyone and isolate themselves.

·         They want to please God, but pretending to be something they’re not is dishonest and emotionally exhausting. It’s a crushing weight.

·         They are terrified of living alone their whole lives.

·         They will be judged no matter what they do.

·         They have no one they can talk to.

·         They are angry at God.

·         They leave their faith behind. Or they hold onto their faith, but are afraid to set foot in church or even talk to Christians.

·         They experience deep depression; engage in cutting; fall into addiction; attempt suicide.

 

Two of the Christian families we know have lost their precious gay children to addiction and suicide.

. . . . .

 

“But we love gay people,” evangelicals say. As if not holding Westboro picket signs qualifies as love. As a church, as an evangelical culture, we are not loving gay people. If we are mistaken and you can think of tangible ways the church imitates Christ’s love toward LGBT people, please tell us.

Here’s how the church has taught us, as parents, to love our gay child: It hasn’t. In fact, when a Christian mother who lost her gay son to drug overdose urged us to love and embrace our gay son, we felt immensely relieved—like we finally had “permission” to love our son unconditionally. It was a shock to realize we even needed anyone’s validation to love our son, but we did. Many Christian parents have said the same thing. Based on years of conservative rhetoric, Christian parents aren’t sure it’s okay to love their kids unconditionally. One more time: Christian parents of gay kids aren’t sure it’s okay to love their kids unconditionally. What??

The evangelical rhetoric about homosexuality—the way we frame our response–

·         Genuinely tries to honor the passages that address homosexuality.

·         Ignores the commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves.

·         Neglects (or refuses) to correct the misinformation that’s still widely believed in Christian circles.[1]

·         Perpetuates stereotypes of gay people as “less-than,” as promiscuous, as rebellious against God, as enemies, but not as real people.

·         Is based on fear of gay people, and fear of what will happen if we love them.

·         Is seen as dehumanizing and unChristlike by the secular world and many young Christians.

·         Is seen as the only biblical option by evangelicals.

 

Please note we’re not even talking about the conservative-vs.-progressive debate about whether homosexual relationships are sinful. We’re talking only about the rhetoric evangelicals use—how they frame the topic—and the unintended consequences of that rhetoric.

. . . . .

 

Our journey has brought us to the point where we’re not sure the conservative response to homosexuality can be reconciled with the command to love our neighbors as ourselves. Maybe it can. But as long as evangelicals defend the “us” / “them” mindset, it won’t. The empathy gap makes it impossible to walk alongside a gay person and love them the way Jesus does.

Our journey has brought us to the point where we don’t feel we’re equipped to defend either the traditional interpretation of the New Testament “clobber” verses (which says homosexuality is a sin, period) or the progressive interpretation (which says those passages were really about rape and idolatry and don’t help us with the question of committed same-sex relationships). Those arguments hinge on translation nuances and Greco-Roman culture, and we’re not experts on either of those things. The best we can do is side with the Bible scholars who tell us what we want to hear—and that doesn’t seem very honest.

Instead, we are committed to living out what we know to be true: Jesus hung out with sinners, touched sinners, ate with sinners, died for sinners. We are the sinners, and there is no “them.” To sit quietly through a sermon or conversation in which gay people—or any other group of people—are painted as a vague, shameful enemy is to dishonor the God who made them in His image and to distort the gospel; we can’t endorse that.

Here’s why it’s so important for us to tell you what’s on our hearts. If we disagree on a minor theological issue, that’s small potatoes. Christians disagree over that stuff all the time. But if the rhetoric we support marginalizes or oppresses any group of people, or pushes people away from the gospel—as we believe it does LGBT folks—we need to be on our knees asking forgiveness.

Gay people often know they’re “different” when they are very young—way before they even relate the difference to sexuality. What they hear as they grow sets them up to question whether God even loves them. Are we causing these “little ones” to stumble? It’s a question we need to be asking.

. . . . .

 

We don’t have the answers about a theology of sexuality or about how to love our gay neighbors within a conservative biblical framework. But the world is watching. Our Christian teenagers and college-age kids are watching. There’s a lot of disillusionment that what conservatives are “about” is something other than the love of Christ. The church needs to be approaching this topic with humility and love. So far, that’s not what we’ve seen. We have seen the very human cost of unloving rhetoric, and we are grieving.

We are also seeing an increasing number of church-going Christians who are facing a deep conflict—just as we did long before our son came out to us—and they don’t feel they can talk honestly about it with their pastors. One author describes us as

“good people who are struggling with their belief that their natural love and compassion is at odds with what the Bible is telling them about LGBT people. On the one hand they have Jesus explicitly commanding them to love their neighbors as they love themselves; on the other hand they have Paul, whom they have been . . . taught to believe is telling them that gay people—just because they’re gay—are an offense to God. So they’re stuck between those two opposing forces.”[2]

Is God telling us we must be unloving toward gay people? How do we do that and still believe God IS love? Because more and more, Christians are getting to know gay people who are really nice, and not very different from “us.” When the church answers our struggle with the same old rhetoric—that homosexuality is sin, and same-sex marriage is wrong, and that’s all you need to know—it’s missing the mark in a big way. It’s not respecting gay people, or their families, or the people whose hearts are being torn in two and are looking for real guidance.

. . . . .

 

We’re aware how divisive the gay “issue” has been among Christians, and we do not want to add to that. We do feel compelled to challenge you and our church family to prayerfully consider the impact conservative rhetoric has on the people God loves, and the impact it has on the way we reflect the gospel in our community.

From our earlier conversation with you, we have the distinct impression that remaining at our church with our changed perspective would probably be divisive. Correct us if we’re wrong, but we thought it was pretty clear.

So we’re concluding we need to attend church somewhere that’s farther along in wrestling with these complex issues, somewhere our son and any of his LGBT friends can join us if they wish and hear about God’s grace without having to feel defensive or “less than.” We will leave the rest up to God. This is hard, because we all, including our son, love the people at ________ Church .

 

With love,

 

 

P.S. There is one article we wish all pastors and Christians would read. It tells you, far better than this letter, where our hearts are. It’s “Gay Marriage and the Posture of the Gospel,” by Pastor Thad Norvell. (Don’t worry, it’s not really about gay marriage.) This, to us, is what the whole deal is about.

 

[1]Misinformation many Christians still believe:

·         Same-sex orientation is a choice

·         If gay people pray hard enough, God will make them straight

·         Homosexuality is typically caused by abuse, psychological problems, or dysfunctional relationships with fathers

·         Any other problems a gay person faces in life are a consequence of sin and therefore deserved

·         If someone accepts their orientation, they’re actively rebelling against God

·         Homosexuals are going to hell

·         If a gay person experiences emotional tension, it must be the Holy Spirit convicting them (it’s certainly not because we put them in a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t position)

·         A person cannot be gay and be a Christian

·         Choosing a life of celibacy is a no-brainer for Christians with same-sex attraction.

 

[2]John Shore, “My Dog in the Fight for LGBT Equality” 


Stories That Change The World #31 – Jen Hatmaker is changing the world!

27 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by Liz in Affirming, Ally, Christian, Church, Coming Out, Family, GLBT, Inclusion, LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQ. letter, Mama Bears, Parent, Parenting, Same Sex Marriage, Serendipitydodah for Moms

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, Christian, church, Jen Hatmaker, LGBT, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Same Sex Marriage, Stories That Change The World, Story

Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the thirty-first installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.

featurehatmaker1

I have a large private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ+ kids. We have more than 1,400 moms in the group and we continue to grow. The group, Serendipitydodah for Moms, is a place where the members share a lot of support and information.

One thing that is often discussed in the group is the pain and sorrow over the way that many Christian leaders speak and write about LGBTQ people and those of us who love and support them.

We know the pain of being rejected, shunned and misjudged.

So, when someone like Jen Hatmaker comes out and says she believes a same sex marriage can be holy, she would attend a gay wedding with gladness and she believes the church should welcome gay couples, we are VERY encouraged to say the least … so, today we sent the following letter to Jen to express our support and gratitude … because we believe people like her are changing the world!

Dear Jen,

We are members of a large private Facebook group for Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

More than 400 of us are signing this letter to express our support and gratitude. We want you to know we have been encouraged by your brave stand for grace and love; and we commend you for being a Christian leader seeking to follow Christ’s example of radical love and inclusion.

Many of us have left our local faith communities because we no longer found them to be safe places for our family. Hearing about Christian leaders such as yourself gives us hope about the future for our families.

We understand how difficult it can be to take an affirming and inclusive position such as you have taken. We have firsthand experience regarding the cost of taking such a stand. We were disappointed and saddened to hear that LifeWay made the decision to no longer sell your books, but many of us plan to show our support by purchasing your books from other outlets. We appreciate the risk you are taking and are praying that God will protect, strengthen, guide and bless you.

We believe that the inclusiveness and acceptance of ALL God’s children reflects the idea that Paul put forth in Galatians 5:6 when he wrote “the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” and are hopeful that other Christian leaders will follow your example of living a life of faith expressing itself through love.

We believe that people like you are helping change the world into a kinder, safer, more loving place for all LGBTQ people to live and for that we are forever grateful.

May God keep you and bless you abundantly!

With sincere gratitude and affection,

Liz Dyer, Founder & Owner
Abby De Fiesta Cortez
Adele Berardi
Alecia Moss
Aletheia Wall Zambesi
Alise D Chaffins
Alison Defrese
Allena Brown
Amanda Corry Thorderson
Amanda Curtis Dwyer
Amanda Dalton
Amy Goad
Amy Hansley Bennett
Amy Rueter
Andrea Larson Schultz
Angie Laws
Angie Silver
Angie Stratz Ashmore
Anita Jewell Carter Cockrum
Ann McGee Green
Ann Zweckbronner
Arlene Schulz
Barb Cressy
Becky Cantrall
Beth Barndt Ruthenburg
Beth Breems
Beth McGill-Rizer
Bethany Kirwen
Betsy Bruce Henning
Billie Jo Marrs
Bonnie Miranda
Brenda Holloway Bratcher
Bridget Murphy
Candace Winters
Carie Poynor Downes
Carla Iturregui Picasso-Brown
Carla Michaelsen
Carla Short Spivey
Carol Beth Wiggins Baswell
Carol Mason
Carole Bass
Caroline Williams Joyce
Carolyn Cage Johnston
Carolyn Walker
Carrie Garske Shank
Caryle A Cox
Cassy Taylor Campos
Cathleen Frantzen Schaber
Chasity Davis
Cheri Nill
Cheri Simpson
Cherie Walker
Cheryl Bakkila-Perkins
Chris Behne
Christie Hoos
Christie Nader
Christina Lehmann Bergevin
Christina Rosbury
Christy Emigh
Cilla Thomas
Cindy Helzer Baldwin
Cindy Jo Conner
Cindy Morgan
Cindy Richard Broussard
Colleen Hepler Brassington
Colleen Kane
Connie Dupuis
Crista Mason
Crystal Baker
Crystal Wagner
Cyndi Silva Raugh
Cynthia Corsetti
Cynthia Gaye Rahm-Clark
Dana Baker
Dana Huntington-Smith
Danette Mohring
Dawn Bellotti
Dawn Bennett
Dawn Pulley Ervin
Deb Gallagher
Debbie McCullough Hayhurst
Debbie Rogers Greenan
Debbie Wasielewski Tavarez
Debby McCrary
Debi Jackson
Debi Tucker Boland
Deborah Carlyle Enman
Debra Honeywell Myott
Dee-Ann Bodenheimer-Enslin
Deena Corwin Pfahler
Deleise Carper Brewer
Denise Ramirez-Tatum
Denise Trainer Webb
Derry Cronin Gleason
Diana Dermit McCarthy
Diana Walla
Diane Blevins Smith
Diane Simms
Donna Holmes
Donna Thompson Spencer
Donna Turner Hudson
Dorene Rose
Doris Wright
Elaine Falk Parker
Elisa Stoneman
Elizabeth McConnel Sutton
Elizabeth Pierce
Eva Sullivan-Knoff
Felicia Dodd
Frances Lavender
Gena Rogers
Genell Brown
Georgi Persons
Gerry Phifer
Gina Williamson
Glenda Crump
Glenda Purkis Boulton
Gloria Melton
Greta Medrano
Gretchen Doornek Mueller
Harriet Sutton
Heather Clevenger
Heather Gee-Thomas
Heather McCracken Bottoms
Ineka Estabrook
Irene Gilliland
Jacqueline Rutledge
Jade Cutter
Jamie Hovland
Jamie Tessing Bruesehoff
Jammie Risley Hahn
Jan Pezant
Jan Roberts
Jan Wightman
Jane Clementi
Jane Moody
Janet Phillips
Janice Dunn White
Janie Romine
Janine Sarah Moore
Jaron Terry
Jeannette Cona-Larock
Jeannie Babb
Jenna Robertson
Jennie Young-Walczyk
Jennifer Donovan Jasgur
Jennifer Dunnam Stringfellow
Jennifer Hancock
Jennifer Robinson
Jennifer Schaffner Burkhardt
Jennifer Seeger
Jennifer Stake White
Jennifer Teeter
Jennifer Wilkins Pearson
Jenny Bishop Morgan
Jerri Surles Collins
Jessica Fahlgren
Jill Blythe
Jill Johnstone
Jill Pote Yarbrough
Jillian Jones
Joani Lea Jack
JoAnn Forsberg
Joann Thompson
Jody Miller Vanderzell
Joy Denton
Judie Brown Gordon
Judith K Volkar
Judy Witzel Harper
Julia Lunardo
Julie Ackerson-Armstrong
Julie Bean Bisgaard
Julie Elliott O’Neal
Julie Greene
Julie Kennedy Eaton
Julie Lenox Haines
Julie Manning Waters
Karen Adams
Karen Decker Kusserow
Karen Sullivan
Karin Paulus
Karin Triola
Katherine Brown Leidy
Kathi Nicholson
Kathie Moehlig
Kathrine M Kraft
Kathryn Zentner
Kathy Ann
Kathy Ewing-Finley
Kathy Green
Kathy Reim
Kathy Renne Post
Kathy White
Katie Jenifer
Katie Willhite Brooks
Katrina Black
Kay Kelley
Kay Otting
Kay Whistler
Kelli Henry Alamond
Kelli Lewis Decker
Kellie Taylor- Lafevor
Kelly Beane
Kelly Cantwell
Kelly Dembiczak
Kelly M Hunsaker
Kelly McKinsey
Kelly Rae Holiday
Keri Lynn Riley
Kim Belcher Messick
Kim Freeman Weill
Kim Kendall
Kim Lue
Kim McMahon
Kim Sonntag
Kimberly Jones
Kimberly Shappley
Kimberlyn Graham
Kirsten Shaw
Kris Gromm
Krista Burdine
Kristen Capp
Kristi Chenoweth Dubois
Kristi Kodos
Kyle Jump
Lannette Sargent
Laura Beth Taylor
Laura Sparks Turner
LeAnn Fenner
Leba Shallenberger
Lee Ann Howdershell
Lenora Lea Gill
Lesa Edwards-Schepers
Lesley Davis
Leslie Jones Webster
Linda Baker
Linda Ling
Linda Rooney
Linda Slater Tow
Linda Wiebe Dickinson
Linda York O’Connell
Lisa Bray
Lisa Cousins
Lisa Giordano Bontemps
Lisa Golden Dugger
Lisa MacGregor
Lisa Maniscalco Hildebrand
Lisa McCrystal Holley
Lisa Osborne
Lisa Reinhart Hard
Lisa Schramm
Lisa Scott Wofford
Lisa Wetmore Shinn
Liz Dyer
Loretta Davila
Lori Black Manning
Lori Bradley-Lewis
Lori Chavers Blankenship
Lori Love-Wise
Lori McCoy Simmons
Lori Rogers
Lyndah Kolkmann
Lynette Joy
Lynn Kato
Madai Girard
Maleea Shaver Castillo
Mally Shell Hatch
Marcie Castiglione
Margi Wilmans
Margie Candler
Maria Breeden
Marianne Minier Walker
Marjorie Rudolph
Marlene Hoefer Brummond
Marlene Lund
Marsha Ladd
Martha Maust
Marti Parsons Grahl
Mary Estelle Montgomery
Mary Jo Whitley
Mary Kay Weil
Meg Shull Bierwirth
Melea Broekers
Melissa Ballard
Melissa Brady Silva
Melissa Morritt Coble
Melissa Sosenko DeStefano
Meredith Webster Indermaur
Merryl Dietz
Micah Hoshi
Michele Engle
Michele Manuel Fuselier
Michele Wessel Tarnow
Michelle Bradshaw McComb
Michelle Zulch
Millie Donnell
Miriam Pendley
Monica Ausderau Larmon
Monica Maday
Monica-Niki Elenbaas
Morven Roberts Baker
Najla Samaan
Nancy Barron Booher
Nancy Johnson Campbell
Nancy MacDonald
Nancy Ruh
Nancy Thompson Flikkema
Nancy Villegas
Nancy Wance
Nicole Havlen Hair
Olivia Santos
Paige Gant
Paige Stover
Pam Ensinger Antos
Pam Swendig
Pam Walsh
Patricia Detzel
Patricia Sjöberg
Patti Atwood Grossman
Patti Mercer Churner
Patti Stone
Patti Stratton
Paula Unrau
Pauline Carlson
Pauline Daly
Phyllis Barber
Rachel Drouillard
Rachel Keyte
Rachel Sargent
Rebecca Fako Uecker
Rebecca Hedges Lyon
Regina Pitts Woods
Renay Boyes
Renee Utley Bennink
Rev. Mally Baum
Rhonda Hartzell
Rhonda Morrison
Rita Daruvala
Rob Ullinger
Robin Gowan
Robin Protsman
Robinette Nacca-Cooke
Robyn S Haag
Ʀosaııie Ĺane
Rose Stucchio
Roseanne M. Shannon
Rosemarie Varrichio Campbell
Rossana Neglia McLaughlin
Roxanna Villars Gambrell
S Anderson
Sandra Cathers
Sandra Van Dyne
Sandy Collins
Sandy McClure
Sara Cunningham
Sara Hoel May
Sarah Langley
Sarah Mills Holbrook
Sarah Thacker-Estell
Shannon Eaton
Shawna Dicintio
Shay Bisbee Haude
Shelley McBride
Sheri Martin
Sherrl McFerrin Townsend
Sondy Eklund
Stacey Frazier
Stacey Jackson Baeumler
Stacy Gouge Drake
Stephanie Anderson
Sue Howard
Sue Tresatti
Susan Berland
Susan Cloys Seaman
Susan Cottrell
Susan Foss Naranjo-Stultz
Susan Hammontree Fortney
Susan Ledbetter
Susan Merritt Slattery
Susan Metcalf
Susan Wardzinski
Susy Rowe Barnhill
Suzanne Lambert Mann
Tamara Darbin
Tamara Totoro Dick
Tammi Perkins
Tammy Flowers Mejdrich
Tammy Watson
Tammy Wenzinger
Tamra Jennings
Tana Lightbown Hendricks
Tari Card
Tenley Dyck
Teresa Medlin Poston
Teresa Parker
Teri Henderson
Teri Stueland Kay
Terri Cook
Terri Gervasi
Terri Nolt
Terri Schempf
Terry Hall Sanchez
Theresa Moore Martinez
Theresa Tasker
Tina Tocheri Thomas
Tonda Campbell Hoyt
Toni Ann Bradley
Tracie Sells
Tracy Jepson
Tricia Kaufman-Waddell
Tricia Willard
Valerie Amoling Cronin
Vanessa Horton-Hendershot
Vanessa Melchiori
Vicki Kemp Whorton
Vicki Westphal
Vicky Barnes
Vlada Knowlton
Zenia Robertson

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,400 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a few days. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers and public speakers.

For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Stories That Change The World #30 – Gay Man Not Allowed To Be A Member Of Watermark Community Church

25 Tuesday Oct 2016

Posted by Liz in Christian, Church, conversion therapy, Family, GLBT, Inclusion, justice, LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQ. letter, Mama Bears, Parent, Parenting, reparative therapy, Scripture, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

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Tags

Christian, church, conversion therapy, Inclusion, Jason Thomas, letter, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Stories That Change The World, Story, Watermark Community Church

Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the thirtieth installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.

notwelcome

I have a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ+ kids. We have more than 1,400 moms in the group and continue to grow. The group, Serendipitydodah for Moms, is secret so only members can find it. Many of the moms in the group have left their local churches because they weren’t safe places for their family … so, when we read the post that Jason Thomas shared on his Facebook page about his experience with Watermark Community Church excluding him from being a member of the church we were outraged and disturbed.

(Read more about Jason’s story here, here and here.)

In response to Jason’s post more than 400 moms from Serendipitydodah signed this letter to Jason expressing our support and thanks:

October 25, 2016

Dear Jason,

We are members of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private Facebook group of more than 1,400 Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

Our group was created for Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids.

More than 400 of us are signing this letter to you because we want you to know that we support you and are grateful to you for speaking out about your experience at Watermark Community Church.

Many of us have had some unpleasant church experiences and left our local faith communities because we no longer found them to be safe places for our family but we were especially disturbed and outraged to hear how you were treated by the Watermark community.

We know how difficult it can be to speak out publicly the way you have and wanted you to know we are encouraged by your brave voice and are praying that God will protect, strengthen, guide and bless you.

Your willingness to share your story gives us hope because you are shining a light on some of the dangerous and damaging practices going on in some faith communities and as a result we see many confronting the way some churches, Christians, Christian organizations and faith communities are failing to embrace the radical inclusive love of God that Jesus came to demonstrate and share.

We believe that people like you are helping change the world into a kinder, safer, more loving place for all LGBTQ people to live and for that we remain forever grateful.

May God keep you and bless you abundantly!

Liz Dyer, Founder & Owner
Abby De Fiesta Cortez
Adele Berardi
Alecia Moss
Aletheia Wall Zambesi
Alise D Chaffins
Alison Defrese
Allena Brown
Amanda Corry Thorderson
Amanda Curtis Dwyer
Amanda Dalton
Amy Goad
Amy Hansley Bennett
Amy Rueter
Andrea Larson Schultz
Angie Laws
Angie Silver
Angie Stratz Ashmore
Anita Jewell Carter Cockrum
Ann McGee Green
Ann Zweckbronner
Arlene Schulz
Barb Cressy
Becky Cantrall
Beth Barndt Ruthenburg
Beth Breems
Beth McGill-Rizer
Bethany Kirwen
Betsy Bruce Henning
Billie Jo Marrs
Bonnie Miranda
Brenda Holloway Bratcher
Bridget Murphy
Candace Winters
Carie Poynor Downes
Carla Iturregui Picasso-Brown
Carla Michaelsen
Carla Short Spivey
Carol Beth Wiggins Baswell
Carol Mason
Carole Bass
Caroline Williams Joyce
Carolyn Cage Johnston
Carolyn Walker
Carrie Garske Shank
Caryle A Cox
Cassy Taylor Campos
Cathleen Frantzen Schaber
Chasity Davis
Cheri Nill
Cheri Simpson
Cherie Walker
Cheryl Bakkila-Perkins
Chris Behne
Christie Hoos
Christie Nader
Christina Lehmann Bergevin
Christina Rosbury
Christy Emigh
Cilla Thomas
Cindy Helzer Baldwin
Cindy Jo Conner
Cindy Morgan
Cindy Richard Broussard
Colleen Hepler Brassington
Colleen Kane
Connie Dupuis
Crista Mason
Crystal Baker
Crystal Wagner
Cyndi Silva Raugh
Cynthia Corsetti
Cynthia Gaye Rahm-Clark
Dana Baker
Dana Huntington-Smith
Danette Mohring
Dawn Bellotti
Dawn Bennett
Dawn Pulley Ervin
Deb Gallagher
Debbie McCullough Hayhurst
Debbie Rogers Greenan
Debbie Wasielewski Tavarez
Debby McCrary
Debi Jackson
Debi Tucker Boland
Deborah Carlyle Enman
Debra Honeywell Myott
Dee-Ann Bodenheimer-Enslin
Deena Corwin Pfahler
Deleise Carper Brewer
Denise Ramirez-Tatum
Denise Trainer Webb
Derry Cronin Gleason
Diana Dermit McCarthy
Diane Blevins Smith
Diane Simms
Donna Holmes
Donna Thompson Spencer
Donna Turner Hudson
Dorene Rose
Doris Wright
Elaine Falk Parker
Elisa Stoneman
Elizabeth McConnel Sutton
Elizabeth Pierce
Eva Sullivan-Knoff
Felicia Dodd
Frances Lavender
Gena Rogers
Genell Brown
Georgi Persons
Gerry Phifer
Gina Williamson
Glenda Crump
Glenda Purkis Boulton
Gloria Melton
Greta Medrano
Gretchen Doornek Mueller
Harriet Sutton
Heather Clevenger
Heather Gee-Thomas
Heather McCracken Bottoms
Ineka Estabrook
Irene Gilliland
Jacqueline Rutledge
Jade Cutter
Jamie Hovland
Jamie Tessing Bruesehoff
Jammie Risley Hahn
Jan Pezant
Jan Roberts
Jan Wightman
Jane Clementi
Jane Moody
Janet Phillips
Janice Dunn White
Janie Romine
Janine Sarah Moore
Jaron Terry
Jeannette Cona-Larock
Jeannie Babb
Jenna Robertson
Jennie Young-Walczyk
Jennifer Donovan Jasgur
Jennifer Dunnam Stringfellow
Jennifer Hancock
Jennifer Robinson
Jennifer Schaffner Burkhardt
Jennifer Seeger
Jennifer Stake White
Jennifer Teeter
Jennifer Wilkins Pearson
Jenny Bishop Morgan
Jerri Surles Collins
Jessica Fahlgren
Jill Blythe
Jill Johnstone
Jill Pote Yarbrough
Jillian Jones
Joani Lea Jack
JoAnn Forsberg
Joann Thompson
Jody Miller Vanderzell
Joy Denton
Judie Brown Gordon
Judith K Volkar
Judy Witzel Harper
Julia Lunardo
Julie Ackerson-Armstrong
Julie Bean Bisgaard
Julie Elliott O’Neal
Julie Greene
Julie Kennedy Eaton
Julie Lenox Haines
Julie Manning Waters
Karen Adams
Karen Decker Kusserow
Karen Sullivan
Karin Paulus
Karin Triola
Katherine Brown Leidy
Kathi Nicholson
Kathie Moehlig
Kathrine M Kraft
Kathryn Zentner
Kathy Ann
Kathy Ewing-Finley
Kathy Green
Kathy Reim
Kathy Renne Post
Kathy White
Katie Jenifer
Katie Willhite Brooks
Katrina Black
Kay Kelley
Kay Otting
Kay Whistler
Kelli Henry Alamond
Kelli Lewis Decker
Kellie Taylor- Lafevor
Kelly Beane
Kelly Cantwell
Kelly Dembiczak
Kelly M Hunsaker
Kelly McKinsey
Kelly Rae Holiday
Keri Lynn Riley
Kim Belcher Messick
Kim Freeman Weill
Kim Kendall
Kim Lue
Kim McMahon
Kim Sonntag
Kimberly Jones
Kimberly Shappley
Kimberlyn Graham
Kirsten Shaw
Kris Gromm
Krista Burdine
Kristen Capp
Kristi Chenoweth Dubois
Kristi Kodos
Kyle Jump
Lannette Sargent
Laura Beth Taylor
Laura Sparks Turner
LeAnn Fenner
Leba Shallenberger
Lee Ann Howdershell
Lenora Lea Gill
Lesa Edwards-Schepers
Lesley Davis
Leslie Jones Webster
Linda Baker
Linda Ling
Linda Rooney
Linda Slater Tow
Linda Wiebe Dickinson
Linda York O’Connell
Lisa Bray
Lisa Cousins
Lisa Giordano Bontemps
Lisa Golden Dugger
Lisa MacGregor
Lisa Maniscalco Hildebrand
Lisa McCrystal Holley
Lisa Osborne
Lisa Reinhart Hard
Lisa Schramm
Lisa Scott Wofford
Lisa Wetmore Shinn
Liz Dyer
Loretta Davila
Lori Black Manning
Lori Bradley-Lewis
Lori Chavers Blankenship
Lori Love-Wise
Lori McCoy Simmons
Lori Rogers
Lyndah Kolkmann
Lynette Joy
Lynn Kato
Madai Girard
Maleea Shaver Castillo
Mally Shell Hatch
Marcie Castiglione
Margi Wilmans
Margie Candler
Maria Breeden
Marianne Minier Walker
Marjorie Rudolph
Marlene Hoefer Brummond
Marlene Lund
Marsha Ladd
Martha Maust
Marti Parsons Grahl
Mary Estelle Montgomery
Mary Jo Whitley
Mary Kay Weil
Meg Shull Bierwirth
Melea Broekers
Melissa Ballard
Melissa Brady Silva
Melissa Morritt Coble
Melissa Sosenko DeStefano
Meredith Webster Indermaur
Merryl Dietz
Micah Hoshi
Michele Engle
Michele Manuel Fuselier
Michele Wessel Tarnow
Michelle Bradshaw McComb
Michelle Zulch
Millie Donnell
Miriam Pendley
Monica Ausderau Larmon
Monica Maday
Monica-Niki Elenbaas
Morven Roberts Baker
Najla Samaan
Nancy Barron Booher
Nancy Johnson Campbell
Nancy MacDonald
Nancy Ruh
Nancy Thompson Flikkema
Nancy Villegas
Nancy Wance
Nicole Havlen Hair
Olivia Santos
Paige Gant
Paige Stover
Pam Ensinger Antos
Pam Swendig
Pam Walsh
Patricia Detzel
Patricia Sjöberg
Patti Atwood Grossman
Patti Mercer Churner
Patti Stone
Patti Stratton
Paula Unrau
Pauline Carlson
Pauline Daly
Phyllis Barber
Rachel Drouillard
Rachel Keyte
Rachel Sargent
Rebecca Fako Uecker
Rebecca Hedges Lyon
Regina Pitts Woods
Renay Boyes
Renee Utley Bennink
Rev. Mally Baum
Rhonda Hartzell
Rhonda Morrison
Rita Daruvala
Rob Ullinger
Robin Gowan
Robin Protsman
Robinette Nacca-Cooke
Robyn S Haag
Ʀosaııie Ĺane
Rose Stucchio
Roseanne M. Shannon
Rosemarie Varrichio Campbell
Rossana Neglia McLaughlin
Roxanna Villars Gambrell
S Anderson
Sandra Cathers
Sandra Van Dyne
Sandy Collins
Sandy McClure
Sara Cunningham
Sara Hoel May
Sarah Langley
Sarah Mills Holbrook
Sarah Thacker-Estell
Shannon Eaton
Shawna Dicintio
Shay Bisbee Haude
Shelley McBride
Sheri Martin
Sherrl McFerrin Townsend
Sondy Eklund
Stacey Frazier
Stacey Jackson Baeumler
Stacy Gouge Drake
Stephanie Anderson
Sue Howard
Sue Tresatti
Susan Berland
Susan Cloys Seaman
Susan Cottrell
Susan Foss Naranjo-Stultz
Susan Hammontree Fortney
Susan Ledbetter
Susan Merritt Slattery
Susan Metcalf
Susan Wardzinski
Susy Rowe Barnhill
Suzanne Lambert Mann
Tamara Darbin
Tamara Totoro Dick
Tammi Perkins
Tammy Flowers Mejdrich
Tammy Watson
Tammy Wenzinger
Tamra Jennings
Tana Lightbown Hendricks
Tari Card
Tenley Dyck
Teresa Medlin Poston
Teresa Parker
Teri Henderson
Teri Stueland Kay
Terri Cook
Terri Gervasi
Terri Nolt
Terri Schempf
Terry Hall Sanchez
Theresa Moore Martinez
Theresa Tasker
Tina Tocheri Thomas
Tonda Campbell Hoyt
Toni Ann Bradley
Tracie Sells
Tracy Jepson
Tricia Kaufman-Waddell
Tricia Willard
Valerie Amoling Cronin
Vanessa Horton-Hendershot
Vanessa Melchiori
Vicki Kemp Whorton
Vicki Westphal
Vicky Barnes
Vlada Knowlton
Wendy Wiley Canedy
Zenia Robertson

 

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,400 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a few days. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers and public speakers.

For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

 

Activist Mommy

30 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by Liz in Affirming, Ally, Christian, Church, Equality, Family, GLBT, Inclusion, justice, LGBT, LGBTQ, Love, Parent, Parenting

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, acceptance, activistmommy, children, Christian, church, family, GLBT, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, love, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, parents

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***Thanks to Sara Cunningham for allowing me to use this picture. Check out the notes at the bottom of this post to find out more about Sara and her book “How We Sleep At Night: A Mother’s Memoir”

 

There’s a new #ActivistMommy on the scene these days. I would guess that she is probably a member of the “One Million Moms” group on Facebook that has less than one hundred thousand members. LOL  You know the group – it’s the one who boycotts any business or organization that shares anything positive about LGBTQ people.

Anyway … this new #ActivistMommy is similar to the members of the One Million Moms group as she likes to complain and rant (in videos and in Facebook posts) about how horrible the world is because of Pride parades and same sex marriage and inclusive churches and businesses that allow people to use the bathroom that matches their gender identity.

She is all about the doom and gloom and likes to talk about how those who affirm same sex marriage and support churches that are fully inclusive are not really Christians.

Her supporters are even more bold and are likely to tell someone like me that I am going to burn in hell and am leading my gay son into the pit of hell with me … oh, and they are predicting the end of the world will probably happen any day now. LOL

Well …

I’m an #ActivistMommy too but I’m not trying to spread a doom and gloom message.

Instead, I’ve created an online community for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, authentic, loving relationships with their LGBTQ kids.

The group was started in June 2014 and we have over 1,100 members now.

We share a lot of info and support in the group and inspire each other to do what we can to make the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for all LGBTQ people to live.

That’s the kind of #ActivistMommy I am.

Email me at lizdyer55@gmail.com for more info about the private Facebook group and how to join.

To all the moms out there who love and support their LGBTQ kids I propose that we take over the #ActivistMommy hashtag and use it to spread a positive message of love and light.

If you post a picture of you and your family at a Pride parade use the hashtag #ActivistMommy.

If you post something that supports equality or protection for LGBTQ people use the hashtag #ActivistMommy.

If you post a picture of a same sex couple getting married use #ActivistMommy.

If you post something about #PFLAG or #GCN or #HRC or #TheTrevorProject or #GayStraighAlliance or #TrueColors or anything that is a positive support system for LGBTQ people – especially LGBTQ youth – use the hashtag #ActivistMommy

That way, when people search for #ActivistMommy they will receive a post or picture or video or thought that will help make the world a better place for all of us to live.

Your move!

************************************

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,100 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a few days. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers and public speakers.  For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com
************************************

 

***Thanks to Sara Cunningham for allowing me to use her picture for this post. Sara Cunningham is one of the members in the Serendipitydodah for Moms group. She is my kind of #ActivistMommy

She organized a group of moms who went to OKC Pride this year. They marched in the parade, set up a “Free Mom Hugs” booth and helped shield LGBTQ people from those who were there to spread negative messages.

Sara is also the author of “How We Sleep At Night: A Mother’s Memoir” which tells the story of how a Christian mother comes to terms with her son being gay through a personal journey that starts with the Church and ends at the Pride Parade. It’s a great book that I highly recommend.

You can find out more about Sara by following her Facebook page.

 

 

Stories That Change The World #21 – A Real Unicorn

25 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by Liz in Christian, GLBT, justice, LGBT, LGBTQ, Love, Parent, School, Story, Youth

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, acceptance, children, Christian, church, family, GLBT, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, love, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, parent, parents, Stories That Change The World, Story, Support, Unicorn, Youth

Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the twenty-first installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.

 

I have a private Facebook group for moms of lgbt kids. The group is Serendipitydodah for Moms and presently has more than 1,100 moms in the group. It’s a wonderful community of moms who are trying to be the best moms they can be and who love their kids fiercely. The group is a place where we share a lot of support, encouragement and wisdom.

The following story is from Jennifer Stringfellow, one of the members of Serendipitydodah for Moms. Not only is Jennifer a loving mom and talented stylist but she is a person who is using her own experiences and insights to encourage, inspire and support others. Here is a story she shared in our private Facebook group recently:

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Terry, my last client of the day today, has been invited not to return to her job as a preschool teacher at the First Baptist Church of Niceville because she has shared pro marriage equality and pro transgender posts on her Facebook page.

Ever since I met Terry and began doing her hair, she and I have had the most wonderful conversations about all sorts of things. I knew in an instant I could trust her with my heart. I knew she and I were kindred spirits.

Terry is the mother of 5 kids. NONE of them are LGBTQ as far as she knows but she is obviously a UNICORN!!!

I use the term “UNICORN” because to us momma’s of LGBT kids, people unaffected by this who stand up for LGBTQ  kids, ARE NOT REAL!!!

So yeah… she’s a UNICORN!

But let me tell you what!!! SHE IS REAL!!!

She said the pastor brought her in his office and began to hurl every verse you can imagine at her. He had most definitely prepared for the meeting with her. She, on the other hand, was not prepared to go toe to toe with a “bible scholar” and could do little more than stand her ground as someone who is dedicated to love like Jesus. She got up and left his office after he accused her of not being a true Christian.

We need more real unicorns in the world like Terry!!

************************************************

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,100 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids.

For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

 

 

Stories That Change The World #16 – An Important Message for Franklin Graham

01 Tuesday Dec 2015

Posted by Liz in Children, Christian, Church, Family, GLBT, Health, Inclusion, justice, LGBT, LGBTQ, Love, Parent, Parenting, sexual orientation, Story, Truth, Youth

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, children, Christian, church, faith, family, Franklin Graham, gay, God, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, parent, parents, relationships, same sex relationships, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Stories That Change The World, Story

Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the sixteenth installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.

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Yesterday morning Franklin Graham announced he was going to share an important message for LGBT people and today he posted his message. It was full of harmful theology that makes loving mothers keep their lgbt kids as far away from church as possible. Here is “an important message for Franklin Graham.”

Dear Franklin Graham,

I have a private Facebook support group for Christian moms of lgbt kids. The group presently has more than 800 members. The love and support that exists in the community we have together is priceless. The group is not about trying to change our kids or treating them like they are broken because of their sexual orientation. The group is about us helping each other learn to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with our kids and inspiring one another to play a small part in making the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for lgbt people to live into the people they were created to be.

So many of the moms in the group have left the local church because it was no longer a safe place for their family. It was a place that marginalized and shamed them and their lgbt kid. It was a place that set up hopelessness and despair in the hearts of their child. It was a place that refused to re-examine their theology regarding same sex relationships even though their theology was producing death instead of life … spiritual death, relational death, emotional death and even physical death.

Good theology should produce good fruit – good theology should produce good psychology.

When our theology is producing hopelessness, despair, self loathing, self destruction and self harm it is time to stand up and say “we must have something wrong!!!”

Your message to lgbt people today was irresponsible and harmful. If you understood anything about lgbt people and their families you would at least know that posting a public message like that could potentially push a young lgbt person to the brink of doing something harmful to themselves. I can’t fathom why you would act so carelessly. It is truly beyond my understanding.

If you can’t bring yourself to become better informed, to have more compassion and love for lgbt people and their families and to act more responsibly then at least be kind enough to let these families walk away in peace and find Christian fellowship and community that is safe and life producing somewhere else.

Your post has already been liked by more than 60,000 and shared more than 25,000 times. Your influence is substantial and you are doing so much harm. You will be held accountable for the harm you do. Please stop!

And remember … the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love … and love does not produce death.

 

*********************************

There are more than 800 moms of lgbt kids in my Facebook support group. It is a place where moms of lgbt kids find and give a lot of support and share a lot of information. If you are interested in joining the private Facebook group for moms of lgbt kids send an email to lizdyer55@gmail.com and put“Mom’s Facebook Group” as the subject.

 

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