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My son came to me when he was nearly 11 and told me that he didn’t like girls. He said he imagined marrying a boy someday and that he had a crush on Jacob from “Twilight.” Without hesitation, I jokingly told him I was Team Edward but that I loved him anyway, followed by a very serious conversation about why some people may be unkind to him because of who he chooses to love.

I’ve always been an avid ally of the queer community. In fact, they’re my community too. Gender doesn’t matter to me. I’m attracted to what makes people human. I like a kind heart, a great sense of humor, a creative mind and just the right amount of dorkiness. People safely assume I’m not queer because I fell in love with and married a man, so I’m not attacked for my choices. I get to live my life (mostly) without judgement.

I knew Jette wouldn’t have that luxury and called all my gay and trans friends for guidance. I took him to Pride events, bought him books and told him repeatedly that he is exactly who he was meant to be. I smothered him in Mama Bear love while not letting on that I had a lot of anxiety about his future. I hid the fact that LGBTQ+ youth/young adults have a greater chance of becoming victims of violence, rape, addiction and suicide. I didn’t tell him that he could get fired, evicted and have to fight for basic human rights. I exposed him to thriving LGBTQ+ celebrities and pointed out happy same-sex couples in public.

In middle school, I was prepared to aggressively address all the bullying and discrimination he faced in school, but he respectfully asked me to take a seat. I was told I was being too protective and a “bit extra.” He didn’t want any special treatment, either negative or positive for simply being who he was. It was not easy giving him the reigns, but he fought his own battles with kindness, dignity and confidence (and many tears).

I was his biggest fan. His own personal rainbow-clad cheerleading squad and he wanted none of that. I still tried to push various youth groups on him so he didn’t feel alone when things got hard, but he rejected all things Pride because he already had everything he needed — an affirming family and small accepting peer group. I respected his wishes and stayed on the sidelines but I could only protect him from the rest of the world for so long.

Shortly after we moved to Fergus Falls, he started paying attention to politics, current events, anti-LGBTQ+ organizations and he recognized the suffering that our youth were facing in school and in their own homes. He started following activists on both sides of the fence. He watched videos showcasing hate speech and violence against the LGBTQ+ community. I’ll never forget the day, or the fear in his eyes, when he asked me if anyone has been killed for being gay.

Out of the blue one day, he said: “You should start something for these kids. I don’t need this, but they do.” Saga Youth was born the very next day. When I received negative backlash for simply trying to provide kids with safe spaces and activities, I took a leap (plunge) and created Fergus Pride.

Jette was reluctantly supportive of an entire movement instead of a small youth group, but he understood the need and he hated it at the same time. “You shouldn’t have to fight for or celebrate your right to just live your life.” Others in the community also deemed Fergus Pride unnecessary for other reasons. They called it “disgusting,” said I was “going to hell” and that we “don’t want to send the wrong message.” Some simply said “We don’t care if you’re gay, we just don’t want to hear about it,” or “when do we get a straight celebration?”

I knew I was putting myself in a tough spot and by putting a spotlight on my family and business. Other businesses wanted to support me, but didn’t want it to affect their families and businesses. A handful stood with me. Selfishly, I chose to push that boundry because I wanted my son and other youth to thrive in Fergus Falls instead of moving away. I’ve gotten a lot of messages from former residents and they all left because Fergus Falls wasn’t their safe place. I just wanted to show them, and my son, that it could be. I’m not on a mission to change anyone’s mind. Truthfully, I don’t really want to be fighting for acceptance, rights and inclusivity in a community where people, including my son, live in fear. I wanted the world Jette thought he lived in when he was younger.

This year we held the third Fergus Pride celebration. Sadly, we lost Jette in a horrific and incomprehensible drowning accident last year on June 8, just weeks before our second Fergus Pride. He was only able to attend the first one and, thankfully, I have many pictures of him basking in the light of pure love and acceptance.

Every year, more residents and businesses show their support and want to get involved and I can feel change happening everywhere. More importantly, my Saga kids see it.

Watching Jette navigate through his short life without needing me to protect him taught me a lot about advocacy, acceptance and love. He loved harder than anyone I’ve ever known and his confidence never waivered. I’d like to think that if Jette was still with us, he’d be proud to call Fergus Falls his home.

Krystyne is the founder and President of SAGA Youth in Fergus Falls. MN which is dedicated to supporting and encouraging LGBTQ+ youth, ages 13-19, in Fergus Falls, MN.

Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ+ kids.

The motto is “Together we can change the world!” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 38,000 members.

For more info about the Mama Bears and all of the groups, programs and resources visit the website at realmamabears.org

This story can also be viewed on the Mama Bear Story Project Facebook page.