Mama Bear Story Project #41 – Sara Cunningham

Tags

Free Mom Hugs, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – Home of the Mama Bears

When I was a child, my mother called me “Goose,” I am certain now more than ever this was because of my natural ability to put my nose into other people’s business. I needed to know what was going on, if everyone was ok, and most importantly when we could all get together again. Community was everything to me then, and it certainly is my focus every day now.

My Journey to becoming an ally began with the words from my child, “Mom I’ve met someone, and I need you to be okay about it.” I didn’t take the news very well, and I said and did some things I regret even to this day.

I had to re-examine my religion as it suggested that I needed to choose between my faith and my child. I discovered, with the help of some others who came alongside me, that what I believed about LGBTQIA+ people came from a few verses in the Bible that had been misinterpreted and misunderstood. From there, my journey went from the church to the local pride parade wearing a homemade button and offering Free Mom Hugs or High Fives.

I wasn’t the first mom to show up at a Pride Parade offering love and hope and hugs, but I did create a non-profit based on that experience. After my post about being a stand-in mom at same-sex weddings went viral; what we have seen has been a movement of love and celebration for the LGBTQIA+ Community.

It has been the most amazing gift dropped in our laps as far as getting the message out to moms, dads, educators, and churches that NOW is the time to get educated, to step out of fear and ignorance and come out of their own closets to speak out on behalf of their children.

But what has been even more beautiful is the community, the connection and healing that is taking place in the lives of LGBTQIA+ youth and adults due to the thousands of compassionate, empowered people who are responding and offering support, birthday cards, words of affirmation, homemade blankets, and other simple but very important small gestures such as referring to a transgender person by their chosen name.

We also recently had a follower on Instagram post about their 11-year-old child who attempted suicide because of intense scrutiny and bullying from family and school. We noticed the post and got our group of “Mama Bears to the Rescue” their address and when the young girl came home from the hospital, she was surprised by dozens of cards, stuffed animals and blankets from Mamas all across the country. These small acts of kindness, this kind of loving presence in the life of that child and her Mama delivered a message of love and hope that was life-changing for them.

This is where we are going Beyond The Hug. We are supporting homeless youth with Free Mom Hugs Hoodies. We are helping our transgender friends fund legal fees for gender name changes, emotional and financial support after top- surgeries; we travel to small-town colleges and encourage their GSA’s. We are educating on behalf of our communities in schools and in the workplace. We are advocating on behalf of mental health awareness, ending workplace discrimination, and putting an end to once and for all the mental abuse that is conversion therapy.

So many young LGBTQIA+ people are hurting from family rejection and rigid religious beliefs. We may not be able to solve most problems – but one thing we can all do is be a loving presence in the life of LGBTQIA+ people. Anyone reading this can send a card, speak words of affirmation, get together with someone for a coffee, give a small gift, use someone’s chosen name, give a hug. These are things we can all do.

My hope is that my journey will inspire all of you to want to be a loving presence in the life of LGBTQIA+ people.

Together I believe we can change the world, so it is a kinder, safer, more loving place for all people to live.

Love wins. Hugs and high fives help too.

Sara Cunningham is a Mama Bear and the Founder, Executive Director & CEO of Free Mom Hugs. Sara has been featured on the Today Show, CNN, and viewed by millions on social media. You can follow Sara and Free Mom Hugs on Facebook and find out more about her message of love and hope by visiting the Free Mom Hugs Website

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 4,400 members. For more info about the private Facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

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Mama Bear Story Project #40 – Melissa DeStefano

Tags

Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, School, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Trans Youth, transgender

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

I had hoped that my son would wait until after high school to come out as transgender. But I realized I’d prefer a thriving son over a dead daughter.

When I gave birth to my first baby, the doctor said, “It’s a girl!” Before I even knew my child, those words helped me imagine the future.

But the future was different from what I expected.

By the time my child was in high school, he went by a boy’s name, ran on the boys’ cross-country team, received hormone therapy, underwent chest surgery and used the boys’ bathrooms and locker rooms.

It was clear early on that Aidan was different. From about the age of 2, Aidan didn’t want long ponytails but short hair. He wanted to wear shorts and track pants — going shopping meant the boys’ section. He was super athletic. Aidan looked like a boy.

I thought I was raising a tomboy. I wondered whether someday my daughter would come out as a lesbian. Then, in junior high, Aidan told me, “Mom, I was born in the wrong body. I’m transgender.”

I was floored. When your child comes to you and says, The most basic things you think you know about me are false — it takes your breath away.

I Googled my mind into oblivion. I read about families that kicked children out of the house and disowned them. I read about schools that refused to use a child’s chosen name and preferred pronouns. I learned that transgender kids have a sky-high suicide rate. I was terrified. I realized that my choice might be a dead daughter or a thriving son.

Living your truth is hard — but right

I had hoped Aidan would wait until after high school to come out publicly as transgender, but after 10th grade, he told me he was going to do it on Facebook. I couldn’t stop him, and so I posted my own letter alongside his video — and people were supportive. Afterward, Aidan seemed lighter and happier.

Even so, it was not an easy path. Our family used to go to church together, and we’d jam to Christian music in the car — until one church associate told Aidan he was damned to hell. Aidan was devastated, and eventually quit the youth group. These days, he questions the existence of God. I still go to that church and feel so sad and angry that representatives of an institution I value denied my child’s sense of himself — I didn’t want that to happen in other places.

So I felt grateful for the support from Boyertown Area High School in Boyertown, Pennsylvania. By 10th grade, when Aidan started there, he had been consistently dressing in boys’ clothes for years. He told the guidance counselor he had gotten strange looks using the girls’ bathroom and needed an alternative. She offered the nurse’s bathroom.

That summer, Aidan started taking testosterone. When he returned to school in the fall, we filed for a name change so he would officially be “Aidan.” Then he had chest surgery. In Aidan’s senior year, he joined the boys’ cross-country team and, with the school’s permission, began using the boys’ restroom and locker rooms.

Finally, he felt fully validated for who he is. Aidan was coming into his own as a happy-go-lucky, popular and confident trans kid. Everyone who met him seemed to like him — he was even elected to the Homecoming Court. My fear began to fade.

But during Aidan’s senior year, a handful of other students sued the school, claiming that their privacy was violated because transgender students were using the same bathrooms and locker rooms. Adolescence can be an awkward time for anyone, but the high school has private changing areas and bathrooms so no student has to change in front of others.

I’m grateful that two courts have recognized the right of transgender students like Aidan to use the bathrooms and locker rooms that match their gender identity. But now the other students have asked the Supreme Court to review the case. We are working with the American Civil Liberties Union to discourage the Supreme Court from taking up the case.

It might seem like this is just about a bathroom — but in fact it’s a powerful institution saying to a child, you have no right to be who you say you are. Schools form the center of kids’ social lives, and they are where kids develop a sense of themselves. Had the school excluded Aidan from the same facilities as other boys, it would have negated, instead of affirmed, his new and shining confidence and ease in the world.

He knows transgender kids who have had more experiences like that: They have been rejected by family, friends, institutions. Several have attempted suicide.

I consider myself a very lucky mom. God blessed me with two wonderful kids. My greatest hope is that the world recognizes my son, and other transgender people like him, and allows them to find their paths.

 

THIS STORY WAS FIRST PUBLISHED ON THE USA TODAY SITE.

 

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 4,400 members. For more info about the private Facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #39 – Vanessa Nichols

Tags

LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, lgbtq youth, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Parenting, School, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

The Bullies Have Arrived and I’m Ready To Use My Words.

My daughter was bullied for the first time two weeks ago.

Unfortunately, I’m not surprised. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less as a mom.

When you’re a little girl that appears to be a boy, when you don’t fit into a perfect little societal norm box in this hateful world, bullies will find you.

She was on a play date in a different neighborhood. Her and her friends went to the community’s playground and met two boys around the ages of 10-12.

All started out well and fine, they all played together, until they didn’t.

The two boys began picking on my daughter, before even knowing she was a girl, making fun of her clothes, her shoes, her hair. When she corrected one of them for calling her an “ugly boy”, telling them she was a girl, they then called her a “tranny”, a freak, a fag, and gay. None of such terms were even understood by my child. Because she’s 8 and ignorant to such slurs and hatred.

She handled it well enough. She talked it out with me when I picked her up. She asked a lot of questions about the words they used and just seemed overall confused, but not overly sad.

She is the type to stuff emotions a little bit so I’m not sure the validity to her dismissive attitude but I was proud of her strength. We keep open communication about the incident and I made sure to tell her that these boys were just mean because they didn’t understand her and that they must have felt bad and ugly inside to do that to someone else, to which she responded well.

As for me? I didn’t handle it quite as gracefully.

I was so sad. I am so sad.

This is a tough pill to swallow for a parent. This bullying epidemic is some scary shit, especially when you bring the notion of social media into the conversation. It’s fucking terrifying.

I analyzed the incident for days. And by analyzed , I mean obsessed over it. And by obsessed over it, I mean I lost sleep, I cried and I thought about running away with my child somewhere it feels safer than this. Anywhere that posed promise for more open mindedness.

Because I know this won’t be the last bullying incident. I knew this was coming and it was the day I dreaded for years.

When my daughter’s gender identity adventures began at a very young age, of course I was hoping it was a phase. Of course I was.

Who would want their child to have a more difficult life? Who would want their child to be different, to stand out, to struggle? No one. Absolutely not one parent on the face of the earth.

But alas, she continued to express herself in the same patterns: “boy” toys, “boy” clothes, “boy” haircut, all with a bit of a masculine nuance to her mannerisms since age 4.

I’ve never labeled her transgender, as I’ve written and talked about publicly. Let me be clear here and interject- I would label her transgender, and let her socially transition, if she asserted herself that way, if she affirmed that in her heart she feels like a boy, if she ever went into depression or anxiety over it, or if she attempted suicide over it as many young children do when they’re trans. Because I now knowthat being trans a science based fact, because I’ve done my research, because I know families that have had a suicidal 7 year old because their brain doesn’t match their genitalia.

But thus far, that hasn’t been the case. We keep an open dialogue and yes, she sees someone that specializes in gender issues. Because it’s confusing as fuck, for her and more so for me. This is not a made up thing.

So, for now, she’s a girl with a very feminine name who looks like a boy and confuses so many strangers.

Which is where the bullies will continue to dive in. Because they’re afraid. Because whether you’re a child, a teen, a young adult, or full grown, fear breeds ignorance and ignorance breeds terrible behavior, as we have all been privileged to witnessing.

People are afraid of things and issues and other people that they don’t understand. They’re afraid and they react out of that fear. And the bullies aren’t taught to filter that out by their parents. Ignorance is perpetuated in their homes, it’s learned behavior. And that behavior translates into hatefulness. Just look around social media. Adults are the absolute worst offenders.

People ask me all of the time. “why do you write about this? Why do you put this information out to the universe to get scrutinized?”.

And all of this analysis of this first bullying incident solidified my answer- to preach the word of kindness. To maybe, just maybe, educate one person on what it is that makes my child different. To advocate for all differences.

I posted a little blurb about this incident on my personal Facebook page, trying to spread a message of kindness and teaching children to not say anything if they don’t have anything nice to say.

I received a private message from a person I knew from high school who stated that I set my child up for this bullying, that this is my fault, because I “let her dress like a boy”. To which I replied, I simply will not shove my child’s wants and needs aside, force her into a box, for the comfort of everyone else. No way. That would certainly make it better for everyone else wouldn’t it? But that is not allowing my child room to be who she is. That is not setting her up on a solid foundation.

She is who she is.

And that’s why I write.

For her.

To create a better world for her the only way I know how.

And to those that believe writing about this topic is over exposing her- that’s a fair concern but listen, she will grow up knowing her mother is a fighter for equality. And I hope that makes her proud. I will absolutely stop writing about this the moment she asks me to.

But in the meantime, I will fight for a better place for her to exist just how she is. Her authentic self. I will use my writing as a super power of education and plea for kindness.

And hope for a day where acceptance is commonplace and bullies have no place in the world.

A mama can hope. A mama will fight.

Vanessa Nichols is a single mom of one amazing redhead, living in southwest Florida. Her writing has been featured on Scary Mommy, BLUNTMoms, Elephant Journal, and BonBon Break. She’s a lover of yoga, a sun worshiper, a traveler, and a dreamer. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook and read more on her blog.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 4,400 members. For more info about the private Facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #38 – Jennifer Stringfellow

Tags

bible, Christian, church, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

We’re Angry

 

 

Do you know what just occurred to me?💡

The reason I and many other moms of LGBTQ kids come across as angry?

Its because we are.

We’re angry!

 

We did everything right according to bringing a child up in a Christian home. We did all the things. We brought our kids to church, we taught our kids from the Bible, we taught them to pray and prayed with them, we taught them right from wrong, we sang the songs ‘Jesus loves me this I know’ being the A#1 song, we made sure every summer they were in VBS, we went to all the extracurricular functions, we taught abstinence until marriage, we did everything we could do to make sure our children were saved and would enter the kingdom of heaven.

 

And what did The Church do to our kids when they came out and told the truth about who they are? The Church told them they are broken. That the way they were born to be is a sin. An abomination. That the only way to be acceptable is to marry someone they have no attraction to or to force them into celibacy.

 

And do you know what a lot of our LGBTQ kids have done about The Churches treatment of them??? They’ve given the middle finger to Christianity. They can’t live… literally cannot stay alive and surround themselves with The Churches options for them for the way they were born to be. And this is why our kids separate themselves from The Church… so they can literally keep breathing.

 

So yeah, I’m angry. I’m really angry. That all the years and all the work I put in to making sure my children love Jesus has been snuffed out in one fell stroke by The Church. Neither of my kids claim Christianity as their faith.

 

Thanks Church.

 

Jesus would have none of this😞

 

And that’s an explanation on why we come across as angry.

 

It’s because we ARE!

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,800 members. For more info about the private Facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #37 – Corina Dulecki

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, parents, Serendipitydodah for Moms

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

My Journey

I’ve been on a journey. As with any journey, the road has had ups and downs, twist and turns. Let me tell you how my journey started and where it has led me.

A few years ago, my oldest child was home from her university. I don’t remember what day it was or what I was doing but I know I was sitting on the floor (which means I was probably folding laundry or petting the dog). My daughter said she needed to talk to me. The way she said it made me ask her if she was pregnant. She said “No, I’m gay”.

So the journey begins. I’ve always been liberal politically and religiously (surprising since I grew up in a Missouri synod Lutheran Church) so this announcement was not difficult for me to hear. We went on with her visit and soon she went back to school. I don’t know how she came out to friends, but I soon saw some posts on social media. The most noteworthy was a twitter post on national coming out day. For a while after that, she didn’t talk too much about relationships and we didn’t meet or hear about anyone special. I don’t think my relationship with my daughter changed much during this time. We have always had a good relationship and it has only gotten better since she has become an adult. She is fun to talk to and we have a lot in common.

In Jan 2018, my daughter went to Spain to study aboard. My husband and I were blessed to be able to go visit her when she was done with her program. We traveled through Spain with her and I saw once again what a wonderful young adult she has become. After we left Spain, she stayed another week before she flew back to Chicago for the summer.

My husband met our daughter in Chicago the following week and moved her back to the apartment. She was planning to stay in Chicago for the summer to work. That was a big deal because for the past three summers, she had worked at a Lutheran camp as a camp counselor. (She had been a camper there since 7th grade). Since her faith was important to her, she was active in our church and Living Water Ministries while in high school.

Fortunately while at Loyola, my daughter found a home at a Methodist Church. Not only did she worship there, but she also worked in their after school program. I was able to visit a few times. It was much smaller than our home church but it was very welcoming and very progressive. I noticed this even before I entered the building. There was a “no guns” sign as well as a pride flag out front. The sermon was social justice focused. Every time I attended, I was welcomed with open arms. I always saw God’s love shining through when I visited.

Meanwhile, my church (an ELCA church) announced that they would be holding a series of three forums on same sex marriage. The purpose was to help the church council establish a policy about whether to perform same sex marriages. It never occurred to me that the church didn’t already allow this, so I started researching and learning. As I said, I’ve always been liberal politically and religiously, but this was different. This was my baby girl we were talking about and this was the church where my baby girl grew and developed her faith.

Ironically, at about the same time I found about the upcoming forums, I found a Facebook group called Serendipitydodah for Moms-A place for unexpected discovery. This is a closed Facebook group for mothers (mainly Christian) of LGBTQIA+ kids. I joined the group and quickly posted a question explaining what my church was doing and requested resources and books to help me learn about gay marriage and the Bible. The other moms responded right away with books, articles and other resources. I was worried about what my church would decide so I started reading and researching. I read everything I could.

I also started thinking about the LGBTQIA+ community in my town. To be honest, I knew little about it. From conversations with my daughter, it didn’t seem that her high school had been LGBT friendly. I wondered what other LGBT folks thought of our city. Although I want my children to live wherever they feel comfortable as adults, it made me sad to think my child may not feel comfortable where I lived. I started following the local Pride Center on Facebook. I went to their parent’s group a few times and met some lovely people.

I also continued going through the resources that I had learned about on line. First, I read the book “Torn” by Justin Lee. Although I already believed that homosexuality was not a sin, I didn’t really know why I believed that (outside of the fact that I believe that my God is a loving God). This book helped me to begin to understand how this is biblically true. I shared the books and resources with my husband and we seemed to be on the same page.

Next, I listened to a podcast called Blue Babies Pink. It was created by an evangelical Southern Christian. It was his life story of coming to terms with his homosexuality. His story was amazing.

I continued to read books and resources throughout the summer and fall. David Guhee’s “Changing our Mind”, “The Sin of Certainty” by Peter Enns and “A Bigger Table” by John Pavlovitz were all wonderful. These writers really helped me see that the Bible does not condemn homosexuality. I started learning about the “clobber verses” and how they were traditionally interpreted. I started to learn a new way to understand those verses. I also began learning about affirming churches.

As I was discovering all these resources, I found out about many local events that were happening and attended several. I heard John Pavlovitz speak at a United Church of Christ service. John was an amazing speaker but what was more amazing was the church itself. The pastor was a gay married man with whom I had the opportunity to speak after the services. I told him what was happening in my church and he said he would pray for us. I drove home filled with much peace and joy and was more sure that gay marriage is okay in the eyes of God.

I learned that the local Christian Reformed Church has a group called All One Body which advocates for unrestricted participation in all areas of church life by all members who confess Christ, whether single or partnered without regard to sexual orientation or gender identity. This group had speakers come to a local CRC church so I went to a few of their events. One was Justin Lee (author of Torn). I had been moved by this book so I was glad I could hear him speak. He was amazing! This group hosted another speaker who was a local pastor, Rev. Jim Lucas who founded GIFT (Gays in Faith Together). Hearing his story and testimony gave me one more reason to believe God did not condemn gay marriage and homosexuality is not a sin as many Christians believe.

A local United Methodist Church hosted and event called Inclusion First. It was a week-long series of events to “transform ourselves, our churches and our community to be more inclusive to our LGBT+ neighbors”. My husband and I had the opportunity to hear a panel discussion with several LGBTQIA+ people that was nothing but inspiring.

The more I read and saw, the clearer I was that the Bible is not against gay marriage. I was seeing scripture in a whole new way and was becoming very passionate about this topic, but I started to get worried about my own church. What if my congregation does not vote to allow gay marriage? What if my church did not allow my daughter to get married there if one day she wants to? I also started to wonder what the conversations were going to look like at the forums. What would happen if people I have been friends with for years would look at my husband and me from across the aisle and say they believe that homosexuality is a sin and for that reason your child cannot get married at our church?

While those concerns were heavy on my heart, I spoke with a co-worker who identified as LGBTQ+. I told her about what would be going on in my church. She shared with me that her wife might have some more resources (because of her occupation). The two of them were gracious to take a Saturday morning to meet with me over coffee to talk about all of this. It was wonderful to hear their stories and viewpoints and get to know them better. Their love for each other and their compassion for me as I struggled with my fears was clearly a gift from God.

Shortly thereafter, I was in Chicago visiting my daughter and her girlfriend (she is now in relationship with a lovely girl). It was getting closer and closer to the date for the first church forum and it really hit home how important this is to me. I read numerous authors that wrote so intellectually about what the Bible says and doesn’t say about homosexuality. I understand the clobber verses in a whole new way. I have met many members of the LGBTQ+ community in Grand Rapids and West Michigan. I saw what several other churches were doing and I wondered about the ELCA at large. This led me to a website called Reconciling Works: Lutherans for full participation. It’s a program for Lutheran congregations to publicly welcome LGBTQIA+ people and be placed on a Reconciling in Christ roster. I learned what it meant to be a truly Affirming Church.

I continued to be worried about what my church’s forums would look like. What would it be like to sit across from someone I call a friend and find out that they don’t believe like me? I decided to ask one of my pastors if we could meet prior to the forums. We talked about what I had been learning and reading. He let me know that our congregation had people on both sides of the aisle when it came to gay marriage in the church. That made me sad because after months of reading, learning and talking to people, I didn’t know anyone in my congregation could be against allowing gay marriage.

I went into all of this to educate myself so that I could be well spoken about why I believe that my church should allow same sex marriage, but I think God had more in mind. Now I want more than just having a policy that allowed our church to preform same sex marriage. I want a congregation that loudly and clearly shouts “LGBTQIA+ siblings in Christ, you are loved and welcomed here. We want you to be comfortable here within our walls. God loves you, we love you. You are welcome and safe here”.

This has been my journey. I know it is not over and I’m not sure where it will go from here. What I do know is that I love my children. I do know that God loves my children. I hope and pray that my church will also show that same love to all of God’s children. I hope that our church becomes truly affirming.

( A post script: My church will have the same sex marriage policy completed in Jan 2019)

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,800 members. For more info about the private Facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bear Holiday Hugs Project

Tags

affirmation, Christmas, Holidays, Mama Bears, Mama Bears to the Rescue, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Support, thanksgiving

The Mama Bear Holiday Hugs Project is hosted by Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids.

The holiday season can be an especially lonely and stressful time for many lgbtq people who have lost support due to their lgbtq status. Members of Serendipitydodah for Moms are invited to send holiday messages of love, hope and affirmation to lgbtq people who need support during the holiday season.

To nominate an lgbtq person to receive a Holiday Hug message, in the mail, from an affirming mom, click on this link and fill out the form. (Name, address, sexual orientation, gender identity and pronouns are required)

MAMA BEARS GIVE THE BEST HOLIDAY HUGS!!

PLEASE help us spread the word by sharing this post!!

If you have questions you can email mamabearholidayhugs@gmail.com

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bears to the Rescue

Tags

connection, Friendship, LGBT, LGBTQ, loving presence, Mama Bears, Mama Bears to the Rescue, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, small acts of kindness, Support

If you know an LGBTQ person who is feeling alone and needs some love and encouragement please consider telling them about “Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue”

Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a private Facebook group made up exclusively of moms of LGBTQ kids who love, support and affirm their own LGBTQ kids and want to love and support other LGBTQ people who don’t have that kind of support and affirmation in their life.

The focus is small acts of kindness, making personal connections and being a loving presence in the life of LGBTQ people who have lost support due to their LGBTQ status.

The members of Mama Bears to the Rescue do things such as include LGBTQ people who need support in their holiday gatherings, stand in as affirming moms at same sex weddings, send notes of encouragement, find helpful resources, talk on the phone, text, get together for coffee or lunch etc

If you know someone who is an LGBTQ person who could use some Mama Bear love and encouragement please click on the following link and fill out the form:  https://goo.gl/forms/OvjCWfIcBYgVPe883

 

More than 500 moms of lgbtq kids are standing by to support, connect with and care for lgbtq people like Seth Owen

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Ellen DeGeneres, Ellen Show, homeless, Kindness, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, lgbtq youth, Light, love, Mama Bears, moms, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Seth Owen, small acts of kindness, spread love, Support, The Ellen Show

Jacksonville teenager, Seth Owen, shared his remarkable story with talk show host Ellen DeGeneres Tuesday, completing a journey that has taken him from virtual homelessness to the embrace of the nation.

You can read more about it on The Advocate at this link.

Unfortunately Seth’s story of losing support from his family due to him being gay is far too common and doesn’t always have such a happy ending.

That is why members of  Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids, decided to start Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue.

 

Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue was started in March 2018. There are currently more than 500 moms of lgbtq kids in the group who are scattered across the country, ready to offer support, connection and care to lgbtq people like Seth Owen, who have lost the support of their family due to their lgbtq status.  Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a subgroup of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids.

Members of the group are available to connect with lgbtq people in their local area who need some support, connection or care.

The group is a place where these moms can connect with each other in order to plan and coordinate small acts of kindness such as being a stand-in affirming mom at a wedding, visiting someone in the hospital, helping someone get settled in a new area, providing some transportation, including someone in their holiday gatherings, sending a note of encouragement etc.

The most important thing the members of Mama Bears to the Rescue want to do is be a loving and supportive presence in the life of lgbtq people who have lost the support of their family due to their lgbtq status.

If you know of an lgbtq person who could use some Mama Bear love please email lizdyer55@gmail.com

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Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a subgroup for Serendipitydodah for Moms. The members of the group are available to do small acts of kindness for lgbtq people in their local community who may need connection, care or assistance.

 

More than 1,100 Thank Yous

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Jeff Rudell, Jeffrey Rudell, letter, love is the movement, Making It, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Story, Thank You

Years ago his parents sent a black wreath to his office to let him know he was dead to them.

A few weeks ago more than 1,100 Moms of lgbtq kids signed a letter to support him and let him know we stand beside him.

He responded with more than 1,100 Thank Yous!

One of my favorite things about Serendipitydodah for Moms are the letters of support that we send out. We send our letters to individuals, organizations, businesses and institutions that are helping to make the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for all lgbtq people. The members of Serendipitydodah can request to have their name added to the letters we send. We sent our first group letter in the spring of 2015 with less than 200 signatures. Today our letter has more than 1,100 signatures.

Recently, after seeing him on Making It, the NBC reality competition series co-hosted by Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman, we decided to send a letter to Jeff Rudell.

Jeff was one of the “makers” on Making It and told a bit of his story during one of the episodes.

Jeff told how his family rejected him when he came out to them as gay and how his parents went so far as to send a black wreath to his place of employment with a card that said “in memory of our dead son”.

His story broke the hearts of the members of Serendipitydodah and we wanted to reach out and let Jeff know that we stood with him and admired him for having the courage to share his story.

We sent the following letter with more than 1,100 names of moms of lgbtq kids added to the letter:

Dear Jeffrey,

We are members of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a large private Facebook group created in June 2014 for moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids.

We presently have more than 3,100 members in the group and many of us are working to bring attention to acceptance and equality of LGBTQ people.

We are writing to you because we want you to know that we were encouraged when you shared your story on Making It. Of course we were sad and broken hearted to hear about the way your parents abandoned and rejected you, but we are so thankful that you are willing to share your story because we believe it is important for others to hear stories like your own. We also want to let you know we care about you and recognize the courage it took for you to share your story publicly. We are moms who understand because some of our own children have had to exhibit the same kind of courage when they finally determined to come out and begin living fully into the person they were created to be.

Although there is a lot of ignorance and hate out there, we want to encourage you. Every day there are more and more people who are supportive and affirming of LGBTQ people. The tide is turning and things are getting better. Laws are changing and many, many people do care about you and support you.

So, hang in there and keep dreaming and striving to live a full, happy, successful, good life. 

More than 1,100 of us are signing our names to this letter with much love, gratitude and encouragement sent your way. We think you are amazing! We love your creativity and are rooting for you and wish you the best in all that you do!

Thank you for the way you are encouraging others just by being your authentic self.

We will continue to fight for you and support you just as you are.

Love is the movement,

(followed by 1,100+ names of moms of lgbtq kids)

BUT that isn’t the best part!!

The best part is that Jeff responded with a beautifully written thank you AND INCLUDED A THANK YOU FOR EACH NAME ON THE LETTER!!!

Yes, you read that right.

Jeff Rudell took the time to type out a thank you for more than 1,100 moms who signed the letter of support we sent to him.

Jeff Rudell took the time to send us more than 1,100 thank yous.

Needless to say, we were blown away.

Spreading love is amazing because so much of it always comes right back at you.

Here is Jeff’s response (you probably want to grab a kleenex):

Dear Liz:

I hope you will forgive me the informal manner of my address but, after weeping over your letter for a good 20 minutes, I feel like we are close enough that I can call you by your first name.

I am deeply moved by your note. Humbled. Encouraged. Overwhelmed. In truth, your note affected me in quite a few ways. Chief among them, however, was a deep feeling of joy that the world contains people such as yourself and all the other members of your group. It was not always so. That you all have gathered together, in love, gives me more than a little hope for all our futures.

I agree with you that stories such as my own need to be told. Too often shame or fear keeps people from sharing their experiences and that leaves so many others in the dark, feeling isolated and helpless. I was happy and honored to be able to speak of my own history (and I was deeply impressed that NBC was willing to include it in the final edit of the show). As you well know, my story, awful as it may be, is in no way unique or unusual. LGBTQ children everywhere go through the same thing I went through, or worse, every day.

I was uncertain, and a little anxious, about what sort of response my appearance on the show might receive. One hears horror stories about trolls and haters on social media. To my great delight, I am happy to report that the responses have — across the board — been positive, hopeful, encouraging, and loving. A 22-year-old man and woman offered to adopt me as their son. A grandmother in her 80s offered my husband and me use of her spare bedroom should we ever find ourselves in need of shelter or respite in the mountains of Kentucky. I have a standing invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at the home of more than 100 different families across America. And the messages of love and support go far beyond even those kind gestures.

Your note, however, was the one that hit hardest. That so many of your have come together, united in your efforts to retain relationships with your LGBTQ children…honest to God I cannot imagine a more beautiful thing, anywhere, ever. Thank you for the work you are doing. Thank you for loving your children (and thus helping to make more loving citizens). Most of all, and most selfishly, thank you for sharing that love with me. You have helped make me a better person with this gift.

With very best regards to each and every one of you!

Sincerely,

Jeffery

P.S.

I’m sorry for my delay in writing but I wanted to take time to read each name aloud, and say thank you. Such an act of kindness takes time to absorb and appreciate and having each of these names in my mouth helped me find a place for each of them in my heart.

J.

Thank you, Liz Dyer, Founder & Owner

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Thank you, Lisa Ann

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Thank you, Michelle Melom

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Thank you, Molly Griffin

Thank you, Molly Williams Broderick

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Thank you, Monica Luna Bliss

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Thank you, Monica Neu Kwarta

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Thank you, Nancy Johnson Campbell

Thank you, Nancy MacDonald

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Thank you, Nancy Wance

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Thank you, Nanette Sanderson Sparrow

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Thank you, Nicole Garrison Park

Thank you, Nicole Havlen Hair

Thank you, Nicole Mohr

Thank you, Nikki Holmes

Thank you, Noreen Sharp Wendeln

Thank you, Ofelia Dafne’ Barba Navarro

Thank you, Olivia Santos

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Thank you, Paige Stover

Thank you, Pam Cotton

Thank you, Pam Ensinger Antos

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Thank you, Pam Walsh

Thank you, Pamela Davidson Lorton

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Thank you, Pamila Moore Gantt

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Thank you, Patricia Sjöberg

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Thank you, Susan Berland

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Thank you, Theresa Cooper

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Thank you, Tricia Kaufman-Waddell 

Thank you, Tricia Rogan Alberts Bollmann

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Thank you, Trish Ives

Thank you, Valencia Greene Foster

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Thank you, Yvette Griego

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Thank you, Zaneta Salde Encarnacion

Thank you, Zenia Robertson

Thank you, Zora Oh    

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com

 

Mama Bear Story Project #36 – Jeannette Cona-Larock

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

MY LIFE PREPARED ME FOR MY CHILD

Or will it be the other way around?

I never thought I wanted children.  I was fortunate enough to have a father that never questioned my ability to do anything I set my mind to do, a mother who had her own degree in a science field atypical of women in her generation and I had just enough hutzpah to believe I could do anything.  Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it seemed ridiculous to consider having a family when I was determined to be a career woman.  I took the hardest classes in high school that I could despite the times and found myself working through a chemical engineering curriculum in college.  There wasn’t going to be any MRS degree for me.  Life was black and white, based on data and right or wrong.

A difficult breakup after college brought to light some things that had been hidden from me and taught me that the world isn’t black and white but that there are shades of gray.  Some self-reflection taught me that I always had the decision to view the world in a positive light or a negative one.  I worked on myself over the next two years reading books like How to Win Friends and Influence People andThe Power of Positive Thinking as well as The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

My views on the possibility of becoming a mother changed when I met my future husband, at work no less in a large chemical company.  I could see a long-term future with him and it included one with children.  By that point in my life, I was ready.  I learned that it’s okay to change your mind. Changing your mind can be a new path on your evolution as a person.

We were blessed that getting pregnant wasn’t difficult and by the time I was 32, we were expecting our first child.  From the time we were engaged, we worked on our genealogy, combing through old records prior to the ease of computers and traveled to countries to see dusty old books filled with generations of history.  We looked over common names, discovering lineage and blended our two trees together.  We learned that family is shared history and love for one another.

Our child arrived with a head full of dark hair, a fiery personality and I was consumed with a determination to be the best mother that I could.  Circumstances prevented me from returning to the work I was doing and after careful consideration, we decided to have one parent at home and I set about my new role as mother and head of household operations with the same rigor that I had my education and work career.  I pinched pennies, kept schedules, and along the way, determined the type of mother I wanted to be.  I wanted to be one that didn’t yell or lose my patience.  I wanted to be one that educated (even if I didn’t enjoy arts and crafts) and I wanted to be one that encouraged my child to be whoever they wanted to be and the best they could be with no strings attached.  Perfection not requested or required even though I demanded it from myself.  When my second child came long 23 months later, I battled postpartum depression and wondered whether I had failed.  I sought treatment and realized that I could do this and do it well.  I learned that children are loving and forgiving and that I had the strength to do the same.  I also learned that “Perfection is the enemy of Good Enough.”

In third grade, my child came to me and said, “Mom, I want to cut my hair and wear boys clothes”.  By this point in my life as a mother, something inside of me started whispering, “Go with this.”  I said yes and saw how happy my child was.  Everything about this child screamed “out of the box”.  Every costume was a boy/male character.  My child was rough and tough and lived life ferociously.  Pokemon Cards, anime characters and more were the norm.  That didn’t mean we didn’t have American Girl dolls and the few random princess toys at the house for both children.  My child was just a happy child.  Traveling to China, we struggled with our translator to find the words to describe why my “daughter” looked like a boy but not once were we met with disdain.  I learned that I could live in the shades of gray even when I preferred the black and white.

The middle school years were rougher.  Schools with dress codes for special events, comparisons of fashion among pre-teens and teens made life more complicated.  My child continued to want to live in truth but struggled to find a comfortable place in the “norm”.  Together, we pushed boundaries as much as we could.  At some point along the way, the request for the first binder was made for a character cos-play costume.  Again, I found myself fighting internally but supporting the endeavor.  We discussed the physical effects of wearing one long term.  We tried sports bras and other options.  Little by little, I noticed that the binder was being worn more often and we had to replace and keep more than one for washing.  I learned to live with some discomfort for myself when challenging preconceived ideas. I was growing and evolving knowing we were on a different path together and as a family.

Living in a school district that allowed for the choice of high school, we prayed and discussed and ultimately decided on our district high school with a television and radio career pathway to help our child with the best chance of success for a career in film they had known they wanted since childhood.  God knew that our choice was about more than that and led us to the best possible place for our child to be, to grow and to transition.  It certainly wasn’t without its significant challenges given the student body population, but God had sent us loving and caring teachers, amazing friends in that population, new parent friends and a principal that would ultimately embrace my child’s new vision of themselves.  I learned to have faith and to be an advocate.

There were still stormy waters.  The same depression I had seen in myself, I saw in my child.  Reclusive behaviors:  spending too much time alone or locked away in bedrooms, I sometimes checked just to make sure my child hadn’t done anything drastic.  Those were scary moments, but I was going to fight for my child’s survival no matter what the cause.  I learned that I could be a mama bear.

Just prior to graduation, in February 2015, I discovered a letter posted on Facebook declaring to the world what I had long suspected and needed him to discover for himself.  I’ve been asked if I was upset that he didn’t choose to tell his parents first but when I asked him, his response made total sense, “Mom, I knew you’d be okay with it.” The love and support we received from family and friends in that moment continues to bring tears to my eyes.  The one person he had feared telling was one of the first people to respond and said, “To thine own self be true”.  I learned that we all have the power to change both on the inside and the outside.

The changes are more incremental but still momentous.  Court documents officially declaring a new name, the first day of testosterone shots, a new driver’s license and more steps to come like a new passport and surgery.  These steps overlay all the milestones in any young adult’s life:  first day of college, turning 21, anticipated graduation from college and we walk alongside our son not holding him up any longer but giving him wings to fly.  I have learned that all parents’ job is to work themselves out of a job regardless of the circumstances.  In this, we are all the same.

Life will not always be easy but as I consult more and parent less, I see a new role for myself.  One that advocates for other children who need someone in their corner.  I’m not sure how that will take shape, but it has begun with educating those around me, listening when people come to me with questions and living our life as a family out and proud following the lead of my son who is open to everyone in person and on social media.  I have learned that I can learn as much from my children as they can from me and parenting is the best job I never thought I wanted.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,700 members. For more info about the private facebook group email lizdyer55@gmail.com