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The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears

When my first child was born, he had sparkling blue eyes, blond hair and an infectious laugh. I felt an immediate bond with him and he stole my heart. He grew into a beautifully creative boy who also loved basketball and roller blading.

We were attending a Presbyterian Church while he and his four siblings were growing up. We firmly believed the very conservative teachings of this church, including their teachings that homosexuality is a sin. He loved going to our church and accepted Jesus at an early age. He participated in Sunday School, church services, Vacation Bible School, Wednesday Night dinners, and youth group. Later, in his church life, he started working in the nursery on a regular basis.  I look back at this time and I don’t understand why I didn’t question some of their teachings, but it would take much greater events to start my metamorphosis.

When my son was around 17, he was outed by a man in our neighborhood. Our internet was connected somehow to theirs and, unbeknownst to us, the man had been tracking my son’s messages to and from other people. My son was taken by total surprise when he was outed and my ex-husband and I were completely blindsided. I look back on that day with shame and regret, remembering how we repeated our church’s beliefs to our son. How could we be so heartless and so uncaring? This was the beginning of a difficult journey for our family.

My heart began to soften and change the day he came home and told me that the ministers wife stated that he no longer worked in the nursery.  Immediately, images started popping up in my head of my son standing there, confused and heartbroken and not knowing why. It became obvious to me that he was being punished for being himself. This was one of the events that made me start to question and doubt what we had been taught for so many years. Why would a good theology lead to such bad fruit? Where was the love the Bible talks about? How was it okay for people in a church to love and adore a child as he grows up just to turn on him when they find out he is gay?

I began questioning what we had been taught and this threw me into many years of studying, learning, and deconstructing my faith. It was not an easy journey, but it was well worth it. My heart was filled with joy when I came to the realization that the Bible does not condemn homosexuals and that God created them just the way they are. My theology changed from one of fear and judgement to one of love and acceptance. It was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I could now see how horribly many churches treat the gay community.

I have gone to my grown son several times, in tears, and asked for his forgiveness for the words I said in the past and the terrible way I handled things when he was younger. I have so much remorse and sorrow about that time. But he has forgiven me and I have finally been able to forgive myself. There has been so much forgiveness, healing and growth in our relationship. I truly believe that having a gay son turned out to be one of the greatest blessings in my life and that it led to wonderful growth and changes in my heart and mind and I treasure my relationship with him immensely.

Much has changed since 1988. At the end of 2020, my precious youngest daughter came to me and told me that she is gay. I was immediately excited and happy for her. I could see the joy on her face at having discovered who she really is and I have watched her blossom ever since. I am thankful that I am not who I used to be, that I have grown and changed, and that what I now believe can help me be an encouragement and a support to others.

I may not be able to change the past, but I can rewrite the present and future and it will be better, brighter, more loving and more accepting than ever before. That is the hope we have, when we open ourselves up to studying and learning new things…there is freedom when we get to let go of the chains of a rigid conservative theology. We can stop judging and condemning others and start loving them the way God wanted us to in the first place. We can also learn to forgive ourselves.

This year, I decided to fulfill the lifelong dream of writing a book. I wrote a book called Riley Rae’s Pronouns, for ages 2-7. It is about a child that uses the pronouns them and they. I was able to publish it on Amazon and it is now available. In the “About the Author” section, I mentioned the Mama Bears organization, in hopes that it could help anyone out there that is searching for answer. It’s my wish that my book will touch hearts, change minds, and make a difference in the world.

You can purchase Harriet’s book “Riley Rae’s Pronouns” for ages 2-7 here.

Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto of the group is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 29,000 members.

For more info about the Mama Bears and all of our groups, programs and resources visit our website at realmamabears.org 

This story can also be viewed on the Mama Bear Story Project Facebook page.