Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears

Tags

children, family, LGBTQ, love, moms, parents

Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group exclusively for moms of LGBTQ kids. The group was started in June 2014 and as of May 2021 there are more than 26,000 members. Each day moms of LGBTQ kids gather virtually to share a journey that is unique and often very difficult. The group is a place where they share a lot of information, ask questions, support one another, learn a lot and brag on their kids. The official motto is “Better Together” and the members nickname themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted there.

There are five subgroups, several special projects and more than 50 regional groups available to the members of the private Facebook group.

Go HERE to put in a request to join the group.

The five subgroups include:

SERENDIPITYDODAH MAMA BEARS TO THE RESCUE is a subgroup for Serendipitydodah Mama Bears who are willing and able to be available to do small acts of kindness for LGBTQ+ people in their local community who may need connection, care or assistance. This subgroup makes it easier for members to coordinate and organize to do things such as attend a wedding as an affirming stand in mom, visit someone in the hospital, help someone get settled in a new area, provide some transportation, include someone in their holiday gatherings, provide temporary housing, send a note of encouragement etc

SERENDIPITYDODAH MTK is a subgroup where the conversation is trans specific. It is mostly made up of moms of trans kids. All the members of Serendipitydodah MTK are in the main Serendipitydodah Facebook group.

SERENDIPITYDODAH BLUE OCEAN FAITH is a subgroup for members of Serendipitydodah for Moms who want to connect with and become a part of the Blue Ocean Faith Ann Arbor community via it’s online presence. Blue Ocean Faith is a faith community that fully includes, affirms and supports LGBTQ+ people and those that support them.

SERENDIPITYDODAH #BEYOU is a subgroup for LGBTQ+ youth. The group is private – a place where LGBTQ+ youth can make connections with other LGBTQ+ youth, talk about their journeys, and be vulnerable with their stories and questions without fear of judgement.

SERENDIPITYDODAH DOUBLE RAINBOW is a subgroup for moms of LGBTQ+ people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. The conversation in this subgroup is specific to LGBTQ+ people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. All members are in the main group.

Several Special Programs are available for members:

Mama Bears to the Rescue invites members of Serendipitydodah to volunteer to offer support and encouragement to LGBTQ people. The focus is small acts of kindness, making personal connections and being a loving presence in the life of LGBTQ people who have lost support due to their LGBTQ status. Mama Bears to the Rescue do things such as include LGBTQ people who need support in their holiday gatherings, stand in as affirming moms at same sex weddings, send notes of encouragement, find helpful resources, make hospirtal visits, talk on the phone, text, get together for coffee or lunch etc

Mama Bear Safer Schools Program – Many times LGBTQ+ students don’t get the support, respect and protection they deserve at school. The Mama Bear Safer School program provides a free printable flyer with 5 tips (or talking points) to create safer schools for LGBTQ+ students along with a collection of helpful resources. Sometimes all it takes is a few friendly conversations to create a spark that will lead to positive change. Together we can make schools safer for our LGBTQ+ students.

The Mama Bear Story Project –  Stories have the power to change the world … they inspire us, teach us, connect us. The Mama Bear Story Project provides a stage for the members of “Serendipitydodah for Moms” to share autobiographical essays and personal portraits in an effort to connect with other moms like themselves and to make the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for all lgbtq people to live.  The project was started in January 2017 and as of July 2018 has published more than 30 essays written by a mom of an lgbtq kid. Each essay includes a portrait of the mom and is shared on The Mama Bear Story Project Facebook page and on the Serendipitydodah Public Blog.

The Mama Bear Made With Love Project invites members of Serendipitydodah for Moms to make heart patterned friendship bracelets for members of the lgbtq community to remind them they are loved just the way they are. Anyone can submit lgbtq people to receive a “Made With Love Bracelet” by sending the person’s name and address in an email to lizdyer55@gmail.com (feel free to also add some information about the person). This is more than a bracelet – this is a movement created by moms of lgbtq kids who are committed to making the world a kinder, safer, more loving place for all lgbtq people to live. (This project is US only)

The Mama Bear Blanket Project delivers handmade blankets to LGBTQ teens and young adults who find themselves not supported by their family. The hope is that the blankets delivered to them will serve as a reminder that there is someone who loves and cares about them. Moms of LGBTQ kids who are members of the Serendipitydodah for Moms Facebook group are invited to make no-sew fleece blankets and mail them to assigned recipients. You can nominate someone to receive a Mama Bear Blanket by emailing their name and address to lizdyer55@gmail.com  This project was inspired by Mama Bear Anita Cockrum, a member of Serendipitydodah for Moms, who started The Banner Blanket Project. (This project is US only)

A helpful list of resources for parents of lgbtq kids can be found here.

For more info visit our website at realmamabears.org 

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Mama Bear Story Project #61 – Krystyne Marie

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQYouth, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms

My son came to me when he was nearly 11 and told me that he didn’t like girls. He said he imagined marrying a boy someday and that he had a crush on Jacob from “Twilight.” Without hesitation, I jokingly told him I was Team Edward but that I loved him anyway, followed by a very serious conversation about why some people may be unkind to him because of who he chooses to love.

I’ve always been an avid ally of the queer community. In fact, they’re my community too. Gender doesn’t matter to me. I’m attracted to what makes people human. I like a kind heart, a great sense of humor, a creative mind and just the right amount of dorkiness. People safely assume I’m not queer because I fell in love with and married a man, so I’m not attacked for my choices. I get to live my life (mostly) without judgement.

I knew Jette wouldn’t have that luxury and called all my gay and trans friends for guidance. I took him to Pride events, bought him books and told him repeatedly that he is exactly who he was meant to be. I smothered him in Mama Bear love while not letting on that I had a lot of anxiety about his future. I hid the fact that LGBTQ+ youth/young adults have a greater chance of becoming victims of violence, rape, addiction and suicide. I didn’t tell him that he could get fired, evicted and have to fight for basic human rights. I exposed him to thriving LGBTQ+ celebrities and pointed out happy same-sex couples in public.

In middle school, I was prepared to aggressively address all the bullying and discrimination he faced in school, but he respectfully asked me to take a seat. I was told I was being too protective and a “bit extra.” He didn’t want any special treatment, either negative or positive for simply being who he was. It was not easy giving him the reigns, but he fought his own battles with kindness, dignity and confidence (and many tears).

I was his biggest fan. His own personal rainbow-clad cheerleading squad and he wanted none of that. I still tried to push various youth groups on him so he didn’t feel alone when things got hard, but he rejected all things Pride because he already had everything he needed — an affirming family and small accepting peer group. I respected his wishes and stayed on the sidelines but I could only protect him from the rest of the world for so long.

Shortly after we moved to Fergus Falls, he started paying attention to politics, current events, anti-LGBTQ+ organizations and he recognized the suffering that our youth were facing in school and in their own homes. He started following activists on both sides of the fence. He watched videos showcasing hate speech and violence against the LGBTQ+ community. I’ll never forget the day, or the fear in his eyes, when he asked me if anyone has been killed for being gay.

Out of the blue one day, he said: “You should start something for these kids. I don’t need this, but they do.” Saga Youth was born the very next day. When I received negative backlash for simply trying to provide kids with safe spaces and activities, I took a leap (plunge) and created Fergus Pride.

Jette was reluctantly supportive of an entire movement instead of a small youth group, but he understood the need and he hated it at the same time. “You shouldn’t have to fight for or celebrate your right to just live your life.” Others in the community also deemed Fergus Pride unnecessary for other reasons. They called it “disgusting,” said I was “going to hell” and that we “don’t want to send the wrong message.” Some simply said “We don’t care if you’re gay, we just don’t want to hear about it,” or “when do we get a straight celebration?”

I knew I was putting myself in a tough spot and by putting a spotlight on my family and business. Other businesses wanted to support me, but didn’t want it to affect their families and businesses. A handful stood with me. Selfishly, I chose to push that boundry because I wanted my son and other youth to thrive in Fergus Falls instead of moving away. I’ve gotten a lot of messages from former residents and they all left because Fergus Falls wasn’t their safe place. I just wanted to show them, and my son, that it could be. I’m not on a mission to change anyone’s mind. Truthfully, I don’t really want to be fighting for acceptance, rights and inclusivity in a community where people, including my son, live in fear. I wanted the world Jette thought he lived in when he was younger.

This year we held the third Fergus Pride celebration. Sadly, we lost Jette in a horrific and incomprehensible drowning accident last year on June 8, just weeks before our second Fergus Pride. He was only able to attend the first one and, thankfully, I have many pictures of him basking in the light of pure love and acceptance.

Every year, more residents and businesses show their support and want to get involved and I can feel change happening everywhere. More importantly, my Saga kids see it.

Watching Jette navigate through his short life without needing me to protect him taught me a lot about advocacy, acceptance and love. He loved harder than anyone I’ve ever known and his confidence never waivered. I’d like to think that if Jette was still with us, he’d be proud to call Fergus Falls his home.

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Krystyne is the founder and President of SAGA Youth in Fergus Falls. MN which is dedicated to supporting and encouraging LGBTQ+ youth, ages 13-19, in Fergus Falls, MN.

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Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ+ kids.

The motto is “Together we can change the world!” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 38,000 members.

For more info about the Mama Bears and all of the groups, programs and resources visit the website at realmamabears.org

This story can also be viewed on the Mama Bear Story Project Facebook page.

Mama Bear Story Project #60 – Lora Phillippi Andreatta

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Pride, Serendipitydodah for Moms

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears

A LESSON ABOUT PRIDE by Lora Phillippi Andreatta

I’m gay, as is my wife, and so is my 20 year old son.

My son is a huge social justice activist and I’m so proud of him, but also worried every time he goes out to stand up to the “bigots” as he calls them.

He’s started wearing body armor when he goes out now. He’s loud and proud and won’t back down from this fight.

Anyway, a lady on a post I was looking at said she just doesn’t understand being proud of being gay/trans and announcing your sexual preference. She said “It’s so strange. But maybe that’s their intention.”

This was my response to her …

“First, thank you for explaining what your confusion is around LGBTQ+ Pride. That helps me to understand where you are coming from.

As for an explanation … I’m not proud of the fact that I’m gay. It is just simply that, a fact. I live it in my normal, day-to-day, sometimes boring life with my wife, son, dogs, chickens, house, job, hobbies, etc. It’s an innate part of who I am that I didn’t choose … I’m simply me.

Here’s what I am proud of though … I’m still alive. My friends, family and everyone else who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community are a beautiful, incredible group of people who continue to shine despite having to endure lifetimes of hatred and discrimination. We have been told we are sinners, unnatural, abominations, criminals, second class citizens, unworthy of love and even life itself. We have been bullied, harassed, beaten up, maimed & murdered. Despite all of that, we continue to live, love and for some of us – survive. For many of us though, survival was stripped away – sometimes directly by another’s hand, but always by another’s hatred. We celebrate with Pride because we’re still here and we have a community of fellow LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters who we love. We celebrate with Pride our courage, our love and our community. We show up with Pride while we continue fighting for ourselves and each other against people who would see us silenced, stripped of basic rights and yes, even our lives.

Here’s a very brief history of Pride month because it is important to understand where this started. For many years in NYC (just as in most places in the US), the police routinely and brutally raided gay bars and clubs. On June 28th, 1969, during a raid at the Stonewall Inn, people had finally had enough and fought back. It began what would be called the Stonewall riots that would last 6 days. On the one-year anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, the first Pride parade was held. It was called the Christopher Street Liberation Day and was attended by thousands of people. It was the beginning of the gay rights movement. It was the beginning of our community saying that not only will we no longer silently accept the abuse and mistreatment we face every single day; it was our community saying that we are worthy and we aren’t going away just because you disagree with who we fundamentally are as human beings.

If this is hard to understand, then I would point to other celebrations that are about freedom, liberation, and independence. Days that include flags, parades, picnics, entertainment, and being with family, friends and like-minded community. A couple of those celebrations that I can think of right off the top of my head are Juneteenth and the 4th of July. Whether it’s these or LGBTQ+ Pride celebrations, it all started with people who were being held down, discriminated against & denied freedom, and they finally had enough and either fought back themselves or had others who fought with/for them. Every one of these groups fought for liberation and freedom, and now celebrate who they/we are.

So yes, we officially celebrate LGBTQ+ Pride in June. And… we celebrate it in hope, love and defiance any time someone tries to oppress and silence us.”

Thank you to all Mama Bears who are standing with their Reasons every step of the way.

Happy Pride ya’ll 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️❤️

Together we can change the world!

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Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ+ kids. The official motto of the group is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 37,000 members.

For more info about the Mama Bears and all of our groups, programs and resources visit our website at realmamabears.org

This story can also be viewed on the Mama Bear Story Project Facebook page.

STAY SAFE AT PRIDE

Tags

ally, LGBT, LGBTQ, Pride, safety

The invasion of safe spaces for LGBTQ+ people by those who would do them harm is nothing new to the LGBTQ+ community. Every Pride season we must balance the joy of celebrating the beautiful diversity the LGBTQ+ community brings to the world with the reality of providing safety and security for those who participate in Pride celebrations.

With the increased vitriol being leveled at LGBTQ+ by politicians, organizations, and activists this year, it is even more important to prioritize making Pride celebrations as safe as they can possibly be for all.

LOOK OUT FOR ONE ANOTHER
Pride is about community. Look out for each other and report any suspicious persons or activity to event staff or a police officer. A good adage is, “If you see something, say something.” In an emergency, call 9-1-1.

STAY HYDRATED
The single-most common calls for medical assistance each year at Pride are people who are experiencing dehydration or heat exhaustion. When you go to Pride be sure to stay hydrated. Drink lots of water, wear sunscreen, and take breaks in the shade.

AVOID DOING INTERVIEWS WITH INDIVIDUALS YOU DON’T KNOW WHO CLAIM TO BE MEDIA OR PRESS
It is not uncommon for opposition activists to pretend that they are journalists who will ask to get you on video answering questions. They then edit that video or play it out context as a means to amplify their anti-LGBTQ+ positions. Always be weary when someone asks to shoot a video of you.

DO NOT ENGAGE WITH PROTESTERS
It is important to not engage with opposition protesters whenever possible. Often they will attend Pride events hoping to have encounters with attendees and then record those encounters. The best practice is to keep your distance and not engage with them.

BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS
As with any large-scale event, be aware of your surroundings. Keep track of your friends and family. Identify exit areas. Be mindful.

REPORT SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
Report any suspicious persons or activity to event staff or a police officer. A good adage is, “If you see something, say something.” In an emergency, call 9-1-1.

USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM
There is safety in numbers. It’s best to attend Pride with a friend or group of friends.

IF YOU FEEL THREATENED IMMEDIATELY REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION
Always trust your instincts. If you feel threatened or unsafe, remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. If you don’t feel you can safely remove yourself use words to alert bystanders that you feel threatened and then get away.

APPROACH LAW ENFORCEMENT WITH CAUTION
Ideally, you will be able to contact law enforcement and receive protection and assistance if there is trouble. Unfortunately, in many parts of America, this isn’t always the case. Recent history has shown that police will often ignore the violent and illegal behavior of certain groups while using oppressive tactics against marginalized communities.

HAVE A PLAN IN CASE THERE IS TROUBLE
Sadly there could be trouble at Pride events. Something could lead to you and your friends getting separated, or there could be a threatening situation. While we hope that none of these things happen while you are at Pride, it’s important to have a plan in place just in case. Talk to your friends and family about what you all should do if something happens. Who should be called first? Where will you go? How will you hide? How will you fight back?

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In addition to the above safety tips the Institute for Constitutional Advocacy and Protection has published a document regarding “Protecting Pride Events from Armed Extremist Activity” that is worth reading over. You can find the document here.

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Real Mama Bears LLC supports, educates and empowers families with LGBTQ+ members and the LGBTQ+ community. The organization provides private groups including the largest private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ+ kids, has more than 60 chapters, manages 8 programs that serve the LGBTQ+ community including the largest Giving Circle for the LGBTQ+ community in the world and offers a comprehensive collection of resources. For more info about Real Mama Bears please visit our website realmamabears.org

Good Information Project

Tags

gender affirming care, legislation, LGBTQ, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms

REAL MAMA BEARS GOOD INFORMATION PROJECT

realmamabears.org

The “Real Mama Bears Good Information Project” is intended to provide helpful information to our members in the U.S. to help them stay informed about anti-trans and anti-queer legislation and to assist them in finding resources as they navigate these difficult times.

The information will be updated periodically. This version is dated May 15, 2023.

The information included in the “Real Mama Bears Good Information Project” was compiled by Real Mama Bears LLC. The resources, healthcare providers and websites included have been recommended by mothers of LGBTQ+ kids.

Please note: We are cautious when it comes to recommending nonprofits. We don’t recommend nonprofits that are so new they cannot be properly vetted. The nonprofits included in this document are ones we feel comfortable recommending for assistance and information. However, we recommend that everyone do their own research.

INFORMATION & RESOURCES REGARDING ANTI-TRANS AND ANTI-QUEER LEGISLATION:

Real Mama Bears Org. – Look for “Legislative Updates” on the Mama Bears Public Facebook page. The information about anti-LGBTQ+ laws being proposed, debated, voted on, passed and signed into law is changing daily. We are working with Human Rights Campaign, ACLU and Equality Texas in order to try and deliver updates a couple of times a month. Our updates typically cover activity from the previous week to ten days. 

Movement Advancement Project provides a map that shows what states have banned gender affirming care. If you click on the state you will be taken to more detailed information.

ACLU has a page dedicated to tracking anti-LGBTQ legislation.

National Center for Transgender Equality offers helpful information for families with trans members /

Campaign for Southern Equality offers a variety of resources and support to families in the south affected by anti-trans legislation
https://southernequality.org/our-work/southern-equality-fund/

SPECIAL NOTES REGARDING LEGISLATION:

As of May 15, 2023 there are at least nine states being sued for enacting anti-trans bills that restrict gender affirming care.

The states presently being sued include:

Alabama

Arkansas

Florida

Indiana

Kentucky

Missouri

Montana

Oklahoma

Tennessee

SANCTUARY STATES:

Colorado, Illinois, Maryland, New Mexico and Minnesota have passed bills designed to shield transgender health care through legal protections, health care coverage and access, therefore making them sanctuary states.

STATE SPECIFIC INFO AND RESOURCES:

ALABAMA:

In May 2022, a federal judge temporarily blocked the part of the state’s law that bans medication for trans youth, though the rest of the law remains in effect for now, including the felony punishment and provisions that require school staff to tell parents if a child expresses thoughts that they might be transgender. The state’s law applies to individuals up to the age of 19. 

ACLU of Alabama

Equality Alabama

ARKANSAS:

In June 2023 a federal judge has permanently struck down the country’s first law banning gender-affirming care for minors, signaling a victory for LGBTQ advocates.

ACLU OF ARKANSAS

Northwest Arkansas Equality

GEORGIA:

SB140 (2023) does not go into effect until July 1, 2023. The law also contains some exceptions for youth who began hormone-related medication before July 1, 2023, to continue receiving that treatment. See the ACLU of Georgia for more info.

ACLU of Georgia

Georgia Equality

IOWA:

SF 538 bans health care professionals from giving medical treatment “for the purpose of attempting to alter the appearance of, or affirm the minor’s perception of, the minor’s gender or sex, if that appearance or perception is inconsistent with the minor’s sex [at birth].” The legislation went to effect immediately after the governor’s signing in March 2023.

One Iowa

ACLU of Iowa:

IDAHO:

HB71 does not go into effect until January 1, 2024. The bill bans gender affirming care for trans youth in Idaho, including banning puberty blockers and hormone treatments.

ACLU of Idaho

INDIANA:

SB480 (2023) does not go into effect until July 1, 2023. The bill prohibits families and doctors from providing age-appropriate, evidence-based gender affirming care for youth who require it.

ACLU of Indiana

KENTUCKY:

The medical care ban portion of SB150 (2023) will not go into effect until late June 2023 (90 days after the legislature adjourns). Trans youth can still receive care until that portion of the bill takes effect.

ACLU of Kentucky

Fairness Campaign

MONTANA:

SB99 (2023) does not go into effect until October 1, 2023. The bill prohibits gender-affirming medical and surgical care for transgender minors.

ACLU of Montana

Montana Human Rights Network

MISSOURI:

On April 13, 2023, the state’s attorney general issued an emergency rule intended to go into effect on April 27, 2023, with a planned expiration date of February 6, 2024. A lawsuit, Southampton Community Healthcare et al. v. Bailey, earned a temporary restraining order to block the rule until at least July 24, 2023, with the potential for a further block of the rule at that time. If the rule goes into effect, it will effectively ban, or at a minimum, extraordinarily restrict, medically necessary care for all transgender people, regardless of age.   

ACLU of MissouriPROMO

NORTH CAROLINA:

On May 3rd, the NC House passed H808, which bans gender-affirming surgeries for people under 18. The bill now heads to the Senate for consideration. House Bill 5741 and Senate Bill 631, which would ban transgender students from participating in school sports consistent with their gender identity, advanced through the General Assembly and were sent to Governor Cooper for his consideration.

Equality NC

ACLU of NC

OKLAHOMA

On May 2^nd Governor Stitt signed SB 613, a ban on gender affirming care, into law.

Freedom Oklahoma

ACLU of Oklahoma

TENNESSEE:

HB1 (2023) does not go into effect until July 1, 2023. The bill that prohibits transgender-related healthcare in Tennessee for people under the age of 18.
Tennessee Equality Project
http://tnep.org/

ACLU of Tennessee

TEXAS:

On May 15 SB14 passed the house and now heads to the Senate.

Equality Texas

ACLU of Texas

Transgender Education Network of Texas

UTAH:

Utah passed a law banning gender affirming care for minors. Minors who were diagnosed with gender dysphoria before January 28, 2023 will still be able to continue puberty blocking and hormonal treatments.

ACLU of Utah:
https://www.acluutah.org/

Equality Utah:
https://www.equalityutah.org/

WEST VIRGINIA:

HB2007 (2023) does not go into effect until January 1, 2024. The law contains some exceptions for hormone-related medication for youth under certain circumstances and requirements. 

Fairness West Virginia

ACLU of West Virginia

RESOURCES FOR OUT OF STATE GENDER AFFIRMING CARE:

Elevated Access will fly people to another location gain access to abortion healthcare and gender affirming healthcare

Lurie Children’s in Chicago, IL

St. Louis Children’s in St. Louis, MO

Teen Health Connection in Charlotte, NC

Cincinnati Children’s Clinic in Cincinnati, OH – schedule with Emily Thiem, and ask specifically for Dr. Leann Conard

Choices in Carbondale, IL

CHOP in Philadelphia, PA – Dr. Linda Hawkins

Randall Children’s Gender Care Center – Portland, OR

Dr. Stephanie Arnold – family practice physician providing gender affirming care in Richmond, VA and offers telehealth options

Queermed provides gender affirming care and offers telehealth options

Lessons for LGBTQ+ Allies from Ted Lasso

Tags

allies, colinhughes, LGBT, LGBTQ, lgbtqallies, LGBTQIA, roykent, tedlasso

SPOILER ALERT – This post is specifically about Season 3, Episode 9, but has lots of spoilers from several episodes. I highly recommend that you watch the whole series up to this episode before reading further. IMO you won’t really be able to absorb the lessons this episode holds unless you have watched the entire series.

OMG – Ted Lasso episode 9 of season 3 is one of my favorites and has all the feels!

It also has some important lessons for LGBTQ+ allies weaved into the story.

For a little background … we found out in episode 6 that one of the Richmond players, Colin Hughes, is gay. Then in episode 8 Isaac, Colin’s teammate and best friend, “accidentally” finds out Colin is gay. In episode 9 we find Isaac refusing to speak to Colin. We don’t know if Isaac is mad that Colin is gay or mad that Colin didn’t tell him … we suspect the latter because we know the spirit of the show.

As the episode continues we find Richmond in a game in which Isaac and Colin are not playing well. After the opposing team has scored, and Richmond makes another sloppy play, a disgruntled fan hurls a homophobic slur and Isaac loses it and storms into the stands to confront the fan. After Isaac is held back and then ejected from the rest of the game we find the team in the locker room at half time down a point and down a man. In the midst of confronting the circumstances they find themselves in Colin comes out to the team and Ted delivers one of his classic bizarre analogies to express the team’s love and support for Colin.

Here’s the lessons for LGBTQ+ allies tucked within the story:

(1) NO ONE owes their coming out story to ANYONE

LGBTQ+ people don’t owe anyone their coming out story – they don’t owe it to to parents, to best friends, to teammates. They don’t owe it to ANYONE!

Isaac is mad that Colin didn’t come out to him. But Colin reminds Isaac that coming out was not about anyone but himself and that coming out is scary and people have to come out in their own way and their own time.

When someone comes out to you be grateful for the gift they have given you and thank them for trusting you with their true self.

(2) COMING OUT is a JOURNEY for most LGBTQ+ people.

One of the things I love the most about Colin’s coming out story arc is we still haven’t heard him say the words “I’m gay.”

Even when it is obvious that Colin has come out in the locker room we never hear Colin say the words “I’m gay.” Colin doesn’t want to come out to everyone at this time and the audience is “everyone.”

Later, when Isaac finally shows up at Colin’s house to talk things out, Isaac asks if Colin will come out to everyone now, Colin says “no” and that it’s enough for now for his teammates to know.

Coming out is a journey for most LGBTQ+ people. Most LGBTQ+ people come out in moments spread across time.

Some LGBTQ+ people say they never stop coming out.

When someone comes out to you respect their privacy and give them time and space to navigate their own coming out journey.

(3) Friends “DON’T NOT CARE”

When we realize that Colin has come out to his teammates in the locker room we hear his teammates saying “it’s ok – we don’t care.” But saying “we don’t care if you’re gay” is not the most supportive and loving position we can take when a friend comes out to us.

I won’t go into the details of the bizarre but brilliant story that Ted shares after Colin comes out in the locker room (hopefuly you have watched it before reading this), but the point of the story is that saying “it’s ok mate, we don’t care that you’re gay” is not the kind of support that good friends should offer a friend who has come out to them. And the standout quote for Ted’s story is “we don’t not care.”

Ted’s story reminds us that “not caring” is wrapped up in tolerance and privilege but our LGBTQ+ friends need something different from us – they need to know we are there “with” them – they need to know that now that they have come out to us they are “not alone” and we do care about who they are because we care about them and what impacts their lives.

When someone comes out to you don’t say “I don’t care” – instead remind them how much you do care with your words and your actions.

(4) It’s NOT about YOU

There’s a scene early in the episode where Colin talks to Trent (the only other person other than Isaac who knows Colin is gay at this point in the show) about the way Isaac is shunning him. I love that Trent doesn’t tell Colin to try and talk to Isaac. Trent just advises Colin to give Isaac some space. This is a great reminder that LGBTQ+ people are not responsible for our feelings when they come out to us – they shouldn’t have to educate us, explain anything to us, hold our hand, help us come to terms with anything. Coming out is not about us allies. If we have “stuff” to figure out or learn or feel we need to do those things on our own. And we should remember we don’t need to understand everything or have everything worked out within our selves to be a supportive and loving friend. When someone comes out to us don’t make the mistake of making it about you. It’s NOT about YOU!

(5) GIVE LOVE

All throughout the series we see the impact Ted Lasso is having on those he comes in contact with – the press, his superiors, the team he coaches, his son etc…. and one of the people who has probably changed the most because of Ted is Roy Kent. This week we see Roy leading a press conference after Richmond has won the game Isaac was ejected from.

Of course the press wants to ask questions about what Isaac did and Roy delivers a wonderful “Lassolike” analogy to make it clear that although Richmond does not support the way Isaac handled the situation they do support Isaac.

The analogy actually has a LOT of lessons wrapped up in it … lessons to remind us that everyone has “stuff” going on and that we shouldn’t judge people by one thing they do, lessons about how we should give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time and respect people’s privacy by not insisting that we know everything about them even if they are a public figure, but the most important lesson is that we should mostly be GIVING LOVE,

The world needs more love.

So, look for every opportunity to spread love, be love, give love.

Your love can change the world.

******

This blog is hosted by Real Mama Bears, an organization dedicated to supporting, educating and empowering families with LGBTQ+ members and the LGBTQ+ community. For more info about Real Mama Bears visit realmamabears,org

Mama Bears send a letter to trans youth!

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letter, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Support, Trans Youth, transgender

MORE THAN 4,900 MOMS OF LGBTQ+ KIDS SIGN A LETTER TO EXPRESS THEIR LOVE AND SUPPORT TO TRANS YOUTH!

March 3, 2023

Dear Trans Youth,

More than 4,900 Mama Bears are signing this open letter to come together and send a message of love, support and solidarity to trans youth in America.

Our hearts are breaking for trans youth in America who are absorbing the impact of anti-trans laws that are being proposed, debated and voted on in more than 25 states.

We want to remind trans youth they are not alone and that we have their backs.

The anti-trans laws being presented and voted on include bans on gender affirming care into young adulthood; restrictions on drag shows using definitions that could broadly encompass any performance by a transgender person; measures that would prevent teachers from using names or pronouns matching students’ gender identities; and requirements that schools out trans students to their parents.

The potential harmful consequences for trans youth created by the bills and the rhetoric surrounding the bills are profound.

We want trans youth in America to know:

We see you! We love you! We will not stop fighting for you!

We will not stop sharing credible, true information and confronting misinformation in order to educate! We will not stop voting for government officials who are standing up for trans rights! We will not stop confronting transphobia when we hear it or see it! We will not stop supporting businesses and organizations that support and serve the trans community! We will not stop trying to make schools safer and more inclusive for trans youth! We will not stop testifying on behalf of trans people! We will not stop showing up and speaking up! We will not stop voting out politicians who use trans people as political pawns! We will not stop until trans people have the protections and rights they deserve under the law!

Together we can change the world,

Liz Dyer, founder

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Virginia Boliek
Virginia Lumi
Viva Rosenfeld
Vivian Gambles Lane
Vlada Knowlton
Waleah Norton
Wanda Gohsman
Wenday Sorenson
Wendi Gale
Wendie S Dillehay
Wendy Avery
Wendy Brown
Wendy Butler
Wendy Crossmock
Wendy French
Wendy Hale
Wendy Hanks
Wendy Harley
Wendy Herndon
Wendy Iwanitzki
Wendy Kersh
Wendy Koster
Wendy Lea
Wendy Margaret Jennings
Wendy McRoberts
Wendy Newell Nelson
Wendy O’Rourke
Wendy Peale
Wendy Pueschel
Wendy Skratt
Wendy Swanson
Wendy Towle
Wendy Trainor
Wendy Vinson Nelson
Wendy Wiley Canedy
Weslee Parker
Westy Copeland
Whendy Hoch
Whitney Treloar
Whitney Webb
Windy Weber
Yesenia Alvarez Voigt
Yolanda Perez
Yvette Charbeneau
Yvonne Frith
Yvonne LoPresto
Yvonne Matthews
Yvonne Winkel
Yvonne Y Mendiola
Zandra McLendon
Zaneta Salde Encarnacion
Zenia Robertson
Zoila Bonilla-Paul
Zora Oh

“Mama Bears” are moms of LGBTQ+ children who belong to the private Facebook group “Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears” which is the largest private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ+ children of all ages. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 36,000 members. Each day moms of LGBTQ+ children gather virtually to share a journey that is unique and sometimes difficult. The group is a place where they share a lot of information, ask questions, support one another, learn a lot, brag on their children, and encourage and inspire one another. The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted there. The group is hosted by Real Mama Bears LLC which offers 8 more private groups, more than 60 local Mama Bear Chapters, 8 programs that serve the LGBTQ+ community and a comprehensive collection of resources for families with LGBTQ+ members and the LGBTQ+ community. For more info visit our website realmamabears.org

That’s a really good question #8 – How do I find LGBTQ+ affirming healthcare providers for my child?

Tags

affirming, healthcare, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBTQ Kids

Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group for moms of lgbtq+ kids. This series addresses common questions that often get asked by members of the group. For more information about the group visit our website: realmamabears.org

Identifying affirming healthcare providers for our LGBTQ+ children is extremely important, but many parents don’t know where to start. Moms of LGBTQ+ kids often ask for help when it comes to finding LGBTQ+ affirming healthcare providers for their children.

Historically, LGBTQ+ people have been marginalized, othered, and pathologized by medical and mental health communities. From conversion therapy and electroconvulsive therapy to denial of funding and care, the LGBTQ+ community has faced massive discrimination in healthcare spaces as a result of their identities.

Sadly, even today, homophobia and transphobia are still an issue in medicine. Oftentimes, doctor offices ask painful questions and make offensive statements based on a lack of diversity training and the assumption that those receiving care are heterosexual and cisgender. Not only can that be emotionally traumatizing, but it also often means that LGBTQ+ people are not receiving proper medical care.

Searching online or reaching out to healthcare providers is a good first step to find inclusive care. For example, parents can simply call a pediatrician’s office or an internal medicine office and ask if there are any providers who are well-versed in the care of LGBTQ+ youth.

Parents who participate in support groups like Serendipitydodah may also be able to identify potential providers through referrals and recommendations.

But even when a healthcare provider is recommended,
parent’s should do their own research!

To help determine if a healthcare provider is a potential good fit, it’s important to have a conversation before your child visits with them.

Don’t simply look for healthcare providers who are “LGBTQIA-friendly” – it’s not enough for a provider to love their gay cousin or have lesbian neighbors that they socialize with. Providers need to also be knowledgeable of the specific health risks and concerns that affect the LGBTQ+ community.

When searching for an LGBTQ+ affirming healthcare provider look for the following:

*A website that uses inclusive language.

*Someone who has experience working with LGBTQ+ youth, including transgender and gender diverse youth.

*Someone who will support your child on their authentic path to knowing their sexual orientation and gender identity, as defined by your child?

*Someone who is available and willing to help the family navigate this journey along with the child to strengthen their support system?

*Someone who accepts your insurance plan and is able to help navigate the preauthorization process for treatment?

The following are questions you should consider asking in order to help you find culturally competent, judgement-free, and quality healthcare for your LGBTQ+ children:

*Do you have experience working with LGBTQ+ youth?

*Do you have experience working with young gender expansive or transgender patients?

*Do you have any LGBTQ+ youth patients?

*Have your staff members gone through any sort of diversity and inclusion training?

*Does your facility have gender-neutral bathrooms?

*Do any LGBTQ+ people work in your practice?

*What role do you think providers should play in a child’s exploration of gender identity and sexual orientation?

*Do you think children are too young to determine their gender identity?

*When do you think LGBTQ+ people begin to realize they aren’t heterosexual or cisgender?

*I am struggling to understand this myself—how do you meet parents where they are to help them support their child?

REMEMBER … Just because you find a doctor who is LGBTQ+ affirming doesn’t mean you have to stick with that provider. If your child doesn’t feel comfortable you should always feel empowered to find someone else. Always listen to your gut and remember that even if a doctor doesn’t have experience with LGBTQ+ patients that might be OK as long as they are LGBTQ+ affirming and willing to learn. You’ll get the best care for your child if they are happy with their doctor because they’ll feel more open about being honest and sharing important details of their life.

Here are some resources that might be helpful:

GLMA Health Professionals Directory

OutCare Health Directory

What to do if you experience discrimination by a healthcare provider

Transgender Healthcare Rights

GSA Network Sexual Health Information

The Trevor Project for LGBTQ+ youth in crisis

My Trans Health

QSPACES – a website for LGBTQ+ folks to find, rate and review health and wellness providers on LGBTQ-friendliness, competency and overall care

Scarlateen – LGBTQ+ inclusive sex ed

National Coalition for LGBTQ Health

LGBTQ Health Took Kit

Lambda Legal Health Care Fairness

Mama Bear Story Project #59 – Tamara Cofman Wittes

Tags

LGBT, LGBTQ, love, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, Serendipitydodah for Moms

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears

SHOW YOUR PRIDE by Mama Bear Tamara Cofman Wittes

Like many Mama Bears, I have a bunch of t-shirts with messages that indicate I’m an LGBTQ+ ally and I have a progress pride flag and a trans flag in my yard.

I often wonder if it’s all too much, but this week I was reminded that my visibility is important and makes a difference!

I was out in my garden talking to a neighbor, and wearing my “Trans Rights are Human Rights” t-shirt. A kid, middle school age, came by on a bike and asked if we’d seen a cat.

Turns out the cat is a stray and this sweet kid was trying to feed it and bring it inside.

I took down the kid’s mobile number and promised to text if I saw the cat.

Before leaving the kid says, “My name is _____ and I like your t-shirt.”

I say, “Thanks.”

The kid says, “I’m trans.”

I say, “Cool, so is my kid, he grew up in this house.”

“Cool,” says the kid..

“Are you gonna keep the cat if you catch it?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m going to make my mom keep it,” says the kid.😊

As the kid rode away I wondered what it felt like to be so young and so open in their truth to someone they’d just met.

I thought about how my flags and t-shirt let them feel confident and safe to do that.

My hope is that seeing my pride flags and me in my t-shirt will help all the kids in my neighborhood grow up feeling like they belong just as they are, and know that my house is a safe place to come to if they ever need one.

Meeting this middle school kid reinforced to me that being a visible LGBTQ+ ally has impact well beyond our own families. So, I’ve decided that this year, during Pride month, I will wear one of my LGBTQ+ themed t-shirts every time I go out to run errands around town.

I am lucky to live in an area that is LGBTQ+ friendly, therefore, I’m not afraid to show my pride wherever I go. I know not all Mama Bears are so fortunate. But, if you do feel safe increasing your own visibility as a Mama Bear as you go about your daily life this June, I hope you’ll join me in showing your pride!

If you do show your pride I feel certain you will have a positive impact on some people around you whom you may never meet and some encounters that will warm your heart.

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Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto of the group is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 33,000 members.

For more info about the Mama Bears and all of our groups, programs and resources visit our website at realmamabears.org 

This story can also be viewed on the Mama Bear Story Project Facebook page.

Transgender? How to change your legal name and gender marker on legal documents.

Tags

name change, transgender

This is an Overview of the Name and Gender Marker Change Process in the United States

The process for changing a legal name and/or updating gender marker depends on where you live, where you were born, and other individual circumstances and needs. This guide will give you an overview of that process!

To Change Your Name
In most states, you need an order from the court to change your legal name. Use copies of the court order to change your name on any document and record that you’d like to update. To change your name, follow the name change process in the state where you live.

To Change Your Gender Marker
To change your gender marker, follow the instructions for each document or record you want to update. To update your birth certificate, follow the process in the state where you were born. To update your driver’s license, follow the process in the state where you live.
Click here for state-specific instructions on name change orders and gender marker changes

This is a good order to follow for updating name and gender marker on documents and records:
(1) Legal name change
(2) Update social security record
(3) Update license or state/territory ID
(4) Update financial, insurance, school, & employment records
(5) Update passport (if you have one)
(6) Update birth certificate (if you need or want to)

CHECKLIST

The following checklist covers a typical process for updating names and gender markers. Click here for more specific information for your state or territory.

Obtain a court-ordered name (if changing your legal name)
File for your name change in the state where you live or have residency.
☐ Find out if there is a fee or publication requirement and if it can be waived.
☐ Ask for your case to be sealed if you are concerned about privacy or safety.
☐ Obtain multiple certified copies of the court-ordered change (this may cost money).
Some applicants may wish to file for a court order for gender change at the same time as their name change depending on if the state or territory requires legal recognition of gender transition.

Update information with Social Security
☐ Locate the nearest Social Security office (secure.ssa.gov/locator)
☐ If changing your name bring a certified copy of your name change order.
☐ If changing your gender, bring proof of transition using one of the following:
A valid 10-year passport showing your updated gender
A birth certificate showing your updated gender
A court order recognizing a change of gender
A signed letter from a doctor on letterhead showing appopriate clinical treatment
A valid 10-year passport showing your updated gender
Click here for more details about changing your Social Security

Update state ID or drivers license with the Department of Motor Vehicles
Complete this step in the state where you live or have residency.
☐ To update your legal name, bring your court-ordered name change document.
☐ To update your gender marker, follow the instructions in the state where you live.
☐ Click here for more information.

Update insurance, financial accounts, and school or employment records
Typically, you will only need a copy of your name change order, as many of these
documents do not show gender.
☐ Update your name on bank accounts, credit cards, and other financial records.
☐ Update the name on your health, car and home insurance plans if applicable.
☐ Update your name on any other IDs or records.
The processes for updating school and workplace records may vary.

Apply for an updated passport (if you have one)

In June 2021, the State Department announced that it would no longer require passport applicants to submit medical certification to change the gender marker on their passports. Under this policy, a transgender person can obtain a passport reflecting their gender by submitting an application with the chosen gender marker selected. This policy replaced the Department’s old policy requiring certification by a physican of appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition, which had been in place since 2010.

As of summer 2021, applicants may self-select an M or F gender marker for their passport. In the same policy announcement, the State Department stated that an X gender marker would also be available for selection in the near future.

Apply for an updated birth certificate (if desired)
If you want an updated birth certificate for school enrollment, employment, or other reasons, follow the instructions in the state or territory where you were born, regardless of where you currently live. If you were born in another country, follow the process for that country.
☐ If you were born in a state where it is difficult to update your birth certificate you may want to get an updated passport, which you can often use instead of a birth certificiate as proof of citizenship.
☐ If the state where you were born requires a court order recognizing your gender to update your birth certificiate, you may be able to get that court order issued in the state where you currently live or you may have to petition the state where you were born.
For more information about your state’s process, visit TransEquality.org/Documents.

Inform Selective Services of a name change (if applicable)
According to Selective Service rules, all individuals assigned male at birth are required to register with Selective Service. All name changes are to be reported to Selective Service. Learn more at TransEquality.org/SSA-Trans.
☐ Fill out a Change of information form and return it with a copy of your name change court order here.
☐ Individuals assigned female at birth may need to obtain a status information letter to show that you are exempt from registering. Go here for more info.

Update immigration documents (if applicable)
If you have changed your legal name, submit your court-ordered name change document to update your name on immigration records. If you are updating your gender, you will need to submit a driver’s license, birth certificate, passport, court order, or other official government-issued document reflecting the requested gender designation OR a letter from a licensed health care professional certifying the change in gender as shown in the sample letter at
TransEquality.org/immigration-documents.

Update voter registration (if you are over 18 and able to vote)
If you haven’t registered to vote yet and are able, please register!
Voter registration can be updated with the Board of Elections or with the Department of Motor Vehicles.
☐ See USA.Gov/Register-To-Vote for more information on your state.

FOR LEGAL ASSISTANCE

For legal assistance navigating the complicated name and gender change process and any other legal issues trans people may face visit the Trans Legal Services Network Directory.

Source: National Center for Transgender Equality

NCTE has a printable pdf version of this information at https://transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/resources/ID-Documents-Overview.pdf

Mama Bear Story Project #58 – Anna Garcia Lucas

Tags

affirming, Christian, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mama Bear Story Project, Mama Bears, mamabears, Moms of LGBT, Moms of LGBTQ Kids, parents, Serendipitydodah for Moms, Story

The Mama Bear Story Project is a collection of portraits and autobiographical essays from members of Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears

MY ANSWER by Mama Bear Anna Garcia Lucas

“Are you open to the possibility you are wrong on the LGBTQ issue?”

“Are you willing to re-examine your position and change course if you realize you have been wrong?”

I’ve been asked this question as a Mama of queer kiddos, as a seminarian, as a friend and family member, and as someone who believes in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

My answer?

“Yes. Yes, I considered it the first time my oldest son was 3 yrs old and displayed characteristics that he was “different.”

“Yes. Yes, I considered it the first time his biological father called him that horrible slur word. He was six and helping me sweep the kitchen, wearing my apron.”

“Yes. Yes, I considered it the first time he said he loved a boy. He was seven.”

“Yes. Yes, I considered it every single time someone physically assaulted him, abused him verbally, berated him, called him an abomination, and abandoned him.”

“Yes. Yes, I considered it as I held him in my arms following his suicide attempt (not the first and not the last) which I was called home for from a deployment to the Middle East. The lady at the Red Cross told me to be thankful he wasn’t brain dead.”

“Yes. Yes, I considered it as he sobbed because his biological father severed ties with him.”

“Yes. Yes, I considered it as my daughter came out as bisexual and, 8 years later, as my 12 year old came out as bisexual.”

“Yes. Yes, I considered it each and every time I’m brought back to the feeling I had when I carried them in my womb and when I held them in my arms and when they told me they loved me.”

Each time, I can conclusively say I wasn’t wrong then and I’m not wrong now.

My babies are beloved of God and loved by God.

They always were and they always will be.

I can say unequivocally to all LGBTQ+ people that I wasn’t wrong about them either.

They are all beloved of God and loved by God.

They always were and they always will be.

If I, as a human being, can love all queer people as I love my children, I cannot imagine how much more God loves them.

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Serendipitydodah – Home of the Mama Bears is a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids. The official motto of the group is “Better Together” and the members call themselves “Mama Bears”

The group is private so only members can see who is in the group and what is posted in the group. It was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 31,000 members.

For more info about the Mama Bears and all of our groups, programs and resources visit our website at realmamabears.org 

This story can also be viewed on the Mama Bear Story Project Facebook page.