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The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears

As a child I never understood prejudice. I could never figure out why the way someone looked or who they loved, and not whether or not they were a massive ass-hat was the reason people would choose to discriminate against someone. It didn’t become any clearer to me as I grew up and when I had kids of my own I made sure to raise them as open-minded, always-kind individuals that would judge someone on their personality more than anything else. Instead of referring to someone by their skin color, disability, sexuality, religion, etc. I would always make sure – when pointing someone out to my kids – to use another way for them to know who I was talking about. ‘That tall man with the red shirt’, ‘the lady by the check out with the very pretty head scarf’, etc. I would also make sure to downplay anything ‘gay’ the kids saw so they would consider it normal. Like seeing same-sex couples kissing on a show or seeing a trans person walking around. When they would ask me about it, I would make sure to put a complimentary spin on it, “Look how in love they are, isn’t that sweet?’, ‘I can never walk in heels as well as they can!’ I felt like doing small things like that would help my kids to think of people as people and not tied to anything that could be discriminating. I think it worked!

When my daughter, Marina, was 9 she came out to me in the middle of a conversation like it was nothing at all. My very first thought was, “How do you know? You’re only 9.” But when she quickly answered with a simple, “Because I have crushes on girls, not boys.” I knew she knew and was going to be just fine. I cried a lot, but in a good way. I felt so proud of her and so honored that she felt comfortable enough with me to tell me like it was no big deal. I told her that this was her thing, and I wouldn’t go around and tell people unless she wanted me to. I encouraged her to tell my husband (her stepdad since she was 5) but let her know that she didn’t have to if she wasn’t ready. She assured me it was fine and we all (Marina, her 13-year old brother, my husband, and myself) sat down for her to talk. Her brother, Logan, wasn’t really paying attention. He was playing on his DS, but that was fine. Marina bravely told my husband that she was gay while I held her hand. My husband said, “Oh. Well I’m glad you know that about yourself. We all still love you. You know that, right?”

Afterwards, since Logan hadn’t really responded to any of it, I pulled him aside and asked him if he understood what that had all meant. “Sure,” he said shrugging, “she wants to date girls. She’s gay, mom. So what? I’ve known for years.” Then he went back to his game and walked off to his room.

I don’t think I have ever been so happy and proud of the results of my mothering than I was that day. Not only did I make my daughter feel safe and secure enough to know herself and want to tell me like she did, but my son accepted it like Marina had said any normal thing. The only thing that bothers me about any of this is knowing that not everyone was raised to be as open-minded and kind to others’ differences. There are still family members Marina doesn’t want to tell yet and I reassure her that it is all entirely up to her and I will support her in any way I possibly can. Always.

Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 16,000 members. For more info about the Mama Bears visit our website at realmamabears.org 

This story can also be viewed on the Mama Bear Story Project Facebook page.