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Fruit, Good Fruit, Justice, LGBT, love, Mama Bears, Matthew 7:17, Micah 6:8, moms, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Same Sex Marriage, stories, Stories That Change The World, Story
Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. This is the thirty-third installment in the “Stories That Change The World” series.
My organization “Real Mama Bears” hosts the largest Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ+ kids. One thing some members discuss among themselves is how they reconcile their Christian faith with supporting and affirming their LGBTQ+ kids. My own journey of reconciliation was one of the main things that led me to create the Facebook group.
Here is the short version of my journey to become LGBTQ+ affirming.
When my son came out at age 19 he told me he had come to the conclusion that the bible did not condemn loving, committed same sex relationships. I fully expected to be able to prove him wrong.
I was accustomed to “studying” scripture as I led women’s ministry in church for many years and also wrote and taught women’s bible studies during that time. I knew what it meant to dig into original language and consider the historical context of the verses I was studying. I was shocked to find that my son was right … there was no clear condemnation of the kind of same sex relationship that my son was talking about. None of the “clobber” verses were speaking about a loving, monogamous, healthy same sex relationship – my son had not forsaken God nor was he living some kind of lustful life. There was nothing in scripture that spoke of a same sex couple falling in love, marrying, building a life and a family together. (*For those who are interested in taking a closer look at the scriptures I studied during this process check out “The Clobber Verses“) Therefore, in light of insufficient evidence in scripture I had to ask myself…How should I respond to something if scripture doesn’t clearly condemn it?
The only thing I could think is that I needed to know if there was any evidence that same sex relationships were hurting people in real life. I took time to meet and get to know same sex couples and families and I couldn’t find evidence that they were any different than opposite sex couples – the evidence I discovered was that healthy same sex relationships had the same potential to be good and healthy and life giving that opposite sex relationships had.
When I was going through all of this study, research, thought and prayer Micah 6:8 became a focal point for me:
“He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good;
and what doth the Lord require of thee,
but to do justly, and to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with thy God?”
It was one of those verses that I kept being drawn back to and became one of those verses that ended up being “written on my heart”
The lack of evidence to condemn same sex relationships and Micah 6:8 led me to this:
If scripture doesn’t clearly condemn it and there is no evidence that it is harmful to anyone it would be unjust for me to condemn it and I know how God feels about injustice.
Shortly after I realized it was unjust to condemn same sex relationships due to insufficient evidence I also began to understand that good theology should produce good fruit.
I knew that scripture says that we (followers of Christ) will be known by our good fruit or good psychology.
I knew the good news should produce life giving fruit and if my theology was producing depression, hopelessness, self-loathing and suicide I had to come to grips with the reality that my theology must be wrong.
As I pondered the “good theology = good fruit/good psychology” principle and began to connect with a lot of Christian LGBT people I began to see a pattern … when LGBT people were connected to non-affirming faith communities they were typically very broken, desperate, hopeless, unhappy people and many times they were living out their brokenness in self destructive ways – but when they were connected to affirming faith communities they typically were a lot healthier and living much healthier lives. The evidence was clear and convicting.
I had to let go of the theology that was producing death (emotional death, spiritual death, relational death, physical death) and embrace theology that was producing healthy ideas, healthy choices, healthy living .. theology that was producing health, wholeness and life.
At some point I realized that I could no longer reconcile my Christian faith with the idea that same sex relationships were sinful – the two just didn’t go together.
I became affirming because of my faith, not in spite of it.
I support equal rights and protection of LGBT people not “even though” I’m a Christian or “in spite of” of being a Christian, but BECAUSE I’m a Christian.
I haven’t had to compromise or choose – I have fully embraced my faith throughout this journey.
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For a closer look at the scriptures I studied during this process check out “The Clobber Verses“
For more on “Good Theology Should Produce Good Fruit” read “The Fruit Doesn’t Lie”
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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,400 members. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBT kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBT kids.
For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com
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I believe medical research has displayed that ‘good and healthy’ life styles is not typical of same sex couples. They are more likely to suffer from STDs and damage associated with their sexual practices. Depression and other mental illnesses . This could be associated with the isolation and rejection they feel except that they are just as prevelant in the Netherlands where they are very much socially acceptable.. I want everyone to be contented but I feel that we are allowing people to go down a road which will lead to a destructive life style.
Joyce,
Your first statement is not actually true – there is nothing in medical research to say that good and healthy life styles is “not typical” of same sex couples. Here is a link about the Dutch study that is often used to state what you said. This piece will give you more info about the study and what the results do tell us. The most interesting things about the study were that it took place before same sex marriage was legal in the Netherlands and did not include any monogamous couples.
Here’s the link that analyzes the study: http://canyonwalkerconnections.com/statistics-that-lie-the-dutch-gay-marriage-study/
I’m not saying there is not work to be done to support, educate and inform lgbt people so that they are more likely to engage in healthier life choices but what you state is not true and I absolutely found that “lgbt Christians” who were in faith communities that accepted and affirmed healthy loving same sex relationships were healthier in every way and making healthier choices. One thing that really stood out to me was that they were typically hopeful about their future and that was not true about the vast majority of “lgbt Christians” who were in faith communities that condemned all same sex relationships.
“lgbt Christians” who were in faith communities that condemned all same sex relationships (whether they were monogamous or not) were dealing with a lot more depression and hopelessness and were more likely to be isolated, to make self destructive decisions, to self medicate, to harm themselves via cutting and by abusing alcohol and drugs, to struggle with shame and self loathing, and have trouble keeping a job. They had a lot more emotional issues to deal with than those lgbt Christians who were in communities that affirmed loving, monogamous same sex relationships. AND they were much more likely to believe they were unworthy of love.
So, my point is that if we want lgbt people to be healthy and whole, the path forward would be to encourage them to see themselves as people who are worthy of love and capable of developing and maintaining healthy, loving, monogamous relationships AND to affirm and celebrate those kinds of relationships when we see them.
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