Mama Bear Story Project #18 – Tammie Jarnagan

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, stories, Stories That Change The World, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

It’s been almost 23 years since I had my last child. He came two weeks early, ready to make his mark on the world, and on me. When the Doctor handed him to me, I had this crazy, fleeting thought come out of nowhere; he’s gay. I had given birth to three other children before him, and that thought had never entered my mind. I had no idea where it came from or why, so I buried it just as quickly as I’d had it. I remember our first Sunday back to Church, after he was born our Preacher took him from my arms, stood in front of our small congregation, and dedicated him to God. I was a proud Mother. I still am.

I was born and raised in Church, and had studied the Bible quite a bit. In fact, I had become a little stubborn and arrogant about it. I sadly remember one time when my children were very small, I pulled into my local bank and they had a big banner hanging out front that read, “We support the United Way.” I had just recently read an article in Time magizine about the United Way pulling their support from The Boy Scouts because the Boy Scouts would not allow gays. So I, in my self righteous Christian arrogance, let the poor little Teller know just how wrong it was that they would support Untied Way. I am now mortified when I think back about that. Nonetheless, by the time Matt was four, there was not a doubt in my mind that my sweet boy was gay. He wasn’t feminine, didn’t play with dolls, or do any of the things one might associate with being gay, but somehow I knew and I was scared to death. It wasn’t something I could say out loud, or talk to anyone about, so I did everything I could think of to “ungay” him to make him normal. I prayed day and night begging God to not let any of my children grow up to be gay. I couldn’t specifically say Matt’s name in my prayers, because that would be like admitting it. Even though I knew I still couldn’t say it out loud, not even in prayer. We went to church on Sundays, and like my other children, he was baptized. I did everything and anything I could think of to make him straight, and I certainly never missed a chance to tell him that being gay was a choice, a very bad, sinful, choice.

When Matt was 15 I found some notes in his room written between he and his friends that confirmed my worst fear, he’s gay. I lost my mind. When he came home from school that day I showed him what I’d found, it’s a blur, but I remember crying and screaming at him. The worst part was telling him he was going to hell. At one point I asked him if he had ever been sexually molested. I was grasping at straws, I figured there had to be a reason he wanted to be gay and if he had been molested, a good therapist could fix that, fix what I couldn’t. He was never molested, so there went that theory. My heart was shattered in a million pieces. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I had to stay off Facebook during all of this, because it was the same time that the Chick Fil A fiasco was going on. Then shortly after that, It was the Duck Dynasty posts. I couldn’t handle it. All I saw when people were posting these things on Facebook were signs that said, Hey Tammie, I hate your son, he’s a faggot. So I would start crying and just go to bed. There were days I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t function. With my religious background, this was a one-way ticket to hell. How does a Mother live with that? So I would just lay in bed and sob. I was so angry at God. My life had never been a picnic, but this?! This was a deal breaker. This was God hitting below the belt, if there even was a God. I wasn’t sure anymore. This was faith shattering. One day while lying in bed sobbing, I jumped up like a crazy woman and started screaming at Satan to leave my babies the hell alone, to pick on me. I could handle it, they couldn’t!

Then I started screaming at God. All of these years I’ve been doing everything in my power to make him straight, where have you been?! Why haven’t you helped me?! How did those thousands of prayers escape you?! Where have you been all these years when we needed you most?! Then I asked, why did you even give me this information when Matt was a baby if you weren’t going to help me change him? God spoke to me in that moment saying, I didn’t give you that information to change Matt, I gave you that information to change you!  I dropped to my knees. I didn’t know where to go from there. I walked around like a zombie for a few weeks, and then I picked my Bible back up. I of course knew the story of Sodom and Gomorrah and had read the few other scriptures about homosexuality, but that was it. So I took it a bit further, I studied the original Greek/Hebrew texts of the Bible, and WOW. I learned not only what those scriptures actually meant, what the stories were actually about, but also that so many of the words used actually have a different meaning then how we know them to mean today. God opened my eyes and my very narrow-minded heart.

I look back now, and wish so much I would have started studying about this when Matt was little, when God first gave me those first few glimpses. There’s so many things I would do differently, but everything happens for a reason, and this has turned out to be a wonderful, albeit very difficult part of my journey. Being gay isn’t the one-way ticket to hell as I had been taught and as I had believed. My children, ALL of my children are exactly who God lovingly made them to be, and I couldn’t be prouder.  In the words of my friend Susan Cottrell (and I paraphrase), I do not not support my gay child and his rights in spite of my faith, I support my gay child and his rights BECAUSE of my faith.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,900 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #17 – Gerry Phifer

Tags

love, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

Maybe once, before he came out, we wondered why he had never had a girlfriend but that was his senior year in high school and he was acting in two plays, working on his Eagle Scout, and he was Valedictorian. Four years at Austin College, in Sherman and still no girlfriend. (He had a bazillion friend girls but no girlfriends.) He and his best friend, Katie, applied for internships at Theater Three in Dallas, Texas and moved in together…..not “together” but together.

After about 9 months in Dallas, he came home one weekend and he, Dwight and I were watching something on T.V. and he just muted the T.V. and said, “I have something to tell you. Please don’t interrupt and it won’t take long. I am gay. At a very early age I knew I was different but not until the 7th grade did I have a name for my difference, I am happy and this is something I needed to do to finish my coming out.”

Dwight and I just sat there in stunned silence. I couldn’t move or think or breathe or talk.

Dwight made the first move and got up – I followed suit – and we hugged him and then my wonderful husband said to Andrew, “I cannot imagine the courage it must have taken for you to come home to tell us this. You are the bravest man I know. What was your Plan B, if this had not gone well?”

Andrew said, “Daddy, I didn’t have a Plan B. I just know the people who reared me would love me, warts and all.”

Andrew says the first thing I said was, “You must practice safe sex!” 🙂

He left to go back to Dallas and I completely fell apart. We knew we wanted to be a part of his life, no matter what, so I found a PFLAG chapter in a town near us and found out when they met. Dwight got on the computer and bought several books because he said, “we need to be educated!!!!”

And life goes on …

We didn’t tell many folks, at first. My Dad was diagnosed with ALS a month later and that was a sad distraction. He passed to his peacefulness, at home, with just Mama and the three kids, three months later.

Andrew went back to Graduate School at The University of Texas, after Tyler Clementi committed suicide and because he said, “if I could have just talked with him, I know he would still be here. “

My husband, the only Democratic judge left in Cherokee County, Texas, retired from the bench, after 16 years, on December 31, 2016. He married 3 gay couples and granted 1 same sex adoption.

Carl “Andrew” Loys Phifer moved to Washington, D.C. and is now the Public Affairs Specialist for the Attorney General’s office in D.C. He is happy, has a great group of friends, and a Dart specialist/champion at Cobalt’s and Nellie’s night club where his team won the championship recently and raised $3000 for Planned Parenthood.

And these days the little girls who walk with their Mother in our neighborhood, call me Mrs. Rainbow because I live in the Rainbow House – the only house in town with a rainbow flag flying proudly!

Along the way I have learned:

this was not a choice!

it takes guts to come out! (for your child and you)

Andrew’s sexual orientation is only a piece of who he is!

people, who love you, will accept this!

if you don’t stand up for your child, who will?

as a rule, your church will let you down!

until/unless you have skin in the game, shut up!

do not judge ANYONE!

WE LOVE CARL “ANDREW” LOYS PHIFER!!!! HE IS OUR PRIDE & JOY!!!!

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During the month of June the private Facebook group, Serendipitydodah for Moms, celebrates Pride Month by inviting members of the group to share pictures of their kids and tell us a little about their kids and the journey they have been on. We call it Pride & Joy! This essay was what Gerry Phifer wrote to go along with the picture she shared of her son, Andrew.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,900 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Rainbows, Ribbons, Candles & Kindness

Tags

Anniversary, June 12, Kindness, love, Mama Bears, Orlando, Pulse, Rainbow, reflect, remember, Ribbon, Serendipitydodah for Moms

Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids) presents “Rainbows, Ribbons, Candles & Kindness” to recognize the one year anniversary of the Pulse Shooting.

As we honor, remember and reflect you are invited to join us and wear rainbow ribbons to demonstrate your support, light a candle and say a prayer for friends and families who lost loved ones, and spread love and kindness in order to give hope and encouragement to all.

On June 12, 2016, Omar Mateen murdered 49 people at the popular Orlando LGBT venue, Pulse Nightclub.

As we approach the one year anniversary we take a deep breath and reflect on the tragedy that took 49 lives and forever altered the LGBTQ community and those like us who love, support and advocate for them.

There are still many waves of pain and many times of sadness connected to June 12, and those feelings will most likely continue for a very long time for many of us. Healing takes time and it isn’t linear.

This is a time when we should take time to be a little more gentle and a little more patient with ourselves and others. We never know who may be struggling due to this upcoming anniversary. It’s not only friends and family of the wounded and the dead but also LGBTQ people in general, parents with LGBTQ kids, siblings of LGBTQ people, police, first responders, medical personnel, emt, coroners, social workers, news people, and many more who have all had to experience, see things and think about things that were unimaginable before June 12, 2016.

It was a shock like no other to wake up on the morning of June 12, 2016 and hear about the tragedy. In the hours and days that followed the members of Serendipitydodah gathered in our online community to share our fears and feelings – to encourage and comfort one another – to process and heal together.

With hope, love, courage, kindness and unity we began a journey that day that has required patience, hope and faith that healing comes to all in its own way, in its own time.

We are determined to not let hate win and want to use this time of remembering and reflecting as motivation to continue to do the work that will make the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for everyone to live.

We invite you to join us. Wear a rainbow ribbon, light a candle, say a prayer, spread love and kindness.

Hug someone and let them know they are loved.

Be the reason someone smiles.

Be somebody’s rainbow.

#OrlandoStrong #Pulse #LoveIsTheMovement #LoveIsLove #Pride#LoveWins #LoveKindnessHopeCourageUnity #Serendipitydodah#MamaBears

(This project was inspired by the Rainbow Ribbon Project and the Orlando United Day of Love & Kindness)

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,800 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #16 – Whitney Treloar

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

I spent the entire day shampooing carpets. Area rugs, really, which my elderly chihuahua confuses with piddle patches, so I shampooed one side, then flipped them over and shampooed them from behind, then dragged them outside to dry in the sun. I had also done laundry and mopped the tile under the area rugs. I was exhausted and sore and irritable, and when I finally showered and fell into bed that evening, I looked forward to a mindless Valentines movie to veg out with.

Enter Ally, my sweet and challenging 12 year old. She’d been clingy for a few weeks, but I enjoyed the snuggles. Poor kid had been so awkward for so long, I figured puberty hit her harder than most. My third and last of 3 girls, growing up despite my effort to keep her little, she marched to her own beat and I had tried for years to understand her. I had spent hours and hours in meetings with her schools over the years, who had tested and evaluated her, and still scratched their heads. I had homeschooled her, adjusted her education philosophy, and had moved her to her fourth school the previous fall, all in an effort to find someone who could crack her special code. Her IQ said genius, her grades said slacker, her room said mad scientist, her journal said creative master, her body language said lost.

So I tried not to be annoyed when she needed my attention yet again that night, and we cuddled under the ceiling fan and watched some silly chick flick in silence. I smelled her still-damp hair and started to zone out while she rubbed her kitty’s ears.

“Mom? I’m trans.”

<pause>

<squint>

“What’s that, honey? Trans-what? Trans….??”

“Gender. I’m transgender. I’m a boy.”

<stunned silence>

*record scratch*

<Inappropriate, nervous giggle>

She studied me intently, sheepishly, boldly.

I sat up and blinked.

“Uuuhhhhh….”

Think, Whitney. This is important. Don’t laugh. Don’t cry. Don’t change the subject. You can do this. This is a crucial moment. Pivotal. Don’t choke. You got this.

“Okay. Wait. Hold on. We’re okay. You’re okay.”

“I’ve known for a long time. Three years since I realized what was wrong with me. I wasn’t going to say anything. I was going to keep it to myself but I just can’t any more. I’m Gabriel. I’m a boy.”

“Okay, wait. Back up. Slow down. I’m…. I can’t…. Just hold on. When I was a kid, we had a term called tomboy. Girls who climb trees and hate dresses and do boy stuff are tomboys. Maybe you’re actually a tomboy?”

“I know what a tomboy is. A tomboy is still a girl. I’m a boy. I’m not a tomboy. I’m transgender.”

<deep, ragged sigh>

<Big, deep, hard hug>

“You’re pretty sure about this, huh? You seem pretty serious. I’m going to have to wrap my poor old brain around this because I don’t understand. Listen, I love you. I’m crazy about you. We will figure this out. We get someone to help us with this.”

What’s church going to do to help us here? Who can help me grasp this? Not my mother. Not my husband. I know precisely one transgender person, whom I’ve never met in real life, who lives far away….

“Oh, I’ve figured it out. I understand……” And then she goes off into detailed explanation of hormones and chromosomes and gender presentation…

What’s happening right now? Am I being punked?

….sexuality vs gender vs genitalia, pronouns, deadnames….

My mind swirled and swirled. I saw spots.

I need a drink.

She opened my laptop and brought up websites with videos; she showed me bible verses and explained the original text in relation to the cultural context; she mentioned a doctor on the other coast who performs “top surgery;” and she explained hormone blockers vs testosterone.

I was nauseated. My face flushed. My chin quivered.

Is this really happening? Where’s Ashton Kutcher right now?

She told me she needed a WPATH certified therapist, because she needed to prove that she’d been in counseling for at least six months before ….something about injections…..binders….non-binary…..

……and mastectomy….

“Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Please. I can’t. I can’t right now.”

I held my head and ran my hands through my hair and rubbed my eyes hard.

“Come here and hug me and stop talking for tonight. I can’t take one more idea in.” Please, make it stop.Stop it. Stop it. This can’t be happening. This isn’t real. This can’t be real. No. No. No. No.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…. I don’t want to hurt myself.”

*record scratch*

I pull her back and look her in the face. “What?!? What does that mean?” My eyes filled with tears. So did hers.

“I wanted to wait. The plan was to leave home and go to college, come out, and figure it out from there. But I realized that I couldn’t do that. My choice was either to tell you or die, and then I figured if telling you didn’t go well, I could re-evaluate. And I’m just so relieved…,” and then she sobbed.

And I went directly into what I can only describe as a fog.

“Ally…”

“It’s Gabe,” she said softly.

Shit. My breath caught in my lungs.

“Okay, well, I have known for 30 seconds and you have known for years, so you’ll have to give me some time. And now I need to be alone. You go to bed and sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll make some calls and I’ll find you a counselor, and I’ll start researching, and we’ll figure this out. Please just chill with the surgery talk right now. This will take time. I’ll think about how we’ll tell Daddy…”

“You can’t tell Daddy. What if he kicks me out?”

“He’s not going to kick you out. He loves you. But he will struggle with this and he has that important exam this week, so let’s just sit on this for a bit. I cannot make another decision right now. I can’t think.”

“I love you, Mom. Thank you.”

“I love you fiercely. We will figure this out, I promise.”

And she went to bed.

HE went to bed. Shit.

And, just like that, my little Ally was gone.

I dissolved into hopeless tears as I listened to my husband cough relentlessly, fighting a virus while studying for a professional exam. It was the loneliest and the most helpless I have ever felt in my life.

What the ____ just happened?

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,800 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bear Story Project #15 – Meredith Webster Indermaur

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, Christian, family, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, love, love is the movement, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, stories, Story, unconditional love

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

This Mama Bear Story Project is also being submitted as part of :
Blogging for LGBTQ Families Day, June 1st 2017

In the South, coming out is the language of debutantes, those rosy-cheeked young women in long white dresses and matching white gloves up to the elbow, floating like feathers down marble staircases the size of Texas. Their introduction to society is a celebratory time of champagne and parties, of photo opportunities in green backyard gardens, of laughter and back-slapping, of proud fathers and stressed-out mothers – a kind of nuptials trial run.

That fanfare is a far cry from the coming out of the boy I birthed on a chilly midwestern morning just seventeen summers prior – the boy who has my heart, the one who measures his words to me as carefully as a carpenter measures the wood before he feeds it to the blade. It is in that space between his voice gathering its steam and my mental chatter slowing to a crawl that I intuit the words before he even says them.

Mom, I’m gay.  I’ve known it for as long as I can remember.

Wood to the blade.

**********

When the yellow-haired boy’s words dropped into my ears, they would not land there – instead, they hovered like a hummingbird working its needle-thin beak into and out of the flower.  I recognized the steady buzzing of the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of my pulse as it loomed large, affecting my ability to hear.  Instinctively I knew that something had been spoken which would alter the world as I saw it – something that would split time in two pieces like halves of a log on a chopping block, axe to wedge and crack!  Had I looked down at the floor at that moment, I’m nearly certain Before and After would have been lying there.

With the whoosh still looming large, I believe I might have uttered something ridiculous, like:

Areyousurereallysure and pleasedon’ttellanyone because I was talking fast and foolish and fearful.

His brown eyes, registering deep pain by the way they seemed to snap backwards into his head, did the answering for him.  I babbled on senselessly, speaking without punctuation – without pause for intake of breath (where was my breath, anyway?) for far too long, but who was watching the clock any longer in a world where time had been split in half?  What was the point?

I had a problem. I had a very big problem.

Before and After were, after all, lying at my feet.

**********

Courage:  from the Latin cor for heart

Integrity:  from the Latin integritatem for wholeness

I was going to need a lot of this – a lot of heart; that much I could see.  What I could not see, though, not yet, was that the blonde boy standing on the other side of the room, huddled up between the dresser and the bedroom door (in position to flee?), already possessed more heart than I on my best day.

This was far from my best day.  My best day was on sabbatical somewhere out west where it could breathe.  My best day had deserted me and was sunning itself by some pool in Arizona, sipping filtered water infused with lemons and limes.

My brain, scrambling like it had just come front and center with a word problem, refused – refused! – to assimilate the information placed in front of me.  Instead, it pulled me off to the side and whispered a million different reasons why this could. not. be. true.  I wanted to resist; surely some part of me wanted to resist – wanted to review the evidence I’d seen on the horizon, building strength like a Nebraska storm cloud in August, wanted to acknowledge that those inklings had been spot-on – but I dared not trust myself.  If I remembered nothing else from those years and years of collective pastors’ voices ringing in my ears, I remembered what was etched in my mind like a tattoo: Our hearts are deceitful and wicked beyond measure.  They are never to be trusted.

Which of us was deceived?  Which of us – the boy huddled by the door, ready to flee, or the mother clasping the wooden bed post to keep from falling – which one of us was party to a lie?

It is said somewhere that courage is the foundation of integrity.

That must mean that the one who knows who he is at the heart is the one who is whole.

Oh. God.

Then where did that leave me?

**********

With Jesus, we find the power to hold the pain of life until it transforms us.

– Fr. Richard Rohr
I needed a plan.  I needed a way to get control of this thing – to get on top of it, to make it submit, to make it cry uncle and relent,  Okay!  Okay!  You win!  Because the only thing worse than not having control is the realization that you never had it.

The words had been spoken.

I couldn’t put the genie back in the bottle,
the toothpaste back in the tube,
the bullet back in the gun.

The words had been spoken.

Fear came fast to the surface, blowing bubbles like a swimmer as she empties her lungs of the last bit of air that has served her well below but will fail her now.

The words had been spoken. 

No longer was this simply a question that raced like Flo Jo around and around the edges of my brain until it grew tired and retreated into the locker room for a time.  No longer was Denial my partner in crime, because it had been detained and arrested and carried off in handcuffs in the back of a squad car.  Fat lot of good you did me, Denial.  Fat lot of good.  You simply delayed the inevitable.

Yes, the words had been spoken – had pierced the lie and lanced the festering sore in hopes of a remedy, yet I was still blind to their efficacy.

It would be a while, still.

**********

When I was four years old at play in the sandbox, a neighbor’s rooster the size of a small goat flogged me, knocking me flat on my back to the ground.  I remember very little of this other than a wild flurry of feathers and claws and beak atop my face – and someone screaming.  Maybe the scream was mine, although I think I was too paralyzed to make much of any kind of sound – too paralyzed to make any kind of movement.  So I lay there and waited for a rescue, unaware that my bottom lip and chin were victims of those massive claws digging in with the tenacity of fish hooks.  A short while later a loud pop was followed by an explosion of feathers, releasing me to put my chubby fingers up to my face to probe the now throbbing gashes that would go on to be stitched and, later, leave permanent trails.  It was years before I understood the danger in that split-second decision my father was forced to make as he stood way up at the house – years before I had children of my own to remind me that sometimes – many times – we parents are simply flying blind (or, if you prefer, relying on faith).  Most days, to be honest, there’s not much difference.

My tow-headed boy’s words were out.  He was out.  The rooster was back, but this time, I was the parent flying blind.  This time,  I had a decision to make that was nothing short of putting a bullet in a monster.  If my aim were off by just a hair, then the consequences could be disastrous.  He might be left bleeding, blind, scarred for life – or worse.  It dawned on me then that I needed to move in close and fast, to cross the room that had at once become no less than the Grand Canyon of chasms, to make that leap and not look down.

This was not a fine time for paralysis.  Feathers were going to fly.

Moving toward my son, smoking gun in hand, I crossed the room – not tentatively but decisively, not gingerly but with a boldness that came from some unknown (to me) place. I’d put a bullet in a monster – before it could jump him, before it could slice away the tender flesh and leave a gaping wound.  It was a split-second, flying blind decision.  It was all I knew to do, and it had to be enough.

Wrapping him in my arms, I welcomed his weeping against me.  Wrapping him in my arms, I shushed him, clucking like a mother hen as she gathers her chicks close to her body.  Wrapping him in my arms, I tried to swallow down the lump that had formed in my throat – a lump that I was certain was born of the dust fragments of my shattered heart.

Once that dust settled, once that clearing began, once I was able to get the lay of the land – and with that rooster dead and gone – I would see that his coming out broke my heart wide open so that more of God could get in.

But this day, it was enough to cling to one another in that haze, to fly blind without knowing where to land … and to wait.

**********

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in …
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.

From Leonard Cohen’s Anthem


The wallpaper on my Mac is a rotating series of photos I’ve uploaded over the past few years, so I frequently stop what I’m doing to stare at the images scrolling through.  Most faces are smiling – open, even, like sunlight – with eyes squinted and teeth bared in unadulterated joy; others are pensive, thoughtful, filled with contented Mona Lisa mystery.  These are the shots that elicit my own feelings of gratitude, the ones that assure me of future promise, of hope – the ones most likely to tease my insecurities out into the open, to pat them on the back and whisper that maybe, just maybe, I did okay as their mom. A few, though – the ones of the yellow-haired boy at twelve, fourteen, or sixteen, even – cannot be so easily celebrated.  His eyes, flat and dull like a 1920s penny, stare out of his haunted face – a look not altogether dissimilar to photos snapped of Holocaust survivors or of Russian orphans, or war refugees. It’s impossible to read into those faces anything but the despair of a thousand betrayals, and yet this is the entirety of his face. My son’s face. Eyes, mouth, cheeks, nose – all are caught up into that one word: Despair.  The war that rages in his soul plays itself out on the landscape of his lifeless eyes, and, sadly,  that is the thing.  How had I let that colorless portrait escape me?

As Richard Rohr says, we cannot see what we are not ready to see, especially those things which are hidden in plain sight.

And yet, Jesus asks the blind beggar, who is both blind and beggar, What do you want me to do for you?  And this man says, simply, I want my sight restored.  Because, at one time, he could see.

But once he sees again, it will all look different.

**********

When I took the dog for a walk through the neighborhood yesterday,  I happened to notice a festive fall wreath on the front door of one particularly unfriendly couple’s home.  Upon closer examination (which meant my peering at the door from practically across the street, since a canine’s errant treading of  paws upon their perfectly manicured lawn elicits anger and threats to both owner and pet), I was able to make out the word Welcome on a little sign affixed to the wreath.  Welcome. Really?  That’s ironic, I thought to myself, as I gave wide berth to their property and made my way on down the street.

But before my feet had hit my driveway, it dawned on me that, on any given day, I’m also guilty of saying one thing while conveying something shockingly different by my actions.

I have loved etymology ever since I took an intro to Linguistics in college. Last year I learned that the term holy originates from the same root word as whole.  That discovery offered me a new-and-improved way to think about God in His wholeness – as the One Who is fully integrated within Himself. God, the perfect integer.  Jesus, the Son, who lived out a life of perfect wholeness in his humanity as communicated via the Gospels. Jesus, who lived as he spoke and who spoke as he lived.

Whole.
Integrated.
Holy.

Yet, for a couple of years, my tow-headed boy would go on to bear the brunt of my un-holiness, my fractured thinking, my stumbling and bumbling inability to align my words and my actions surrounding his truth telling.

His ears would go on to register the I love you coming from my mouth, yet his heart would grapple with the unspoken but well communicated but spawned by my actions.

I love you BUT let’s look into reparative therapy (I don’t love this part of you) +

I love you BUT let’s keep this a secret (I don’t love this part of you) +

I love you BUT let’s beg God to fix this (I don’t love this part of you) =

I don’t love you.


Love the sinner but hate his sin is a lie.  But I couldn’t see that, then.  I had mud in my eyes. Like the blind man whose sight Jesus was in the process of restoring, I saw people “like trees walking around,” which is not seeing people at all.

I saw through a glass darkly.

It would be a while, still.

There are times when taking a break from writing is all I want to do, like when memories are forced to conjure up disquieting images the way King Saul pled with the Witch of Endor to summon the spirit of Samuel, dusty and irritated, from the grave.

King Saul would go on to pay a price for this.

Images give birth to thoughts and then thoughts to the words which, once expressed, we claim a sort of parental responsibility for, whether we are prepared for this or not.

Denial became something akin to a ground-fault circuit interruptor when my thoughts threatened to shock my system. Fearing for the tow-headed boy’s life,  fearing for his reputation (it was also fear for my own, if truth be told), I spoke over him words – marching orders, really – that coaxed darkness up from the ground that threatened to swallow him whole – that threatened to send him to his death.

You need to keep this to yourself.  

Don’t tell anyone else you’re gay.

We can’t let your grandfather find out – it’ll kill him.


Fear had had its say, and in those dusty, irritated, grave-words, shame was born.

This son of mine – this one who was always so eager to please, so agreeable and cooperative – looked down at the floor, unblinking, and kept his eyes there for a long time.  What he saw, I couldn’t know.

What I did know, though, was that I couldn’t see a damned thing.

**********

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?
Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. – Luke 12:6

The baby bird needed help.

I spotted it from a good distance, back when my eyes boasted 20/20 vision,  as I was on my way back from an afternoon spent at the pool with my friends.

Rolling up to the fluffy gray ball on my banana seat bike,  I quickly surveyed the situation.  He was sitting in the middle of one of the neighborhood streets, no mama bird to be found.  His dull yellow beak was open in a little V, and he was breathing rapidly, his downy little feathers moving up and down so fast that they seemed to be in constant motion.

I didn’t sit for long but gingerly pushed down the kickstand so as not to startle the quivering creature who was now just a few feet in front of me, and then I deftly – and silently – climbed over the seat and off the bike.  My heart was racing at this point as I was contemplating my next move.  I had a difficult decision to make, and yet my 11-year old brain knew of only one thing to do.

Scooping him up and setting him in my pool bag in one swift movement, I knew only one thing: I had to quickly get this bird home before he died.  It was then I heard the chirping from somewhere above me, although when I looked up, I saw nothing.  Instead of riding on the street, I made a quick left and departed the road for the well worn dirt path made by all the other bikes heading to and from the pool.  Coasting down the hill while clutching the pool bag with one hand, I heard the chirps becoming louder and more frantic.  It never dawned on me that the ruckus had anything to do with my precious cargo.  I was in the zone.  I was going to save this bird.  Rounding the curve once the hill flattened out, I pedaled like a girl with her hair on fire.

My mother met me at the porch door after she heard me calling out for her from two houses over.  With a furrowed brow, she peered into the bag I held up to her through the screen.  “Can we save it? I found it in front of the Thomas’s house, on the road.”  My mother, who has always had a soft spot for animals, ushered me inside with a warning that baby birds are rarely abandoned by their mothers, even when it looked like they were.  “Usually the mother is somewhere close by, watching, making sure her baby is safe.”  Pulling a cardboard box out of the storage closet, she instructed me to line it with a towel and set the bird in it.  After adding a small dish of water to the box, I sat on the porch floor to watch the traumatized baby, holding vigil and saying prayers until nightfall.

The next morning found me racing to the box in the hopes that a miracle had occurred – that the tiny thing had drunk some water, at least.  My mother found me a few minutes later as I knelt, crying, by the cardboard coffin.  She listened as I recounted how I’d tried to save this orphan from certain death, then she showed me where to bury it in the yard.

The next day she told me about the way of birds when they are learning to fly.

Years later I would find myself needing to choose between putting my son in a box or helping him learn to fly.

**********

Note from Meredith on May 31, 2017:

It took so much out of me to write this a few years back that I had to stop.  Reading back through it now, I can see tremendous growth, thank God.  Even then, I knew that God would be faithful to continue pulling me forward in truth.  I needed to experience all those feelings and fears in order to join this current pilgrimage and be there to help my son learn to spread his wings and fly.

 

**************************************************************

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,800 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bear Story Project #14 – Marlene Lund

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, Christian, LGBT, LGBT Youth, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Parenting, parents, Serendipitydodah for Moms

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

I grew up as a missionary kid in Brazil, and my family was very conservative, both spiritually and politically. I began to question many of the positions my family took as I matured, never wavering in my faith, but definitely feeling that God’s mercy and love were wider than I had been raised to believe. I began to question the church’s position on homosexuality many years ago, as I met more and more LGBTQ people who were wonderful, caring, loving people, and who didn’t fit the stereotype usually presented in Christian circles. You know, deviants, promiscuous, out to “recruit” our children. I began to learn more about the science of sexual orientation, which completely put to rest any doubts in my mind that someone could be “turned gay” by mere persuasion or influence. After knowing LGBTQ people, I had long since seen the ridiculousness of the argument that sexual orientation was a choice.

My daughter’s coming out eight years ago led me on a spiritual journey to really understand what the Bible truly says about homosexuality. I started with my love for my daughter, and worked with my love for God to find a place of peace and understanding. I spent two years reading, talking to Christian friends and pastors, spending time with LGBTQ people, praying, and trying to understand what the Bible really said about loving, monogamous same-sex relationships. I now have an equals (=) sign as a bumper sticker, and a closet filled with rainbow t-shirts and buttons, so I guess you could say I have resolved my questions and come out as the proud parent of a gay child.

Since that time, I have felt a strong sense of calling to work with other parents on a similar journey to mine. I helped to start a support group at my former church for parents of LGBTQ children, served as the co-chair of the Oakland/East Bay PFLAG chapter for two years, and am currently serving as a co-facilitator for a brand new satellite meeting for the Seattle PFLAG chapter. I also am involved in several private Facebook groups of Christian moms of LGBTQ children and serve as an admin for two of them, and I have served as a resource parent for the Marin Foundation. I am also advocating for full inclusion of LGBTQ Christians in my current church.

God has taken me out of my comfort zone and given me an exciting new adventure; all because I was given the gift of a gay daughter!

**************************************************************

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,600 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #13 – Renae Shaffer-Stone

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#LGBTQFamilies, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, love, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, stories, Story

 

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

I was 17 when I found out I was expecting my first child. I experienced the typical emotions of being a bit scared, worried, and of course I was happy. I knew that most people would disapprove given my age and background, but that didn’t matter to me. I was going to be a Mom and make sure that this baby knew they were loved. I knew the road would be long and hard, but I also knew it would be okay over all. I gave my boyfriend at the time the chance to leave, but told him if he left that there would be no in and out of this baby’s life. Either he would be a part of the life we created or not, but definitely no half assed in and out. He chose to stay and we will be celebrating 17 years of marriage this June.

When I was 18 I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. We named her Emily Paige. She had a rough start, she was born with some heart defects but by the age of 3 grew out of them. Her Dad and I married when she was 4 months old, babies ourselves, her Dad had graduated high school just 3 days before the wedding. As she grew we noticed she wasn’t your typical little girly girl, but I didn’t expect her to be given that I grew up as a tomboy myself.

Days after her 1st birthday we found out we were pregnant again. 9 months later I gave birth to another baby girl we named Caitlyn. We always knew Cait was “different” we just weren’t sure how.And by Emily’s 4th birthday she was a big sister again and had another little sister named Lindsey.

When the kids were young, I faithfully went to church, prayed, tithed, did all the Christianly duties one was supposed to. I was attending a church that preached hate towards gay people and preached how they could be cured by prayer and what not. When the Emily was 4 I remember thinking that if I loved my kids as much as I do and did, and God supposedly loved us more than that, how could he hate a group of people for loving someone of the same sex. I spoke with my husband about I quite a bit and we decided to leave the church.

Once Emily hit puberty she became really depressed. We tried helping the best we could but she never seemed to come out of it. At the age of 14 she came to us and told us she needed to talk to us. We sat down and told us she was transgender. We immediately hugged our son, Zachary, and welcomed him with open arms. A few days later after discussing with him how he wanted to let friends and family know, we made an announcement and told everyone in our lives that Zach was our son and they could either love and support us or they knew where the door was. Some left, and it did hurt, but I reminded Zach that they were unable to truly accept him for who he is so we didn’t need people like that in our lives.

Zach started going to a group here for LGBTQ Youth. He would come back with stories about how parents disowned their kids for being the way they are. It broke my heart and my husband and I decided to open our home to kids that need a safe place to stay.

The next year, Caitlyn had just turned 13 and was battling depression as well. She came to me one night and told me she was a lesbian. Unlike her brother, she didn’t want an announcement made, but preferred to tell people on her own or to just kind of surprise them in conversation. She started attending the group her brother did and is doing great now.

Zach is 17 now, and has been in a relationship with his transgender girlfriend for 4 years now. They have been together since before either of them came out as transgender. Olivia moved in with us last Oct. her family isn’t exactly accepting of her so we are glad to give her that love and support she was missing at her house.

Caitlyn is 15 and is thriving as well. She has a girlfriend and they have been dating for a couple of years. We recently went rounds with her school because they denied the GSA club she was trying to start. We will hopefully be getting it started soon, she needs to go before her principal again before it is approved. We had to get GLSEN involved and threaten legal action, but the superintendent has advised the principal that the club needs to be allowed.

My baby, Lindsey, is 12 and isn’t interested in anyone right now, and that is fine, I prefer to keep it that way for a while!

As a Mom to these wonderful 4 kids, I’m happy to see them happy. All I want for them is to be able to be themselves and to be happy with who they are. I know it takes a lot of courage to come out as young as they did, and the road hasn’t always been easy, but they know that this mama bear will always be here for them and have their backs.

________________________________________________

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,600 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Moms of LGBTQ kids are rooting for Stephanie Rice on The Voice

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, Gratitude, letter, LGBT, LGBT Youth, love, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Music, NBC, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Stephanie Rice, Support, The Voice

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,700 members.  For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Stephanie Rice earned a spot on Team Gwen Stefani when she sang “Piece by Piece” by Kelly Clarkson for her blind audition earlier this year – and, she earned a spot in the hearts of a lot of moms of LGBTQ kids when she shared that the vulnerability in her performance came from her parents disowning her after she came out to them.

Her parents freaked out when they discovered she had love letters from a girl when she was 17 years old, and as a result she tried to suppress her feelings for women to please her dad. However, when she started dating her first girlfriend at 18, Stephanie’s parents completely disowned her and she hasn’t been in contact with them since.

Moms in the group “Serendipitydodah for Moms” were deeply touched by Stephanie’s story and have been watching and voting for Stephanie as she continues to advance in the singing competition. They wanted to do something to let Stephanie know about their support so they decided to send the following letter to Stephanie to let her know they support her and accept her just the way she is!

Dear Stephanie,

We are members of a large private Facebook group called Serendipitydodah for Moms. The group was created for open minded Christian moms of LGBT kids who love and support their kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, authentic, loving relationships with their LGBT kids. We have more than 1,700 members in the group and many of us are working to bring attention to acceptance and equality, sometimes in personal relationships and sometimes publicly. 

We are writing to you because we want you to know that we were encouraged when you shared your story on The Voice. Of course we are sad and broken hearted to hear about the way your parents abandoned and rejected you, but we are so thankful that you are willing to share your story because we believe it is important for others to hear stories like your own. We also want to let you know we care about you and recognize the courage it took for you to share your story publicly. We are moms who understand because some of our own children have had to exhibit the same kind of courage when they finally determined to come out and begin living fully into the person they were created to be.

Although there is a lot of ignorance and hate out there, we want to encourage you. Every day there are more and more people who are supportive and affirming of LGBT people. The tide is turning and things are getting better. Laws are changing and many, many people do care about you and support you.

So, hang in there and never give up on your dream to live a full, happy, successful, good life. 

More than 500 of us are signing our names to this letter with much love, gratitude and encouragement sent your way. We think you are amazing! We love to hear you sing! Your voice is beautiful! You are beautiful – inside and out! We are rooting for you and wish you the best in all that you do!

Thank you for the way you are encouraging others.

We will continue to fight for you, pray for you and support you just as you are.

Love & light,
Liz Dyer, Founder & Owner

Abby De Fiesta Cortez 

Adele Berardi

Alecia Moss

Aletheia Wall Zambesi

Alise D Chaffins

Alison Defrese

Allena Brown

Amanda Corry Thorderson

Amanda Curtis Dwyer

Amanda Dalton

Amy D’Arpino

Amy Goad

Amy Hansley Bennett

Amy Rueter

Andrea Larson Schultz

Angela Maria Coble

Angie Laws

Angie Silver

Angie Stratz Ashmore

Anita Jewell Carter Cockrum

Ann McGee Green

Ann Zweckbronner

Annie Shelton

Arlene Schulz

Barb Cressy

Barbara Winkler

Beau Simcoe

Becky Abbott Kelley

Becky Cantrall

Beth Barndt Ruthenburg

Beth Breems

Beth McGill-Rizer

Beth Wiggins Baswell

Bethany Kirwen

Betsy Bruce Henning 

Billie Jo Marrs

Bonnie Miranda

Brenda Holloway Bratcher

Bridget Murphy

Brittney Jo

Candace Winters

Carie Poynor Downes

Carla Iturregui Picasso-Brown

Carla Michaelsen

Carla Short Spivey

Carlee Roche

Carol Mason

Carol Smith

Carole Bass

Caroline Williams Joyce

Carolyn Cage Johnston

Carolyn Walker

Carrie Black

Carrie Colladay Stell

Carrie Garske Shank

Caryle A Cox

Cassy Taylor Campos

Cathleen Frantzen Schaber

Cathy Ledbetter Lafever

Chasity Davis

Chelsa Nunn Morrison

Cheri Nill

Cheri Simpson

Cherie Walker

Cheryel Lemley McRoy

Cheryl B. Evans

Cheryl Bakkila-Perkins 

Chris Behne

Chris Clements

Christie Hoos

Christie Nader

Christina Aronovici

Christina Lehmann Bergevin

Christina Rosbury

Christine Foster Shaw

Christy Emigh

Cilla Thomas

Cindy Helzer Baldwin

Cindy Jo Conner

Cindy Morgan

Cindy Naas Nathan

Cindy Richard Broussard

Colleen Hepler Brassington

Colleen Kane

Connie Dupuis

Crista Mason

Crystal Baker

Crystal Squires

Crystal Wagner

Cyndi Silva Raugh

Cynthia Corsetti

Cynthia Gaye Rahm-Clark

Dana Baker

Dana Huntington-Smith

Danette Mohring

Dawn Bellotti

Dawn Bennett

Dawn Pulley Ervin

Deb Foreman Cyr

Deb Gallagher

Debbie KIng

Debbie McCullough Hayhurst

Debbie Rogers Greenan

Debbie Wasielewski Tavarez

Debbie Woods Coy

Debby McCrary

Debi Jackson

Debi Tucker Boland

Deborah Carlyle Enman

Debra Hill

Debra Honeywell Myott

Dee-Ann Bodenheimer-Enslin 

Deena Corwin Pfahler

Deleise Carper Brewer 

Denise Ramirez-Tatum

Denise Trainer Webb

Diana Dermit McCarthy

Diana Walla

Diane Simms

Dina Palmisano Wolstromer

Donna Campbell Thornbury

Donna Holmes

Donna Thompson Spencer

Donna Turner Hudson

Dorene Rose

Doris Wright

Dyanne Khalaf

Elaine Falk Parker

Elisa Stoneman

Elizabeth Frauenknecht

Elizabeth McConnel Sutton

Elizabeth Pierce

Ellen McCrory

Eva Sullivan-Knoff

Felicia Dodd

Frances Lavender

Gena Rogers

Genell Brown

Georgi Persons

Gerry Phifer

Gina Williamson

Glenda Crump

Glenda Moore

Glenda Purkis Boulton

Gloria Melton

Greta Medrano

Gretchen Doornek Mueller

Harriet Sutton

Heather Clevenger

Heather Gee-Thomas

Heather McCracken Bottoms

Heather Shamp Mitchell

Ineka Estabrook

Irene Gilliland

Jacque Wright

Jacqueline Rutledge

Jacqueline Steverson Brown

Jade Cutter

Jamie Hovland

Jamie Tessing Bruesehoff

Jammie Risley Hahn

Jan Pezant 

Jan Roberts

Jan Wightman

Jane Clementi

Jane Moody

Jane Quintanar

Janet Phillips

Janice Dunn White

Janie Romine

Janine Sarah Moore

Jaron Terry

Jayne Tucker

Jeannette Cona-Larock

Jeannie Babb

Jen K D-Lewis

Jenn Riedy

Jenna Robertson

Jennie Young-Walczyk

Jennifer Angulo

Jennifer Donovan Jasgur

Jennifer Dunnam Stringfellow

Jennifer Hancock

Jennifer Robinson

Jennifer Schaffner Burkhardt

Jennifer Seeger

Jennifer Stake White

Jennifer Sumner

Jennifer Tatum Downs

Jennifer Teeter

Jennifer Wilkins Pearson

Jenny Bishop Morgan

Jenny Williams Hines

Jerri Surles Collins

Jessica Fahlgren

Jill Blythe

Jill Johnstone

Jill Pote Yarbrough

Jillian Jones

Joani Lea Jack

JoAnn Forsberg

Joann Thompson

JoAnn Tyndall Larsen

Joanne Lee

Jody Miller Vanderzell

Joy Denton

Joy Millikan

Judie Brown Gordon

Judith Davis

Judith K Volkar

Judy Witzel Harper

Julia Lunardo

Julie Ackerson-Armstrong

Julie Bean Bisgaard

Julie Elliott O’Neal

Julie Greene

Julie Kennedy Eaton

Julie Lenox Haines

Julie Manning Waters

Julie Mendell Lumpkin

Julie Pruitt

June Test Castonguay

Karen Adams

Karen Decker Kusserow 

Karen Sullivan

Karin Paulus

Karin Triola

Katherine Brown Leidy

Kathi Nicholson

Kathie Hegert

Kathie Moehlig

Kathrine M Kraft

Kathryn Zentner

Kathy Anderson Giannuzzi

Kathy Ann

Kathy Davenport Isakson

Kathy Ewing-Finley

Kathy Goodwin-Banko

Kathy Green

Kathy Nickles Baker

Kathy Reim

Kathy Renne Post

Kathy White

KathyMae VanLacken Hoepner

Katie Jenifer

Katie Krone Connell

Katie Miterko

Katie Willhite Brooks

Katrina Black

Kay Holladay

Kay Kelley

Kay Otting

Kay Whistler

Kelli Henry Alamond

Kelli Lewis Decker

Kellie Taylor-Lafevor

Kelly Beane

Kelly Cantwell

Kelly Dembiczak

Kelly Jamie Koffler

Kelly M Hunsaker

Kelly McKinsey

Kelly Rae Holiday

Keri Lynn Riley

Kim Belcher Messick

Kim Freeman Weill

Kim Huddleston McMahon

Kim Kendall

Kim Lue

Kim McMahon

Kim Sonntag

Kim Stone Haltiwanger

Kimberly Jones

Kimberly Shappley

Kimberlyn Graham

Kirsten Shaw

Kris Gromm

Krista Burdine

Kristen Capp

Kristi Chenoweth Dubois

Kristi Kodos

Krisztina Inskeep

Kyle Jump

Lannette Sargent

Laura Beth Taylor 

Laura Sparks Turner

Layla Raquel Lesley

LeAnn Fenner

Leba Shallenberger

Lee Ann Howdershell

Lenora Lea Gill

Lesa Edwards-Schepers 

Lesley Davis

Lesley Williams

Leslie Jones Webster

Linda Baker

Linda Hedrick Cox

Linda Ling

Linda Rooney

Linda Slater Tow

Linda Wiebe Dickinson

Linda York O’Connell

Lisa Bray

Lisa Burgess Berry

Lisa Cousins

Lisa Giordano Bontemps

Lisa Golden Dugger

Lisa MacGregor

Lisa Maniscalco Hildebrand

Lisa McCrystal Holley

Lisa Nickerson

Lisa Rhea

Lisa Schramm

Lisa Scott Wofford

Lisa Wetmore Shinn

Liz Dyer

Loretta Davila

Lori Black Manning

Lori Bradley-Lewis

Lori Chavers Blankenship

Lori Love-Wise

Lori McCoy Simmons

Lori Rogers

LuAnn Shaffer Welham

Lyndah Kolkmann

Lynette Joy

Lynn Kato

Lynne Steele Ford

Madai Girard

Maleea Shaver Castillo

Mally Shell Hatch

Marci Cobb Cox

Marcie Castiglione

Margi Wilmans 

Margie Candler

Maria Breeden

Maria Mongelli Glanzmann

Marianne Minier Walker

Marilynn Bourne Fowler

Marjorie Rudolph

Marlene Hoefer Brummond

Marlene Lund

Marsha Ladd

Martha Maust

Martha Parshall Richards

Marti Parsons Grahl

Mary Carter Knisley

Mary Estelle Montgomery

Mary Jo Whitley

Mary Kay Weil

MaryRuth Green Gossett

Meg Shull Bierwirth

Melea Broekers

Melina Madolora Wikoff

Melissa Ballard

Melissa Brady Silva

Melissa Morritt Coble

Melissa Nicholson Smallwood

Melissa Sosenko DeStefano

Melissa Talarico

Melody Dolle

Meredith Webster Indermaur

Merryl Dietz

Micah Hoshi

Michele Engle

Michele Manuel Fuselier

Michele Wessel Tarnow

Michelle Bradshaw McComb

Michelle Zulch

Millie Donnell

Miriam Pendley

Monica Ausderau Larmon

Monica Maday

Monica-Niki Elenbaas

Morven Roberts Baker

Nancy Adams Smith

Nancy Barron Booher

Nancy Dryer Deeb

Nancy Johnson Campbell

Nancy MacDonald

Nancy Ruh

Nancy Thompson Flikkema

Nancy Villegas

Nancy Wance

Nancy Williams Eakin

Nanette Sanderson Sparrow

Nicole Garrison Park

Nicole Havlen Hair

Noreen Sharp Wendeln

Ofelia Dafne’ Barba Navarro

Olivia Santos

Paige Gant

Paige Stover

Pam Ensinger Antos

Pam Swendig

Pam Walsh

Patricia Detzel

Patricia Sjöberg

Patti Atwood Grossman

Patti Detzel

Patti Mercer Churner

Patti Stone

Patti Stratton

Patty Dave-Meriwether

Patty Yamsek

Paula Unrau

Pauline Carlson

Pauline Daly

Penny Watne

Phyllis Barber

Rachel Drouillard

Rachel Fields

Rachel Keyte

Rachel Sargent

Rachel Whitehall

Rebecca Fako Uecker

Rebecca Hedges Lyon

Rebecca Sayre

Regina Pitts Woods

Renae Erickson

Renae Shaffer-Stone

Renay Boyes

Renee K Williams Erwin

Renee Utley Bennink

Rev. Mally Baum

Rhonda Eubanks

Rhonda Hartzell

Rhonda Morrison

Rita Daruvala

Rob Ullinger

Robin Gowan

Robin Protsman

Robinette Nacca-Cooke

Robyn S Haag

Ronda Zylstra

Ʀosaııie Ĺane

Rose Stucchio

Roseanne M. Shannon

Rosemarie Varrichio Campbell

Rossana Neglia McLaughlin

Roxanna Villars Gambrell

S Anderson

Sandra Cathers

Sandra Miller Lenard

Sandra Van Dyne

Sandra Vincent Richard

Sandy Collins

Sandy McClure

Sara Cunningham

Sara Hoel May

Sara Lunde Larson

Sarah Langley

Sarah Mills Holbrook

Sarah Thacker-Estell 

Shannon Eaton

Shawna Dicintio

Shay Bisbee Haude

Shelley McBride

Sheri Martin 

Sherilynn Hickenbottom

Sherri Jackson Simancas

Sherrl McFerrin Townsend

Shirley Carley

Sondy Eklund

Spring Davidson

Stacey Frazier

Stacey Jackson Baeumler

Stacy Gouge Drake

Stephanie Anderson

Sue Howard

Sue Tresatti

Susan Berland

Susan Cloys Seaman

Susan Cottrell

Susan Foss Naranjo-Stultz

Susan Hammontree Fortney

Susan Jewell

Susan Ledbetter

Susan Merritt Slattery

Susan Metcalf

Susan Ridley Griffin

Susan Wardzinski

Susy Rowe Barnhill

Suzanne Lambert Mann

Tamara Darbin

Tamara Totoro Dick

Tammi Perkins

Tammie Jarnagan

Tammy Flowers Mejdrich

Tammy Watson

Tammy Wenzinger

Tamra Jennings

Tana Lightbown Hendricks

Tanya Hutchinson

Tari Card

Tenley Dyck

Teresa Medlin Poston

Teresa Parker

Teri Henderson

Teri Stueland Kay

Terri Cook

Terri Gervasi

Terri Nolt

Terri Schempf

Terri White

Terry Hall Sanchez

Terry Moran

Theresa Cooper

Theresa Moore Martinez

Theresa Tasker

Tiffany Powell

Tina Tocheri Thomas

Tonda Campbell Hoyt 

Toni Ann Bradley

Tracey Gombold Bell

Tracie Sells

Tracy Jepson

Tracy Trotter Nagy

Tricia Kaufman-Waddell 

Tricia Willard 

Valencia Greene Foster

Valerie Amoling Cronin

Vanessa Ford

Vanessa Horton-Hendershot

Vanessa Melchiori

Vicki Kemp Whorton

Vicki Luna

Vicki March Belsterling

Vicki Westphal

Vicky Barnes

Vlada Knowlton

Wendy S. Dillehay

Wendy Wiley Canedy

Whitney Straub

Yvette Griego

Zenia Robertson

Zora Oh

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group created in June 2014 as an extension of the Serendipitydodah blog. The group presently has more than 1,700 members and was especially created  for Christian moms of LGBTQ kids who want to develop and maintain healthy, authentic, loving relationships with their LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group.  For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #11 – Jeannie Moran Androsoff

Tags

#LGBTQFamilies, LGBT, LGBTQ, love, love is the movement, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

I’m especially happy to share this Mama Bear Story with you. Jeannie was one of the original Mama Bears and she was dearly loved by all of us who knew her. She was always a great encouragement to us – always offering a loving and kind word – always seeing the best in everyone and cheering them on to pursue their dreams – always reminding people how much God loved them. Our hearts were broken when Jeannie’s life was cut short a few years ago. But the legacy of love and light that she created lives on in the communities she helped create and in the hearts and lives of those she touched with her radical love and inclusion. I am filled with gratitude that Jeannie’s son, Matt Moran, has given me permission to share her story here and for the beautiful closing message he wrote. Jeannie was an amazing person and a passionate mama bear. Matt is also an amazing person and his mother’s fingerprints are all over his life. 

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Jeannie’s story:

Had anyone told me twenty years ago that I would be sharing my story as the mom of a gay son, my response “… And you are crazy” would have been an understatement.  My son would not, could not, be gay.  You see, I raised him as a Christian.  We attended church every Sunday morning, and on a good week, we were there on Wednesday and Sunday nights as well.  Matt attended a Christian school.  He accepted Christ at the tender age of six, and still remembers the moment that he looked out the window of his bedroom one day, “knowing that Jesus was real” and asking Him into his heart.  I was a single mom, and while I wasn’t perfect, I was a good mom, living a Christ-honoring life to the best of my ability, and teaching my son to do the same.  But more importantly, I prayed for Matt consistently from the day he was born.  My favorite verse to “claim” was that God was a Father to the fatherless.  He had answered many prayers and had shown Himself faithful to us in hundreds of ways throughout the years – so could my son be gay?  Absolutely not!

I will never forget the night Matt told me “Mom, I’m gay.” He was 24 years old at the time, had been out of college for two years, and was home from Nashville for a visit.  I recall the shock and disbelief as I heard the words, yet almost simultaneously, my mind rebounded with the thought that “this is just a bump in the road and we will get through it.”  I immediately attributed his struggle to the fact that he had been raised without his dad, and I figured “God has brought us through everything else; He’ll bring us through this.”  I assured Matt of my love for him, and that I knew we’d get through this like we had everything else – together.

After Matt went to bed that night, I went into the bathroom, crawled into the fetal position on the floor, and laid there for hours, as I cried out to God from a place so deep in my soul that I seriously wondered if one could die from emotional pain.   “THIS could not be happening.  God, I did my best.  I raised my son to know and honor You, I instructed him ‘in the way he should go.’  I gave my all to be the best mom I knew how to be and Matt was a good kid.  But more importantly, I trusted in YOU, God, and Your promises. NO, NO, NO!!!”

The months following Matt’s revelation to me were difficult for us.  We had always been close, sharing our faith, our joys and struggles, and simply being good friends who laughed together as we enjoyed what was for both of us a great mom/son relationship.  Matt had moved to Nashville after college and I quickly grew to love the city and his friends when I visited there, but now, for the first time, I felt unwelcome.

Matt eventually shared with me that he had realized at the age of 22 that he was gay (two years prior to telling me.) He said that he sought counseling as soon as he arrived in Nashville, and he told me that one of the first things he said to his counselor was “My mom will never know about this.”  He knew how I felt about the issue of homosexuality, that it was a sinful lifestyle choice and one that no good Christian would make.  As I struggled to accept the fact that my son was gay, praying earnestly for God to change him, the divide between us grew.  What had previously been a comfortable relationship was now strained and awkward.  It broke my heart to call and get his voicemail, rather than hear the friendly “Hey, Mom.”  I knew he didn’t want to talk with me.  As I made attempts to talk with him and try to understand his “struggle”

Matt eventually told me “Mom, you need to find your own support system.  I can’t help you with this and I need my space.”  I know now that my very presence induced shame as he felt my disappointment in what I thought were his “choices.”

Suffice it to say, I did the work.  I sought counseling. I went to conferences.  I read every book I could find, and most of all, I prayed, and I prayed, …and I prayed some more.

I cried nearly every day for eight years, pleading with God to change my son.

God answered my prayer… just not in the way that I expected.  Instead of changing my son, he changed me.

Years later I’m at a much different place than I was that first night. While much of my journey has been lonely and challenging, I’d go through it all again to arrive where I’m at today and to know the amazing people that I have met along the way.

C.S. Lewis said “I have no answers anymore.  Only the life I’ve lived.”

I hope by sharing a bit of the life I’ve lived I can encourage other parents like me.

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A message from Matt:

A week before my mom passed away from cancer, she underwent a series of strokes that left her rather confused and incoherent.  But as my family stood around her hospital bed watching her sleep, she awakened suddenly, her eyes wide and sparkling, and she said, “You guys!!  You guys!  Every heart…is a masterpiece!”

Even today, I can’t help but believe that, in that moment, Mom was somehow standing between this world and the next, and seeing with eyes that were clearer than most of us could ever hope to have.

I have been overwhelmed by the number of emails, cards and letters I have received from other “mama bears” (my mom used to say, in reference to me, “Hon…you are my heart walking around outside of my body.”) sharing with me the impact that she made on their lives.  And I know that I know that nothing…absolutely nothing…would make her happier than to know that her story and message of unbridled love and acceptance are being passed along to those who need to hear it most.

You all are making a difference in the lives of gay folks and their families that is changing the course of history, and I am so incredibly thankful for the work you are doing.  In the words of my mom, you are truly “melting hearts and changing minds,” and, in my heart of hearts, I am confident that she is cheering you on (and even pulling a few strings.) to the finish line.

From the bottom of my heart – thank you.

Yours truly,

Matt Moran

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In addition to being an amazing Corporate Coach/Trainer/Consultant, Matt is also a very talented musician. He released a CD last year called Awakening. I love it and highly recommend it. I recommend buying the actual CD as it includes a booklet with some special words from Matt. There are some especially meaningful songs on the CD including”The Story of Us” which is a song that Matt sang for his mother in her final days and “Hallalujah Chorus” which he dedicated to the Mama Bears last year on the day that would have been Jeannie’s 66th birthday. You can go here to see and listen to the music video of Hallalujah Chorus.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,600 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

A PIECE OF MY HEART – Messages from Moms of LGBTQ Kids

Tags

affirming, family, heart, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, love, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids

Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,700 members. Each day moms of LGBTQ kids gather virtually to share a journey that is unique and often very difficult. The group is a place where they share a lot of information, ask questions, support one another, learn a lot and brag on their kids. (Email lizdyer55@gmail.com for more info about the group.)

Members of the private Facebook group “Serendipitydodah for Moms” were asked to share a piece of their heart with you by answering one simple question: “What do you want others to know about you, your kids, and your family?”

Here are their responses:

Don’t say, “I understand and support you all” and then disappear from our lives. Please don’t say we’re brave. Brave is dealing with a serious medical diagnosis. We are not brave, we are just being normal, loving parents who support our child. – Cathy Hoff from Ballston Spa, NY

We’re worthy. We matter. We’re valuable. We’re doing our best just like everyone else. We celebrate the wins and support each other through the losses. God does not see us as less redeemable than anyone else. See us. We’re no different. – Whitney Treloar from Naples, FL

That my child is exactly who God lovingly and perfectly made him to be. – Tammie Jarnagan from West Fork, Arkansas

Love is Love is Love. My daughter is the same relation to you now as when she was known as my son. She is your sister’s child, your daughter’s child, your neighbor’s child. Love me, love my Child, as Christ does. Love one Another.  – Cilla Thomas from Lincolnville, Maine

Our love is so true to each other. We have stood by each other, even as you stepped away. If you could have only stayed to share with us. Love knows no barriers. God has stood by us and we are so blessed. – Lori Chavers Blankenship from Gilroy, CA

Having a son who is gay has helped me become a better Christian and taught me to live and love better. I never had to choose between my Christian faith and my son. My faith helped me realize that condemning same sex relationships is wrong and unjust. – Liz Dyer from Fort Worth, TX

Our family is just a regular family, and we want the same for our child as you do for yours. – Jennifer Robinson from Portage, Michigan

I thought I knew what it meant to be a Christian. After all, we were a Southern Baptist minister’s family. I’ve always taught my kids to love God and love people. But I’ve learned more about the love of Christ from my gay son than I could have ever taught him. I’m a better person because of him. We no longer call ourselves Baptists, and we stay away from organized church. I will never subject our family to that kind of hurt again. We’re just Jesus followers and it feels good! – Jackie McQueen from Tuscaloosa, AL

My kid would be a regular, well adjusted, normal, everyday kid with everyday goals and concerns. If the world would just let them. – Lannette Sargent from Seattle, WA

My son was pretending to be a girl for 18 years. Now he can live as his authentic self. He’s never been happier. Our love stayed the same! – Danielle Castellini Giannascoli from Buena, NJ

Simply put, we love our kids and will stick by them. Just because one is gay and another is transgender is no reason to condemn us. We love fully and fiercely, just like God loves us! – Renae Shaffer-Stone from College Place, WA

The world is a better place because my child is in it. – Mary Jo Whitley from Winston-Salem, NC

I have been given the greatest gift by having a gay child. I have learned to love more completely and freely. The greatest heartache has not been with my child, but with others and how their beliefs have impacted my child. – Tana Lightbown Hendricks from Vancouver, BC

That my child is my most precious gift and to throw her away would have been the greatest sin. She is an amazing person. – Adele Berardi from Bayville, NJ

My daughter has a GREAT relationship with her father. Our family is intact. We raised both our kids in the faith. My faith journey towards affirmation started LONG before my daughter came out and when she did, I already kinda knew and my heart was well prepared. – Nicole Garrison Park from Lewisville, TX

I would like others to know that we are happy living our authentic lives and that they are loved. – Linda Ling from San Marcos, TX

We are the same people you knew BEFORE my daughter came out. – Shirley Carley from Midlothian, VA

Our family’s love does not come with buts, if onlys, asterisks, strings attached or conditions. We live for love, we live for each other.  – Tammy Flowers Mejdrich from Charleston, IL

To my ex pastor: You baptized my child in a freezing cold river at family camp when she was a child. She went to YOU and without my knowledge and asked you to baptize her. How you could turn your back on my child because she is gay is unconscionable. That is why I no longer attend the church I had been a member of for over 2 decades. Our family loves the Lord but will love Him in a place where people actually “love like Jesus”. – Nancy Villegas from Dinuba, CA

We have & will always love our daughter unconditionally. Those that matter support her; those that don’t support her don’t matter. Love people, love God. Namaste. – Katie Krone Connell from Arlington, TX

She is not depraved, sick or sinful for being gay and I am not “in bondage” for loving and supporting her just the way God created her. – Elizabeth Frauenknecht from Dayton, Ohio

We all travel roads that take different paths, but all strive to end up at the same location eventually and that would be healthy and happy. If we just cared enough to help each other reach our destination without judging who we bring along, we would have an amazing journey. My immediate family represents unconditional love on each path we take.  – Marcie Loeffler Castiglione from Burleson, TX

I am a mom! It took a while for me to wake up and affirm my girl, but praise the Lord I’ve awaken! I won’t be stopped. I love my girl and so does the Lord! – Sherry Pyles from Middlebury, CT

The silence and the avoidance of the “the subject” of my gay child is just as painful as hateful words that my beliefs offend you. You can’t tolerate one of my children and support the others and call it all unconditional love. – Kristen Capp from Monroeville, PA

Our family is about unconditional love. We work at being fully present in the life we have now, appreciating and respecting it as the gift that it is. We do not try to force our views onto one another but rather appreciate that our greatest lessons may come from those that are different than us. – Cheryl B. Evans from Ontario, Canada

This adventure has taught me more about how God truly wants us to love others than 50 years sitting in a church ever did. I have been stretched in ways I never thought possible, but the end result has caused me to love my child even more than before. – Deniece Williams from Canton, IL

Just love people, who they are and where they are, and let God figure out the rest. It’s not our responsibility to have all the answers. – Dena Heinen Edwards from Edmond, OK

I used to sing “Jesus loves you this I know, for the Bible tells me so. He loves me and he loves you, he loves pink and long hair too” to Grace. She always knew who God made her to be, we just had to catch up. – Ann Vinson Zweckbronner from Mechanicsville, VA

I am so proud of the wonderful people my children have become despite the unkind and harmful things they had to endure from uneducated and misinformed people. – Rose Stucchio from Massapequa, NY

My kid is the same kid they always were before they came out, Now I know one more little piece of information about them. Nothing scary, nothing much, just another revelation as they grow into the person they were meant to be. – Jennifer Stake White from Cleveland, TN

From the moment we stopped fighting our child’s authentic identity as a girl, our lives became simultaneously easier and harder. Easier because she was immediately happier being able to dress as a girl, present as a girl in public, grow her hair out, and just be herself. Harder because her dad and I became immediately aware of the increased danger to her from people who oppose trans people, which included some friends and church family.  – Katie Jenifer from Fayetteville, NC

My gay son makes me the luckiest mom on earth!! – Genell Brown from Shelton, WA

My family is happy, now. We laugh and smile and grow, now. Please stop negating the hard fought battles that brought us to this point because you disagree with our outcome. Instead ask us about the journey, you might find it wasn’t what you think.- Rachel Drouillard from Kettering, OH

I want others to know I don’t need you to pray for my daughter to be changed. I have raised amazing human beings. Don’t feel sorry for me because one happens to be gay. We are in a good place in our home, our hearts, and our walk with the Lord. – Brandy Doty from Nolanville, TX

I was shaken to my soul when my son came out. I would not have chosen for one of my kids to be gay but now I honestly count having a gay son as a gift from God. God did miraculous surgery on my heart. – Donna Thompson Spencer from Coral Springs, FL

If you say you’re “supportive” and you keep voting to put people in power who want to take rights and protections away from my son, then you are not supportive. Civil rights are not social issues. They are rights. The fact that you don’t openly disapprove of my child isn’t support. That is called tolerance. – Molly Wills Carnes from Houston, TX

I feel fortunate we raised our kids in a fully affirming church. That may have made it easier for my son to come out, although he was still afraid to tell us. We love him unconditionally, and his straight sister, too. Sending you all big Mom Hugs! – Nancy Booher from La Mirada, CA

My gay son has made me a better person, kinder, less judgmental. I love him with all my heart. He is a gift from God. My greatest fear is worrying that someone would judge him, reject and even physically hurt him just because God made him Gay. – Teresa Medlin Poston from Marion, SC

I’m not saying this on behalf of my transgender child because on GOD, she will never go a day without knowing how important and loved she is! I’m asking this for all the others who have been ostracized, ridiculed and told they are not right in the eyes of God to please look into one another’s soul and show kindness and compassion regardless of what’s between someone’s legs and this world will be a much safer, happier place. – Lizz Rosãs from Albuquerque, New Mexico

The best part of having a gay son, is the privilege I have had, meeting and becoming friends with his gay and lesbian friends. They are some of the most loving, creative, compassionate and caring people on the planet. My life has been enriched because of them. – Kay Bradford from Goodyear, AZ

As I told a legislative staffer on the phone today – our family is just like any other family. We work, we volunteer, we go to church, we take vacations, we have pets, hobbies, friends, hopes, dreams. We have good days and bad days, weird family inside jokes and made up words still in our vocabulary from when our kids were learning to talk. We are the same as most families. We want to live our lives freely and go about our business in peace. The only difference is that one of us is gay and a certain faction of society wants to throw up roadblocks at every turn while others may want to inflict physical harm. Normal things have become a fight. This has made me a fierce force for love, justice and equality. – Michelle Bradshaw McComb from Buda, TX

From the moment my son came out, my world changed so much for the better! He opened my eyes to REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! – Angie Laws from Hickory, NC

I want you to know that I love my child completely just the way that God made her. She is the same sweet girl that you have known since childhood. She happens to have a wife instead of a husband. I want you to know that we can talk about it even if we disagree because the silence is killing me. I want you to know that I understand why you think the way you do. I used to think that way too. I beg you to just try to begin to think about it differently. Read some books on this subject. Hear our stories. I’ve put myself in your shoes, please put yourself in mine. – Robinette Nacca-Cooke from Las Vegas, NV

What I want others to know about our family is that we love deeply, passionately and unconditionally. We as parents feel blessed to have a gay child because it has changed us for the better. Our eyes and hearts have been opened to a depth of love that we never completely understood before. Don’t judge what you don’t understand. – Sandy Van Dyne from Palmdale, CA

I don’t understand all my gay sons’ choices, but I do know they did not choose to be gay. God chose them and us to receive this life – with love & joy, or not. We choose love. We choose joy. Join us or not – your gain or loss. – Patty Meriwether from Fort Wayne, Indiana

I guess I want you to know that our house functions just like any other. My daughter identifies as lesbian. She is also a beautiful ballerina, talented artist, and giggles until three in the morning when she has her friends over. Most of our struggles are not because of her sexuality, but because she is a willful seventeen year old that knows who she is. My husband and I are both pastors in a progressive denomination. – Monica L. Banks from Winston-Salem, NC

I have 3 sons and their sexuality is just a sliver of who they are….I have a horticulturist, an artist, and a public servant in a large metropolitan city. Until/unless you have skin in the game, we have nothing to discuss!!! – Gerry Phifer from Jacksonville, TX

We’re just a normal family living our lives, loving who we love. Nothing much to see here. My teen daughter’s girlfriend had a birthday yesterday. We bought a stuffed animal & candy. We delivered the gifts. The girls hugged in the driveway. No big deal, no “gay agenda”. – Amy Hansley Bennett from McKinney, TX

Being a mom is awesome! I love all of my children, when our son came out we didn’t have all the answers, but he is my son and I unconditionally love him! I am 100% affirming, did we know everything, heck no! But I know love is love…what else matters? – Danette Mohring from Orangevale, CA

My son is a gifted writer and painter. His faith is inspirational and his ability to make people laugh brightens up even the darkest days. This world is a better place because he exists. Oh, and he’s transgender, which is just a facet of his amazingness. – Sherilyn Hickenbottom from Elk Grove, CA

I have two amazing sons, one straight and one gay. And I know that God created each of them to be exactly the person they have become. I believe the best gift any parent can give their child is to love them! I celebrate my kids! – Jamie Hovland from Quartz Hill, CA

After years of infertility, we were blessed with two little miracles! They are awesome adults: a straight daughter and a gay son, spiritual beings in human bodies, created by a loving God. We love and celebrate them and continue to love ALL of God’s children, letting Him do the judging. – Dyanne Khalaf from Tustin, CA

I am closer to God, my child, my family now than ever before in my life. My faith is deeper and richer. I fully love, accept and affirm my LGBTQ children BECAUSE of my faith, not in spite of it. – Susan Cottrell from Austin, TX

My daughters are the joy of my life. I always believe that we love unconditionally in our family and in the world. All life is a gift. – Kathy Lutz Hayes from Cincinnati, OH

I am the blessed mom of a transgender teenager and a cisgender teenager. Both were given to me as a precious gift from my Lord and Savior. I will do whatever I need to do to protect, love and support them with the abilities God gave me!! – Melissa Sosenko DeStefano from Gilbertsville, PA

Before I was a judgmental, white, conservative, holier than thou, Republican, fundamentalist, Christian. I had to take a really hard look at myself and when I did I found myself lacking. I’ve deconstructed everything I once believed was truth and am slowly putting it all back together. I think I am going to like the new me when this process is complete and I have my wonderful son, who happens to be gay, to thank for helping me see how wrong I was about so many things. – Laurie Newell Rhodes from Bryan, TX

I am the Mom of two, a straight son and a gay daughter. Both of them are gifts from God, Who made them who they are – straight or gay, talented, smart, and loving. Sexual orientation is no more a choice than eye color, or height, or anything else one is born with. I wish society as a whole would stop treating the LGBTQ community as less than equal. Love is love! – Michele Wessel Tarnow from Valparaiso, IN

My children are not their sexual orientations. My children are bright, caring, amazing humans that I have been blessed with. Love them for their personalities, their hopes and dreams, and how hard they love their family and friends. – Carrie Black from Oklahoma City, OK

I am so grateful that God created my son gay: He is smart, funny, talented, openhearted and deeply loyal to his friends. He – along with others in the LGBTQ community – deserves the same protections, privileges and basic human dignity as anyone. My purpose is to love him unconditionally, and to stand up and speak up for his rights. I’ll always have his back! – Jaron Terry from Hillard, OH

Our son was born 11 months after I was diagnosed with melanoma and 7 1/2 months after we were told I was all clear. He is the perfect gift, born on Christmas morning. God gave us a warm, loving, happy, compassionate, caring son who was just what we needed after a very scary year. God always knows what is best for us and our gay son is a true blessing. – Tricia Willard from San Carlos, Sonora, Mexico

For years we tried to be the “perfect” conservative, evangelical Christian family. We completely towed the party line, and that harmed all of us. The church became irrelevant to us as we went through some very dark times, and once we left we realized how wrong its teachings were–so opposite of light and life. Now we have exited, our gay son has a partner, and we have never experienced so much freedom and love. My message is that God made us in his image, and that means good and intelligent, crowned with glory and honor. Use that intelligence to live in the truth of who you are and not as an institution says you should! – Laura Sparks Turner from Reno, NV

When I found out my son was gay, I fasted & prayed for a year for him to change. The result was that God used that year to change me, not him. He didn’t need to change, he’s perfect just the way he is. God popped that nice, safe ‘Evangelical Bubble’ I was in so I could see the truth. I now look at people through the lens of love like Jesus did rather than the lens of fear that the church does. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful, sweet, funny, talented gay son. I love him with my whole heart and wouldn’t want him to change for the world. – Kim Kendall from Ferndale, WA

My daughter was born into a Southern Baptist family. Members of my family had donated land for churches, built church additions, regularly tithed, and were called to the ministry at young ages. I, too, had felt the call to ministry, but in the S.B. Faith, women are not allowed. I transferred to the Presbyterian church, and met my daughter’s father because he played on the church basketball team and worked at the same place I did. Our child was born after we had been married 3 years. A perfect girl! But later we found she has Rett Syndrome, a spectrum of disabilities. After high school, she came out as a lesbian. I always knew she was gay. She loves God, grew up in the church, and still loves everyone there. But she is not comfortable with their judgmental attitudes and comments. We stay home on Sundays because of that. We went from being very active (Elder, Choir Director, Treasurer, Confirmation teacher, etc.) to no involvement at all. Here is the kicker. No one knows she is gay. She cannot speak because of her disability. We do not out her to people she feels uncomfortable with because of her vulnerability. What she cannot handle is the jokes and comments about other LGBT people. – Susan Cloys Seaman from Whitefish, MT

What I want others to know about me and my family is that we love our son for who God has made him to be. We will not try and change him because that would be trying to change God. – Kelly McKinsey from Bakersfield, CA

I had concern when my child was 3. He was a delight and brought us so much joy. The number one thing I knew to do was to protect him from church beliefs. Whenever I hear, “We love your child but…” I want to walk away and I know that person is not safe. God has given us a heart of love and released us from fear. – Debby Laird McCrary from Orlando, FL

When our son first came out at age 19 we felt very much alone at our church and unsure where to turn for advice. We pretty quickly grasped that his being gay was not a “choice” and not a sin, despite what we had always been told. We found support online, through the Gay Christian Network, Reformation Project and later Freed Hearts. Five years later he’s happy and successful and we have a great relationship. – Kim Stone Haltiwanger from Athens, GA

What I want others to know about me, my kids, and my family is that our mutual love and trust are unshakable. We encourage each other to be the best, most authentic versions of ourselves, because that is why we exist. We are who God made us to be, which means we honor the truest and best in everyone we meet. These are our primary values, and for me these are Christian values. They coincide nicely with the best in all of the other major religions as well, which is how I know we’ve got this much right in our lives. Everyone deserves a place at the table of human fellowship. – Janine Sarah Moore from Freehold, NJ

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. Our official motto is “We Are Better Together” and our nickname is “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,700 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com