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SPOILER ALERT – This post is specifically about Season 3, Episode 9, but has lots of spoilers from several episodes. I highly recommend that you watch the whole series up to this episode before reading further. IMO you won’t really be able to absorb the lessons this episode holds unless you have watched the entire series.



OMG – Ted Lasso episode 9 of season 3 is one of my favorites and has all the feels!

It also has some important lessons for LGBTQ+ allies weaved into the story.

For a little background … we found out in episode 6 that one of the Richmond players, Colin Hughes, is gay. Then in episode 8 Isaac, Colin’s teammate and best friend, “accidentally” finds out Colin is gay. In episode 9 we find Isaac refusing to speak to Colin. We don’t know if Isaac is mad that Colin is gay or mad that Colin didn’t tell him … we suspect the latter because we know the spirit of the show.

As the episode continues we find Richmond in a game in which Isaac and Colin are not playing well. After the opposing team has scored, and Richmond makes another sloppy play, a disgruntled fan hurls a homophobic slur and Isaac loses it and storms into the stands to confront the fan. After Isaac is held back and then ejected from the rest of the game we find the team in the locker room at half time down a point and down a man. In the midst of confronting the circumstances they find themselves in Colin comes out to the team and Ted delivers one of his classic bizarre analogies to express the team’s love and support for Colin.

Here’s the lessons for LGBTQ+ allies tucked within the story:

(1) NO ONE owes their coming out story to ANYONE

LGBTQ+ people don’t owe anyone their coming out story – they don’t owe it to to parents, to best friends, to teammates. They don’t owe it to ANYONE!

Isaac is mad that Colin didn’t come out to him. But Colin reminds Isaac that coming out was not about anyone but himself and that coming out is scary and people have to come out in their own way and their own time.

When someone comes out to you be grateful for the gift they have given you and thank them for trusting you with their true self.

(2) COMING OUT is a JOURNEY for most LGBTQ+ people.

One of the things I love the most about Colin’s coming out story arc is we still haven’t heard him say the words “I’m gay.”

Even when it is obvious that Colin has come out in the locker room we never hear Colin say the words “I’m gay.” Colin doesn’t want to come out to everyone at this time and the audience is “everyone.”

Later, when Isaac finally shows up at Colin’s house to talk things out, Isaac asks if Colin will come out to everyone now, Colin says “no” and that it’s enough for now for his teammates to know.

Coming out is a journey for most LGBTQ+ people. Most LGBTQ+ people come out in moments spread across time.

Some LGBTQ+ people say they never stop coming out.

When someone comes out to you respect their privacy and give them time and space to navigate their own coming out journey.

(3) Friends “DON’T NOT CARE”

When we realize that Colin has come out to his teammates in the locker room we hear his teammates saying “it’s ok – we don’t care.” But saying “we don’t care if you’re gay” is not the most supportive and loving position we can take when a friend comes out to us.

I won’t go into the details of the bizarre but brilliant story that Ted shares after Colin comes out in the locker room (hopefuly you have watched it before reading this), but the point of the story is that saying “it’s ok mate, we don’t care that you’re gay” is not the kind of support that good friends should offer a friend who has come out to them. And the standout quote for Ted’s story is “we don’t not care.”

Ted’s story reminds us that “not caring” is wrapped up in tolerance and privilege but our LGBTQ+ friends need something different from us – they need to know we are there “with” them – they need to know that now that they have come out to us they are “not alone” and we do care about who they are because we care about them and what impacts their lives.

When someone comes out to you don’t say “I don’t care” – instead remind them how much you do care with your words and your actions.

(4) It’s NOT about YOU

There’s a scene early in the episode where Colin talks to Trent (the only other person other than Isaac who knows Colin is gay at this point in the show) about the way Isaac is shunning him. I love that Trent doesn’t tell Colin to try and talk to Isaac. Trent just advises Colin to give Isaac some space. This is a great reminder that LGBTQ+ people are not responsible for our feelings when they come out to us – they shouldn’t have to educate us, explain anything to us, hold our hand, help us come to terms with anything. Coming out is not about us allies. If we have “stuff” to figure out or learn or feel we need to do those things on our own. And we should remember we don’t need to understand everything or have everything worked out within our selves to be a supportive and loving friend. When someone comes out to us don’t make the mistake of making it about you. It’s NOT about YOU!

(5) GIVE LOVE

All throughout the series we see the impact Ted Lasso is having on those he comes in contact with – the press, his superiors, the team he coaches, his son etc…. and one of the people who has probably changed the most because of Ted is Roy Kent. This week we see Roy leading a press conference after Richmond has won the game Isaac was ejected from.

Of course the press wants to ask questions about what Isaac did and Roy delivers a wonderful “Lassolike” analogy to make it clear that although Richmond does not support the way Isaac handled the situation they do support Isaac.

The analogy actually has a LOT of lessons wrapped up in it … lessons to remind us that everyone has “stuff” going on and that we shouldn’t judge people by one thing they do, lessons about how we should give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time and respect people’s privacy by not insisting that we know everything about them even if they are a public figure, but the most important lesson is that we should mostly be GIVING LOVE,

The world needs more love.

So, look for every opportunity to spread love, be love, give love.

Your love can change the world.

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This blog is hosted by Real Mama Bears, an organization dedicated to supporting, educating and empowering families with LGBTQ+ members and the LGBTQ+ community. For more info about Real Mama Bears visit realmamabears,org