More than 500 moms of lgbtq kids are standing by to support, connect with and care for lgbtq people like Seth Owen

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Ellen DeGeneres, Ellen Show, homeless, Kindness, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, lgbtq youth, Light, love, Mama Bears, moms, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Seth Owen, small acts of kindness, spread love, Support, The Ellen Show

Jacksonville teenager, Seth Owen, shared his remarkable story with talk show host Ellen DeGeneres Tuesday, completing a journey that has taken him from virtual homelessness to the embrace of the nation.

You can read more about it on The Advocate at this link.

Unfortunately Seth’s story of losing support from his family due to him being gay is far too common and doesn’t always have such a happy ending.

That is why members of  Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids, decided to start Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue.

 

Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue was started in March 2018. There are currently more than 500 moms of lgbtq kids in the group who are scattered across the country, ready to offer support, connection and care to lgbtq people like Seth Owen, who have lost the support of their family due to their lgbtq status.  Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a subgroup of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a private facebook group for moms of lgbtq kids.

Members of the group are available to connect with lgbtq people in their local area who need some support, connection or care.

The group is a place where these moms can connect with each other in order to plan and coordinate small acts of kindness such as being a stand-in affirming mom at a wedding, visiting someone in the hospital, helping someone get settled in a new area, providing some transportation, including someone in their holiday gatherings, sending a note of encouragement etc.

The most important thing the members of Mama Bears to the Rescue want to do is be a loving and supportive presence in the life of lgbtq people who have lost the support of their family due to their lgbtq status.

If you know of an lgbtq person who could use some Mama Bear love please email lizdyer55@gmail.com

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Serendipitydodah Mama Bears to the Rescue is a subgroup for Serendipitydodah for Moms. The members of the group are available to do small acts of kindness for lgbtq people in their local community who may need connection, care or assistance.

 

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More than 1,100 Thank Yous

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Jeff Rudell, Jeffrey Rudell, letter, love is the movement, Making It, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Story, Thank You

Years ago his parents sent a black wreath to his office to let him know he was dead to them.

A few weeks ago more than 1,100 Moms of lgbtq kids signed a letter to support him and let him know we stand beside him.

He responded with more than 1,100 Thank Yous!

One of my favorite things about Serendipitydodah for Moms are the letters of support that we send out. We send our letters to individuals, organizations, businesses and institutions that are helping to make the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for all lgbtq people. The members of Serendipitydodah can request to have their name added to the letters we send. We sent our first group letter in the spring of 2015 with less than 200 signatures. Today our letter has more than 1,100 signatures.

Recently, after seeing him on Making It, the NBC reality competition series co-hosted by Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman, we decided to send a letter to Jeff Rudell.

Jeff was one of the “makers” on Making It and told a bit of his story during one of the episodes.

Jeff told how his family rejected him when he came out to them as gay and how his parents went so far as to send a black wreath to his place of employment with a card that said “in memory of our dead son”.

His story broke the hearts of the members of Serendipitydodah and we wanted to reach out and let Jeff know that we stood with him and admired him for having the courage to share his story.

We sent the following letter with more than 1,100 names of moms of lgbtq kids added to the letter:

Dear Jeffrey,

We are members of Serendipitydodah for Moms, a large private Facebook group created in June 2014 for moms who have LGBTQ kids and want to develop and maintain healthy, loving, authentic relationships with their LGBTQ kids.

We presently have more than 3,100 members in the group and many of us are working to bring attention to acceptance and equality of LGBTQ people.

We are writing to you because we want you to know that we were encouraged when you shared your story on Making It. Of course we were sad and broken hearted to hear about the way your parents abandoned and rejected you, but we are so thankful that you are willing to share your story because we believe it is important for others to hear stories like your own. We also want to let you know we care about you and recognize the courage it took for you to share your story publicly. We are moms who understand because some of our own children have had to exhibit the same kind of courage when they finally determined to come out and begin living fully into the person they were created to be.

Although there is a lot of ignorance and hate out there, we want to encourage you. Every day there are more and more people who are supportive and affirming of LGBTQ people. The tide is turning and things are getting better. Laws are changing and many, many people do care about you and support you.

So, hang in there and keep dreaming and striving to live a full, happy, successful, good life. 

More than 1,100 of us are signing our names to this letter with much love, gratitude and encouragement sent your way. We think you are amazing! We love your creativity and are rooting for you and wish you the best in all that you do!

Thank you for the way you are encouraging others just by being your authentic self.

We will continue to fight for you and support you just as you are.

Love is the movement,

(followed by 1,100+ names of moms of lgbtq kids)

BUT that isn’t the best part!!

The best part is that Jeff responded with a beautifully written thank you AND INCLUDED A THANK YOU FOR EACH NAME ON THE LETTER!!!

Yes, you read that right.

Jeff Rudell took the time to type out a thank you for more than 1,100 moms who signed the letter of support we sent to him.

Jeff Rudell took the time to send us more than 1,100 thank yous.

Needless to say, we were blown away.

Spreading love is amazing because so much of it always comes right back at you.

Here is Jeff’s response (you probably want to grab a kleenex):

Dear Liz:

I hope you will forgive me the informal manner of my address but, after weeping over your letter for a good 20 minutes, I feel like we are close enough that I can call you by your first name.

I am deeply moved by your note. Humbled. Encouraged. Overwhelmed. In truth, your note affected me in quite a few ways. Chief among them, however, was a deep feeling of joy that the world contains people such as yourself and all the other members of your group. It was not always so. That you all have gathered together, in love, gives me more than a little hope for all our futures.

I agree with you that stories such as my own need to be told. Too often shame or fear keeps people from sharing their experiences and that leaves so many others in the dark, feeling isolated and helpless. I was happy and honored to be able to speak of my own history (and I was deeply impressed that NBC was willing to include it in the final edit of the show). As you well know, my story, awful as it may be, is in no way unique or unusual. LGBTQ children everywhere go through the same thing I went through, or worse, every day.

I was uncertain, and a little anxious, about what sort of response my appearance on the show might receive. One hears horror stories about trolls and haters on social media. To my great delight, I am happy to report that the responses have — across the board — been positive, hopeful, encouraging, and loving. A 22-year-old man and woman offered to adopt me as their son. A grandmother in her 80s offered my husband and me use of her spare bedroom should we ever find ourselves in need of shelter or respite in the mountains of Kentucky. I have a standing invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at the home of more than 100 different families across America. And the messages of love and support go far beyond even those kind gestures.

Your note, however, was the one that hit hardest. That so many of your have come together, united in your efforts to retain relationships with your LGBTQ children…honest to God I cannot imagine a more beautiful thing, anywhere, ever. Thank you for the work you are doing. Thank you for loving your children (and thus helping to make more loving citizens). Most of all, and most selfishly, thank you for sharing that love with me. You have helped make me a better person with this gift.

With very best regards to each and every one of you!

Sincerely,

Jeffery

P.S.

I’m sorry for my delay in writing but I wanted to take time to read each name aloud, and say thank you. Such an act of kindness takes time to absorb and appreciate and having each of these names in my mouth helped me find a place for each of them in my heart.

J.

Thank you, Liz Dyer, Founder & Owner

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Thank you, Lindsey Whitworth

Thank you, Lisa Ann

Thank you, Lisa Bray

Thank you, Lisa Brendle

Thank you, Lisa Brennan

Thank you, Lisa Burgess Berry

Thank you, Lisa Cousins

Thank you, Lisa Emerson

Thank you, Lisa Fischetti Schlossberg

Thank you, Lisa Geoffroy

Thank you, Lisa Giordano Bontemps

Thank you, Lisa Golden Dugger

Thank you, Lisa Ingle

Thank you, Lisa Jane

Thank you, Lisa Jordan Ashby

Thank you, Lisa L Renaud

Thank you, Lisa Leake

Thank you, Lisa Lieberman Stafford

Thank you, Lisa MacGregor

Thank you, Lisa Maniscalco Hildebrand

Thank you, Lisa McCrystal Holley

Thank you, Lisa Nickerson

Thank you, Lisa Rebillot-Collins

Thank you, Lisa Rhea

Thank you, Lisa Schramm

Thank you, Lisa Scott Wofford

Thank you, Lisa Victoria Gali Felix

Thank you, Lisa Wetmore Shinn

Thank you, Lisa Wycoff

Thank you, Lisa Wysocki

Thank you, Liz Dyer

Thank you, Liz Hamor

Thank you, Liz Taylor

Thank you, Liza Mueller

Thank you, Loretta Davila

Thank you, Lori Benner Balkum

Thank you, Lori Black Manning

Thank you, Lori Bradley-Lewis

Thank you, Lori Caldeira

Thank you, Lori Chavers Blankenship

Thank you, Lori Faircloth

Thank you, Lori Johnson

Thank you, Lori Lamb

Thank you, Lori Love-Wise

Thank you, Lori M Weirich

Thank you, Lori Maddox

Thank you, Lori McCoy Simmons

Thank you, Lori Miller Mershimer

Thank you, Lori Rogers

Thank you, Lori Young-Wilson

Thank you, Lorie Garrett

Thank you, Lorri Young

Thank you, Lorrie Green

Thank you, LuAnn Shaffer Welham

Thank you, Lydia Duncan

Thank you, Lyndah Kolkmann

Thank you, Lynette Joy

Thank you, Lynette Kreidler

Thank you, Lynn Kato

Thank you, Lynne Steele Ford

Thank you, Madai Girard

Thank you, Maggie Borowski

Thank you, Mai Friesen Swan

Thank you, Maleea Shaver Castillo

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Thank you, Mally Shell Hatch

Thank you, Mandy Giles

Thank you, Marci Cobb Morey

Thank you, Marcia Jonczak

Thank you, Marcia Kooger

Thank you, Marcie Castiglione

Thank you, Margaret Martin

Thank you, Margi Wilmans 

Thank you, Margie Candler

Thank you, Maria Breeden

Thank you, Maria Iacona

Thank you, Maria Mongelli Glanzmann

Thank you, Marianne Minier Walker

Thank you, Marie Vincent Turnbull

Thank you, Marilyn Fowler Brownjohn

Thank you, Marilyn Weaver Folk

Thank you, Marilynn Bourne Fowler

Thank you, Marjorie Rudolph

Thank you, Marla Hagemeyer

Thank you, Marlene Hoefer Brummond

Thank you, Marlene Lund

Thank you, Marsha Ladd

Thank you, Marsha McCollum

Thank you, Martha Jr Conley

Thank you, Martha Maust

Thank you, Martha Parshall Richards

Thank you, Marti Parsons Grahl

Thank you, Mary Anicich

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Thank you, Mary Carter Knisley

Thank you, Mary Davidson

Thank you, Mary Estelle Montgomery

Thank you, Mary Figueroa-Garrison

Thank you, Mary Jo Whitley

Thank you, Mary Kay Weil

Thank you, Mary Prados Peterson

Thank you, Mary Price

Thank you, Mary Siever

Thank you, Mary Walton

Thank you, MaryRuth Green Gossett

Thank you, Maureen Anne Claffy

Thank you, Maureen Harden

Thank you, Meg Shull Bierwirth

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Thank you, Melanie Burke

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Thank you, Melissa Ballard

Thank you, Melissa Brady Silva

Thank you, Melissa Everet

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Thank you, Melissa Morritt Coble

Thank you, Melissa Narvaez

Thank you, Melissa Nicholson Smallwood

Thank you, Melissa Podolak McGuire

Thank you, Melissa René Everet

Thank you, Melissa Rogers

Thank you, Melissa Sosenko DeStefano

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Thank you, Melissa Talarico

Thank you, Melissa Torres

Thank you, Melissa Wegner

Thank you, Melody Dolle

Thank you, Melynda Madrid

Thank you, Meredith Webster Indermaur

Thank you, Merrell Dilsavor

Thank you, Merryl Dietz

Thank you, Michele Engle

Thank you, Michele Harrison West

Thank you, Michele Manuel Fuselier

Thank you, Michele Wessel Tarnow

Thank you, Michelle Black

Thank you, Michelle Bradshaw McComb

Thank you, Michelle Brittain Rovine

Thank you, Michelle Eckmayer

Thank you, Michelle Irion Jackson

Thank you, Michelle Knotts Gill

Thank you, Michelle Martin Gardner

Thank you, Michelle McCann

Thank you, Michelle Melom

Thank you, Michelle Oh

Thank you, Michelle Selengowski

Thank you, Michelle Vosejpka

Thank you, Michelle Wallace

Thank you, Michelle Zulch

Thank you, Millie Donnell

Thank you, Mimi Lemay

Thank you, Miranda Devenport

Thank you, Miriam Pendley

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Thank you, Missy Keaton

Thank you, Missy Moore Weening

Thank you, Misty Dupuis

Thank you, Molly Griffin

Thank you, Molly Williams Broderick

Thank you, Molly Wills Carnes

Thank you, Monica Ausderau Larmon

Thank you, Monica Luna Bliss

Thank you, Monica Maday

Thank you, Monica Neu Kwarta

Thank you, Monica-Niki Elenbaas

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Thank you, Morven Roberts Baker

Thank you, Nanci Tillman Slagle

Thank you, Nancy Adams Smith

Thank you, Nancy Barron Booher

Thank you, Nancy Dryer Deeb

Thank you, Nancy Johnson Campbell

Thank you, Nancy MacDonald

Thank you, Nancy Ruh

Thank you, Nancy Thompson Flikkema

Thank you, Nancy Villegas

Thank you, Nancy Wance

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Thank you, Nanette Sanderson Sparrow

Thank you, Natalie Murray

Thank you, Nicole Blagg

Thank you, Nicole Garrison Park

Thank you, Nicole Havlen Hair

Thank you, Nicole Mohr

Thank you, Nikki Holmes

Thank you, Noreen Sharp Wendeln

Thank you, Ofelia Dafne’ Barba Navarro

Thank you, Olivia Santos

Thank you, Paige Gant

Thank you, Paige Stover

Thank you, Pam Cotton

Thank you, Pam Ensinger Antos

Thank you, Pam Graeler

Thank you, Pam Moreau

Thank you, Pam Swendig

Thank you, Pam Walsh

Thank you, Pamela Davidson Lorton

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Thank you, Pamila Moore Gantt

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Thank you, Patty Loraine Woodruff

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Thank you, Paula Unrau

Thank you, Pauline Carlson

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Thank you, Pauline Daly

Thank you, Peggy Graff-Perrett

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Thank you, Rebecca Wilson

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Thank you, Rita Daruvala

Thank you, Rob Ullinger

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Thank you, Robynne Buckingham

Thank you, Rogena ‘Reggie’ Johnson

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Thank you, Ʀosaııie Ĺane

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Thank you, Shannen Rhoda

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Thank you, Sheri Martin 

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Thank you, Sheryl T Martin

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Thank you, Sonya Hook

Thank you, Spring Davidson

Thank you, Stacey Frazier

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Thank you, Stevie Prince

Thank you, Sue Cottle

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Thank you, Sue West Helms

Thank you, Susan Berland

Thank you, Susan Boyce

Thank you, Susan Cloys Seaman

Thank you, Susan Dollar Michaels

Thank you, Susan Foss Naranjo-Stultz

Thank you, Susan Hammontree Fortney

Thank you, Susan Jewell

Thank you, Susan Ledbetter

Thank you, Susan Mackenzie Treber

Thank you, Susan Merritt Slattery

Thank you, Susan Metcalf

Thank you, Susan Rest Asplund

Thank you, Susan Ridley Griffin

Thank you, Susan Stockton Roberts

Thank you, Susan Wardzinski

Thank you, Susanna Bedser

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Thank you, Sylvia Davis

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Thank you, Tana Lightbown Hendricks

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Thank you, Tara Dominy Bonner

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Thank you, Teresa Comby Childers

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Thank you, Terry Hall Sanchez

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Thank you, Theresa Cooper

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Thank you, Tiffany Christie

Thank you, Tiffany Powell

Thank you, Tina Marie

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Thank you, Tina Wesley

Thank you, Tonda Campbell Hoyt 

Thank you, Toni Ann Bradley

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Thank you, Torri Winright

Thank you, Tracey Gombold Bell

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Thank you, Tracy Jepson

Thank you, Tracy Kane

Thank you, Tracy Stittleburg

Thank you, Tracy Trotter Nagy

Thank you, Tracy Williams Matos

Thank you, Tricia Kaufman-Waddell 

Thank you, Tricia Rogan Alberts Bollmann

Thank you, Tricia Willard 

Thank you, Trish Ives

Thank you, Valencia Greene Foster

Thank you, Valerie Amoling Cronin

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Thank you, Vanessa Ford

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Thank you, Vicki Delong Tacoma

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Thank you, Vlada Knowlton

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Thank you, Whitney Straub

Thank you, Whitney Treloar

Thank you, Whitney Webb

Thank you, Yvette Griego

Thank you, Yvonne Frith

Thank you, Zaneta Salde Encarnacion

Thank you, Zenia Robertson

Thank you, Zora Oh    

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,100 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #36 – Jeannette Cona-Larock

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

MY LIFE PREPARED ME FOR MY CHILD

Or will it be the other way around?

I never thought I wanted children.  I was fortunate enough to have a father that never questioned my ability to do anything I set my mind to do, a mother who had her own degree in a science field atypical of women in her generation and I had just enough hutzpah to believe I could do anything.  Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it seemed ridiculous to consider having a family when I was determined to be a career woman.  I took the hardest classes in high school that I could despite the times and found myself working through a chemical engineering curriculum in college.  There wasn’t going to be any MRS degree for me.  Life was black and white, based on data and right or wrong.

A difficult breakup after college brought to light some things that had been hidden from me and taught me that the world isn’t black and white but that there are shades of gray.  Some self-reflection taught me that I always had the decision to view the world in a positive light or a negative one.  I worked on myself over the next two years reading books like How to Win Friends and Influence People andThe Power of Positive Thinking as well as The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

My views on the possibility of becoming a mother changed when I met my future husband, at work no less in a large chemical company.  I could see a long-term future with him and it included one with children.  By that point in my life, I was ready.  I learned that it’s okay to change your mind. Changing your mind can be a new path on your evolution as a person.

We were blessed that getting pregnant wasn’t difficult and by the time I was 32, we were expecting our first child.  From the time we were engaged, we worked on our genealogy, combing through old records prior to the ease of computers and traveled to countries to see dusty old books filled with generations of history.  We looked over common names, discovering lineage and blended our two trees together.  We learned that family is shared history and love for one another.

Our child arrived with a head full of dark hair, a fiery personality and I was consumed with a determination to be the best mother that I could.  Circumstances prevented me from returning to the work I was doing and after careful consideration, we decided to have one parent at home and I set about my new role as mother and head of household operations with the same rigor that I had my education and work career.  I pinched pennies, kept schedules, and along the way, determined the type of mother I wanted to be.  I wanted to be one that didn’t yell or lose my patience.  I wanted to be one that educated (even if I didn’t enjoy arts and crafts) and I wanted to be one that encouraged my child to be whoever they wanted to be and the best they could be with no strings attached.  Perfection not requested or required even though I demanded it from myself.  When my second child came long 23 months later, I battled postpartum depression and wondered whether I had failed.  I sought treatment and realized that I could do this and do it well.  I learned that children are loving and forgiving and that I had the strength to do the same.  I also learned that “Perfection is the enemy of Good Enough.”

In third grade, my child came to me and said, “Mom, I want to cut my hair and wear boys clothes”.  By this point in my life as a mother, something inside of me started whispering, “Go with this.”  I said yes and saw how happy my child was.  Everything about this child screamed “out of the box”.  Every costume was a boy/male character.  My child was rough and tough and lived life ferociously.  Pokemon Cards, anime characters and more were the norm.  That didn’t mean we didn’t have American Girl dolls and the few random princess toys at the house for both children.  My child was just a happy child.  Traveling to China, we struggled with our translator to find the words to describe why my “daughter” looked like a boy but not once were we met with disdain.  I learned that I could live in the shades of gray even when I preferred the black and white.

The middle school years were rougher.  Schools with dress codes for special events, comparisons of fashion among pre-teens and teens made life more complicated.  My child continued to want to live in truth but struggled to find a comfortable place in the “norm”.  Together, we pushed boundaries as much as we could.  At some point along the way, the request for the first binder was made for a character cos-play costume.  Again, I found myself fighting internally but supporting the endeavor.  We discussed the physical effects of wearing one long term.  We tried sports bras and other options.  Little by little, I noticed that the binder was being worn more often and we had to replace and keep more than one for washing.  I learned to live with some discomfort for myself when challenging preconceived ideas. I was growing and evolving knowing we were on a different path together and as a family.

Living in a school district that allowed for the choice of high school, we prayed and discussed and ultimately decided on our district high school with a television and radio career pathway to help our child with the best chance of success for a career in film they had known they wanted since childhood.  God knew that our choice was about more than that and led us to the best possible place for our child to be, to grow and to transition.  It certainly wasn’t without its significant challenges given the student body population, but God had sent us loving and caring teachers, amazing friends in that population, new parent friends and a principal that would ultimately embrace my child’s new vision of themselves.  I learned to have faith and to be an advocate.

There were still stormy waters.  The same depression I had seen in myself, I saw in my child.  Reclusive behaviors:  spending too much time alone or locked away in bedrooms, I sometimes checked just to make sure my child hadn’t done anything drastic.  Those were scary moments, but I was going to fight for my child’s survival no matter what the cause.  I learned that I could be a mama bear.

Just prior to graduation, in February 2015, I discovered a letter posted on Facebook declaring to the world what I had long suspected and needed him to discover for himself.  I’ve been asked if I was upset that he didn’t choose to tell his parents first but when I asked him, his response made total sense, “Mom, I knew you’d be okay with it.” The love and support we received from family and friends in that moment continues to bring tears to my eyes.  The one person he had feared telling was one of the first people to respond and said, “To thine own self be true”.  I learned that we all have the power to change both on the inside and the outside.

The changes are more incremental but still momentous.  Court documents officially declaring a new name, the first day of testosterone shots, a new driver’s license and more steps to come like a new passport and surgery.  These steps overlay all the milestones in any young adult’s life:  first day of college, turning 21, anticipated graduation from college and we walk alongside our son not holding him up any longer but giving him wings to fly.  I have learned that all parents’ job is to work themselves out of a job regardless of the circumstances.  In this, we are all the same.

Life will not always be easy but as I consult more and parent less, I see a new role for myself.  One that advocates for other children who need someone in their corner.  I’m not sure how that will take shape, but it has begun with educating those around me, listening when people come to me with questions and living our life as a family out and proud following the lead of my son who is open to everyone in person and on social media.  I have learned that I can learn as much from my children as they can from me and parenting is the best job I never thought I wanted.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,000 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #35 – Amy Orwig

Tags

affirming, Christian, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Parenting, Story, transgender

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

Some moments are indelibly etched in our memories.  For me, the way my husband looked at me, with such love and pride, as the doors to the chapel opened and the Wedding March began, is one of those happy memories that stays with me. (In September, we will be celebrating our 25th anniversary).  The joy of holding our first baby, for the first time, nearly 22 years ago – and again, nearly 19 years ago, when our youngest was born – makes up another happy memory.

Then there are the other memories…the ones that send the world tilting, crazily, on it’s side.  Shared memories, such as watching, with absolute horror, as the twin towers in NYC fell – and the uncertainty and fear for our safety, and our children’s futures, that we felt.  The uncertainty of what to do when our oldest injured herself the first time, the fear when she stopped breathing for a second, (that felt like an eternity), before letting out a blood-curdling cry. (She’s fine by the way).

And the way time absolutely stood still when my husband told us that our youngest was bi-sexual.  It was February 24th, 2017.  We had just enjoyed a wonderful evening with another couple, whom we have been friends with for years.  During dinner, they had told us that their son had proposed to his girlfriend – outwardly, I had congratulated them, while, inwardly, I fretted that our son would ever talk to a girl, let alone go out on a date!  So, on the way home, as these thoughts were going through my head, my husband told me about a recent conversation he had had with our son.  He told me that our Ryan, then 17, was bi-sexual.  And, the world tilted – and I felt sick, and filled with disbelief, and held onto hope that, maybe, he was just confused.  But, when we got home, I told that precious child that I loved him, and nothing could ever change that, and assured him that God loves him, too – and he said, “I know”.  I went upstairs, to our bedroom, that night and searched for what a Christian parent should do in this situation…and the overwhelming answer was just unthinkable!  No way would I kick my child out!  Then, I saw a loving response that mentioned Linda Mueller Robertson’s story.  I read her story, with tears in my eyes, and, from there I found the wonderful Facebook groups.

Those first few weeks, after that revelation, I was a bit of a zombie.  I didn’t sleep well, as my nights were peppered with me waking up, pleading with God to not let this be true.  The world would not be kind to my child, if this was true!  Then, one night, as I stood, shivering in the backyard with our puppy, (wishing he would hurry and do his business), I looked up at the vast array of stars and just cried out to God – why me?  Why us?  We homeschool, we take our children to church every Sunday!  Why?  And, in answer, I felt peace, and I knew all would be well.   A week, or so, later, I dreamt about spiders – not a scary dream, a dream about all of the vast variety of spiders, some of which we haven’t even discovered, yet – and I woke knowing that God was telling me that His creation is vaster, and more diverse, that I had ever realized.  And, again, I felt peace.

Our church has a prophecy ministry.  Now, I will be honest, I was always a bit sceptical about this kind of thing, but I am starting to rethink this, as well.  A couple of months after Ryan had come out to us, my husband expressed a wish to go to the prophecy ministry…so I went along.  Those people told me that I am beloved, (indeed the name, “Amy”, means beloved), and that, because of this, God was going to show me more about love.  And, He was going to surround me with people who were outcasts, who are often avoided by others.  And, He was going to make me like a fighter jet.  And I got chills – and knew that there would be no turning back, we were well, and truly, on this journey…and I felt peace.

On July 22, 2017, our son, who had just completed the rank of Eagle Scout, turned 18.  We had planned to go on a canoe trip, since he enjoyed this sort of thing (my husband and I are not swimmers, so we were a bit nervous), but there had been flooding.  Instead, we went to dinner at Red Lobster, Ryan’s choice, had cake & ice cream, and planned to watch a movie at home.  After our cake, Ryan disappeared into the bathroom for close to an hour.  He had been having stomach issues so, while concerned, we were not completely surprised…until my husband received a text from Ryan.  This text made the world tilt, again, and go spinning in a completely opposite direction.  Our Ryan, the text explained, was actually our daughter.  Doug and I assured our youngest of our love – and tried to go on as though nothing had happened.  And there was no peace in my soul that night.

Since turning 18, our youngest has become a new, even more delightful, person.  We have two daughters now.  Our oldest is Elizabeth, and she is 21, will be finishing her senior year of college this year, has plans to marry her boyfriend, (we like him, so it’s a good thing), and go to graduate school.  And we have our soon to be 19 year old daughter, Chloe.  Every day, it seems, we see a new aspect of this child, whom we, thought, we have known since birth. She is so different now, and, yet, the same.  She is still the loving, caring, hilarious child, with impeccable comedic timing, we have always known.  At first the changes were nearly overwhelming!  There were the struggles, on our part, of getting used to the new name and pronouns.  The struggles to maintain a poker face when seeing that child in a dress for the first time.  The new appointments on our calendar – therapy sessions, doctor’s appointments, groups for LGBTQ teens, and groups for their parents, (I had been surprised to find that nothing like this existed in our area, so I started the groups – so this level of busyness is my fault), have kept us running.  And my husband, Elizabeth, and I have been trying to keep up with Chloe, as she blossoms into the person she was meant to be.

I often reflect on the past…were there signs, that we missed, that our youngest was transgender?  In retrospect, yes…at the time, no.  There was the lack of interest in sports – but, neither my husband, nor I are athletic, so this wasn’t a total surprise.  There was the time our Elizabeth dressed her toddler “brother” in her My Size Barbie dress – and the look of absolute joy on that baby’s face!  The time we went hiking through a local park, and my husband took the lead, (to go through any spider webs first), and we said, “someday, Ryan, you will be the dad, and you can walk through the webs” – and that child cried.  And, there was the time, before I even had official confirmation that I was pregnant with this child, that I was awakened from a nap by a loud, booming – yet completely silent to everyone else – voice that told me that this child would be used for God’s purposes.  And, as I reflect back on what this last year has been, on the new groups that have found us surrounded by people we might have, previously, avoided, (and missed out on an amazing blessing, I might add), the change in the way I view the Bible’s teachings – now, rather than being a judgmental, law-concerned Pharisee, I strive to be a Jesus follower who loves everyone, and fights for justice – the joy in our Chloe’s eyes, her willingness to share her life with us, I am filled with joy, and peace.  All will be well,

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 3,000 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #34 – Vanessa Valenziano

Tags

Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Mother, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Trans Youth, transgender

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

I’m Vanessa, a 41 year old single mom of one amazing transgender son, age 9.

My Dylan, was assigned female at birth, but it wasn’t long before we noticed a rejection of everything female. Around age 2, he gravitated towards boy toys, clothes, TV shows, willfully demanding to remove his dress or hair bows.

As we followed his lead for the next few years, we assumed this to be a phase, or maybe that “she” was the proverbial tomboy. It was definitely on my radar, the possibility that he was transgender, but something I also pushed away, far out of my mind, denying that a child could know themselves well enough to realize such a thing. I was supportive of the gender fluidity of his person, yet consciously avoided researching if young children needed something more when they presented such an obvious rejection of their assigned gender.

I was scared. I was fully aware of the discrimination and difficult path this would mean for my child. And no parent wants their child’s life to be more difficult than it is a straight, cis-gender (non trans) person. So, denial suited me.

By age 5, he had consistently and persistently imaginary played as the male role, drew himself in art as male, and insisted on boy’s clothing from head to toe.

By 6, he was verbalizing that he “felt like a boy” in his “heart and mind”, even had tried on several boy’s names.

I kept an open dialogue with him, voicing my support if he was ready to make that kind of change, but he would tell me, “No, mama. I’m fine being a girl. It’s ok”.

Until it wasn’t.

By age 8, he was self-harming and isolating himself at school. He was unsure of where he fit in and was carrying around so much shame because of how he was feeling, which ultimately, and quickly, led us to his social transition.
He began using his preferred name and male pronouns at home, then with family and friends, and eventually came out at school.

A new child emerged. One I didn’t know existed. One with confidence, spark, and poise. I didn’t know how much hurt he had until he really lived his whole truth. This transformation can only be described metaphorically as a caterpillar to a beautiful, amazing butterfly. It was the most gorgeous, freeing, experience to watch my child bloom into who he really was.

As a mom, an advocate, an ally, and a recent activist, I’ve learned so much. But above all, I have realized what a true gift it is to parent this child. Yes, every child is a gift, but a raising a transgender child has brought so much clarity to my life. The amount of education that my son has provided me, the bravery he has shown, his self-advocacy and the incredible self worth that has emerged, it has truly changed me as a human. Children are brilliant and they understand so much more about themselves than we do. We simply don’t give them enough credit.

And this journey has taught me about unconditional love- not only the love that I have for him but the love that others have shown us. And it’s all been enlightening and rare and gorgeous.

Having a transgender child would have never made my top 100 list of parenting challenges, had someone asked me before having a child. But I am so glad I was chosen for the task.

It is my honor and my privilege to parent this gorgeous soul.

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,900 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #33 – Amber Briggle

Tags

Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Parenting, Pride, Pride and Joy, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

PRIDE: a mom’s reflection on raising a transgender warrior

I’ve always been proud of my kids. They are considerate and kind (to everyone but each other), they are helpful, they are bright, they are articulate, and they tell the best jokes. Our den is cluttered with box forts and half-finished science experiments, and our walls are plastered with their art and school pictures. They’re the best kids any mama could ask for — and that fact has never changed, even when I realized that my freckle-faced, brown-eyed first born is transgender.

When Max (as he’s called now) told me he was a boy, he was only 2 years old. I didn’t believe him. I explained that there were a million different ways to be a girl, and that we could “redefine girly” together. Eventually we let him cut his pigtails and wear Spider-Man t-shirts, and it wasn’t too long before this kid really did look like a stereotypical boy. For years, I would correct people when they’d compliment him on what a helpful “young man” he was. Proudly, I’d boast that this was my daughter, and that there was no one right way to be a girl, and isn’t this child basically the best for ignoring cultural stereotypes, blah blah blah. This continued for years before I finally noticed the way my baby would get embarrassed, and how he’d shrink a little more every time I explained that this was actually a girl (gasp!). After enough moments like this, I started to wonder: maybe the rest of the world wasn’t misgendering my child — maybe I was.

Throughout all of this, Max was insistent, persistent, and consistent in his gender identity, and patient with me as he tried explaining in a million different ways that he was really a boy. I didn’t know that the word “transgender” even existed, let alone it could be an experience that a child could have. Yet I never questioned Max’s little sister, Lulu, on her gender identity — I had no reason to, since she identifies with the gender she was assigned at birth (a term called cisgender). Despite the fact that she’s four years younger than Max, no one has ever thought to challenge her on her gender identity. So why would anyone — including myself — think it’s okay to question Max on his?

A lot of research, prayer, communication, and discernment revealed the answers that my family was desperately seeking. A rise of visibility among young transgender Americans like Jazz Jennings encouraged families like mine to start talking with each other about their gender expansive kids, free from the shame or guilt that so many of us have been told to believe — that we had somehow failed our children by “letting” them be trans. Yet nothing could be farther from the truth. Because while a 2014 study by the Williams Institute showed that 41% of trans youth have attempted suicide at least once (a number that is nine times higher than the national average), those same transgender children experience the same levels of mental and physical health as their cisgender peers when they are supported, loved, affirmed, and embraced at home and at school. By rejecting a child’s gender expression and identity, we as their parents are slowly destroying them. The decision (if you could call it that) became clear at that point — Max didn’t choose to be transgender, but my husband and I chose to love him wholeheartedly. Ultimately, it was more important to us to support our son, than to risk burying our daughter.

These things take time. This wasn’t an overnight revelation, nor a quick social transition. But after years of watching, embracing, and supporting Max in everything from sports to dress to pronouns, he gradually became the person he was always meant to be — a brilliant boy with a soft spot in his heart for cats, tacos, and ukuleles.

This Pride Month, I am incredibly proud of Max for teaching me as his mama the true meaning of unconditional love and for changing the world in the process. When I was pregnant with him, I never cared if I was having a boy or girl — all I wanted was a healthy, happy baby. Nothing about him has changed except for his pronouns. Unfortunately, there are far too many LGBTQ kids who are kicked out of their homes, disowned by their parents, and ostracized by their friends once they “come out”. According to a report by Chapin Hall at the University of Chicago, queer-identified youth have a 120% higher risk of reporting homelessness than their straight or cisgender peers. Additionally, one in 30 LGBTQ teens have experienced homelessness at some point in the last 12 months. The people who should be protecting these vulnerable children are the very same ones who are harming them. Rather than being their child’s biggest fan, far too many parents have become their child’s biggest bully. And it breaks my damn heart. Because quite honestly, if it’s hard to love your kids, then you’re doing it wrong. Full stop.

Max challenges me every day to live my truth out loud, to be a better person, to live openly and honestly, and to advocate for the vulnerable, the marginalized, and the invisible. By being true to himself he has opened the eyes and melted the hearts of people across the country, and has influenced policy as a result. When Max had anti-LGBTQ Attorney General Ken Paxton over for dinner — a man who was actively suing the Obama administration over the DOJ’s transgender protection guidelines in an attempt to strip away the visibility and safety of hundreds of thousands of trans Americans in the process — and showed him just how adorable he was with his cute magic tricks and his Pokemon collection, the entire state of Texas watched. When Max was invited to the White House to meet President Obama, the most powerful person in the world paid attention to his story. And when Max travelled to Austin last year to practically beg Texas legislators to stop bullying him and to please not pass any “bathroom bills”, a reporter saw this sweet boy — exhausted, frustrated, and crying in my arms as we I comforted him on the cold, granite floor outside of Governor Abbott’s office. That reporter took a picture that went viral, and people from literally around the world saw what happens when we treat transgender kids as political pawns in pissing contests.

Of the 30 anti-LGBTQ bills that were filed in Texas in 2017 (which, for those of you keeping score at home, is more than any state legislature in the history of this country), we were able to defeat 29 of them — and, to our great relief, not a single bathroom bill passed. I truly believe this positive outcome — in Texas, of all places! — is because of the hard work and sweet faces of kids like Max, who is part of the newest generation of a half century’s worth of LGBTQ activists.

Pride began with another transgender individual: Marsha P Johnson, a trans woman of color who was tired of living in fear and being pushed to the shadows. So when the police showed up again at the Stonewall Inn on June 28, 1969, Ms. Johnson took a stand, and in turn started a revolution that we are still fighting today. Max is one of this revolution’s youngest warriors: but instead of fists and stones, he’s fighting back with his words.

And Max isn’t the only one. Across the country, we are seeing tiny-but-fierce trans girls like Kai Shappley and Marilyn Morrison living their lives authentically and elevating the conversation about gender and what it means to be nice to each other. We have National Geographic cover girls like Avery Jackson, living in America’s heartland, and bringing visibility to an issue and experience that so few of us had thought about before she came along. And we have national treasures like Gavin Grimm, a transgender young man who sued his Virginia high school for his right to use the bathroom, and was subsequently recognized in a federal court decision for being such an important human-rights hero, that the court’s opinion will bring you to tears.

This Pride Month, and every month, I am proud of the LGBTQ Americans who live boldly every day — whose very existence is its own form of protest. And yet, Max and his peers don’t have political agendas — they’re just kids, worried about the same things that your kids are worried about: whether or not they’ll get to watch one more cartoon before bed, how much money the tooth fairy is going to bring them, and if the cat is going to be okay after eating that weird bug. Somehow, though, that very act of living out loud AND being simultaneously incredibly relatable and adorable is exactly the thing that is changing the world for the better. We saw it during the fight for marriage equality and the overturning of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” and we’re seeing it today as we continue to fight for federal protections like the Equality Act, which would guarantee that Max could never be fired from his job or denied housing or services simply because he is transgender.

My son is just one in an army of hope, and I will follow him wherever he goes. He hasn’t led me astray yet — in fact, I and countless others are better for knowing him — and I believe that he and his peers will create a better, brighter, more equal future for us all if we are willing to give them the space they need to lead — not just during Pride month, but year round.

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Amber Briggle is a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms who also blogs at Love to the Max

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,900 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Proud Moms at Pride!

Tags

Gay Pride, LGBT, LGBTQ, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Pride, Serendipitydodah for Moms

They wear “Free Mom Hugs” t-shirts and buttons, they make signs, they carry banners, they walk in parades.

They are moms of lgbtq kids who go to pride events because they’re proud of their kids and want to show it!

They paint their faces, they wear lots of rainbow stuff, they listen to stories, they stand for hours with their arms flung wide ready to embrace those who need a hug.

They are moms of lgbtq kids who go to pride events because they’re proud of their kids and want to show it!

They go with their kids, they go alone, they go with other moms, they go with their spouse, they go with corporations, churches, organizations.

They are moms of lgbtq kids who go to pride events because they’re proud of their kids and want to show it!

They go for the first time. They go for the second, third, fourth time. They go early, they stay late. They work booths, they clean up, they serve drinks, they ride on floats. They go until they are exhausted.

They are moms of lgbtq kids who go to pride parades because they’re proud of their kids and want to show it!

💙💛💚💜❤️

Check out this video with lots of Pride pictures that members of Serendipitydodah for Moms are sharing …

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,800 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #32 – Jamie Parnell

Tags

family, LGBT, LGBT Youth, LGBTQ, love, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Parenting, Story, Support, Trans Youth, transgender

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

Transgender. Transition. Transformation. Transparent. Transcend.

These are some of the words that come to mind when I think about the past 18 months of my life since my oldest child came out of the closet as transgender {female to male}. He was fifteen, at the time, and living as Kate, the daughter I had given birth to and loved with all my heart.

In that conversation, he told me he had never felt like a girl and that he couldn’t keep on trying to be someone he wasn’t. I listened to his story, told him I loved him more than anything in this world, and how honored I was that he had trusted me with such a deep and personal truth. And when he asked if I was surprised, I said no. You see, at age two, he had told me he wanted to be a boy, and at age six he told me he wasn’t my daughter…he was my son. So I had an inkling that this was a possibility, if not a probability. We had many more conversations in the weeks following his disclosure, and as a family, came up with a plan for Kate {she/her} to transition to Kaden {he/him}.

My emotions were all over the place. I felt deep sorrow that my child had walked this earth in silence, unable to express his true identity for fear of rejection from his family, especially from his dad and I. I felt grief for a loss that I couldn’t quite define. After all, I still had my child, but I was trading what I knew…a daughter, even as unhappy, and in pain as she was, for someone and some life I couldn’t see, understand, or feel yet. The temptation to run away and hide was unbelievable. I felt moments of gut wrenching pain and wondered if I would ever feel joy again. I was scared for Kaden’s future and all of ours, too. I was scared that he would be the victim of violence or experience horrible pain from surgeries or loss of relationships. I was scared that my younger kids would suffer, as well. I was also scared that we would lose our family, friends and church. That being said, I was convinced that allowing our child to be his authentic self was the only right decision to make, no matter the consequences to the rest of us. I knew this choice was a matter of life and death as the suicide rate for transgender youth is alarmingly high. There were a few moments, however, when I considered resisting his transition, but a darkness I cannot describe, would come over me and I would feel immense pain which would only resolve when I let go of the fight to keep Kate. I now realize that those dark moments were when I was stuck in my head, trying to logic it all away. When I would check in with my heart, feel the unconditional love I had for my baby, and shut down my fear based thoughts, everything became clear. Welcoming Kaden was our only choice.

Those first few weeks after the haircut and the beginning of Kaden’s social transition, in December 2016, were difficult, to say the least. Everything felt new and unfamiliar. I wasn’t used to Kaden. I struggled with his name and pronouns and I did not yet recognize this person living in my home. That first week of school, as Kaden, was so hard on him and yet he told me EVERY SINGLE DAY, that as painful as it was {being talked about, being told he was an abomination to God, being rejected by some of his bible study friends, etc.}, it was far easier than living a lie {pretending to be ok, so that everyone else could feel ok.}. There are some things in life that you just can’t wrap your head around, so you must use your heart instead. That was, and continues to be, a huge lesson I was learning more and more each day. I had to trust that God had us in His capable hands and that He would get us through….though I had my moments of doubt. Thankfully, Kaden only had to endure one week of school before Christmas break, which was a huge blessing and absolutely part of God’s amazing timing. The break gave us all some time to get acquainted and adjusted to this massive change in our lives. I still did not see the light at the end of the tunnel, and just came to accept that our path would be illuminated bit by bit, and the best thing I could do for myself and my family, was to stay in the present moment. I wasn’t to know what our future held, so I needed to let go.

After a few months, I began to feel a distinct change within our family. We went from living with a kid who hated himself and resented having to play a role, to having one who lived authentically and free. He was no longer angry that his brother had the life he always wanted and no longer hated being grouped with a sister he didn’t relate to. He was so much happier and his relationships with Cameron and Claire changed dramatically. He was patient, kind, and gentler with his words than he had ever been before. He also had empathy for the challenges and pain they were experiencing with his transition. And they responded to this new dynamic with acceptance and love. It was so beautiful. I remember being on a road trip with the three of them, in April 2017, and was blown away at how well they got along together and truly enjoyed one another’s presence. I told Scott then that I wouldn’t go back to the way it was, even if I could.

Our life since Kaden began his transition has been excruciating and extraordinary, both of which I will continue to share about on my blog. Much of my writing will be about Kaden, but I’ll also share about my own transformation through this journey of supporting and unconditionally loving my transgender child. I hope you’ll join me.

xoxo

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Jamie Parnell is a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms who also blogs at My Life in Trans

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,800 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #31 – Cynthia Corsetti

Tags

Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Pride, Serendipitydodah, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

A Mom’s Perspective of Pride
For me, PRIDE Month is a time to reflect on a journey that I take as the mom of a gay son. Trust me, it is a journey like no other.

The journey began the day my child came to me and shared a deeply held secret that he had attempted to hide for his entire life. I felt shocked at first. Shocked that there could be something so BIG that I didn’t know about my own child. I interact with him every day, I lived with this person, I raised him, I thought I knew every… single… thing there was to know and then BAM, he tells me he is gay. The initial shock hit like a freight train.

Soon, the shock subsided. It happened rather quickly. Next came remorse. Not remorse that he is gay, that part changes nothing of my love for my child; but remorse for all the years that I didn’t know. How much pain had he endured all those years? Was he fighting it? Was he praying that God would change him? Did he think it would change my love for him? My beautiful amazing son that God himself made exactly as he was, was he feeling that I might think less of him? Remorse hit hard and I had to learn to forgive myself so that I could move on.

The Fear is Overwhelming at Times
Once the shock and remorse began to wane, another emotion reared its head. This one hit harder than the first two combined and it is not one that I will entirely overcome. This emotion is unimaginable fear. Fear because there is so much hate in this world and often the LGBTQ community is the target of this hate. From the moment I heard the words, “mom I’m gay”, there has not been a day without that fear entering my awareness. It does not go away. Not ever. I’m reminded of it each day when I see hate being spread in social media like wild fire. I learn to live with it and I remain steadfast in my belief of a higher power that ultimately will allow love to conquer hate.

Then Life Happens
But then, even with that belief, an event like the Orlando Night Club shooting will happen and it cuts to my very core. My heart literally breaks for the other moms. The moms whose most horrific fears were realized. After an event like this, it takes a while to regain my sense of strength so that I can go on without the fear consuming me.

But, alas, I must continue my journey as a mom. I love my child completely so I must look beyond the fear. It is time I decide to stand strong and push the fear to the deepest crevasse in my mind; knowing that I must allow the love to be stronger than the fear. And THAT is when I recognize that PRIDE truly outweighs every other emotion – including the fear.

It was at this point, once my journey had taken me through all the other emotions, I began to swell with PRIDE. PRIDE that he not only survived holding this deep secret for so long, but he thrived. He remained solid in his own faith and convictions. He held onto his own self-worth and when the world was pulling him down and felt he couldn’t reach out to his own family, he stood strong. Yes, PRIDE began to fill my heart.

The Pride Grows
The PRIDE continues as I admire this young man. He is so considerate of those who judge him; instead of getting angry, he simply respects their feelings and forgives them. He comes home for Christmas year after year alone; never bringing the man that he shares his life with. Not because he wouldn’t be accepted in our home, but because my son is more concerned that his elderly grandfather will feel uncomfortable than he is with his own desire to share the holiday with his partner.

For me, the PRIDE grows even bigger when I see the man he has become. A compassionate, kind, strong, ethical human being and such a blessing to know. I am so proud to the be the mom of a gay son. God honored me personally because He knew that I would not only love this child that He created, but that I would stand for him, fight for him, protect him, and honor him with absolutely every fiber of my being.

I Will Celebrate
So, yes, I celebrate PRIDE Month. I celebrate it with more PRIDE than I ever knew I could feel. I celebrate not just for the PRIDE I have in my own amazing son, but for the PRIDE I feel for the entire LGBTQ community. These wonderful people who have been unfairly judged discriminated against, hurt, exiled from their families in many cases, and abused in others. A tribe that remains authentic to their souls and they stand strong. I feel PRIDE that my son opened my eyes to a world where I would notice things I might otherwise have missed.

For me, (and many other moms like me) PRIDE Month is a sacred time that honors a blessed journey that we, the moms, are privileged to travel.

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Cynthia Corsetti is a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms who also blogs at CynthiaCorsetti.com

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Serendipitydodah for Moms is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears” The group is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 2,800 members. For more info email lizdyer55@gmail.com

Mama Bear Story Project #30 – JoAnn Forsberg

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah for Moms – a private Facebook group for open minded Christian moms of LGBTQ kids.

 

1984. After hanging up the phone, I went and turned on the shower. Standing in there crying, head upon the wall. Thinking everything I knew for years in fundamental Christianity was washing down the drain with my tears.

It wasn’t my son, yet. It was my brother who had just came out to me as gay. Gay in an era when people still whispered in church pews about anyone who even remotely seemed different than the picture perfect post card we all joked about. You know, the postcard with the picture of a white (straight) American Christian.

At that moment everything I knew about Christian life was now over. For if God was going to hate my brother, he would have to hate me too. The search began as I tried to imagine how a loving God could reject any child of his?

Of course, the normal happened. I was asked to shut up or leave church. So I left. I started studying every theology book I could find. It was a tough study, but, I was no longer going to rely upon a preacher to teach me. I wanted to know what great minds of history had to say.

No internet yet, just a soul seeking knowing in my spirit that God had to be more vast than the minds teaching Christ.

In 1989, my third son, Chad, was born, by the time he was five, we realized this creative child was unique himself. So, when he “came out” at fifteen it was more a celebration of him being able to feel comfortable with himself. To be comfortable in his family. To be fully loved and embraced.

Today, in this family, we joke about half of our extended relatives being gay. Some are “adopted in” as we will wrap our arms around any who need a family.

It’s normal, it’s just real life, it’s just family. We don’t even think about who is gay or who is straight. We are just family.

Blessings. JoAnn