Mama Bear Story Project #38 – Jennifer Stringfellow

Tags

bible, Christian, church, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

We’re Angry

 

 

Do you know what just occurred to me?💡

The reason I and many other moms of LGBTQ kids come across as angry?

Its because we are.

We’re angry!

 

We did everything right according to bringing a child up in a Christian home. We did all the things. We brought our kids to church, we taught our kids from the Bible, we taught them to pray and prayed with them, we taught them right from wrong, we sang the songs ‘Jesus loves me this I know’ being the A#1 song, we made sure every summer they were in VBS, we went to all the extracurricular functions, we taught abstinence until marriage, we did everything we could do to make sure our children were saved and would enter the kingdom of heaven.

 

And what did The Church do to our kids when they came out and told the truth about who they are? The Church told them they are broken. That the way they were born to be is a sin. An abomination. That the only way to be acceptable is to marry someone they have no attraction to or to force them into celibacy.

 

And do you know what a lot of our LGBTQ kids have done about The Churches treatment of them??? They’ve given the middle finger to Christianity. They can’t live… literally cannot stay alive and surround themselves with The Churches options for them for the way they were born to be. And this is why our kids separate themselves from The Church… so they can literally keep breathing.

 

So yeah, I’m angry. I’m really angry. That all the years and all the work I put in to making sure my children love Jesus has been snuffed out in one fell stroke by The Church. Neither of my kids claim Christianity as their faith.

 

Thanks Church.

 

Jesus would have none of this😞

 

And that’s an explanation on why we come across as angry.

 

It’s because we ARE!

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,800 members. For more info about the private Facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

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Mama Bear Story Project #37 – Corina Dulecki

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, parents, Serendipitydodah for Moms

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

My Journey

I’ve been on a journey. As with any journey, the road has had ups and downs, twist and turns. Let me tell you how my journey started and where it has led me.

A few years ago, my oldest child was home from her university. I don’t remember what day it was or what I was doing but I know I was sitting on the floor (which means I was probably folding laundry or petting the dog). My daughter said she needed to talk to me. The way she said it made me ask her if she was pregnant. She said “No, I’m gay”.

So the journey begins. I’ve always been liberal politically and religiously (surprising since I grew up in a Missouri synod Lutheran Church) so this announcement was not difficult for me to hear. We went on with her visit and soon she went back to school. I don’t know how she came out to friends, but I soon saw some posts on social media. The most noteworthy was a twitter post on national coming out day. For a while after that, she didn’t talk too much about relationships and we didn’t meet or hear about anyone special. I don’t think my relationship with my daughter changed much during this time. We have always had a good relationship and it has only gotten better since she has become an adult. She is fun to talk to and we have a lot in common.

In Jan 2018, my daughter went to Spain to study aboard. My husband and I were blessed to be able to go visit her when she was done with her program. We traveled through Spain with her and I saw once again what a wonderful young adult she has become. After we left Spain, she stayed another week before she flew back to Chicago for the summer.

My husband met our daughter in Chicago the following week and moved her back to the apartment. She was planning to stay in Chicago for the summer to work. That was a big deal because for the past three summers, she had worked at a Lutheran camp as a camp counselor. (She had been a camper there since 7th grade). Since her faith was important to her, she was active in our church and Living Water Ministries while in high school.

Fortunately while at Loyola, my daughter found a home at a Methodist Church. Not only did she worship there, but she also worked in their after school program. I was able to visit a few times. It was much smaller than our home church but it was very welcoming and very progressive. I noticed this even before I entered the building. There was a “no guns” sign as well as a pride flag out front. The sermon was social justice focused. Every time I attended, I was welcomed with open arms. I always saw God’s love shining through when I visited.

Meanwhile, my church (an ELCA church) announced that they would be holding a series of three forums on same sex marriage. The purpose was to help the church council establish a policy about whether to perform same sex marriages. It never occurred to me that the church didn’t already allow this, so I started researching and learning. As I said, I’ve always been liberal politically and religiously, but this was different. This was my baby girl we were talking about and this was the church where my baby girl grew and developed her faith.

Ironically, at about the same time I found about the upcoming forums, I found a Facebook group called Serendipitydodah for Moms-A place for unexpected discovery. This is a closed Facebook group for mothers (mainly Christian) of LGBTQIA+ kids. I joined the group and quickly posted a question explaining what my church was doing and requested resources and books to help me learn about gay marriage and the Bible. The other moms responded right away with books, articles and other resources. I was worried about what my church would decide so I started reading and researching. I read everything I could.

I also started thinking about the LGBTQIA+ community in my town. To be honest, I knew little about it. From conversations with my daughter, it didn’t seem that her high school had been LGBT friendly. I wondered what other LGBT folks thought of our city. Although I want my children to live wherever they feel comfortable as adults, it made me sad to think my child may not feel comfortable where I lived. I started following the local Pride Center on Facebook. I went to their parent’s group a few times and met some lovely people.

I also continued going through the resources that I had learned about on line. First, I read the book “Torn” by Justin Lee. Although I already believed that homosexuality was not a sin, I didn’t really know why I believed that (outside of the fact that I believe that my God is a loving God). This book helped me to begin to understand how this is biblically true. I shared the books and resources with my husband and we seemed to be on the same page.

Next, I listened to a podcast called Blue Babies Pink. It was created by an evangelical Southern Christian. It was his life story of coming to terms with his homosexuality. His story was amazing.

I continued to read books and resources throughout the summer and fall. David Guhee’s “Changing our Mind”, “The Sin of Certainty” by Peter Enns and “A Bigger Table” by John Pavlovitz were all wonderful. These writers really helped me see that the Bible does not condemn homosexuality. I started learning about the “clobber verses” and how they were traditionally interpreted. I started to learn a new way to understand those verses. I also began learning about affirming churches.

As I was discovering all these resources, I found out about many local events that were happening and attended several. I heard John Pavlovitz speak at a United Church of Christ service. John was an amazing speaker but what was more amazing was the church itself. The pastor was a gay married man with whom I had the opportunity to speak after the services. I told him what was happening in my church and he said he would pray for us. I drove home filled with much peace and joy and was more sure that gay marriage is okay in the eyes of God.

I learned that the local Christian Reformed Church has a group called All One Body which advocates for unrestricted participation in all areas of church life by all members who confess Christ, whether single or partnered without regard to sexual orientation or gender identity. This group had speakers come to a local CRC church so I went to a few of their events. One was Justin Lee (author of Torn). I had been moved by this book so I was glad I could hear him speak. He was amazing! This group hosted another speaker who was a local pastor, Rev. Jim Lucas who founded GIFT (Gays in Faith Together). Hearing his story and testimony gave me one more reason to believe God did not condemn gay marriage and homosexuality is not a sin as many Christians believe.

A local United Methodist Church hosted and event called Inclusion First. It was a week-long series of events to “transform ourselves, our churches and our community to be more inclusive to our LGBT+ neighbors”. My husband and I had the opportunity to hear a panel discussion with several LGBTQIA+ people that was nothing but inspiring.

The more I read and saw, the clearer I was that the Bible is not against gay marriage. I was seeing scripture in a whole new way and was becoming very passionate about this topic, but I started to get worried about my own church. What if my congregation does not vote to allow gay marriage? What if my church did not allow my daughter to get married there if one day she wants to? I also started to wonder what the conversations were going to look like at the forums. What would happen if people I have been friends with for years would look at my husband and me from across the aisle and say they believe that homosexuality is a sin and for that reason your child cannot get married at our church?

While those concerns were heavy on my heart, I spoke with a co-worker who identified as LGBTQ+. I told her about what would be going on in my church. She shared with me that her wife might have some more resources (because of her occupation). The two of them were gracious to take a Saturday morning to meet with me over coffee to talk about all of this. It was wonderful to hear their stories and viewpoints and get to know them better. Their love for each other and their compassion for me as I struggled with my fears was clearly a gift from God.

Shortly thereafter, I was in Chicago visiting my daughter and her girlfriend (she is now in relationship with a lovely girl). It was getting closer and closer to the date for the first church forum and it really hit home how important this is to me. I read numerous authors that wrote so intellectually about what the Bible says and doesn’t say about homosexuality. I understand the clobber verses in a whole new way. I have met many members of the LGBTQ+ community in Grand Rapids and West Michigan. I saw what several other churches were doing and I wondered about the ELCA at large. This led me to a website called Reconciling Works: Lutherans for full participation. It’s a program for Lutheran congregations to publicly welcome LGBTQIA+ people and be placed on a Reconciling in Christ roster. I learned what it meant to be a truly Affirming Church.

I continued to be worried about what my church’s forums would look like. What would it be like to sit across from someone I call a friend and find out that they don’t believe like me? I decided to ask one of my pastors if we could meet prior to the forums. We talked about what I had been learning and reading. He let me know that our congregation had people on both sides of the aisle when it came to gay marriage in the church. That made me sad because after months of reading, learning and talking to people, I didn’t know anyone in my congregation could be against allowing gay marriage.

I went into all of this to educate myself so that I could be well spoken about why I believe that my church should allow same sex marriage, but I think God had more in mind. Now I want more than just having a policy that allowed our church to preform same sex marriage. I want a congregation that loudly and clearly shouts “LGBTQIA+ siblings in Christ, you are loved and welcomed here. We want you to be comfortable here within our walls. God loves you, we love you. You are welcome and safe here”.

This has been my journey. I know it is not over and I’m not sure where it will go from here. What I do know is that I love my children. I do know that God loves my children. I hope and pray that my church will also show that same love to all of God’s children. I hope that our church becomes truly affirming.

( A post script: My church will have the same sex marriage policy completed in Jan 2019)

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,800 members. For more info about the private Facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bear Holiday Hugs Project

Tags

affirmation, Christmas, Holidays, Mama Bears, Mama Bears to the Rescue, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Support, thanksgiving

The Mama Bear Holiday Hugs Project is hosted by Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids.

The holiday season can be an especially lonely and stressful time for many lgbtq people who have lost support due to their lgbtq status. Members of Serendipitydodah for Moms are invited to send holiday messages of love, hope and affirmation to lgbtq people who need support during the holiday season.

To nominate an lgbtq person to receive a Holiday Hug message, in the mail, from an affirming mom, click on this link and fill out the form. (Name, address, sexual orientation, gender identity and pronouns are required)

MAMA BEARS GIVE THE BEST HOLIDAY HUGS!!

PLEASE help us spread the word by sharing this post!!

If you have questions you can email mamabearholidayhugs@gmail.com

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bears to the Rescue

Tags

connection, Friendship, LGBT, LGBTQ, loving presence, Mama Bears, Mama Bears to the Rescue, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, small acts of kindness, Support

If you know an LGBTQ person who is feeling alone and needs some love and encouragement please consider telling them about “Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue”

 

Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a private Facebook group made up exclusively of moms of LGBTQ kids who love, support and affirm their own LGBTQ kids and want to love and support other LGBTQ people who don’t have that kind of support and affirmation in their life.

 

The focus is small acts of kindness, making personal connections and being a loving presence in the life of LGBTQ people who have lost support due to their LGBTQ status.

 

The members of Mama Bears to the Rescue do things such as include LGBTQ people who need support in their holiday gatherings, stand in as affirming moms at same sex weddings, send notes of encouragement, find helpful resources, talk on the phone, text, get together for coffee or lunch etc

 

If you know someone who is an LGBTQ person who could use some Mama Bear love and encouragement please click on the following link and fill out the form:

 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/17q2PshoonI9WiCIZzOBBOelTw3tWQLe_L22rZOnY7yo/edit?fbclid=IwAR2uzNmo4i2fFgxxlzCIRzlubbc34oe0FyOJ1PKEOtL5StGQBqvxqVSE500

More than 500 moms of lgbtq kids are standing by to support, connect with and care for lgbtq people like Seth Owen

Tags

Ellen DeGeneres, Ellen Show, homeless, Kindness, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, lgbtq youth, Light, love, Mama Bears, moms, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Seth Owen, small acts of kindness, spread love, Support, The Ellen Show

Jacksonville teenager, Seth Owen, shared his remarkable story with talk show host Ellen DeGeneres Tuesday, completing a journey that has taken him from virtual homelessness to the embrace of the nation.

You can read more about it on The Advocate at this link.

Unfortunately Seth’s story of losing support from his family due to him being gay is far too common and doesn’t always have such a happy ending.

That is why members of  Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids, decided to start Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue.

 

Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue was started in March 2018. There are currently more than 500 moms of lgbtq kids in the group who are scattered across the country, ready to offer support, connection and care to lgbtq people like Seth Owen, who have lost the support of their family due to their lgbtq status.  Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a subgroup of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids.

Members of the group are available to connect with lgbtq people in their local area who need some support, connection or care.

The group is a place where these moms can connect with each other in order to plan and coordinate small acts of kindness such as being a stand-in affirming mom at a wedding, visiting someone in the hospital, helping someone get settled in a new area, providing some transportation, including someone in their holiday gatherings, sending a note of encouragement etc.

The most important thing the members of Mama Bears to the Rescue want to do is be a loving and supportive presence in the life of lgbtq people who have lost the support of their family due to their lgbtq status.

If you know of an lgbtq person who could use some Mama Bear love please email lizdyer55@gmail.com

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Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a subgroup for Serendipitydodah for Moms. The members of the group are available to do small acts of kindness for lgbtq people in their local community who may need connection, care or assistance.

 

More than 1,100 Thank Yous

Tags

Jeff Rudell, Jeffrey Rudell, letter, love is the movement, Making It, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Story, Thank You

Years ago his parents sent a black wreath to his office to let him know he was dead to them.

A few weeks ago more than 1,100 Moms of lgbtq kids signed a letter to support him and let him know we stand beside him.

He responded with more than 1,100 Thank Yous!

One of my favorite things about Serendipitydodah for Moms are the letters of support that we send out. We send our letters to individuals, organizations, businesses and institutions that are helping to make the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for all lgbtq people. The members of Serendipitydodah can request to have their name added to the letters we send. We sent our first group letter in the spring of 2015 with less than 200 signatures. Today our letter has more than 1,100 signatures.

Recently, after seeing him on Making It, the NBC reality competition series co-hosted by Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman, we decided to send a letter to Jeff Rudell.

Jeff was one of the “makers” on Making It and told a bit of his story during one of the episodes.

Jeff told how his family rejected him when he came out to them as gay and how his parents went so far as to send a black wreath to his place of employment with a card that said “in memory of our dead son”.

His story broke the hearts of the members of Serendipitydodah and we wanted to reach out and let Jeff know that we stood with him and admired him for having the courage to share his story.

We sent the following letter with more than 1,100 names of moms of lgbtq kids added to the letter:

Dear Jeffrey,

We are members of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a large private Facebook group created in June 2014 for moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids.

We presently have more than 3,100 members in the group and many of us are working to bring attention to acceptance and equality of LGBTQ people.

We are writing to you because we want you to know that we were encouraged when you shared your story on Making It. Of course we were sad and broken hearted to hear about the way your parents abandoned and rejected you, but we are so thankful that you are willing to share your story because we believe it is important for others to hear stories like your own. We also want to let you know we care about you and recognize the courage it took for you to share your story publicly. We are moms who understand because some of our own children have had to exhibit the same kind of courage when they finally determined to come out and begin living fully into the person they were created to be.

Although there is a lot of ignorance and hate out there, we want to encourage you. Every day there are more and more people who are supportive and affirming of LGBTQ people. The tide is turning and things are getting better. Laws are changing and many, many people do care about you and support you.

So, hang in there and keep dreaming and striving to live a full, happy, successful, good life. 

More than 1,100 of us are signing our names to this letter with much love, gratitude and encouragement sent your way. We think you are amazing! We love your creativity and are rooting for you and wish you the best in all that you do!

Thank you for the way you are encouraging others just by being your authentic self.

We will continue to fight for you and support you just as you are.

Love is the movement,

(followed by 1,100+ names of moms of lgbtq kids)

BUT that isn’t the best part!!

The best part is that Jeff responded with a beautifully written thank you AND INCLUDED A THANK YOU FOR EACH NAME ON THE LETTER!!!

Yes, you read that right.

Jeff Rudell took the time to type out a thank you for more than 1,100 moms who signed the letter of support we sent to him.

Jeff Rudell took the time to send us more than 1,100 thank yous.

Needless to say, we were blown away.

Spreading love is amazing because so much of it always comes right back at you.

Here is Jeff’s response (you probably want to grab a kleenex):

Dear Liz:

I hope you will forgive me the informal manner of my address but, after weeping over your letter for a good 20 minutes, I feel like we are close enough that I can call you by your first name.

I am deeply moved by your note. Humbled. Encouraged. Overwhelmed. In truth, your note affected me in quite a few ways. Chief among them, however, was a deep feeling of joy that the world contains people such as yourself and all the other members of your group. It was not always so. That you all have gathered together, in love, gives me more than a little hope for all our futures.

I agree with you that stories such as my own need to be told. Too often shame or fear keeps people from sharing their experiences and that leaves so many others in the dark, feeling isolated and helpless. I was happy and honored to be able to speak of my own history (and I was deeply impressed that NBC was willing to include it in the final edit of the show). As you well know, my story, awful as it may be, is in no way unique or unusual. LGBTQ children everywhere go through the same thing I went through, or worse, every day.

I was uncertain, and a little anxious, about what sort of response my appearance on the show might receive. One hears horror stories about trolls and haters on social media. To my great delight, I am happy to report that the responses have — across the board — been positive, hopeful, encouraging, and loving. A 22-year-old man and woman offered to adopt me as their son. A grandmother in her 80s offered my husband and me use of her spare bedroom should we ever find ourselves in need of shelter or respite in the mountains of Kentucky. I have a standing invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at the home of more than 100 different families across America. And the messages of love and support go far beyond even those kind gestures.

Your note, however, was the one that hit hardest. That so many of your have come together, united in your efforts to retain relationships with your LGBTQ children…honest to God I cannot imagine a more beautiful thing, anywhere, ever. Thank you for the work you are doing. Thank you for loving your children (and thus helping to make more loving citizens). Most of all, and most selfishly, thank you for sharing that love with me. You have helped make me a better person with this gift.

With very best regards to each and every one of you!

Sincerely,

Jeffery

P.S.

I’m sorry for my delay in writing but I wanted to take time to read each name aloud, and say thank you. Such an act of kindness takes time to absorb and appreciate and having each of these names in my mouth helped me find a place for each of them in my heart.

J.

Thank you, Liz Dyer, Founder & Owner

Thank you, Abby De Fiesta Cortez 

Thank you, Adele Berardi

Thank you, Adrienne Haslam

Thank you, Aimee French

Thank you, Alecia Moss

Thank you, Aletheia Wall Zambesi

Thank you, Alise D Chaffins

Thank you, Alison Defrese

Thank you, Alissa Butler

Thank you, Allena Brown

Thank you, Allison Baswell

Thank you, Allison Gonzalez

Thank you, Allison Wilson

Thank you, Amanda Corry Thorderson

Thank you, Amanda Curtis Dwyer

Thank you, Amanda Dalton

Thank you, Amanda Gayle

Thank you, Amanda Grace Blackmon

Thank you, Amanda J Brewer

Thank you, Amanda Shingola Everly

Thank you, Amber Guerrero

Thank you, Amy Brooks

Thank you, Amy D’Arpino

Thank you, Amy Forbes

Thank you, Amy Goad

Thank you, Amy Hansley Bennett

Thank you, Amy L Parker Orwig

Thank you, Amy Ridgely Allridge

Thank you, Amy Rueter

Thank you, Amy Stubbs

Thank you, Amy Wells

Thank you, Anani Steadman

Thank you, Andrea Coffee Peacock

Thank you, Andrea Larson Schultz

Thank you, Angel Barber

Thank you, Angela Bengston

Thank you, Angela H. Coble

Thank you, Angela Harrison Darland

Thank you, Angie Laws

Thank you, Angie Leavitt

Thank you, Angie Silver

Thank you, Angie Stratz Ashmore

Thank you, Anita Breuer Peters

Thank you, Anita Jewell Carter Cockrum

Thank you, Anittra Kilgore

Thank you, Ann McGee Green

Thank you, Ann Phillips Smith

Thank you, Ann Zweckbronner

Thank you, Anna Parks

Thank you, Anne Campolieti Anderson

Thank you, Anne Rolfert

Thank you, Annie Shelton

Thank you, AnnMarie Augugliaro Gilbert

Thank you, Antoinette Sanchez

Thank you, April Silbermann

Thank you, Arlene Schulz

Thank you, Ashlie Burnette Webb

Thank you, Athena Sims

Thank you, Autumn Kinsman

Thank you, Barb Cressy

Thank you, Barbara Winkler

Thank you, Beau Simcoe

Thank you, Becky Abbott Kelley

Thank you, Becky Cantrall

Thank you, Becky Henry

Thank you, Becky Horness

Thank you, Becky Krauklis Rominger

Thank you, Becky Norum Warner

Thank you, Belinda Adkins

Thank you, Belinda King

Thank you, Bella M Kaplan

Thank you, Bella Squicciarini Kaplan

Thank you, Beth Barndt Ruthenburg

Thank you, Beth Breems

Thank you, Beth Campbell

Thank you, Beth Highton Carter

Thank you, Beth Loring

Thank you, Beth McGill-Rizer

Thank you, Beth Richardson

Thank you, Beth Wiggins Baswell

Thank you, Bethany Kirwen

Thank you, Bethany Wood

Thank you, Betsy Bruce Henning 

Thank you, Betsy Sforza Gutridge

Thank you, Beverly Wynne

Thank you, Billie Jo Marrs

Thank you, Blanca Benavidez

Thank you, Bobbi-Jo Phoenix Turner

Thank you, Bonnie Miranda

Thank you, Brandy Darr Doty

Thank you, Brenda Ahlemann

Thank you, Brenda Diesslin

Thank you, Brenda Fiet Walter

Thank you, Brenda Holloway Bratcher

Thank you, Brenda King

Thank you, Bridget Murphy

Thank you, Brigitte Spence

Thank you, Britiney Fife

Thank you, Brittney Jo

Thank you, Bryna Dawn Carter

Thank you, Candace Kitchkeesick

Thank you, Candace Winters

Thank you, Candice Staats Morales

Thank you, Candy Cathey

Thank you, Cara Peachick

Thank you, Cari Martinez

Thank you, Carie Poynor Downes

Thank you, Carla Hegeman Crim

Thank you, Carla Iturregui Picasso-Brown

Thank you, Carla Michaelsen

Thank you, Carla Short Spivey

Thank you, Carlee Roche

Thank you, Carol Caudill Thames

Thank you, Carol Foster Lamar

Thank you, Carol Lundemo

Thank you, Carol Mason

Thank you, Carol Smith

Thank you, Carole Bass

Thank you, Carole Christian

Thank you, Carole Glover Kuriatnikova

Thank you, Carolyn Brice Briggs

Thank you, Carolyn Cage Johnston

Thank you, Carolyn Walker

Thank you, Carrie Black

Thank you, Carrie Colladay Stell

Thank you, Carrie Fulton

Thank you, Carrie Garske Shank

Thank you, Carrie Henderson

Thank you, Caryl A Williams

Thank you, Caryle A Cox

Thank you, Cassandra Graham

Thank you, Cassy Taylor Campos

Thank you, Catherine Marie Matesi

Thank you, Cathleen Frantzen Schaber

Thank you, Cathy Calamas

Thank you, Cathy Ledbetter Lafever

Thank you, Cathy Light Evans

Thank you, CeCe Garrett

Thank you, Celia Hadden

Thank you, Chasity Davis

Thank you, Chelsa Nunn Morrison

Thank you, Chelsea Mornings

Thank you, Cheri Nill

Thank you, Cherie Andres Draper

Thank you, Cherie Stevens

Thank you, Cherie Thomas

Thank you, Cherie Walker

Thank you, Cheryel Lemley McRoy

Thank you, Cheryl B. Evans

Thank you, Cheryl Bakkila-Perkins 

Thank you, Cheryl Couch-Thomas

Thank you, Cheryl Wilson

Thank you, Chris Behne

Thank you, Chris Clements

Thank you, Chris López

Thank you, Chris Pepple

Thank you, Chris Walker

Thank you, Chrissy Mae Brooks

Thank you, Christie Hoos

Thank you, Christie Kornmaier Wood

Thank you, Christie Nader

Thank you, Christie Weston Butterman

Thank you, Christina Aronovici

Thank you, Christina Johnson

Thank you, Christina Lehmann Bergevin

Thank you, Christina Pierce

Thank you, Christina Rosbury

Thank you, Christine Bullock

Thank you, Christine Foster Shaw

Thank you, Christine Gilmore

Thank you, Christine Williams Walraven

Thank you, Christy Emigh

Thank you, Christy Seps White

Thank you, Cilla Thomas

Thank you, Cindy Brenner Sarquiz

Thank you, Cindy Helzer Baldwin

Thank you, Cindy Homer

Thank you, Cindy Jo Conner

Thank you, Cindy Morgan

Thank you, Cindy Naas Nathan

Thank you, Cindy Richard Broussard

Thank you, Cindy Rodriguez Castro

Thank you, Cindy Watson Bowen

Thank you, Cindy Winsky Lear

Thank you, Colette Park

Thank you, Colette Stasiewich

Thank you, Colleen Craig

Thank you, Colleen Hepler Brassington

Thank you, Colleen Kane

Thank you, Connie Dupuis

Thank you, Corinna Garcia

Thank you, Cosette Johnson Blanchard

Thank you, Crissy Flores

Thank you, Crista Mason

Thank you, Crystal Baker

Thank you, Crystal Squires

Thank you, Crystal Wagner

Thank you, Cyndi Houts Spieker

Thank you, Cyndi Silva Raugh

Thank you, Cynthia Corsetti

Thank you, Cynthia Gaye Rahm-Clark

Thank you, Cynthia Vermillion

Thank you, Dana Baker

Thank you, Dana Blankenship

Thank you, Dana Burgess

Thank you, Dana Huntington-Smith

Thank you, Danette Mohring

Thank you, Danielle Castellini Giannascoli

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Thank you, Tracy Trotter Nagy

Thank you, Tracy Williams Matos

Thank you, Tricia Kaufman-Waddell 

Thank you, Tricia Rogan Alberts Bollmann

Thank you, Tricia Willard 

Thank you, Trish Ives

Thank you, Valencia Greene Foster

Thank you, Valerie Amoling Cronin

Thank you, Valerie Glines Messina

Thank you, Vanessa Ford

Thank you, Vanessa Goosen

Thank you, Vanessa Horton-Hendershot

Thank you, Vanessa Melchiori

Thank you, Vicki Delong Tacoma

Thank you, Vicki Evans Sevey

Thank you, Vicki Kemp Whorton

Thank you, Vicki Kluzek

Thank you, Vicki Luna

Thank you, Vicki March Belsterling

Thank you, Vicki Westphal

Thank you, Vicki Wimmer Johnson

Thank you, Vicky Barnes

Thank you, Vicky Snow Decker

Thank you, Victoria Larson

Thank you, Vlada Knowlton

Thank you, Wendie S Dillehay

Thank you, Wendy Brown

Thank you, Wendy French

Thank you, Wendy Harley

Thank you, Wendy Koster

Thank you, Wendy Lea

Thank you, Wendy Margaret Jennings

Thank you, Wendy Swanson

Thank you, Wendy Vinson Nelson

Thank you, Wendy Wiley Canedy

Thank you, Whitney Straub

Thank you, Whitney Treloar

Thank you, Whitney Webb

Thank you, Yvette Griego

Thank you, Yvonne Frith

Thank you, Zaneta Salde Encarnacion

Thank you, Zenia Robertson

Thank you, Zora Oh    

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bear Story Project #36 – Jeannette Cona-Larock

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

MY LIFE PREPARED ME FOR MY CHILD

Or will it be the other way around?

I never thought I wanted children.  I was fortunate enough to have a father that never questioned my ability to do anything I set my mind to do, a mother who had her own degree in a science field atypical of women in her generation and I had just enough hutzpah to believe I could do anything.  Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it seemed ridiculous to consider having a family when I was determined to be a career woman.  I took the hardest classes in high school that I could despite the times and found myself working through a chemical engineering curriculum in college.  There wasn’t going to be any MRS degree for me.  Life was black and white, based on data and right or wrong.

A difficult breakup after college brought to light some things that had been hidden from me and taught me that the world isn’t black and white but that there are shades of gray.  Some self-reflection taught me that I always had the decision to view the world in a positive light or a negative one.  I worked on myself over the next two years reading books like How to Win Friends and Influence People andThe Power of Positive Thinking as well as The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

My views on the possibility of becoming a mother changed when I met my future husband, at work no less in a large chemical company.  I could see a long-term future with him and it included one with children.  By that point in my life, I was ready.  I learned that it’s okay to change your mind. Changing your mind can be a new path on your evolution as a person.

We were blessed that getting pregnant wasn’t difficult and by the time I was 32, we were expecting our first child.  From the time we were engaged, we worked on our genealogy, combing through old records prior to the ease of computers and traveled to countries to see dusty old books filled with generations of history.  We looked over common names, discovering lineage and blended our two trees together.  We learned that family is shared history and love for one another.

Our child arrived with a head full of dark hair, a fiery personality and I was consumed with a determination to be the best mother that I could.  Circumstances prevented me from returning to the work I was doing and after careful consideration, we decided to have one parent at home and I set about my new role as mother and head of household operations with the same rigor that I had my education and work career.  I pinched pennies, kept schedules, and along the way, determined the type of mother I wanted to be.  I wanted to be one that didn’t yell or lose my patience.  I wanted to be one that educated (even if I didn’t enjoy arts and crafts) and I wanted to be one that encouraged my child to be whoever they wanted to be and the best they could be with no strings attached.  Perfection not requested or required even though I demanded it from myself.  When my second child came long 23 months later, I battled postpartum depression and wondered whether I had failed.  I sought treatment and realized that I could do this and do it well.  I learned that children are loving and forgiving and that I had the strength to do the same.  I also learned that “Perfection is the enemy of Good Enough.”

In third grade, my child came to me and said, “Mom, I want to cut my hair and wear boys clothes”.  By this point in my life as a mother, something inside of me started whispering, “Go with this.”  I said yes and saw how happy my child was.  Everything about this child screamed “out of the box”.  Every costume was a boy/male character.  My child was rough and tough and lived life ferociously.  Pokemon Cards, anime characters and more were the norm.  That didn’t mean we didn’t have American Girl dolls and the few random princess toys at the house for both children.  My child was just a happy child.  Traveling to China, we struggled with our translator to find the words to describe why my “daughter” looked like a boy but not once were we met with disdain.  I learned that I could live in the shades of gray even when I preferred the black and white.

The middle school years were rougher.  Schools with dress codes for special events, comparisons of fashion among pre-teens and teens made life more complicated.  My child continued to want to live in truth but struggled to find a comfortable place in the “norm”.  Together, we pushed boundaries as much as we could.  At some point along the way, the request for the first binder was made for a character cos-play costume.  Again, I found myself fighting internally but supporting the endeavor.  We discussed the physical effects of wearing one long term.  We tried sports bras and other options.  Little by little, I noticed that the binder was being worn more often and we had to replace and keep more than one for washing.  I learned to live with some discomfort for myself when challenging preconceived ideas. I was growing and evolving knowing we were on a different path together and as a family.

Living in a school district that allowed for the choice of high school, we prayed and discussed and ultimately decided on our district high school with a television and radio career pathway to help our child with the best chance of success for a career in film they had known they wanted since childhood.  God knew that our choice was about more than that and led us to the best possible place for our child to be, to grow and to transition.  It certainly wasn’t without its significant challenges given the student body population, but God had sent us loving and caring teachers, amazing friends in that population, new parent friends and a principal that would ultimately embrace my child’s new vision of themselves.  I learned to have faith and to be an advocate.

There were still stormy waters.  The same depression I had seen in myself, I saw in my child.  Reclusive behaviors:  spending too much time alone or locked away in bedrooms, I sometimes checked just to make sure my child hadn’t done anything drastic.  Those were scary moments, but I was going to fight for my child’s survival no matter what the cause.  I learned that I could be a mama bear.

Just prior to graduation, in February 2015, I discovered a letter posted on Facebook declaring to the world what I had long suspected and needed him to discover for himself.  I’ve been asked if I was upset that he didn’t choose to tell his parents first but when I asked him, his response made total sense, “Mom, I knew you’d be okay with it.” The love and support we received from family and friends in that moment continues to bring tears to my eyes.  The one person he had feared telling was one of the first people to respond and said, “To thine own self be true”.  I learned that we all have the power to change both on the inside and the outside.

The changes are more incremental but still momentous.  Court documents officially declaring a new name, the first day of testosterone shots, a new driver’s license and more steps to come like a new passport and surgery.  These steps overlay all the milestones in any young adult’s life:  first day of college, turning 21, anticipated graduation from college and we walk alongside our son not holding him up any longer but giving him wings to fly.  I have learned that all parents’ job is to work themselves out of a job regardless of the circumstances.  In this, we are all the same.

Life will not always be easy but as I consult more and parent less, I see a new role for myself.  One that advocates for other children who need someone in their corner.  I’m not sure how that will take shape, but it has begun with educating those around me, listening when people come to me with questions and living our life as a family out and proud following the lead of my son who is open to everyone in person and on social media.  I have learned that I can learn as much from my children as they can from me and parenting is the best job I never thought I wanted.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bear Story Project #35 – Amy Orwig

Tags

affirming, Christian, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Parenting, Story, transgender

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

Some moments are indelibly etched in our memories.  For me, the way my husband looked at me, with such love and pride, as the doors to the chapel opened and the Wedding March began, is one of those happy memories that stays with me. (In September, we will be celebrating our 25th anniversary).  The joy of holding our first baby, for the first time, nearly 22 years ago – and again, nearly 19 years ago, when our youngest was born – makes up another happy memory.

Then there are the other memories…the ones that send the world tilting, crazily, on it’s side.  Shared memories, such as watching, with absolute horror, as the twin towers in NYC fell – and the uncertainty and fear for our safety, and our children’s futures, that we felt.  The uncertainty of what to do when our oldest injured herself the first time, the fear when she stopped breathing for a second, (that felt like an eternity), before letting out a blood-curdling cry. (She’s fine by the way).

And the way time absolutely stood still when my husband told us that our youngest was bi-sexual.  It was February 24th, 2017.  We had just enjoyed a wonderful evening with another couple, whom we have been friends with for years.  During dinner, they had told us that their son had proposed to his girlfriend – outwardly, I had congratulated them, while, inwardly, I fretted that our son would ever talk to a girl, let alone go out on a date!  So, on the way home, as these thoughts were going through my head, my husband told me about a recent conversation he had had with our son.  He told me that our Ryan, then 17, was bi-sexual.  And, the world tilted – and I felt sick, and filled with disbelief, and held onto hope that, maybe, he was just confused.  But, when we got home, I told that precious child that I loved him, and nothing could ever change that, and assured him that God loves him, too – and he said, “I know”.  I went upstairs, to our bedroom, that night and searched for what a Christian parent should do in this situation…and the overwhelming answer was just unthinkable!  No way would I kick my child out!  Then, I saw a loving response that mentioned Linda Mueller Robertson’s story.  I read her story, with tears in my eyes, and, from there I found the wonderful Facebook groups.

Those first few weeks, after that revelation, I was a bit of a zombie.  I didn’t sleep well, as my nights were peppered with me waking up, pleading with God to not let this be true.  The world would not be kind to my child, if this was true!  Then, one night, as I stood, shivering in the backyard with our puppy, (wishing he would hurry and do his business), I looked up at the vast array of stars and just cried out to God – why me?  Why us?  We homeschool, we take our children to church every Sunday!  Why?  And, in answer, I felt peace, and I knew all would be well.   A week, or so, later, I dreamt about spiders – not a scary dream, a dream about all of the vast variety of spiders, some of which we haven’t even discovered, yet – and I woke knowing that God was telling me that His creation is vaster, and more diverse, that I had ever realized.  And, again, I felt peace.

Our church has a prophecy ministry.  Now, I will be honest, I was always a bit sceptical about this kind of thing, but I am starting to rethink this, as well.  A couple of months after Ryan had come out to us, my husband expressed a wish to go to the prophecy ministry…so I went along.  Those people told me that I am beloved, (indeed the name, “Amy”, means beloved), and that, because of this, God was going to show me more about love.  And, He was going to surround me with people who were outcasts, who are often avoided by others.  And, He was going to make me like a fighter jet.  And I got chills – and knew that there would be no turning back, we were well, and truly, on this journey…and I felt peace.

On July 22, 2017, our son, who had just completed the rank of Eagle Scout, turned 18.  We had planned to go on a canoe trip, since he enjoyed this sort of thing (my husband and I are not swimmers, so we were a bit nervous), but there had been flooding.  Instead, we went to dinner at Red Lobster, Ryan’s choice, had cake & ice cream, and planned to watch a movie at home.  After our cake, Ryan disappeared into the bathroom for close to an hour.  He had been having stomach issues so, while concerned, we were not completely surprised…until my husband received a text from Ryan.  This text made the world tilt, again, and go spinning in a completely opposite direction.  Our Ryan, the text explained, was actually our daughter.  Doug and I assured our youngest of our love – and tried to go on as though nothing had happened.  And there was no peace in my soul that night.

Since turning 18, our youngest has become a new, even more delightful, person.  We have two daughters now.  Our oldest is Elizabeth, and she is 21, will be finishing her senior year of college this year, has plans to marry her boyfriend, (we like him, so it’s a good thing), and go to graduate school.  And we have our soon to be 19 year old daughter, Chloe.  Every day, it seems, we see a new aspect of this child, whom we, thought, we have known since birth. She is so different now, and, yet, the same.  She is still the loving, caring, hilarious child, with impeccable comedic timing, we have always known.  At first the changes were nearly overwhelming!  There were the struggles, on our part, of getting used to the new name and pronouns.  The struggles to maintain a poker face when seeing that child in a dress for the first time.  The new appointments on our calendar – therapy sessions, doctor’s appointments, groups for LGBTQ teens, and groups for their parents, (I had been surprised to find that nothing like this existed in our area, so I started the groups – so this level of busyness is my fault), have kept us running.  And my husband, Elizabeth, and I have been trying to keep up with Chloe, as she blossoms into the person she was meant to be.

I often reflect on the past…were there signs, that we missed, that our youngest was transgender?  In retrospect, yes…at the time, no.  There was the lack of interest in sports – but, neither my husband, nor I are athletic, so this wasn’t a total surprise.  There was the time our Elizabeth dressed her toddler “brother” in her My Size Barbie dress – and the look of absolute joy on that baby’s face!  The time we went hiking through a local park, and my husband took the lead, (to go through any spider webs first), and we said, “someday, Ryan, you will be the dad, and you can walk through the webs” – and that child cried.  And, there was the time, before I even had official confirmation that I was pregnant with this child, that I was awakened from a nap by a loud, booming – yet completely silent to everyone else – voice that told me that this child would be used for God’s purposes.  And, as I reflect back on what this last year has been, on the new groups that have found us surrounded by people we might have, previously, avoided, (and missed out on an amazing blessing, I might add), the change in the way I view the Bible’s teachings – now, rather than being a judgmental, law-concerned Pharisee, I strive to be a Jesus follower who loves everyone, and fights for justice – the joy in our Chloe’s eyes, her willingness to share her life with us, I am filled with joy, and peace.  All will be well,

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bear Story Project #34 – Vanessa Valenziano

Tags

Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Mother, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Trans Youth, transgender

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

I’m Vanessa, a 41 year old single mom of one amazing transgender son, age 9.

My Dylan, was assigned female at birth, but it wasn’t long before we noticed a rejection of everything female. Around age 2, he gravitated towards boy toys, clothes, TV shows, willfully demanding to remove his dress or hair bows.

As we followed his lead for the next few years, we assumed this to be a phase, or maybe that “she” was the proverbial tomboy. It was definitely on my radar, the possibility that he was transgender, but something I also pushed away, far out of my mind, denying that a child could know themselves well enough to realize such a thing. I was supportive of the gender fluidity of his person, yet consciously avoided researching if young children needed something more when they presented such an obvious rejection of their assigned gender.

I was scared. I was fully aware of the discrimination and difficult path this would mean for my child. And no parent wants their child’s life to be more difficult than it is a straight, cis-gender (non trans) person. So, denial suited me.

By age 5, he had consistently and persistently imaginary played as the male role, drew himself in art as male, and insisted on boy’s clothing from head to toe.

By 6, he was verbalizing that he “felt like a boy” in his “heart and mind”, even had tried on several boy’s names.

I kept an open dialogue with him, voicing my support if he was ready to make that kind of change, but he would tell me, “No, mama. I’m fine being a girl. It’s ok”.

Until it wasn’t.

By age 8, he was self-harming and isolating himself at school. He was unsure of where he fit in and was carrying around so much shame because of how he was feeling, which ultimately, and quickly, led us to his social transition.
He began using his preferred name and male pronouns at home, then with family and friends, and eventually came out at school.

A new child emerged. One I didn’t know existed. One with confidence, spark, and poise. I didn’t know how much hurt he had until he really lived his whole truth. This transformation can only be described metaphorically as a caterpillar to a beautiful, amazing butterfly. It was the most gorgeous, freeing, experience to watch my child bloom into who he really was.

As a mom, an advocate, an ally, and a recent activist, I’ve learned so much. But above all, I have realized what a true gift it is to parent this child. Yes, every child is a gift, but a raising a transgender child has brought so much clarity to my life. The amount of education that my son has provided me, the bravery he has shown, his self-advocacy and the incredible self worth that has emerged, it has truly changed me as a human. Children are brilliant and they understand so much more about themselves than we do. We simply don’t give them enough credit.

And this journey has taught me about unconditional love- not only the love that I have for him but the love that others have shown us. And it’s all been enlightening and rare and gorgeous.

Having a transgender child would have never made my top 100 list of parenting challenges, had someone asked me before having a child. But I am so glad I was chosen for the task.

It is my honor and my privilege to parent this gorgeous soul.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #33 – Amber Briggle

Tags

Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Parenting, Pride, Pride and Joy, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

PRIDE: a mom’s reflection on raising a transgender warrior

I’ve always been proud of my kids. They are considerate and kind (to everyone but each other), they are helpful, they are bright, they are articulate, and they tell the best jokes. Our den is cluttered with box forts and half-finished science experiments, and our walls are plastered with their art and school pictures. They’re the best kids any mama could ask for — and that fact has never changed, even when I realized that my freckle-faced, brown-eyed first born is transgender.

When Max (as he’s called now) told me he was a boy, he was only 2 years old. I didn’t believe him. I explained that there were a million different ways to be a girl, and that we could “redefine girly” together. Eventually we let him cut his pigtails and wear Spider-Man t-shirts, and it wasn’t too long before this kid really did look like a stereotypical boy. For years, I would correct people when they’d compliment him on what a helpful “young man” he was. Proudly, I’d boast that this was my daughter, and that there was no one right way to be a girl, and isn’t this child basically the best for ignoring cultural stereotypes, blah blah blah. This continued for years before I finally noticed the way my baby would get embarrassed, and how he’d shrink a little more every time I explained that this was actually a girl (gasp!). After enough moments like this, I started to wonder: maybe the rest of the world wasn’t misgendering my child — maybe I was.

Throughout all of this, Max was insistent, persistent, and consistent in his gender identity, and patient with me as he tried explaining in a million different ways that he was really a boy. I didn’t know that the word “transgender” even existed, let alone it could be an experience that a child could have. Yet I never questioned Max’s little sister, Lulu, on her gender identity — I had no reason to, since she identifies with the gender she was assigned at birth (a term called cisgender). Despite the fact that she’s four years younger than Max, no one has ever thought to challenge her on her gender identity. So why would anyone — including myself — think it’s okay to question Max on his?

A lot of research, prayer, communication, and discernment revealed the answers that my family was desperately seeking. A rise of visibility among young transgender Americans like Jazz Jennings encouraged families like mine to start talking with each other about their gender expansive kids, free from the shame or guilt that so many of us have been told to believe — that we had somehow failed our children by “letting” them be trans. Yet nothing could be farther from the truth. Because while a 2014 study by the Williams Institute showed that 41% of trans youth have attempted suicide at least once (a number that is nine times higher than the national average), those same transgender children experience the same levels of mental and physical health as their cisgender peers when they are supported, loved, affirmed, and embraced at home and at school. By rejecting a child’s gender expression and identity, we as their parents are slowly destroying them. The decision (if you could call it that) became clear at that point — Max didn’t choose to be transgender, but my husband and I chose to love him wholeheartedly. Ultimately, it was more important to us to support our son, than to risk burying our daughter.

These things take time. This wasn’t an overnight revelation, nor a quick social transition. But after years of watching, embracing, and supporting Max in everything from sports to dress to pronouns, he gradually became the person he was always meant to be — a brilliant boy with a soft spot in his heart for cats, tacos, and ukuleles.

This Pride Month, I am incredibly proud of Max for teaching me as his mama the true meaning of unconditional love and for changing the world in the process. When I was pregnant with him, I never cared if I was having a boy or girl — all I wanted was a healthy, happy baby. Nothing about him has changed except for his pronouns. Unfortunately, there are far too many LGBTQ kids who are kicked out of their homes, disowned by their parents, and ostracized by their friends once they “come out”. According to a report by Chapin Hall at the University of Chicago, queer-identified youth have a 120% higher risk of reporting homelessness than their straight or cisgender peers. Additionally, one in 30 LGBTQ teens have experienced homelessness at some point in the last 12 months. The people who should be protecting these vulnerable children are the very same ones who are harming them. Rather than being their child’s biggest fan, far too many parents have become their child’s biggest bully. And it breaks my damn heart. Because quite honestly, if it’s hard to love your kids, then you’re doing it wrong. Full stop.

Max challenges me every day to live my truth out loud, to be a better person, to live openly and honestly, and to advocate for the vulnerable, the marginalized, and the invisible. By being true to himself he has opened the eyes and melted the hearts of people across the country, and has influenced policy as a result. When Max had anti-LGBTQ Attorney General Ken Paxton over for dinner — a man who was actively suing the Obama administration over the DOJ’s transgender protection guidelines in an attempt to strip away the visibility and safety of hundreds of thousands of trans Americans in the process — and showed him just how adorable he was with his cute magic tricks and his Pokemon collection, the entire state of Texas watched. When Max was invited to the White House to meet President Obama, the most powerful person in the world paid attention to his story. And when Max travelled to Austin last year to practically beg Texas legislators to stop bullying him and to please not pass any “bathroom bills”, a reporter saw this sweet boy — exhausted, frustrated, and crying in my arms as we I comforted him on the cold, granite floor outside of Governor Abbott’s office. That reporter took a picture that went viral, and people from literally around the world saw what happens when we treat transgender kids as political pawns in pissing contests.

Of the 30 anti-LGBTQ bills that were filed in Texas in 2017 (which, for those of you keeping score at home, is more than any state legislature in the history of this country), we were able to defeat 29 of them — and, to our great relief, not a single bathroom bill passed. I truly believe this positive outcome — in Texas, of all places! — is because of the hard work and sweet faces of kids like Max, who is part of the newest generation of a half century’s worth of LGBTQ activists.

Pride began with another transgender individual: Marsha P Johnson, a trans woman of color who was tired of living in fear and being pushed to the shadows. So when the police showed up again at the Stonewall Inn on June 28, 1969, Ms. Johnson took a stand, and in turn started a revolution that we are still fighting today. Max is one of this revolution’s youngest warriors: but instead of fists and stones, he’s fighting back with his words.

And Max isn’t the only one. Across the country, we are seeing tiny-but-fierce trans girls like Kai Shappley and Marilyn Morrison living their lives authentically and elevating the conversation about gender and what it means to be nice to each other. We have National Geographic cover girls like Avery Jackson, living in America’s heartland, and bringing visibility to an issue and experience that so few of us had thought about before she came along. And we have national treasures like Gavin Grimm, a transgender young man who sued his Virginia high school for his right to use the bathroom, and was subsequently recognized in a federal court decision for being such an important human-rights hero, that the court’s opinion will bring you to tears.

This Pride Month, and every month, I am proud of the LGBTQ Americans who live boldly every day — whose very existence is its own form of protest. And yet, Max and his peers don’t have political agendas — they’re just kids, worried about the same things that your kids are worried about: whether or not they’ll get to watch one more cartoon before bed, how much money the tooth fairy is going to bring them, and if the cat is going to be okay after eating that weird bug. Somehow, though, that very act of living out loud AND being simultaneously incredibly relatable and adorable is exactly the thing that is changing the world for the better. We saw it during the fight for marriage equality and the overturning of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” and we’re seeing it today as we continue to fight for federal protections like the Equality Act, which would guarantee that Max could never be fired from his job or denied housing or services simply because he is transgender.

My son is just one in an army of hope, and I will follow him wherever he goes. He hasn’t led me astray yet — in fact, I and countless others are better for knowing him — and I believe that he and his peers will create a better, brighter, more equal future for us all if we are willing to give them the space they need to lead — not just during Pride month, but year round.

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Amber Briggle is a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms who also blogs at Love to the Max

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com