Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the twenty-seventh installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.
I have a private Facebook group for moms of lgbt kids. We have more than 1,200 moms in the group and it keeps growing. It’s a wonderful community of moms who are trying to be the best moms they can be and who love their kids fiercely. The group is a place where we share a lot of support, encouragement and wisdom.
Not only do the moms in the group love their own kids well but they often seek out opportunities to spread their love around to others. It is not unusual for members of our group to show up at LGBT gatherings, such as the Gay Christian Network Annual Conferences, pride parades and gay nightclubs, wearing a t-shirt or button that says “Free Mom Hugs”
This week some of us were asked to send some virtual hugs to a young man who had come out to his mother and received a very hurtful response.
David and Constantino Khalaf who blog at Modern Kinship received a letter from a young man who wrote to them using the pseudonym PK. When PK came out to his mom she said she would rather him be dead than gay. David and Constantino reached out to a few of us to ask us if we wanted to send PK some virtual mom hugs by sending him messages of love and support. They shared those messages with PK and then also shared the story on their blog.
Once I shared the story in my private Facebook group many moms wanted to send their love and support to PK.
So, PK, here you go! Here are a BIG bunch of virtual hugs being sent your way! Some are short – some are long – some are signed – some are anonymous … all are sincere and from the heart.
We hope you can feel the love …
Hugs from the Sunshine Coast Australia. Xxxxxx
Big, tight, squeezy hugs full of love from Robin in Vacaville. It will be OK…hang in there.
Hugs and love and support coming your way…know you are never alone!
BIG HUGE MAMA BEAR HUGS from Terri in Phoenixville, PA! Stay strong and stay true to yourself…..you are worthy and you are loved!!
Dear PK: I’m so sorry that you had to hear those things from your mom. I hope and pray that some day she realizes the gift she has in you. Just as you are. When I realized that my daughter was gay, I knew that it was not something she chose. I knew that I loved her dearly and would never want to hurt her. I knew that the rejection I would face for accepting her and loving her wouldn’t compare to what she would face from family and friends. I hope that you are able to surround yourself with people who get you, support you and love you. Us moms are here for you and I’m sending a virtual mom hug right now! Love, Sandy V.
A GREAT big hug from Canada! I want to affirm you and who you are. God loves you exactly as you are, so much so that even if you were the only person who ever sinned, Jesus would have died just for you. That isn’t throw away love, it is deep to the very core kind of love. There is NOTHING you could ever do that would change HIs love for you. I wish your mom had been able to show you that kind of love and I pray one day she will. In the meantime, please let us surround you with our love and read these messages as often as you need them. Many of us have had to face rejection also, so we can understand a little of what you may feel. One day when we meet, if not here, in heaven, I will be able to give you that GREAT big hug! You are loved. Tana from Canada
Dear PK, You are loved and precious. You have shown grace and compassion to your Mother. I didn’t understand when our son came out a few years ago, but my love for him never changed. I trusted God and He changed my heart. Knowing what I know now, I consider it to be a huge blessing in my life to be the parent of a gay child. My heart is exponentially bigger and I have learned so much about God’s love and compassion and true teachings of Christ. It took my own precious son coming out to open my eyes. He is perfectly and wonderfully made. So is my straight daughter; just like you and the rest of us! Proud Mama and ally. I will pray for your family’s journey. It is a process and much has to be unlearned because it was wrong in the first place. I love keeping my mind open to learn more and truly believe that Love Wins. You are loved, dear PK.
Dear PK, This mama bear sends hugs to you knowing that no hugs can replace those from your own mama. But please understand that you are loved and you have love to look forward to. I pray that your own mama can come to realize that she has so much to learn about who you really are. Sending love your way, from Colleen B.
Huge hugs and lots of love to you from me in Odessa, TX. I totally didn’t get it at first when my son came out at age 38, but I did a 180 in a very short time and I hope your mom does too.
Big hugs from Connecticut! Wish you were here… I’d hug and never let go!!!!
Very big tight Mama Bear hug from Chesapeake, VA. You are loved. I will pray everyday that your own mom comes to realize what a precious gift you are.
Sending you love, hugs, and prayers as you journey on.
My dear, You are so very precious. If you were here I would wrap you up in my arms and make sure you knew it was going to be ok. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and a precious gift from God. I pray that someday your mom sees through her fear and remembers that. Regardless, we are out here praying for you, loving you, and hoping that you find your true love and live out your dreams what ever they may be. You are loved. A Mama Bear from the Seattle area.
Please do not let your Mother’s decision to (initially) choose religion instead of Jesus stop you from knowing you are loved by God. We will stand in the gap, praying your Mom is touched by the Spirit, visited in her dreams and willing to open her heart and search out the truth instead of what she has been taught is the law. Do not lose hope. Be who God has created you to be and He will not depart from you.
Big hugs from Jamie in CA.! You are loved by God and by all of us for exactly who you are, dear one. Never forget that- you are loved.
Our hearts are breaking with you PK. I know all too well what your mom was feeling when she said those words to you but she is wrong. She will someday come to see that you are wonderfully and beautifully made, just the way you are. I pray that some day she will realize how having you as a son will only bring her more life. Keep loving her and yourself most of all. Big Mama Bear hugs to you!
From the depths of my soul I pray for your comfort and acceptance in this world. I pray that God will help your parents realize that you are made perfectly with his divine hand. You are exactly who God made you to be and you are worthy of their continuing love and devotion. God is love. I send you all the virtual hugs possible from my arms in West Richland, WA
Dear young man, I’m sending you the biggest mama bear hug that I can send across the miles! My own youngest daughter, who was lesbian , did die from a horrible cancer almost four years ago and not a day goes by that I wish that I could still hug and hold her too. You deserve to be loved just as you are and believe me, you are!
HUGs and I love you sweetie!
Dear PK, I am so sorry your mother reacted poorly to your honest answer to the question she asked. Likely, she really wanted affirmation that you were straight, so that took lots of courage to tell her the truth about your sexuality. I know that many fundamentalist pastors and other leaders have been rejected by their churches when they have gay family members. There is probably a lot of fear on your parents’ part because, in addition to the challenge of their tightly held, narrowly defined, religious beliefs, there is great likelihood that the will lose their livelihood if they accept you as a gay person. The reemployment market for rejected ministers is dismal. However, that is no reason that you should not have been honest and should not be the person you were created to be. My heart hurts for you and your parents. Figuring out how you move forward with that relationship will be a process as you mature and go forward with your life. I hope your parents choose to become educated as to other ways to look at the LGBTQ community and love you as all parents should love their children. Prayers that you find your own peace and live life fully and with love. Hugs to you. A Mama Bear
Know that you are loved by God just as you are and loved by a whole lot of mama bears. Sending you a lot of love and hugs. – Rose Stucchio
Dear PK, Please know that we Mamas are praying that your mom comes to love and accept you just as you are. In the meantime, we are here to offer you love, affirmation, acceptance and hugs. Need a listening ear? We are here! A bed for a while? We are here. A friend? Yep, that’s us.
Huge hugs from Michigan! You are beautiful and perfect and have so much to give to the world. Keep your head up high and know that we are behind you!!
Sending big mom hugs from Texas! Praying that your mom realizes that she has a wonderful son who was made by God.
PK you are loved. God loves you just as you are. We love you and send you mama hugs. We know that this does not undo the heartache associated with your mothers reaction. But we hope and pray that until she realizes her sin in not loving and accepting you that we can stand in the gap and be a balm for you pain. – Judy Volkar
Dear PK: My rainbow kids are PKs, too. I’m so sorry you didn’t have the loving embrace you deserve from your own clergy parents. But I’m sending one to you from a Mama Bear Pastor, and inviting you into the same deal I gave my kids-if there is any kid you know who doesn’t feel loved and accepted by their mom, please let me have the honor to be considered your Mom, too, along with all the adopted Mama Bears you now have! Bless you. God loves you as you are perfectly and wonderfully made, my precious one. (((Hug))) Praying with you and for you. – A Mama Bear Pastor
Dear PK, There is nothing you need to change about yourself. You are perfectly made and loved just as you are. Never doubt yourself and stay encouraged that you will have a beautiful life full of friends, allies and love! Hugs from Michelle McComb, a proud mom in Texas!
Hugs from Indiana! Family is not always blood. Know that you are loved as you are! – Martha Richards
Hugs from North Carolina!!! Please know you are loved for who you are!! This mama is sending hugs and much love to you! – Angie Laws
So so sorry to hear of your mom’s rejection. It must have been such a horrifying response from your own mom who should love you unconditionally. Your life is so valuable and you were created by God just the way you are, for a purpose. I pray that she will eventually open her heart. I wish I could hug you in person, but for now, here’s a virtual hug from McKinney, Texas. – Amy Bennett
Big hug from Cali! Time… I was lucky my daughter was patient with me. Hang in there!
Sending mom hugs from Iowa.
You are beautifully, wonderfully and perfectly made PK! You have our love and support and hopefully one day soon, you will have that as well from your mom. In the meantime, know that you have many mama bears supporting you and are here for you!
Sending love, acceptance and mama bear hugs from Canada.
This mama bear in Ohio wishes she could wrap her arms around you and hold you so tight, and whisper to you that you are special, you are precious, and you are dearly loved. – Georgi Persons
Sometimes as mothers we get things wrong. We are so consumed with our love and future plans for “our child” we fail to see you as the perfectly made INDIVIDUAL that God created. PK, this mom is praying for you and your mom. That she can overcome her fear, open her heart, and love you, just as you are.
Oh dear sweet one. Know that you are not alone and know that not all people feel that way. Know that there are other parents who love you and send their love to you from near and far. I’m sending mine from Oklahoma.
Please know you are loved. Simply said. Hugs from Florida right now and then hugs from NC.
I am married to a PK and our son is gay and he is such a blessing in our lives. Sometimes you have to make a new family or as Mary Englebreit says, bloom where you are planted. Just remember, your are a precious child of God and your sweet soul is as important, to Him, as anyone’s. Isn’t it wonderful that the same God who made the sun, moon, and galaxies thought the world needed you, too? If you were closer, you would not believe the hugs we #mamabears would smother you with. – Gerry Phifer
This Mama Bear is from AZ and I am sending you hugs and lots of love. God loves you just the way you are PK.
Oh, PK, that really hurt my heart for you and your relationship with your family. I am the wife of a preacher. My son came out about 3 years ago and we couldn’t love him anymore than we already do and accept him 100%. But the church did not and it was scary. But, PK, it has been a wonderfully enriching journey to learn the depth of God’s love and grace as He leads us to a greater understanding of His profound and unconditional love for each of His children and to shake off the chains of judgmental intolerance that the church seems to drag perpetually drag around. Just know there are better things ahead. There is always hope for a heart change for your family, but if that doesn’t happen, there are over 1000 mamas that stand with open arms to welcome and love on you! I am one of those mamas.
Dear PK, I am so sorry about what your Mom said and how much it must hurt!
No answers but this Mamma bear from Fl sending you many hugs!!
From one PK to another….I am so sorry you had to hear such painful and horrible words from the woman who is supposed to love you unconditionally. Keep your chin up. God is working on your mom while He is loving on you…His perfect creation. Meanwhile, you’ve got more than 1000 Mama Bears hugging you from all over. 1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV): “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” – Mama Bear from Pittsburgh, Sending hugs your way , stay strong!
Dear PK, I wish that I could wrap my arms around you and not let you go until you were fully convinced you are a beautiful person, loved for who you are, just the way you are! I am so sorry when you, or anyone who is LGBTQ feels and experiences rejection of any kind. It is especially difficult when it is loved ones, parents, family members that turn away and reject people for who they are born to be. I would like to have conversations with you if you would like. Feel free to send me a friend request, but private message me so I know who you are. I am an ally, an advocate, and one of the best things that ever happened in my life was having a son who is gay. It wasn’t always easy for any of us, but life doesn’t always come in tidy little packages with pretty ribbons and sweet presents inside. Lessons need learned. Love needs to grow. There is hope for your parents to change their hearts. They are living in fear and that in itself can cause a ripple effect of some pretty ugly things. Stay strong and true to yourself. You have a whole LOT of Mama Bear hugs coming your way all throughout the country. So do your friends. Proud to be your friend and advocate, Bethany Kirwen.
Hugs and much love…truly and completely!
Do not believe the lies you are told or hear about! God created you perfectly and loves you! It breaks my heart how people can be so hurtful toward others they haven’t even met. I haven’t met you either but I know you are a beautiful person who is loved by God! I wish I could give you a huge hug right now to show you that I love you too! Your life matters!
Big hug from Cali! Time… I was lucky my daughter was patient with me. Hang in there!
PK…I’m so sorry that you’ve been hurt by your mom. I pray that as she processes this she will come to an understanding that you are wonderfully and perfectly made. There is nothing wrong with you, and you have done nothing wrong. Keep being you and look for people who support and love you. Big hugs from this mama in Maryland. – Lesa Edwards-Schepers
Lots of warm hugs from New Jersey!!
You can read the original story, which includes PK’s letter to David and Constantino on David and Constantino’s blog.
Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,200 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a few days. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers and public speakers. For more info email firstname.lastname@example.org