Mama Bear Story Project #31 – Cynthia Corsetti

Tags

Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Pride, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

A Mom’s Perspective of Pride
For me, PRIDE Month is a time to reflect on a journey that I take as the mom of a gay son. Trust me, it is a journey like no other.

The journey began the day my child came to me and shared a deeply held secret that he had attempted to hide for his entire life. I felt shocked at first. Shocked that there could be something so BIG that I didn’t know about my own child. I interact with him every day, I lived with this person, I raised him, I thought I knew every… single… thing there was to know and then BAM, he tells me he is gay. The initial shock hit like a freight train.

Soon, the shock subsided. It happened rather quickly. Next came remorse. Not remorse that he is gay, that part changes nothing of my love for my child; but remorse for all the years that I didn’t know. How much pain had he endured all those years? Was he fighting it? Was he praying that God would change him? Did he think it would change my love for him? My beautiful amazing son that God himself made exactly as he was, was he feeling that I might think less of him? Remorse hit hard and I had to learn to forgive myself so that I could move on.

The Fear is Overwhelming at Times
Once the shock and remorse began to wane, another emotion reared its head. This one hit harder than the first two combined and it is not one that I will entirely overcome. This emotion is unimaginable fear. Fear because there is so much hate in this world and often the LGBTQ community is the target of this hate. From the moment I heard the words, “mom I’m gay”, there has not been a day without that fear entering my awareness. It does not go away. Not ever. I’m reminded of it each day when I see hate being spread in social media like wild fire. I learn to live with it and I remain steadfast in my belief of a higher power that ultimately will allow love to conquer hate.

Then Life Happens
But then, even with that belief, an event like the Orlando Night Club shooting will happen and it cuts to my very core. My heart literally breaks for the other moms. The moms whose most horrific fears were realized. After an event like this, it takes a while to regain my sense of strength so that I can go on without the fear consuming me.

But, alas, I must continue my journey as a mom. I love my child completely so I must look beyond the fear. It is time I decide to stand strong and push the fear to the deepest crevasse in my mind; knowing that I must allow the love to be stronger than the fear. And THAT is when I recognize that PRIDE truly outweighs every other emotion – including the fear.

It was at this point, once my journey had taken me through all the other emotions, I began to swell with PRIDE. PRIDE that he not only survived holding this deep secret for so long, but he thrived. He remained solid in his own faith and convictions. He held onto his own self-worth and when the world was pulling him down and felt he couldn’t reach out to his own family, he stood strong. Yes, PRIDE began to fill my heart.

The Pride Grows
The PRIDE continues as I admire this young man. He is so considerate of those who judge him; instead of getting angry, he simply respects their feelings and forgives them. He comes home for Christmas year after year alone; never bringing the man that he shares his life with. Not because he wouldn’t be accepted in our home, but because my son is more concerned that his elderly grandfather will feel uncomfortable than he is with his own desire to share the holiday with his partner.

For me, the PRIDE grows even bigger when I see the man he has become. A compassionate, kind, strong, ethical human being and such a blessing to know. I am so proud to the be the mom of a gay son. God honored me personally because He knew that I would not only love this child that He created, but that I would stand for him, fight for him, protect him, and honor him with absolutely every fiber of my being.

I Will Celebrate
So, yes, I celebrate PRIDE Month. I celebrate it with more PRIDE than I ever knew I could feel. I celebrate not just for the PRIDE I have in my own amazing son, but for the PRIDE I feel for the entire LGBTQ community. These wonderful people who have been unfairly judged discriminated against, hurt, exiled from their families in many cases, and abused in others. A tribe that remains authentic to their souls and they stand strong. I feel PRIDE that my son opened my eyes to a world where I would notice things I might otherwise have missed.

For me, (and many other moms like me) PRIDE Month is a sacred time that honors a blessed journey that we, the moms, are privileged to travel.

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Cynthia Corsetti is a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms who also blogs at CynthiaCorsetti.com

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,800 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

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Mama Bear Story Project #30 – JoAnn Forsberg

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

1984. After hanging up the phone, I went and turned on the shower. Standing in there crying, head upon the wall. Thinking everything I knew for years in fundamental Christianity was washing down the drain with my tears.

It wasn’t my son, yet. It was my brother who had just came out to me as gay. Gay in an era when people still whispered in church pews about anyone who even remotely seemed different than the picture perfect post card we all joked about. You know, the postcard with the picture of a white (straight) American Christian.

At that moment everything I knew about Christian life was now over. For if God was going to hate my brother, he would have to hate me too. The search began as I tried to imagine how a loving God could reject any child of his?

Of course, the normal happened. I was asked to shut up or leave church. So I left. I started studying every theology book I could find. It was a tough study, but, I was no longer going to rely upon a preacher to teach me. I wanted to know what great minds of history had to say.

No internet yet, just a soul seeking knowing in my spirit that God had to be more vast than the minds teaching Christ.

In 1989, my third son, Chad, was born, by the time he was five, we realized this creative child was unique himself. So, when he “came out” at fifteen it was more a celebration of him being able to feel comfortable with himself. To be comfortable in his family. To be fully loved and embraced.

Today, in this family, we joke about half of our extended relatives being gay. Some are “adopted in” as we will wrap our arms around any who need a family.

It’s normal, it’s just real life, it’s just family. We don’t even think about who is gay or who is straight. We are just family.

Blessings. JoAnn

That’s A Really Good Question #2 – What do all the letters mean and which acronym should I use?

Tags

acronym, Good Question, Inclusion, LGBT, LGBTQ, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, questions, Really Good Question, Serendipitydodah for Moms

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids. This series will address common questions that often get asked by members of the group. For more information about the group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

There are some common questions that we hear over and over from moms of lgbtq kids and one of those questions goes like this:

What do all the letters mean in the longer lgbt acronyms and which acronym should I use?

To answer the first part of the question here are some of the longer acronyms and what they represent:

LGBTIQCAPGNGFNBA –  Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer, Curious, Asexual, Pansexual, Gender-non-conforming, Gender-Fluid, Non-binary, and Androgynous

LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP – stands for: Lesbian, Gay, Genderqueer, Bisexual, Demisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Twospirit, Intersex, Queer, Questioning, Asexual, Allies, Pansexual and Polyamorous

LGBTQQIP2SAA – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Pansexual, Two-Spirit, Asexual, Allies

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Which acronym should you use?

That’s a harder question to answer.

There isn’t one acronym that has been designated as “the best,” but, I do think it is important for us to strive to be inclusive.

One way to be inclusive is to add more letters to the lgbt acronym but that isn’t the only way.

Presently I’m using LGBTQ and plan to use it until something shorter or something that rolls more easily off of the tongue takes over. Queer is becoming widely known as an umbrella term that includes all sexual orientations and gender identities, therefore, the LGBTQ acronym is typically seen as inclusive

BUT, I still feel like there is something better on the horizon.

Here are some examples of some of ideas that are circulating:

MOGAI – Marginalized Orientations, Gender identities, And Intersex

GSD – gender and sexual diversity

GSM – gender and sexual minorities

Many think that either GSD or GSM will end up being the primary acronym to replace the longer acronyms, if for no other reason than it is becoming increasingly difficult to say the longer acronym out loud when you are speaking on the subject.

But, there are others who think we should give up all the letters and just go with the word “Queer”

Those who are advocating for “Queer” point out that the word is inclusive of everyone in the lgbt community and doesn’t highlight just a few. They think as the community continues to strive to recognize and validate ALL genders and orientations we desperately need a word that reflects the community’s diverse membership.

I actually like the the idea of using “Queer” instead of acronyms and the only reason I am still avoiding it is because I have several LGBTQ friends over 40 who still cringe every time they hear the word.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,400 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

That’s A Really Good Question #1 – Should I tell my friend about my child’s lgbt status?

Tags

Advice, family, Good Question, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, questions, Really Good Question, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Support

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids. This series will address common questions that often get asked by members of the group. For more information about the group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

There are some common questions that we hear over and over from moms of lgbtq kids and one of those questions goes like this:

Should I tell my friend that my son is gay? my daughter is lesbian? my child is transgender?

Like many questions, there may not be one answer that is right for everyone, but, there is some conventional wisdom that can be very helpful as parents think through their own unique situations.

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Because we live in a world where lgbtq people are still oppressed and marginalized, because we live in a world where lgbtq people are often bullied, because we live in a world where lgbtq people are known to be treated like second class citizens, because we live in a world where lgbtq people still receive the message that they are broken and need to be fixed due to their lgbtq status, because we live in a world where lgbtq people still don’t have equal rights and protections, parents need to be extra thoughtful, considerate and careful about who they talk to about their child’s lgbtq status until their children (no matter the age) are completely out.

My advice is:

Always check with your child if they are not completely out before sharing their lgbtq status with someone.

If a child is too young to be able to consider all the factors parents will have to make the decision independently of their children.

The younger the child the more careful parents may want to be about revealing their child’s lgbtq status to others.

When your child is not completely out it is important to consider how well you know the people you want to confide in and how trustworthy you believe them to be.

Once your child is an adult and completely out you can decide for yourself who to tell.

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I often hear people say it’s not necessary to tell anyone because it is no one’s business but I don’t think that is the issue here. I think the issue is more complex than that.

Let me explain …

I have two kids – one straight and one gay. Over the years I have talked to other moms about who my straight son dated – something in a relationship that hurt him – who he had a crush on – who had a crush on him – who he wanted to go to prom with and other similar things. These were his business but they were things that were going on with my son at the time – they were things on my mind and on my heart because my son was on my mind and on my heart – sometimes I talked to other moms about these things because I was concerned and wanted to know how to best support my son, sometimes I talked to other moms because I was excited for my son, sometimes I talked about something because I thought it was cute and moms often share cute little things about their kids with one another. I’m pretty sure if I had asked my straight son if I could talk about any of these things with other moms he would have probably said no.

There are also other “personal and private” things parents talk to other parents about for regularly – a medical issue, a behavior issue, a problem with a friend, a problem at school – things our kids wouldn’t have want us to share with anyone else. We don’t talk about such things to violate their privacy – but because we are seeking wisdom, insight, support, and/or encouragement.

My point is that we often talk to other moms about confidential and private things about our kids. It is a normal part of parenting – probably even more normal for mothers than dads because women often tend to process verbally and it helps them to talk about stuff they care about and are dealing with – it helps moms be better moms to share their situations with one another and learn with one another and from one another – it helps moms be stronger and steadier, and more loving, kind and patient when they can get some things off of their chest and say them out loud to another mom … because motherhood is a significant bond that mothers share and it really does take a village to raise a child.

It’s hard to be a good, smart, capable mom without depending on other moms, without having the freedom to share with and talk to other moms about things on our minds about our kids. And trying to keep our kid’s sexual orientation a secret can limit us when it comes to having these normal interactions and those limitations can make being a mom a LOT more challenging and even limit our knowledge, wisdom and effectiveness when it comes to being a mom.

So, I see being able to talk about my gay son with the same amount of freedom that I talk about my straight son as progress.

Sometimes I hear people say they look forward to the day when they don’t need to tell anyone their kid is lgbtq – but I don’t see that as progress.

Instead, I look forward to the day when all of us can openly speak of our child’s lgbtq status and not have to worry about it. I look forward to it being as normal to say “my son is gay” as it is to say “my son is left handed” or “my son has blue eyes” or “my son is an introvert”

When I hear people say “being gay doesn’t define my child” or “my child is more than his sexual orientation or gender identity” or “I don’t have to tell anyone my straight kid is straight so why should I have to tell them my gay son is gay” I hear defensive remarks that are a response to the kind of world we live in. Those remarks remind me that I look forward to the day when we don’t have to say anything like that or think anything like that.

After all, the only reason we don’t have to tell anyone our straight kid is straight is because we live in a world where being straight has been the default. We don’t have to tell anyone our straight kid is straight because we have been living in a world where anything other than straight has been erased, pushed to the margins, kept hidden. If nothing is said people assume that someone is straight and that can feel like erasure and disregard to lgbtq people.

Of course, people are more than their sexual orientation or gender identity, and, of course, there are many things that define us as human beings. But, our sexual orientation and gender identity are important elements of who we are. They are elements of ourselves that can impact our opinions and perspectives, how we engage with the world around us, what we are interested in, our comfort zones. Our sexual orientation and gender identity exist in the core of who we are. I would argue they are more important than many other things that we readily admit define us. I would argue that our sexual orientation and gender identity are among the few things that are central to who we are.

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This is the time of year when lgbtq people and those who stand with them and support them are preparing to participate in Pride parades and celebrations.

Pride parades and celebrations are a response to a world that wants to erase the existence of lgbtq people, a world that wants lgbtq people to keep quiet about their lgbtq status, a world that wants lgbtq people to hide their status, a world that wants to diminish the significance of being lgbtq.

It’s very common for conservative Christians who support conversion therapy to tell lgbt people that they should not think of themselves as “being gay” – they often use phrases such as “attracted to someone of the same sex” or “struggling with same sex attraction”

That way of thinking and speaking is rooted in shame. The idea that people should not identify as lgbtq or make it a main part of their identity are ideas that have grown out of anti-lgbtq belief systems. They are ideas that cause lgbtq people to feel shame and self loathing regarding their lgbtq status.

Pride parades are a protest against those kinds of ideas.

Pride parades are lgbt people saying “I am gay, I am proud of it, it is a part of who I am, it is an important part of who I am, I am not going to be ashamed about it, it matters, I am not going to hide it, I am not going to apologize about it, I am going to declare it, I am going to say it out loud, I am going to own it, I am going to flaunt it, it is a big part of who I am.”

As beautiful as I think that is – to see lgbtq people let go and fully embrace their sexual orientation and gender identity with no apology, with no downplaying, with no shame – I look forward to the day when Pride parades are no longer necessary, I look forward when it will be normal for people to share they are lgbtq, when it will be normal for parents to share that their kid is lgbtq, but no longer necessary to have a parade about it, no longer necessary for us to be careful about who we tell …

But, for now we DO live in a world where Pride parades are necessary.

For now, we DO live in a world where we have to worry about people’s reactions towards our lgbt children.

There is still a lot of work to do and the work that needs to be done will surely not be completed in our lifetime.

So – we have to be careful and thoughtful – especially if our kid is not completely out.

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Moms share confidential things and stuff that is no one else’s business all the time when they are close with each other – it is normal and good and helpful.

But, because we still live in a world where lgbtq people are still oppressed and marginalized, because we still live in a world where lgbtq people are often bullied, because we still live in a world where lgbtq people are often treated like second class citizens, because we still live in a world where lgbtq people still receive the message that they are broken and need to be fixed, we have to be extra thoughtful, considerate and careful about who we talk to about our kids lgbtq status until they are completely out.

Not because it isn’t anyone’s business – but because we still live in a world where it isn’t always safe to be lgbtq.

#Question #GoodQuestion

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,400 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

When we know better, we do better.

Tags

Learning and Growing, love, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, parents, relationships, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, together

Moms of lgbtq kids sometimes make mistakes when their kids first come out – sometimes they aren’t as strong as they need to be – sometimes they let their feelings lead them to say the wrong thing at the wrong time – sometimes they hurt their kids even while loving them more than their kids can imagine … my advice to moms of lgbtq kids when their kids come out include these three things:

(1) Be intentional about letting your kid know you love and support them unconditionally, that you are going to be with them on their journey and do your best to make sure they have the resources they need to be healthy and whole. Ask them questions and listen to their story – learn from them – learn what they need from you. Don’t share your feelings of fear or grief with your child no matter what age they are. They have enough on their plate and you don’t want them to feel like they have caused you pain. Your grief could make them feel guilty or ashamed.

(2) Find people, either in real life or online, that will understand and support you where you are at and at the same time empower you to move forward on the journey so that you are strong for your kid. PFLAG, affirming churches, affirming friends and family members, online groups like my private Facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids are all places to seek that kind of support. (contact me if you want more info about the facebook group)

(3) Educate yourself as much as possible because a lot of a parent’s feelings in the beginning are about the loss of what they perceived as a relatively safe and predictable future. A lot of the emotions are connected to fear and concerns about the unknown. Being well informed can bring a lot of peace and confidence and help parents move forward and be supportive in the way their kid needs them to be.When you know better you can do better.

I try to meet moms where they are and help them become better. Any mother that is open to learning and growing is welcome in my facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids. I believe we are better together. I believe we can learn from each other and with each other and become stronger and more loving and more understanding of ourselves, each other and our kids.

Our motto in my group is “better together” and I believe we are better together.

And I always say “when we know better, we do better”

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,500 members. Each day moms of LGBTQ kids gather virtually to share a journey that is unique and often very difficult. The group is a place where they share a lot of information, ask questions, support one another, learn a lot and brag on their kids. Their official motto is “We Are Better Together” and their nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. However, moms do not have to be Christian to be a member of the group. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a short time so members can ask questions in the privacy of the group. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers, medical professionals and public speakers.

Serendipitydodah for Moms also has three subgroups:

Serendipitydodah MTK is for trans specific conversation and is mostly made up of moms of trans kids. All the members of Serendipitydodah MTK are in the larger group also.

Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a subgroup for Serendipitydodah Mama Bears who are willing and able to be available to do small acts of kindness for LGBTQ people in their local community who may need connection, care or assistance. This subgroup makes it easier for members to coordinate and organize to do things such as visit someone in the hospital, help someone get settled in a new area, provide some transportation, include someone in their holiday gatherings, provide temporary housing, send a note of encouragement, attend a wedding etc

Serendipitydodah Blue Ocean Faith is for members of Serendipitydodah for Moms who want to connect with and become a part of the Blue Ocean Faith Ann Arbor community via its online presence. Blue Ocean Faith is a faith community that fully includes, affirms and supports lgbtq people and those that support them. Ken Wilson and Emily Swan are the pastors of Blue Ocean Faith.

Email lizdyer55@gmail.com to join or for more info.

2018 Free Mom Hugs Tour

Tags

Free Mom Hugs, Free Mom Hugs Tour, Hugs, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms

“Every time I’m out with the (Free Mom Hugs) banner, I meet more youth and young adults who need reassurance that they are not alone, that there are people who love and support them,” said Sara Cunningham, who tells of the tears of teens and older adults alike, many of whom haven’t even spoken to their moms and families in years. “I also meet parents who need to be encouraged on their path of loving and accepting their LGBTQ kids. That’s the message we will carry along with our banner.”

I’m really excited about the 2018 Free Mom Hugs Tour that Mama Bear Sara Cunningham and friends are putting together!!!

Sara is a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids who started a Free Mom Hugs movement a couple of years ago.

In the beginning Sara was going to Pride Parades and other local events handing out Free Mom Hugs to LGBTQ people who needed to know they were loved and accepted.

Then last year she got the crazy idea to travel across the United States and hand out even more hugs … and with a little help from some friends she did it.

 

Now she is ready to do it again.

This year’s adventure will begin in Oklahoma City in May and from there the tour will stop at 9 other cities where lots of Free Mom Hugs will be given out along the way with some resources and information to help friends, families, educational institutions and local leaders know how to best support LGBTQ people in their community.

On May 13, Mother’s Day, they will spend time at the Matthew Shepard site in Laramie, Wyoming as a special tribute to LGBTQ people and their friends and family members who love and support them.

Here is a press release that has lots more details.  Please share it if you can!! 

 

PRESS RELEASE:

 

Free Mom Hugs is a non-profit group of Christian moms who love our LGBTQ kids unconditionally, and take those hugs of love and acceptance to others. We also provide resources and education for LGBTQ youth, as well as parents, family, faith leaders, education providers and more.

Last year, founder Sara Cunningham, author of How We Sleep at Night, took the Free Mom Hugs banner on its first national tour, ending at the Stonewall Inn in New York City. She met with educators at a public library in Ohio, cooked homemade dumplings for the largely LGBTQ residents of a homeless shelter in Pennsylvania, and offered hugs across the street from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. Free Mom Hugs was officially the first organization ever to be awarded a permit to exercise their First Amendment Rights at Stonewall Inn, where most believe the gay civil rights movement began.

May 4-19, Cunningham will take the Free Mom Hugs banner on its second annual tour across the country, stopping at the Matthew Shepard site in Laramie, Wyoming, on Mother’s Day. Shepard was a 22-year-old gay university student who, in 1998, who was beaten, tortured and left to die. Cunningham and her gay son, Parker, will share their stories with civic, faith and business leaders, and share their hugs with the local LGBTQ communities.

Itinerary:

• May 4 – Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
• May 5 – Wichita, Kansas
• May 5-7 – Kansas City, Kansas/Missouri
• May 8 – Des Moines, Iowa
• May 9-10 – Sioux Falls, South Dakota
• May 11-12 – Rapid City, South Dakota
• May 13 – MOTHERS DAY – Laramie, Wyoming
• May 14-16 – Denver/Boulder, Colorado
• May 17 – Colorado Springs, Colorado
• May 17-18 – Santa Fe, New Mexico

If you would like to help contribute, all donations are tax-deductible and very welcomed!

You can donate in the following way:

• Check or cash

• Through the Free Mom Hugs Go Fund Me page 

• Through the Free Mom Hugs Paypal Account Here or via the email: FreeMomHugs@gmail.com

Be sure and follow the tour on social media!
Free Mom Hugs Facebook Page
Free Mom Hugs Twitter Account

Mama Bear Story Project #29 – Dena Edwards

Tags

Christian, family, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

“I’m gay, please don’t make me leave, I like living here, I like our family, please don’t make me leave …”

My heart shattered. I’m not going to lie, the homosexuality part terrified me to my core, but what shredded my Momma heart was knowing my precious son really thought we would kick him to the curb because of it. My beloved boy who was once a literal part of my body and was then a living, breathing, 17-year-old piece of my heart walking around in a man’s body. Not possible that I would ever turn him away. And I felt like a total failure as a mom that I had not gotten that message clearly and deeply embedded into his brain.

A seed of determination was planted that day, although I didn’t fully realize it in the swirling vortex of negative emotions that overwhelmed for the next many months – fear, isolation, despair, regret, guilt, doubt, anger, depression. As a conservative Christian, I believed my trusted, worn, NIV Bible said homosexuality was a sin. I knew Satan was a lion seeking to devour, and I believed my son was on the ground, belly exposed to those snapping jaws. It was my job, my DUTY as mom to swoop in and save him from the devil’s blood lust.

I had been dropped into the most desperate spiritual battle of my life. And I was going to call on the power of my mighty God, and we were going to win.

That IS what happened. But not exactly how I envisioned it.

I am one of those weird people who enjoys playing Monopoly. But only once I’m actually playing it. Prior to that, I avoid it like the plague, knowing that once I commit, I’ve given up the next several hours. I say no to whoever is asking me to play and stand strong until lots of begging finally plants me in front of that time-suck colorful cardboard square. God simply skipped the cajoling part, shoved a little metal shoe in my hand, placed me emphatically on square one and yelled “GO” in big red letters into my ear. He knows me so well.

My wise, all-knowing Father and I started rolling the dice and making our plays. What is interesting to me in hindsight, is I thought He and I were playing the same token. On the same team, as partners, working towards the same winning move of saving my son from the temptation of his same-sex attractions. What I came to realize much later is that I, in my human fallibility, could never be partners with God. We were on the same team, but our mission was different. I was working towards a win for my son; God was working towards a win for me.

What, ME? I’m not gay; this couldn’t be about me! There is nothing wrong with me …. Oops, ok, maybe some self-righteousness in there, but nothing as bad as homosexual- … yes, ok, I heard that one. Serious self-righteousness going on here. God, I got Your message, I’ll get to work on that so you and I can go back to the goal of fixing my son.

I’m kind of dense sometimes.

Many months and many grace-filled Get Out of Jail Free cards later, and I knew why God had made me play with the broken shoe instead of the cool car. I needed to get me out of the driver’s seat and let God lead me where HE wanted me to go.

If I’ve lost you in analogies, what I’m trying to say is I had it wrong all along. I thought the issue that needed addressing was my son’s homosexuality. In reality, the issue was my self-righteousness and lack of faith. In God’s seemingly backwards way of doing things, He used my son to get to me. To work on me. My son’s homosexuality changed my Christianity completely. Beautifully. Not in spite of him being gay, but because he is gay.

As I studied the various word choices in biblical translations, as I studied the culture of the time in which the bible was written, as I let the word of God come alive with the Word of God (Holy Spirit, see John 1:1) the verses spoke to me in different ways than ever before. Instead of attempting to read a 2,000-year-old book through a modern lens, my goal became reading a 2,000-year-old book through a 2,000-year-old lens and applying it to modern times. Big difference. Passages I had read hundreds of time in my Christian life took on new meanings. I saw the scriptures on homosexuality as they were intended – addressing rape and pederasty (abusive adult male to young male sexual practice that lasted through many hundreds of years in ancient Greek culture) and overindulgence, not modern, loving, monogamous same-sex relationships. That gave me peace, and was a nice appetizer, but the main course was still being served.

God opened my heart to people. All people. To His humanity. To the fringe, the hurting, the outcast, the poor.

Along the journey, God and I made a pit stop with Free Mom Hugs. Free Mom Hugs is an organization of Christian Moms of LGBTQ kids who are loving their kids unconditionally and sharing that love with others. At the time, I hadn’t quite gotten to where I saw homosexuality as a part of God’s beautiful creation, but I recognized His love when I saw it. The first time I put on a Free Mom Hugs pin at an LGBTQ event, I was overwhelmed at the need. Kids and adults alike were drawn to the Mom love – something I had always taken for granted, and something that should be a given. I saw that it wasn’t. I was humbled to the point of embarrassment, and still am, when LGBTQ people tell me thank you for giving Free Mom Hugs. For supporting my son. I want to shout, “That’s what ALL moms should do!!” It hurts me and angers me and moves me. Moms, and dads, should love their kids. Period. End of story.

But the reality is, unconditional love isn’t just the realm of moms. It is the realm of Christ. Of Christians.

God used homosexuality to show me how wrong I had His message. I’m not here to identify the sin in others. I’m not here to change others. When I start to think I’m even capable of that, I know I’ve fallen back into the pit of self-righteousness and need to climb my way back out again. I’m here for one thing and one thing only – to love God completely and to share God’s amazing, empowering, unconditional love with everyone I meet. (Ok, two things.) God has got the rest.

My story as a Christian mom of a gay son has changed. The story I would’ve told even a year ago was the story of how I made the switch from non-affirming to affirming, and the difficulties and challenges I faced. How we lost some of our family in the process. How scared we still are that we might lose more. How silence has become the norm when the topic comes up. I would’ve (and have) told of the different books I’ve read and people I’ve met and talked with and fallen in love with. How I see Sodom and Gomorrah differently. How Paul’s life and times affect how I now read his books. A year ago, I talked about conversations I had with my son in which he shared what it really was like to be gay, and how different it was than what I had always thought. How that affected me.

Those things are all true. That story is important. And I’ve watched many moms and dads and siblings go through that same journey. It’s such a hard one. But, fellow travelers, when you battle your own fears and make the trip, it’s so much different than you expect. So much better. God fills you with love … such love …

My chains are gone, I’ve been set free!

My God my Savior has ransomed me.

And like a flood His mercy reins.

Unending love, amazing grace.

I look back three and a half years ago to when I saw the world as I knew it crumble. I remember the failure I felt as a mom that my son thought even for a second I might abandon him for something I then saw as sin. That wasn’t just a Mom failure, that was a Christian failure.

I have been fighting the spiritual battle of my life. But it wasn’t for my son’s endangered soul, as I had thought. It was for my own. And my God and I, we are going to win.

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Dena Edwards is a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms and is helping to make the Free Mom Hugs 2018 Tour a reality.

The Free Moms Hugs 2018 Tour plans to take off from Oklahoma on May 4, 2018 and stop at 10 cities over a two week period. One of the highlights of the tour will be a visit to the Matthew Shepherd Memorial on Mother’s Day. You can visit the Free Mom Hugs Facebook page here for more info.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,500 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Love Is Very Much Like Courage

Tags

courage, LGBT, LGBTQ, love, love is the movement, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Mother, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

Love is very much like courage, perhaps it is courage,
and even perhaps only courage. – Galway Kinnell 

The following piece was written by Meredith Indermaur.

Meredith is a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids, and like so many moms in the group, she has discovered that love is very much like courage.

Nearly ten years ago, a dear friend gave me a Willow Tree figurine for Christmas, as she does every year. In fact, she’s the one who got me interested in collecting the unadorned, faceless sculptures, and I’ve been hooked on them ever since. Beautiful in their simplicity, they have a childlike, innocent quality about them. They are striking on their own but stunning en masse. Each little figure represents something meaningful (like hope) or commemorates an important event in life (like a new baby). The angel I unearthed from her box that winter’s day is called “Courage.” She stands about 5 inches high with arms outstretched in a V-shape, her little head turned upwards toward the sky, looking like every other child I know who’s ever scored a soccer goal or aced a math test. My friend explained that she sensed I’d be facing some situations requiring me to be “bold and courageous,” and this gift was her way of reminding me to remind myself of who I am in Christ. That’s funny, I thought, because I’ve never considered myself to be particularly courageous, statue or no statue.

The artist penned these words about her “Courage Girl:”

“I sculpted the first Angel of Courage in 2001 to celebrate the triumphant spirit, inspiration and courage we call upon to face challenges in our lives — whether they be our health or the well-being of our loved ones. In response to an overwhelming request for this sentiment, I re-sculpted Courage in 2006. I hope this figure can be a reminder of people in our lives who inspire us with their strength and courage every day.”

Two years later, our oldest son came out as gay to my husband and me in a letter he wrote before leaving for church camp for a week. He was afraid to be home when we read it. At the time, his fear made perfect sense, given off-hand comments I’d made over the years about “biblical truth” and “the LGBT lifestyle,” but when I think about it these days, I shudder. That I’d put him in any position to fear me for being honest about himself shames me to my core, which seems fitting, given how I’d unwittingly shamed him. I’ve sought and received his forgiveness, thank God, and we are and have been on the same page for a long while now. I take none of this for granted; I know how easily I could have lost him.

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As a high schooler who was born and bred in North Carolina, I inhaled every book Thomas Wolfe wrote with the same gusto I give today to a bowl of kettle corn. Too young at that time to comprehend the deeper meanings attached to his own life experiences, I missed a lot of what he was trying to communicate in my favorite of his works, “You Can’t Go Home Again.”

My teenage self really didn’t understand anything about “home” – and would not – until I’d grown up, moved away, and returned for visits a couple times a year. I thought Wolfe was trying to convey that New York City had a hold on him that Asheville, North Carolina, which must have seemed backwards by comparison, could never have. But he was writing about something much larger, much more intense, and much more true than I could grasp in my limited experience. He was writing about the pains and gains of growing up. In effect, he was reiterating Jesus’ parable that begins, “Truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.”

“Something has spoken to me in the night…and told me that I shall die, I know not where. Saying: ‘[Death is] to lose the earth you know for greater knowing; to lose the life you have, for greater life; to leave the friends you loved, for greater loving; to find a land more kind than home, more large than earth.'” – From You Can’t Go Home Again

Death and resurrection. Loss and gain. Putting away childish things. All these take courage.

Growing pains are real. I remember my eight-year old legs aching when I’d lie in bed at night and my mom reminding me that they hurt because my bones were growing. Spiritual growing pains are real, too, but by the time I began experiencing them in full force, my mom wasn’t here to reassure me that all those “something[s] greater” à la Wolfe were awaiting me. In fact, I was terrified I was losing my faith, tumbling down that proverbial slippery slope, and keeping company with all those people who’d “traded the truth for a lie.” I was nothing if not steeped in what had morphed into what I call American evangelicalism – the thing that lived off fear like a fungi lives off its host – rather than steeped in the Jesus kind of evangelicalism that simply proclaims, by word and by deed, the Good News of God’s loving presence to everyone.

My son’s coming out forced me to take another look at my previously held belief system, and I don’t mean “take a look” as in revisit some things but actually roll up my sleeves, grab a shovel, and dig down deep, turning everything over and over again. I worked up a mean sweat for nearly three years. A mom will do that for her kid, and I have to tell you, it took a helluva lot of courage to begin and to persist. A researcher by nature, I sought out alternative translations of Scripture and studied any verses hinting at homosexuality in their original languages. I pored over scholarly articles, psychology journals, and medical books. I listened to and learned from LGBT people, starting with my son. I got connected to other Christian moms of LGBT kids. And I prayed – oh, how I prayed. This was a true labor of love, which I owed my son, if nothing else. It was also my faith deconstruction, an often fear-filled, messy, and lonely business that gave me a deep appreciation for what my son and others like him experience on a daily basis. My fearful reliance on certainty was blown to smithereens, so I’ve learned to peacefully co-exist with doubt. The god I thought I knew – the disapproving, occasionally angry, and ever-disappointed One I was introduced to in childhood – continues to fall by the wayside. In that god’s place is Someone Who embraces and sustains us all, Who finds delight in us, and Who continues beckoning us to step outside our tight theological boxes for open pasture. Many of the beliefs of yesterday that built and carried me – in fear – are the ones I offer again and again as a sacrifice to this embracing, sustaining God. I was overdue for a dismantling. I now know from experience that spiritual maturity, among other things, is birthed out of a good shell-shocking, and I didn’t want to waste mine; in fact, I want to continue welcoming it.

“Toil on, son, and do not lose heart or hope. Let nothing you dismay. You are not utterly forsaken. I, too, am here–here in the darkness waiting, here attentive, here approving of your labor and your dream.” – From You Can’t Go Home Again

Having a child in the LGBTQ community is a gift of the highest order. This gift is God’s invitation to stand on the outside and in the margins with others that He loves but who may not yet know that love. This gift is God’s invitation to view Him and others with a different hermeneutic – one that takes to task a small, narrow, restrictive, and exclusive belief system and offers us a more expansive and inclusive one. It’s also God’s invitation to see Him in and through my son and others like him. This is the heart of God’s heart. Thomas Wolfe’s words about death and resurrection, about losing something for gaining another thing, about leaving something in order to find something else are really Jesus’ words and are now a part of my own experience, which is the only way any of this could ever make sense to me at all.

I am finally putting my face on the little figurine as I stand with my arms in a V-formation with my head tilted upwards toward the sky. I don’t stand alone but alongside my son and others in the LGBTQ community who are the epitome of courage.

And we are stunning en masse.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,500 members. Each day moms of LGBTQ kids gather virtually to share a journey that is unique and often very difficult. The group is a place where they share a lot of information, ask questions, support one another, learn a lot and brag on their kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. The space was specifically created for open minded Christian moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids. However, moms do not have to be Christian to be a member of the group. In addition to providing a space for members to share info and support one another, a special guest is added each month for a short time so members can ask questions in the privacy of the group. The guests include authors, pastors, LGBTQ people, bloggers, medical professionals and public speakers.

Serendipitydodah for Moms also has two extension groups:

Serendipitydodah MTK is for trans specific conversation and is mostly made up of moms of trans kids.

Serendipitydodah Blue Ocean Faith is for members of Serendipitydodah for Moms who want to connect with and become a part of the Blue Ocean Faith Ann Arbor community via it’s online presence. Blue Ocean Faith is a faith community that fully includes, affirms and supports lgbtq people and those that support them.

Email lizdyer55@gmail.com to join or for more info.

The Fruit Doesn’t Lie

Tags

affirming, bible, Christian, church, Fruit, Jesus, LGBT, LGBTQ, Same Sex Marriage, scripture, Support, theology, transgender

Some Christians worry that affirming and supporting LGBTQ people might end up being the wrong thing to do. They wonder how they can be certain they are embracing the good and right position.

As someone who was not always affirming or supportive I can understand their doubts but I no longer have those doubts. I feel confident that affirming and supporting LGBTQ people, their relationships and their identities is the good and right position to hold.

My confidence and assurance is because I keep coming back to this …

The fruit doesn’t lie.

Good theology should produce good fruit and non-affirming/anti-gay/anti trans theology doesn’t pass that test.

Most of the time non-affirming/anti-gay/anti trans theology produces bad fruit in the lives of lgbtq people who try to embrace it wholeheartedly. Fruit such as depression, despair and self loathing are very common results.

We can almost always find a verse or teacher or book to match our beliefs, but … the fruit doesn’t lie.

If a theology is mostly producing bad fruit you know it isn’t the truth and should be abandoned, because … the fruit doesn’t lie.

 

In Matthew 7 Jesus said if you aren’t sure about something check out the fruit it is producing, because “every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit”

People were asking Jesus a lot of questions.

They wanted to know what they should believe – who they should follow – who they should emulate and support.

They wanted to know who was right – who knew the true way – what prophets should they trust – what rabbi should they follow?

Instead of answering with a list of shoulds and shouldn’ts, or naming names, Jesus offered a formula that would be useful to truth seekers throughout all of time.

Jesus advised those who were listening …

When you are not sure about a specific doctrine, or a certain theological point, or some Christian message you can simply check out the fruit that it is producing.

If it is producing good fruit then it is of God and true. Embrace and follow the teaching.

If it is producing bad fruit then it is not of God and not true. Abandon the teaching.

Scripture does not address most things specifically. Instead it gives us some guiding principles to live by. Then people come along and try to figure out how to apply those guiding principles to real life. When we get it right it mostly leads to whole, healthy, vibrant lives. When we get it wrong it mostly leads to broken, unhealthy, hopeless lives.

If a specific doctrine is mostly producing self loathing, despair, hopelessness, depression, isolation, shame, self harm and other such bad fruit then it’s a no brainer … it’s not good doctrine and we should abandon it.

We can twist scripture to fit with our own perspective.

We can cherry pick and only choose those scriptures that support our view.

We can ignore original language and historical context so that scripture seems to support our argument.

We can almost always find a verse to more or less say what we want it to say.

We can almost always find a Christian leader to teach what we believe.

We can almost always find a book that supports our point of view.

We can almost always find a church that represents our belief.

BUT … the fruit doesn’t lie.

I’m confident that anti-gay/non-affirming/anti-trans theology is wrong because it consistently produces bad fruit and I’m confident that affirming and supporting LGBTQ people, their relationships and identities is good and right because …

When you listen to and get to know LGBTQ Christians who are connecting with faith communities and theology that affirms their relationships and identities you will find they are experiencing a lot of good fruit in their lives. They are typically healthier in every way – relationally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

The fruit doesn’t lie!

(If you would like to delve deeper into what scripture says and doesn’t say about same sex relationships check out this post which addresses the verses most often used to condemn same sex relationships.)

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If you are the mom of an LGBTQ kid there is a great online community you might want to join. Go here to find out more about Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. 

Mama Bear Story Project #28 – Jaron Terry

Tags

Light, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

Living in the Light

“Haven’t I always told you that there is nothing you could ever say, do, want, think, need, or be that would keep me from loving you?” These words closed my late-night text conversation with our son when he came out to me, five years ago today.

He was a junior in college and I had just finished watching his fraternity’s “It Gets Better” video. Although other students in the video identified themselves as gay or ally, he did not. When I heard my only child say, “I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere, and that I was really weird,” and “You don’t have to live in the shadows,” I knew he was saying he is gay.

I’ll never forget my emotions when the next evening he told his dad and me: “I want to live my life in the light. People who are forced to live in the dark do dark things, and I choose to live in the light.” He said he’d always known he was gay and he was relieved that we could accept him. That broke my heart because we more than accept him; we love him.

Among my emotions that night was relief, because since he was a small child I’d thought he might “turn out to be” gay, not yet understanding that, indeed, he was born gay. Always such a gentle and empathetic boy, I was relieved that he felt he could be honest with us. I knew that it took a lot of courage, because, sadly, too many kids are disowned when they come out.

I also felt fear. The fear I had started tamping down from when he was only a toddler, as hateful rhetoric spilled from the television about the military’s “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy, and again when he was four and the Defense of Marriage Act mandated that marriage was only for straight people. Ellen DeGeneres came out when he was 5-years-old, and within months her sitcom was cancelled. But my fear greatly intensified when our son was in grade school, and young Matthew Shepard was horrifically and brutally murdered at the hands of homophobic bullies. And, just two weeks after our son left for college, Rutgers University sophomore Tyler Clementi tragically jumped to his death after bullies shattered his life by invading his privacy.

I also felt sadness – sad that when he was in middle school, I tried to “steer him” away from being gay – like he had a choice. Although I’d had gay friends, I knew their lives were difficult because of how they were treated, and I didn’t want that for my boy. And, I was sad about the daughter-in-law and grandchildren I had envisioned. I now know that even if one’s “life script” changes, the happily-ever-after story doesn’t have to – just re-cast the characters.

Next, I started worrying about how to publicly acknowledge this new reality. I had been raised in the school of “what will people say” and what worried me most was what I already knew the people of the United Methodist Church would say. I’d heard what those at the UMC where we’d raised our son thought of LGBTQ people, and I’m ashamed to admit I never called them on it. Why? I was afraid that doing so would cast doubt on my son’s sexuality. So, when he came out of the closet, I took my relief, sadness and fear into my own closet to gather myself for the coming battle I sensed.

Darkness of Judgment and Anger
I began reading and studying everything I could find, including Justin Lee’s book “Torn;” Savage & Miller’s “It Gets Better;” and Betty DeGeneres’ beautiful story, “Love, Ellen.” With education came growth and also the next stage: being open about our love and support of our son – and confronting those who tried to convince us we were wrong. That included the church where we’d worshipped for nearly 25 years.

I was so angry about the UMC’s stiff-necked stupidity! Just four weeks after our son came out in 2013, Republican Ohio Senator Rob Portman, whose son is also gay, announced a “change of heart” and supported gay couples’ opportunity to marry. In response, the so-called church “ladies” said horrible things about LGBTQ people during Bible study. Even though I explained with my newfound knowledge that the “clobber verses” they quoted did not say what they had been taught to believe, just two weeks later – when basketball star Magic Johnson’s son came out – the same ugly things were said. In my opinion, the verse that really does the clobbering is John 13:34-35.

I am thankful that during the height of our painful shunning by church members – including those in our share group – we attended a Reconciling Ministries Network class, “When Kids Come Out,” where I first met fellow Mama Bears and was invited to join this loving online community. The warmth and counsel from other mothers who also love and affirm their LGBTQ children has been a balm and bolster. A balm in that for the first time I was no longer alone, and a bolster in their encouragement to stand up and speak out to defend LGBTQ people from the fear and hate engendered by ignorant misinterpretation of scripture and the resulting harmful stereotyping.

My husband and I had already begun “shaking the dust off our feet,” searching for an open and affirming church, when we received an invitation from our UMC’s pastor to lead a new share group. So we decided to take another shot at educating church members and proposed a group for “Families and Loved Ones of LGBTQ persons.” We were called into the office where I was horrified to be told: “This issue will not be discussed. Not here, not now, not ever.” After several months of trying to inform him and soften his heart, we had a loud, unpleasant blow-out that ended with our terminating our membership. It was necessary, but painful to leave the church community we had been part of for so long, and where we knew other families – still in the closet – remained silent about their children. In 2020, the UMC will have a final chance to vote yes on inclusion.

Embracing Light

I am certain that if being LGBTQ were “incompatible with Christian teaching,” as the UMC says, then Jesus would have said something about it. The fact is that “Christian teaching” and “Christ’s teaching” are two different things. Christian teaching is all about the rulebook – who’s in and who’s out. But Christ’s teaching is about inclusive love. Love is what matters most; love is what matters in the end. Jesus even gave a new commandment about it.

My views on the value of having organized religion and church in one’s life have sharply shifted – I no longer think it’s always helpful; instead it’s usually harmful. However, I do believe that the pervasive spirit of what many call “God” is real. I don’t believe God “listens to” or responds to prayer, blessing some while ignoring or punishing others. Instead, I believe that contemplation of the presence of God keeps me in the flow of the spirit, aware and attuned to living in the light. Indeed, Jesus promised us the Holy Spirit as counselor to help us understand things not yet comprehensible. He even warned us against resisting the transformative work of the Spirit.

Since I became a Mama Bear three years ago, basking in this nurturing network of friends and sisters, I’ve been able to turn my anger into action. These mothers have helped me develop the courage and the confidence to be an outspoken advocate for the LGBTQ community. I serve on the national diversity & inclusion committee for my professional association; I write articles and give presentations on writing/speaking and making the business case for LGBTQ inclusion; I am president of our local PFLAG chapter, and, of course, I encourage other mothers. Together, my husband and I financially support advocacy organizations, march in the Pride Parade and explore new ways of understanding and being one with God.

So much has changed, but what remains unchanged is how very much we love our son and how proud we are of who he is: Our son is an honorable man. He is happy, fun and outgoing, devoted to his true friends and to his family. He is educated and interested in his profession, dedicated to helping his organization’s clients realize their own passion for serving nonprofit agencies. Our son is artistic, creative and talented, launching Olly Awake, a gender equal clothing line to positively impact those who want to be their own best versions. And, he is also an advocate for equality, volunteering with the Human Rights Campaign, and other groups that advance justice and inclusion for the LGBTQ community. Most importantly, our son is out of the closet, living his life in the light.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,400 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com