Moms of lgbtq kids sometimes make mistakes when their kids first come out – sometimes they aren’t as strong as they need to be – sometimes they let their feelings lead them to say the wrong thing at the wrong time – sometimes they hurt their kids even while loving them more than their kids can imagine … my advice to moms of lgbtq kids when their kids come out include these three things:
(1) Be intentional about letting your kid know you love and support them unconditionally, that you are going to be with them on their journey and do your best to make sure they have the resources they need to be healthy and whole. Ask them questions and listen to their story – learn from them – learn what they need from you. Don’t share your feelings of fear or grief with your child no matter what age they are. They have enough on their plate and you don’t want them to feel like they have caused you pain. Your grief could make them feel guilty or ashamed.
(2) Find people, either in real life or online, that will understand and support you where you are at and at the same time empower you to move forward on the journey so that you are strong for your kid. PFLAG, affirming churches, affirming friends and family members, online groups like my private Facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids are all places to seek that kind of support. (contact me if you want more info about the facebook group)
(3) Educate yourself as much as possible because a lot of a parent’s feelings in the beginning are about the loss of what they perceived as a relatively safe and predictable future. A lot of the emotions are connected to fear and concerns about the unknown. Being well informed can bring a lot of peace and confidence and help parents move forward and be supportive in the way their kid needs them to be.When you know better you can do better.
I try to meet moms where they are and help them become better. Any mother that is open to learning and growing is welcome in my facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids. I believe we are better together. I believe we can learn from each other and with each other and become stronger and more loving and more understanding of ourselves, each other and our kids.
Our motto in my group is “better together” and I believe we are better together.
And I always say “when we know better, we do better”
Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,500 members. Each day moms of LGBTQ kids gather virtually to share a journey that is unique and often very difficult. The group is a place where they share a lot of information, ask questions, support one another, learn a lot and brag on their kids. Their official motto is “We Are Better Together” and their nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. However, moms do not have to be Christian to be a member of the group. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a short time so members can ask questions in the privacy of the group. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers, medical professionals and public speakers.
Serendipitydodah for Moms also has three subgroups:
Serendipitydodah MTK is for trans specific conversation and is mostly made up of moms of trans kids. All the members of Serendipitydodah MTK are in the larger group also.
Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a subgroup for Serendipitydodah Mama Bears who are willing and able to be available to do small acts of kindness for LGBTQ people in their local community who may need connection, care or assistance. This subgroup makes it easier for members to coordinate and organize to do things such as visit someone in the hospital, help someone get settled in a new area, provide some transportation, include someone in their holiday gatherings, provide temporary housing, send a note of encouragement, attend a wedding etc
Serendipitydodah Blue Ocean Faith is for members of Serendipitydodah for Moms who want to connect with and become a part of the Blue Ocean Faith Ann Arbor community via its online presence. Blue Ocean Faith is a faith community that fully includes, affirms and supports lgbtq people and those that support them. Ken Wilson and Emily Swan are the pastors of Blue Ocean Faith.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org to join or for more info.